1. Abstinence By: Patricia Hiner, RN

2. Goals Do you set goals for yourself? Exercise Make a certain grade on test Make it to 8 th grade Get to high school Go to college No sexual activity (sexting) until marriage Do not take drugs Do not drink alcohol

3. Reaching Goals: Specific, realistic goals work best. Exercise – specific? Realistic? It takes time for a change to become an established habit. It takes time for your brain to adjust to a new routine. Repeating a goal makes it stick. Say it out loud, write it down. Pleasing other people doesn't work. It must be something YOU want! Roadblocks don't mean failure. Slip ups are part of retraining your brain!

4. What is Abstinence? Definition of Abstinence: Any self-control – choosing not to do something that you may want to do.

5. Abstinence: Based on survey information, most 7 th, 8 th, and 9 th graders have not had sexual intercourse. Sexual intercourse includes all types of intercourse – oral, anal, and vaginal intercourse. The ONLY 100% guaranteed way to avoid pregnancy, HIV/AIDS, STIs

6. Boundaries YOU decide what are safe boundaries, or limits. They are invisible. You can strengthen your boundaries by having a plan for your behavior that keeps you safe. Is this a risky situation?

7. Is it Risky? What makes a situation risky? Uncertainty about expectations in a relationship – You don’t know the person well No discussion about abstaining from sex Being unsupervised Alcohol being available

8. Is it Risky? What makes a situation risky? Behavior of friends getting risky Not having a way out Being in a car in an isolated area Being pressured by someone Hanging out with older teens/young adults

9. What are my Risks? Unplanned pregnancy STIs HIV/AIDS Chlamydia Genital Warts (HPV) Herpes Gonorrhea Hepatitis B Syphilis How can having a plan reduce my risks?

10. Why Have an Action Plan? You can think clearly about what you want to do. You can practice telling others your action plan and your limits. You have time to decide without pressure. You can talk to your friends about your plan, before you’re in a risky situation. You can choose friends who support your plan and limits. You can talk to your parents or trusted adults about your plan.

11. How do I Make an Action Plan? Talk to parents/trusted adult What are their expectations for you? Decide what your limits are: Kissing Holding hands What are other ways to show affection without sexual intercourse? Choose to save sexual intercourse until marriage – abstinence – the only 100% guaranteed way to avoid pregnancy, HIV/AIDS, and STIs.

12. How do I Make an Action Plan? Know the person well before you are alone with that person. How do they act when they are mad, happy or sad? Go out with other couples that are also friends. Date people that are your age or one year older. Decide what you will do if “plans” change. There is alcohol or drugs with your friends There are no parents or adults home

13. Brad’s Action Plan I will wait until I am 16 years old to date I will go to a girl’s house only when her parents are home I will not use alcohol or other drugs I will kiss and hug someone I like, but not go any further.

14. LaTisha’s Action Plan I will only date guys who are my age or a year older. I will only go on dates with other couples along. I will not sit in a parked car with a date. I will not go to parties where alcohol and drugs are available. I will keep my clothes on when I’m with a boy. I will have someone I can call if something happens to my plan. I will wait to have sexual intercourse.

15. How Do I Share My Plan? Let others know your plan in a firm and respectful way. Address the person by name. State your plan clearly and simply: Say what you will do. Say what you won’t do. Use one sentence each. What if they don’t seem to hear me?

16. Are you Listening? Repeat your message. Say “Listen to me.” If you are interrupted, continue from where you were interrupted. Use body language: Stand up straight and tall Look the person right in the eye Face the person Speak clearly, slowly and in a firm voice

17. Practice 1 Tony really likes Sandy a lot. They live in the same neighborhood, so they are able to spend quite a bit of time together after school and on weekends. Last week, Tony and Sandy started making out at Tony’s house when no one else was home. Tonight, Sandy invited Tony to come over, so they could be alone again. Tony has decided that it is not a good idea for them to be alone together. Tony wants to spend time with Sandy. However, Tony has decided he doesn’t want to be alone with Sandy. If you were Tony, how would you communicate what you will and won’t do?

18. Practice 1 Sandy tries to convince Tony to come over. Sandy interrupts and tells Tony to be there at 7:00. What three things should Tony say to make sure he or she is heard? Say the person’s name. Say, “Listen to me.” Continue from where you were interrupted.

19. Practice 2 Chris has a group of friends that have known each other for years. Lately, these friends have been getting together to pierce each other’s ears. They all use the same needle. Chris’s friends say that it is Chris’ turn next time and that Chris isn’t part of their group if Chris doesn’t do it. They have invited Chris to an ear-piercing party tonight. Chris knows that it is not safe to share needles, and Chris has decided not to have his or her ear pierced. Chris wants to go to the party, but doesn’t want to have his or her ear pierced. If you were Chris, how would you communicate what you will and won’t do?

20. Practice 2 Chris’s friend interrupt and start to laugh at Chris. What three things can Chris say to make sure he or she is heard? Say the person’s name. Say, “Listen to me.” Continue from where you were interrupted.

21. Is There Trouble? We need to recognize when we may be headed for trouble. How can we identify trouble? Ask questions: this will help you find out exactly what you are being invited or asked to do. Name the trouble: Say what is wrong with the situation that might become a problem. State the consequences: List the negative outcomes that could result if you were to go along with the invitation.

22. Example: “ Do you want to come over to Sandy’s after school?” Ask questions to identify a possible problem. What are we going to do there? Are your parents home? “We are going to listen to a new CD. We will have the house to ourselves until 6:00. Sandy thinks your hot.” Name the problem. There aren’t any adults home State the Consequences. I could get in trouble - My mom will worry if I don’t come home after school.

23. Review: Communicating your plan Address the person by name. State your plan clearly and simply. Say what you will do. Say what you want do. Use one sentence each. Repeat your message. Say, “Listen to me.” If interrupted, continue from where you were interrupted.

24. Review: Communicating effectively: Use a firm voice. Maintain eye contact. Stand tall. State clearly what you will and won’t do. Identify the trouble: Ask questions to identify the trouble. Name the trouble. State the consequences.

25. Refusing Sometimes communicating your plan and avoiding the risk is just not enough. You have to refuse the invitation. Here are some ways to refuse: Say a direct “no.” Simplest and most effective. Suggest another activity. Be a broken record, say “no” over and over. Say why not by stating a fact or your feelings and opinion. Walk away. Don’t make up excuses or yell or use put-downs.

26. Example: “ Do you want to come over to Sandy’s after school?” Ask questions to identify a possible problem. What are we going to do there? Are your parents home? “We are going to listen to a new CD. We will have the house to ourselves until 6:00. Sandy thinks your hot.” Name the problem. There aren’t any adults home State the Consequences. I could get in trouble - My mom will worry if I don’t come home after school.

27. Example: State what you will and won’t do. I would like to hear the CD when an adult is home, but I will not go to Sandy’s house now. “Sandy is planning on us! Let’s go.” Use your refusal skills. No, I’m not going. My parents are home, bring the CD to my house. Walk away.

28. Change in Teen Pregnancy Rate Among Girls Age 15-19, 1988-2008 (Percent)

29. Change in Teen Pregnancy Rate Among Girls Age 15-19, 1991 - 2011 (Percent) Tennessee -45% U.S. -49%

30. Abstinence: The ONLY 100% guaranteed way to avoid pregnancy, HIV/AIDS, STIs