1. PSAT Club Writing – Improving Paragraphs

2. General Hints Here are some general hints for Improving Paragraphs. Read the entire essay quickly to determine its overall meaning. The essay is meant to be a draft, so don't be surprised if you notice errors. Don't linger over those errors. Make sure that your answer about a particular sentence or sentences makes sense in the context of the passage as a whole. Choose the best answer from among the choices given, even if you can imagine another correct response.

3. Directions Directions: The following passage is an early draft of an essay. Some parts of the passage need to be rewritten. Read the passage and select the best answer for the question that follows. In making your decision, follow the conventions of standard written English. (Typical essays are approximately 225 words.)

4. Practice Question 1 Passage: (1) Every year we hear more and more people complaining about the extended commercialism of the winter holiday season. (2) Every year stores put out decorations and holiday merchandise earlier and earlier. (3) Yet every year retailers complain that sales are not what they should be. (4) When will retailers learn? (5) The public knows how to keep its own schedule. (6) When we do not buy holiday gifts far in advance, shoppers are saying that they do not want to think about the winter holidays too early. Question: which of the following is the best version of the underlined portion of sentence 6 (reproduced below) ? When we do not buy holiday gifts far in advance, shoppers are saying that they do not want to think about the winter holidays too early. (A) When we do not buy holiday gifts far in advance, shoppers (B) When shoppers do not buy holiday gifts far in advance, they (C) In fact, shoppers' holiday gifts are not bought far in advance; they (D) Consequently, by our not buying these far in advance, shoppers (E) In contrast, when we do not do so, it is because shoppers

5. Answer 1 Question: which of the following is the best version of the underlined portion of sentence 6 (reproduced below) ? When we do not buy holiday gifts far in advance, shoppers are saying that they do not want to think about the winter holidays too early. (A) When we do not buy holiday gifts far in advance, shoppers (B) When shoppers do not buy holiday gifts far in advance, they CORRECT ANSWER (C) In fact, shoppers' holiday gifts are not bought far in advance; they (D) Consequently, by our not buying these far in advance, shoppers (E) In contrast, when we do not do so, it is because shoppers Correct Answer: B Explanation: In sentence 6 the subject improperly shifts from "we" to "shoppers"; choice B corrects that error by substituting "shoppers" for "we," and the pronoun "they" for "shoppers," thereby avoiding the repetition of that term. The correct sentence reads: When shoppers do not buy holiday gifts far in advance, they are saying that they do not want to think about the winter holidays too early.

6. Practice Question 2 Passage: (1) In the last fifty years, computers in many forms have become increasingly accessible. (2) For example, today the calculator is regarded as an essential tool for basic calculations by students and business people. (3) Word processing is considered indispensable by most writers, researchers, and office workers. (4) In addition, many families use computers to organize information, to balance budgets, and to provide entertainment. Question: Which of the following would be the most suitable sentence to insert immediately after sentence 1? (A) The race is on to produce the "ultimate" computer. (B) I have found the computer somewhat difficult to learn to operate. (C) Many people are understandably intimidated by computers. (D) They are now so common that they have a profound effect on daily life. (E) Modern telephones belong to the family of computers.

7. Answer 2 Question: Which of the following would be the most suitable sentence to insert immediately after sentence 1? (A) The race is on to produce the "ultimate" computer. (B) I have found the computer somewhat difficult to learn to operate. (C) Many people are understandably intimidated by computers. (D) They are now so common that they have a profound effect on daily life. CORRECT ANSWER (E) Modern telephones belong to the family of computers. Explanation: This question asks you to recognize that sentence (1) does not adequately introduce the examples described in sentences (2), (3), and (4). The examples do more than illustrate how "increasingly accessible" computers have become; they point out how indispensable and widespread the use of computers has become. The only choice that expresses this idea is choice (D). The correct paragraph reads: In the last fifty years, computers in many forms have become increasingly accessible. They are now so common that they have a profound effect on daily life. For example, today the calculator is regarded as an essential tool for basic calculations by students and businesspeople. Word processing is considered indispensable by most writers, researchers, and office workers. In addition, many families use computers to organize information, to balance budgets, and to provide entertainment.

8. Practice Question 3 Passage: (The paragraphs below are the first two paragraphs of a passage that appeared in the test.) (1) I have just read an excellent book called "Having Our Say: The Delany Sisters' First 100 Years." (2) Usually I do not enjoy autobiographies. (3) I could hardly put this one down. (4) It is about Sadie Delany, who is 103 years old, and her "little" sister Bessie, she is 101. (5) The sisters grew up in North Carolina in times that were not easy for African Americans. (6) Around 1916 they moved to New York City and went to Columbia University at their father's urging. (7) He tells them, "You are college material. (8) And if you don't go, shame on you!" (9) Sadie became a teacher and Bessie a dentist. (10) The second Black woman dentist in New York. Question: In context, which is the best version of "He tells them" in sentence 7? (A) (As it is now) (B) Their father tells them, (C) This is because he tells them, (D) He had told them, (E) His suggestion was:

9. Answer 3 Question: In context, which is the best version of "He tells them" in sentence 7? (A) (As it is now) (B) Their father tells them, (C) This is because he tells them, (D) He had told them, CORRECT ANSWER (E) His suggestion was: Explanation: The words "in context" at the beginning of the question alert the reader to consider the material in the sentences immediately preceding sentence 7. Sentences 5 and 6 present descriptive material about the Delany sisters' past. The verbs in those sentences are in the past tense. The verb in sentence 7 should therefore be in the past perfect tense because the father had encouraged the sisters before they went to Columbia. The correct version of sentences 5, 6, 7, and 8 reads: (5) The sisters grew up in North Carolina in times that were not easy for African Americans. (6) Around 1916 they moved to New York City and went to Columbia University at their father's urging. (7) He had told them, "You are college material. (8) And if you don't go, shame on you!"

10. Practice Question 4 Passage: (The paragraph below is the first paragraph of a passage that appeared in the test.) (1) Advertisements are present wherever we go. (2) They enter our houses in newspapers, magazines, and on our television screens. (3) Television advertisements are used not only to sell products but, more importantly, to sell ideas. (4) It is in selling ideas that ads have the most significant impact. (5) They interrupt most television programs every few minutes. (6) Many ads imply that if we buy specific products then we will be happy. (7) An example of this strategy is an ad in which a woman is shown driving her family in a new car. (8) She has a smile on her face, a new car will bring people happiness. Question: Sentence 5 would make the most sense if placed after (A) Sentence 1 (B) Sentence 2 (C) Sentence 5 (D) Sentence 6 (E) Sentence 7

11. Answer 4 Question: Sentence 5 would make the most sense if placed after (A) Sentence 1 (B) Sentence 2 CORRECT ANSWER (C) Sentence 5 (D) Sentence 6 (E) Sentence 7 Explanation: This question asks you to recognize that sentence 5 is an expansion of the thought introduced in sentence 2 and properly belongs immediately after that sentence in the paragraph. To place the idea later in the paragraph disrupts the progress of ideas that the writer is developing. The correct paragraph reads: Advertisements are present wherever we go. They enter our houses in newspapers, magazines, and on our television screens. They interrupt most television programs every few minutes. Television advertisements are used not to sell products but, more importantly, to sell ideas. It is in selling ideas that ads have the most significant impact. Many ads imply that if we buy specific products then we will be happy. An example of this strategy is an ad in which a woman is shown driving her family in a new car. She has a smile on her face; the new car has supposedly brought her happiness.

12. Practice Question 5 Passage: (The paragraph below is the first paragraph of a passage that appeared in the test.) (1) Until the discovery of the Rosetta stone, the hieroglyphic writing of the ancient Egyptians was indecipherable to scholars. (2) Egyptian hieroglyphic writing died out in the third century A.D. (3) The ancient Egyptian religion died out. (4) Priests were the ones who mostly used this type of writing. (5) For centuries afterward, no one knew how to read the many inscriptions on Egyptian temple walls. (6) Nevertheless, in 1799, the Rosetta Stone was found near the town of Rashid (called Rosetta by the English) in the Nile Delta in Egypt. (7) Here was the key to deciphering hieroglyphic writing. Question: Which of the following is the best way to combine sentences 2, 3, and 4 (reproduced below) in order to convey clearly the relationship of the ideas? Egyptian hieroglyphic writing died out in the third century A.D. The ancient Egyptian religion died out. Priests were the ones who mostly used this type of writing. (A) Egyptian hieroglyphic writing, used mainly by priests, died out in the third century A.D. along with the ancient Egyptian religion. (B) The ancient Egyptian religion died out in the third century A.D., as did Egyptian hieroglyphic writing, and it had been used mainly by priests. (C) Egyptian hieroglyphic writing and the ancient Egyptian religion died out in the third century A.D., being used primarily by the priests. (D) In the third century A.D., Egyptian hieroglyphic writing died out, but the ancient religion's priests were who used it most, and it ceased. (E) Dying out in the third century A.D. was Egyptian hieroglyphic writing, the same time as the ancient Egyptian religion and its priests, the primary users.

13. Answer 5 Question: Which of the following is the best way to combine sentences 2, 3, and 4 (reproduced below) in order to convey clearly the relationship of the ideas? Egyptian hieroglyphic writing died out in the third century A.D. The ancient Egyptian religion died out. Priests were the ones who mostly used this type of writing. (A) Egyptian hieroglyphic writing, used mainly by priests, died out in the third century A.D. along with the ancient Egyptian religion. CORRECT ANSWER (B) The ancient Egyptian religion died out in the third century A.D., as did Egyptian hieroglyphic writing, and it had been used mainly by priests. (C) Egyptian hieroglyphic writing and the ancient Egyptian religion died out in the third century A.D., being used primarily by the priests. (D) In the third century A.D., Egyptian hieroglyphic writing died out, but the ancient religion's priests were who used it most, and it ceased. (E) Dying out in the third century A.D. was Egyptian hieroglyphic writing, the same time as the ancient Egyptian religion and its priests, the primary users. Explanation: The correct answer is choice A, which presents the information most smoothly, connecting all of the ideas logically. The other choices fail in this effort, and each concludes with a phrase that seems to dangle or be tacked on awkwardly. Choice A unites most successfully the idea about the priests' use of hieroglyphic writing with the information about the demise of the ancient Egyptian religion.