1. 111 FIGURES OF SPEECH by Don L. F. Nilsen and Alleen Pace Nilsen

2. 112 ANALOGY A professor applies for a position, and asks the Chair of his Department to write him a letter of recommendation. The Department Chair compared him to Solomon, Socrates, Demosthenes and Einstein. The new university hired the Professor who turned out to be a flop, so they questioned the professor’s former chair who had written the letter. He responded:

3. 113 “This professor can be compared to Solomon because, like him, he knows no English; like Socrates, he knows no French; like Demosthenes, he speaks as if he has pebbles in his mouth; and like Einstein, hardly anyone knows what he is talking about.” (Nilsen & Nilsen 162)

4. 114 EPIPHANY # 1 MALCOLM X’S EPIPHANY ABOUT THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN SPEECH AND WRITING, AND HIS DISCOVERY OF THE DICTIONARY: BEFORE: “I had been the most articulate hustler out there—I had commanded attention when I said something. But now, trying to write simple English, I not only wasn’t articulate, I wasn’t even functional” AFTER: “From then until I left that prison, in every free moment I had, if I was not reading in the library, I was reading in my bunk…. In fact, up to then, I never had been so truly free in my life.” (Eschholz [2009]: 41-43)

5. 115 EPIPHANY # 2! DAVID RAYMOND’S EPIPHANY ABOUT THE LACK OF CORRELATION BETWEEN INTELLIGENCE AND DYSLEXIA: “I’ve learned about well-known people who couldn’t read or had other problems and still made it--like Albert Einstein, who didn’t talk until he was 4 and flunked math—like Leonardo da Vinci, who everyone seems to think had dyslexia.” (Eschholz [2009]: 51-53)

6. 116 EPIPHANY # 3!! HELEN KELLER’S EPIPHANY ABOUT LEARNING THE RELATIONSHIP BETWEEN FINGER SPELLING AND WORDS AND CONCEPTS: “As the cool stream gushed over one hand she [Annie Sullivan] spelled into the other the word “water,” first slowly, then rapidly. I stood still, my whole attention fixed upon the motions of her fingers. Suddenly I felt a misty consciousness as of something forgotten—a thrill of returning thought; and somehow the mysterly of language was revealed to me. I knew then that “w-a-t-e-r” meant the wonderful cool something that was flowing over my hand.” Eschholz [2009]: 46-49)

7. 117 IRONY I’m not threatening you, but if I ever see your face again around these parts…. I don’t mean to bother you, but…. I don’t want to insult you, but… (Mey 109)

8. 118 PARADOX 1 THE PARADOXICAL STORY, BASED ON LOGIC: “Aesop tells the tale of a traveler who sought refuge with a Satyr on a bitter night. On entering the Satyr’s lodging, he blew on his fingers, and was asked by the Satyr what he did it for. `To warm them up,’ he explained. Later, on being served with a piping hot bowl of porridge, he blew also on it, and again was asked what he did it for. `To cool it off,’ he explained” (Language Awareness 9 th ed, 10). THE PARADOXICAL SYLLOGISM, BASED ON EQUIVOCATION: All men are created equal. My wife is not a man. Therefore, my wife is not created equal

9. 119 Edison tried unsuccessfully for a long time to construct a dry cell battery that would generate as much current as the unwieldy wet cell batteries. Someone asked him if he was discouraged to have had no results, he replied: “No results? I now know of 963 things that don’t work.” (Mey 31)

10. 1110 When the White Queen tells Alice that she is one hundred and one, five months and one day, Alice replies that she can’t believe that. “I daresay you haven’t had much practice” said the White Queen. “Sometimes I’ve believe as many as six impossible things before breakfast.” (Carroll 237)

11. 11 !MOTHER COOKING SPAGHETTI FOR DINNER: “They are done whether they are or not” (Rundquist 443) THE PARADOX OF PRAGMATICS: “Language users must employ socially conventional, linguistic means to express their individual intentions.” (Mey 43) ANOTHER PARADOX OF PRAGMATICS: “No matter how one may try, one cannot not communicate.” (Watzlawick 49) or stated another way, speakers often “mean more than they say.” (Leech 9)

12. 1112 !!PERSONIFICATION My cat, who believes that I’m a fool, enjoys tormenting me. (from George Lakoff in Mey 26)

13. 1113 !!!SARCASM “Due to double booking—I cannot get a seat on my plane, and will have to spend the night in the airport.” “Great.” (Mey 44) IGOODESMAN AND JOO: http://cartoonando.blogspot.com/2008/04/1000-posts.html LEMONY SNICKET (DANIEL HANDLER): http://www.lemonysnicket.com/VileVideos/video1.html PACHELBELL RANT: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JdxkVQy7QLM

14. 1114 Web Site: Encyclopedia of 20th Century American Humor. http://www.greenwood.com/catalog/OX HUMOR.aspx http://www.greenwood.com/catalog/OX HUMOR.aspx

15. 1115 References: Carroll, Lewis. Through the Looking-Glass. in More Annotated Alice. Ed. Martin Gardner. New York, NY: Random House, 1990. Eschholz, Paul, Alfred Rosa, and Virginia Clark. Language Awareness: Readings for College Writers, 10 th Edition. Bedford/St. Martins, 2009. Leech, Geoffrey N. Principles of Pragmatics. London, England: Longman, 1983. Mey, Jacob L. Pragmatics: An Introduction, 2 nd Edition. Oxford, England: Blackwell, 2001. Rundquist, Suellen. “Indirectness: A Gender Study of Flouting Grice’s Maxims.” Journal of Pragmatics 18.5 (1992): 431-449. Watzlawick, Paul, Janet Helmick Beavin and Don D. Jackson. Pragmatics of Human Communication: A Study of Interactional Patterns, Pathologies and Paradoxes. New York, NY: Norton, 1967.