1. Chapter 3: Family Rules, Structure, and Development

2. Upstate Rules and Structure
Rules -> _________ patterns -> structure
Each family has unique structure
__________ describe what is supposed to be; _____ relate to what is.
Remember rules are often _______/out of awareness

3. How Do Rules and Structure Develop?
Upstate
How Do Rules and Structure Develop?
Prenuptial agreement?
Cultural Influences
Family-of-Origin Influences
“In your couple relationship, you either repeat what you learned in your family or you tend to do the opposite.” (Olson)
Personality Influences/biological influences

4. Is there an ideal family structure?
Upstate
Is there an ideal family structure?
Healthy families are similar in 3 ways: (Nichols)
Clear _________
Hierarchical __________:
In healthy families “there is an unambiguous hierarchy of power, with leadership in the hands of the parents, who form a united coalition.” (Nichols)
3. ________

5. Upstate
Satir’s: Healthy rules should support 5 freedoms: p___, t___, f___, c___, sa ___.
Healthy/Unhealthy rules: p
Burr, Day, and Behr: Families can only operate when … shared, implicit, _________ comfortable. p. 62.

6. Characteristics and Functions of Rules (p. 61-62).
Upstate
Characteristics and Functions of Rules (p ).
Often implicit
Allow for accountability
Denote physical and psychological boundaries
Regulate closeness and distance
Regulate roles
Regulate flexibility-rigidity and exceptions
Address implementation and violation.

7. Upstate Dancing in Families Rule Sequences:
connected ______ of rules that governs a complex pattern of behavior
Involve a ______ pattern
Can be healthy - rituals
Can be unhealthy, called____________, p. 64.
Sometimes called ______
Examples, p. 64
Example - Brice family, p. 17 Crucible; textbook examples, p. 64.

8. Upstate Dances Couples Do Pursuer/Distancer Dance Drifting Dance
Conflictual Dance
The Circular Dance
The Overfunction-Underfunction Dance
Purpose of dances -
Often regulate & control some ______ and deal with issues of ___________________. p.68

9. Cohesion and Adaptability – Olson’s Model
Upstate
Cohesion and Adaptability – Olson’s Model
Cohesion __________ the forces which ____ family members together
Families vary on cohesion (closeness) p
Dimensions measured by FACES inventory
Disengaged Separated Connected Enmeshed

10. Upstate
Adaptability _________; how easily families can change or modify their rules
Families vary in regard to adaptability/flexibility
Rigid Structured Flexible Chaotic

11. Olson’s circumplex model, p. 70.
Upstate
Olson’s circumplex model, p. 70.

12. X X + + + + + + + + + X X
There are nine Balanced types (+) and they are called Balanced because they are in the balanced range (3 central levels) on both closeness and flexibility.
In our studies of families, about 2/3 (66%) of families fall into the Balanced types. Also, our studies have indicated that these Balanced types have the most healthy and happy families.
The four Unbalanced types (X) are less common and the most extreme because they are Unbalanced on both dimensions of closeness and flexibility.
Over 80% of families that have major problems in their family (like adolescent runaways, drug use and abuse, other types of abuse) and also those that come for family therapy fall into these four unbalanced types.

13. Family Beliefs and Ideology
Upstate
Family Beliefs and Ideology
Family ideology - a ______belief system,
central to guiding family _____,
goals, and way of being
Covey’s family _______ statement
Mission statement would influence rules and rules lead to predictable behavior.

14. Upstate Our Marriage p.72 In our marriage
we promise to work together and cooperate in love
rather than be pulled apart by our differences.
We realize that work, children, and other duties
will often come between us
but
We promise never to allow this for long
for
we realize that the foundation of our lives is our loving relationship.
So we pledge to honor our relationship,
nurture our friendship, and sustain our love.
Forever.

15. Upstate Our Family p. 73 Our family is a place where we will
love, encourage, and nurture each other.
We will teach each other about our similarities and differences
and learn to appreciate and respect both.
We will teach each other about the world outside the family
so that we will be better prepared to meet the challenges of that world.
We will know that the journey of life begins in closeness and involves
a gradual separation over time.
When we are close we will attempt to nurture and love
so that when we separate we will feel confident in making our own way.
So be it in our family.

16. Different Ideology Systems
Upstate
Different Ideology Systems
Sometimes called family _________
Three types:
1. ______ – “right way” - traditional, parental authority, somewhat rigid
2._____ – flexible, tolerant, negotiates
3. _______ – few set schedules and rules, individual freedom
What happens when these families experience problems?
The ___________ principle – family tries harder, exaggerates it own character.

17. The Importance of Early Understandings
Upstate
The Importance of Early Understandings
The Epigenesis Principle-
what is done in the ______ stages in a relationship influences what can be and is done in later stages
Concrete example
When there is input that pushes for change
opposing forces in the family system attempt to preserve the status quo.
Morphostasis/morphostasis principle - the push to stay the same - attenuating/negative feedback
Morphogenesis/morphogensis principle – the push to change – amplifying/positive feedback

18. Why is Change so Difficult in Families? Burr, Day and Bahr
Upstate
Why is Change so Difficult in Families? Burr, Day and Bahr
Early rules have significant ________ and are associated with deeply felt ________
Many beliefs and feelings are __________ or partially unconscious
A rule becomes a part of a complex web of rules;
any attempt to change one rule has implications concerning other things.

19. Upstate Burr, Day, and Bahr state: (chap. 3, p. 77)
“Anyone who thinks couples can go back and restructure the basic aspects of their relationship
just does not understand the nature of family systems”
“A few parts of relationships can be changed later,
but a large number of things cannot,
and it usually takes a great effort to make even small changes.”

20. Upstate Change Although change difficult, change does occur
Some examples that produce change:
- the birth of a first child,
- your mother-in-law coming to live with you,
- your child growing up and needing fewer rules
Family not completely set or static
Stability may characterize each day
but some change does occur over time

21. Upstate What Produces Change? Expected Events – p. 78.
Called ____________ changes-
Are predictable, expected part of life
Examples:
Couple has first child
Child going off to school
Teenager learning to drive

22. The Family Life Cycle: Six Stages
Upstate
The Family Life Cycle: Six Stages
The unattached young adult
Marriage
The family with young children
The family with adolescents
Launching children and moving on
The family in later life (p. 79)
Life course – many decisions and choices alter the life course. Thus, life can take many directions.

23. Other events which produce change . . .
Upstate
Other events which produce change . . .
Unexpected Events: called ________________ changes –
not an expected part of life course (p. 80).
Examples:
- husband seriously injured in auto accident
- loss of job
- child arrested for drug possession
- adolescent announces he is gay
- divorce
- child becomes seriously ill.

24. Upstate Family does not usually have constant rate of change
but tend to have periods of relative stability followed by change
Periods of stability called ______
Periods of change called _________.

25. What Individuals Learn as Family Life Unfolds
Upstate
What Individuals Learn as Family Life Unfolds
Judith Viorst’s Necessary Losses
Roger Gould’s transformations
False assumptions learned in childhood must be overcome
Approximately (false assumptions)
1) Life is fair
2) There is one right way
3) Others can do for me what I am unable to do for myself.

26. Upstate Later false assumptions
1) When I know something intellectually, I truly understand it
2) I understand those close to me quite well
3) I do not possess the undesirable characteristics of my parents
4) There are no real threats to my security.