1. “Kids These Days!” Connecting with and Preparing At-Risk Youth for Workplace Success A 2-part webinar series hosted by OH Dept of Jobs & Family Services With Dr. Steve Parese Danbury, NC

2. “ Leave Me Alone! ” “ Wait! Don ’ t Go... ” Dr. Steve Parese Danbury, NC Insights into the Psychological World of Emotionally Troubled Youth A webinar hosted by OH Dept of Jobs & Family Services

3. Dr. Steve Parese I am Dr. Steve Parese Educational and workforce specialist from NC

4. Do you work every day with “ Difficult Kids? ”

5. Part 1: How can we improve relationships by understanding self defeating patterns? Dr. Steve Parese Danbury, NC Insights into the Psychological World of Emotionally Troubled Youth Part 2: How can we improve relationships by avoiding power struggles?

6. Part 3: How can we improve relationships by using listening skills with troubled youth? Dr. Steve Parese Danbury, NC Insights into the Psychological World of Emotionally Troubled Youth

7. 01/24/2011 7 Wilderness Survival What does it take to survive through hard times?

8. 8 1. How to escape a mountain lion attack Worst Case Scenario SURVIVAL QUIZ a. Open your coat, making yourself bigger and more threatening. b. Run away as quickly as possible in a zigzag pattern. c. Mutter “Nice kitty, nice kitty” while slowly backing away!

9. 9 1. How to escape a mountain lion attack Worst Case Scenario SURVIVAL QUIZ a. Open your coat, making yourself bigger and more threatening. b. Run away as quickly as possible in a zigzag pattern. c. Mutter “Nice kitty, nice kitty” while slowly backing away!

10. 10 2. How to escape from killer bees Worst Case Scenario SURVIVAL QUIZ a. Freeze and hunker down, or dive into water if available. b. Run away as quickly as possible to an indoor area. c. Set out a bottle of honey as a distraction!

11. 11 2. How to escape from killer bees Worst Case Scenario SURVIVAL QUIZ a. Freeze and hunker down, or dive into water if available. b. Run away as quickly as possible to an indoor area. c. Set out a bottle of honey as a distraction!

12. 12 3. How to win in a sword fight Worst Case Scenario SURVIVAL QUIZ a. Keep your sword vertical, block & step into opponent’s attack. b. Keep your sword horizontal, lunging forward to attack opponent. c. Drop your sword and suggest a visit to the beach instead!

13. 13 3. How to win in a sword fight Worst Case Scenario SURVIVAL QUIZ a. Keep your sword vertical, block & step into opponent’s attack. b. Keep your sword horizontal, lunging forward to attack opponent. c. Drop your sword and suggest a tour of Hershey Park instead!

14. 14 Worst Case Scenario SURVIVAL QUIZ a. Rub snow onto affected area to increase circulation. b. Immerse in lukewarm water to rewarm slowly. c. Take two shots of tequila and call the doctor in the morning! 4. How to treat frostbite

15. 15 4. How to treat frostbite Worst Case Scenario SURVIVAL QUIZ a. Rub snow onto affected area to increase circulation. b. Immerse in lukewarm water to rewarm slowly. c. Take two shots of tequila and call the doctor in the morning!

16. 16 5. How to jump off a cliff into a river Worst Case Scenario SURVIVAL QUIZ a. Jump feet first, openings arms and legs after entering water. b. Curl into a cannonball, rolling to your back before hitting water. c. Wave your arms and smile for the camera!

17. 17 5. How to jump off a cliff into a river Worst Case Scenario SURVIVAL QUIZ a. Jump feet first, openings arms and legs after entering water. b. Curl into a cannonball, rolling to your back before hitting water. c. Wave your arms and smile for the camera!

18. 01/24/2011 18 So… Did you survive?

19. 01/24/2011 19 SURVIVING Many difficult youth are simply SURVIVING in a hostile world.

20. Part 1: How can we improve relationships by understanding self defeating patterns? Dr. Steve Parese Danbury, NC Insights into the Psychological World of Emotionally Troubled Youth

21. Self Defeating Patterns Troubled youth see themselves and the world from a fundamentally different perspective, one which creates a self-fulfilling prophesy of failure and rejection. For many, PREDICTABLE FAILURE is better than unpredictable success.

22. 01/24/2011 Most of us want our lives to be PREDICTABLE.

23. 01/24/2011 Even if they ’ re just PREDICTABLY BAD.

24. 01/24/2011 Do you remember the Break Up Conversation?

25. Psychological Dynamics 1. AGGRESSION FEELING: Anger World is DANGEROUS. To survive, always strike first. BEHAVIOR: Fight, threaten, yell, control or intimidate others, damage property.

26. Psychological Dynamics 2. PASSIVE-AGGRESSION FEELING: Resentment World is UNFAIR. To survive, hide your real feelings. BEHAVIOR: Sarcastic, mean, undermine adults, gossip, manipulate

27. 3. AVOIDANCE FEELING: Depression World is UNFORGIVING. To survive, escape your problems. Psychological Dynamics BEHAVIOR: Isolate, shut down, get high, sleep, hurt self, refuse help, don’t show.

28. Psychological Dynamics 4. DEPENDENCY FEELING: Anxiety World is SCARY. To survive, find a protector. BEHAVIOR: Whine, cling to adults, demand help, do anything for friends.

29. Which pattern do you see? AvoidantDependent Perry: “ I tell you what bud, I got no clue. Guess you think I ’ m stupid now, right? It ’ s not like YOU ’ RE Mr. Perfect. I ’ ve seen your desk, and CLEARLY you have some organizational issues... ” Four youth are going through a practice job interview. Each reaches a question which s/he cannot answer, and feels stressed. Passive Aggressive Aggressive 2. PASSIVE-AGGRESSIVE

30. Which pattern do you see? AvoidantDependent DJ: “ Can you give me a hint? I really need to get this job. If I don ’ t, my parents said they ’ re gonna kick me out. Maybe just a little hint? Pleeeeease? ” Four youth are going through a practice job interview. Each reaches a question which s/he cannot answer, and feels stressed. Passive Aggressive Aggressive 4. DEPENDENT

31. Which pattern do you see? AvoidantDependent Andy: “ Smart @$$ people like you are always tryin ’ me. I ’ m @#$% sick of it, let me tell you. One of these days I ’ m gonna to slap you upside the head, then we ’ ll see how smart you are. ” Four youth are going through a practice job interview. Each reaches a question which s/he cannot answer, and feels stressed. Passive Aggressive Aggressive 1. AGGRESSIVE

32. Which pattern do you see? AvoidantDependent Adrian: “ Can we take a quick break? I had a lot of coffee this morning and just need to use the restroom. Don ’ t go anywhere... I ’ ll be right back! ” Adrian walks out the door, and never returns. Four youth are going through a practice job interview. Each reaches a question which s/he cannot answer, and feels stressed. Passive Aggressive Aggressive 3. AVOIDANT

33. Key Point #1 At-risk children and youth often adopt negative mindsets which let them predict how people will react to them. Aggression, passive aggression, avoidance and dependency are examples of these self-defeating cognitive behavioral patterns which lead youth to fail, but on their own terms.