1. Communicating with others: an NLP approach Hugh Russell passionate sometimes twisted Hugh Russell passionate sometimes twisted Hugh Russell www.thinking.ie hugh@thinking.ie

2. Quiet signal 1. Raise hand 2. Full focussed attention (no talking/working) 3. Signal others

3. Goals Explain the basic principles of NLP and the Cause & effect equation in relation to learning. Explain the basic principles of NLP and the Cause & effect equation in relation to learning. Recognise the value of outcomes and accepting convenient presuppositions Recognise the value of outcomes and accepting convenient presuppositions Describe how individuals filter information: how we delete, distort & generalise. Describe how individuals filter information: how we delete, distort & generalise.  Explain visual, auditory and kinaesthetic processing modes and the use of predicates words and phrases. Identify the principles of establishing rapport and explain how we can do this. Identify the principles of establishing rapport and explain how we can do this. Apply Meta model & hypnotic language patterns to help others learn. Apply Meta model & hypnotic language patterns to help others learn.

4. NLP is concerned with.. The study of the underlying structure of subjective experience The study of the underlying structure of subjective experience Its about how we process and make sense of the world Its about how we process and make sense of the world Its about how we communicate with others and ourselves Its about how we communicate with others and ourselves

5. What is NLP? Neuro: How the mind works & how we think Neuro: How the mind works & how we think Linguistic: How we use language & how this affects us Linguistic: How we use language & how this affects us Programming: How we sequence our actions to achieve our goals Programming: How we sequence our actions to achieve our goals

6. Goals Partners in pairs alternate generating oral responses: Partners in pairs alternate generating oral responses: “ What were the goals of this workshop?” - You must alternate suggestions, one person may not give 2 suggestions in a row. If you get stuck join another 2.

7. Goals Explain the basic principles of NLP and the Cause & effect equation in relation to learning. Explain the basic principles of NLP and the Cause & effect equation in relation to learning. Recognise the value of outcomes and accepting convenient presuppositions Recognise the value of outcomes and accepting convenient presuppositions Describe how individuals filter information: how we delete, distort & generalise. Describe how individuals filter information: how we delete, distort & generalise.  Explain visual, auditory and kinaesthetic processing modes and the use of predicates words and phrases. Identify the principles of establishing rapport and explain how we can do this. Identify the principles of establishing rapport and explain how we can do this. Apply Meta model & hypnotic language patterns to help others learn. Apply Meta model & hypnotic language patterns to help others learn.

8. Basic principles of NLP communication excellence. 1. The importance of managing our emotional state 2. Accepting the presuppositions – guiding principles 3. Building Rapport – the quality of relationship 4. Outcome oriented thinking – knowing what you want 5. Feedback – sensory acuity - how you know you are being effective 6. Flexibility – ability if it is not working to change our behaviour

9. Presuppositions: convenient assumptions we can choose to accept when we use NLP. You cannot not communicate You cannot not communicate In terms of reality the “map” is not the territory In terms of reality the “map” is not the territory People respond to their experience not to reality itself People respond to their experience not to reality itself Having a choice is better than having no choice. Having a choice is better than having no choice. People make the best choice they can at the time. People make the best choice they can at the time. Every behaviour has a positive intention. Every behaviour has a positive intention. The meaning of communication is in the response you get. The meaning of communication is in the response you get. The person with the most flexibility of behaviour will control the system The person with the most flexibility of behaviour will control the system Resistance is a sign of a lack of rapport. Resistance is a sign of a lack of rapport.

10. Cause and Effect Equation?

11. Know your outcome Communication needs an outcome

12. Outcome or problem thinking? Outcome orientation – consistently thinking in outcomes and having a purpose. We need it in our personal life and it is essential in business Outcome orientation – consistently thinking in outcomes and having a purpose. We need it in our personal life and it is essential in business Problem thinking – Here the focus is on what is wrong, questions focus on the past or present. Problem thinking – Here the focus is on what is wrong, questions focus on the past or present. “What’s wrong? When did we start to get it wrong? Whose fault is it?. They often make you feel worse and less resourceful. “What’s wrong? When did we start to get it wrong? Whose fault is it?. They often make you feel worse and less resourceful.

13. Questions to use for outcome oriented thinking. What specifically do you want? What specifically do you want? Where are you now? Where are you now? What will you see, hear & feel when you have it? What will you see, hear & feel when you have it? How will you know when you have it? How will you know when you have it? What will this outcome get for you or allow you to do? What will this outcome get for you or allow you to do? What resources do you have? What resources do you have? Is it ecological? For what purpose do you want this? Is it ecological? For what purpose do you want this?

14. I N F O R M A T I O N

15. FILTERS Values Values Beliefs Beliefs Meta programmes Meta programmes Memories Memories Decisions DecisionsFILTERS Values Values Beliefs Beliefs Meta programmes Meta programmes Memories Memories Decisions Decisions I N F O R M A T I O n Internal Representation Pictures Pictures Sounds Sounds Feelings Feelings Tastes Tastes Smells Smells Internal dialogue Internal dialogue Internal Representation Pictures Pictures Sounds Sounds Feelings Feelings Tastes Tastes Smells Smells Internal dialogue Internal dialogue STATE STATE PHYSIOLOGY Behaviour Results NLP Communication Model

16. Maximise your ability to communicate by Recognising the filters of the person with whom you’re communicating Recognising the filters of the person with whom you’re communicating Understanding your own filters so you can adjust them Understanding your own filters so you can adjust them Adapting your language to reflect the other person’s filters Adapting your language to reflect the other person’s filters

17. Visual, Auditory & Kinaesthetic

18. Language offers clues to VAK preferences Visual - you are likely to say “Let me take a look” Visual - you are likely to say “Let me take a look” Auditory - you are likely to say “Let me talk it through” Auditory - you are likely to say “Let me talk it through” Kinaesthetic - you are likely to say “Let me get a feel for this” Kinaesthetic - you are likely to say “Let me get a feel for this”

19. If I could SHOW you a CLEAR way in which we could (potential benefit or their values), you would at least want to LOOK at it, wouldn't you? If I could SHOW you a CLEAR way in which we could (potential benefit or their values), you would at least want to LOOK at it, wouldn't you? So if this LOOKS GOOD to you we can go ahead and FOCUS on how to do it. Can’t we? So if this LOOKS GOOD to you we can go ahead and FOCUS on how to do it. Can’t we?

20. If I could TELL you a way in which we could (potential benefit or their values), you would at least want to HEAR about it, wouldn't you? If I could TELL you a way in which we could (potential benefit or their values), you would at least want to HEAR about it, wouldn't you? So if this SOUNDS GOOD we can go ahead and DISCUSS how to do it. Can’t we? So if this SOUNDS GOOD we can go ahead and DISCUSS how to do it. Can’t we?

21. If I could help you GET A HOLD OF a CONCRETE way in which we could (potential benefit or their values), you would at least want to GET A FEEL for it, wouldn't you? If I could help you GET A HOLD OF a CONCRETE way in which we could (potential benefit or their values), you would at least want to GET A FEEL for it, wouldn't you? If this FEELS SOLID to you we can go ahead and FIRM UP on how to do it. Can’t we? If this FEELS SOLID to you we can go ahead and FIRM UP on how to do it. Can’t we?

22. Matching & mismatching language patterns “It sounds as if we’ve talked about all the key points” “It sounds as if we’ve talked about all the key points” “I can’t get a grip on how the system crashed again” “I can’t get a grip on how the system crashed again” “ My perspective has changed as more evidence has come to light” “ My perspective has changed as more evidence has come to light”

23. Exercise: Timed pair share 1. Topic: using VAK predicates 2. Take 5 minutes to think 3. Partner A shares partner B listens 4. Partner B responds then says” One thing I learned listening to you was..” 5. Partners switch roles

24. Rapport

25. Rapport Rapport is the process of building and sustaining a relationship of mutual trust, harmony and understanding. Rapport is the process of building and sustaining a relationship of mutual trust, harmony and understanding. This happens through matching the accessing cues from words, eye movements and body language. This happens through matching the accessing cues from words, eye movements and body language.

26. Establish Rapport by… Matching & mirroring the other person Matching & mirroring the other person Physical mirroring/Body posture Physical mirroring/Body posture Voice Voice Breathing Breathing Blinking Blinking

27. Meta programme: internal/external Internal: use expressions “ultimately only you can know” “ultimately only you can know” “Judge for yourself” “Judge for yourself” “Weigh up all the facts & decide” “Weigh up all the facts & decide” “The decision rests on your shoulders” “The decision rests on your shoulders” External: use expressions “The general consensus of opinion is..” “The general consensus of opinion is..” “Research shows..” “Research shows..” “Others have..” “Others have..” “Several schools have implemented…” “Several schools have implemented…”

28. Meta programme: toward/away from Toward terms Lets go for it Lets go for it I want I want Get things moving Get things moving Solutions Solutions Accomplish Accomplish Advantages Advantages Away from terms Watch out for Watch out for I don’t want I don’t want Put off until Put off until Problems Problems Be careful of Be careful of The down side The down side

29. Exercise: Timed pair share Topic: Rapport building 1. Take 5 minutes to think 2. Partner A shares partner B listens 3. Partner B responds then says” One thing I learned listening to you was..” 4. Partners switch roles

30. Deletion, Distortion & Generalisation Deletions: Important information is left out and this limits thought and action. Deletions: Important information is left out and this limits thought and action. Distortions: Information is twisted in a way that limits choice and creates unnecessary problems Distortions: Information is twisted in a way that limits choice and creates unnecessary problems Generalisations: One example is taken to represent a class in a way that narrows possibilities Generalisations: One example is taken to represent a class in a way that narrows possibilities

31. What does the Meta model do? 1. Gathers information. By challenging deletions the model recovers important information that has been left out. 2. Clarifies meaning by asking for specific information. 3. Identifies limits by challenging the rules & generalisations you/others are applying to your thinking – it demonstrates where you/others are limiting yourself. 4. Gives choices by showing the limits of language and enriches your map of the world.

32. Generalisations we use Response Find counter examples “Never?” “What would happen if you got it right?” “What if…” “What would happen if you didn’t?” Also “Or?” “What outcome does this option get for you?” “What prevents you?” “What is blocking you?” “What would happen if you did?” Learn to say I want instead of I can’t… Universal Quantifiers. Generalisations such as all, every, always, never, everyone, no one etc. e g “I never get it right” “ We always get it wrong” Modal operators of necessity as in should, shouldn’t, ought, must, must not, have to, need to e g “ I have to do this” Modal operators of Possibility (or impossibility) as in can/can’t, will/won’t, may/may not, possible/impossible e g “ I can’t do this”

33. Distorted Patterns Response. “How do you know they don’t think you can do it?” “ What outcome do you want?” “How specifically” “How does what she does cause you to choose to feel angry?” “How does not understanding it now mean you will never be able to learn it…” Mind Reading. Claiming to know someone’s internal state. E g “They don’t think I can do this” Cause – effect: Where the cause is put wrongly outside of self. e g “She makes me angry” Complex equivalence. Where two experiences are interpreted as being synonymous. e g “ I don’t understand it, I’ll never learn it.”

34. Deleting the missing parts Response. “Specifically who’s not communicating what to whom?” “How would you like to be communicating?” “How specifically?” “Who says its bad?” Specifically how is it bad?” “What about exactly?” “Who specifically does what they want?” “ “What do they want?” “Badly compared to what?” “Worse at what specifically” “How can you improve?” Nominalisations. Process words which have been frozen in time, making them nouns. e g “There is no communication here” Unspecified verbs. e g “ This is nonsense” Judgements. Value judgements where the person doing the judging is left out. e g “It’s a bad thing to keep asking” Simple deletion e g “It makes me nervous & uncomfortable” Lack of referential index. Fails to specify person or thing. Eg” They will do what they want” Comparisons as in good, better, best, worst, more, less Eg “I did that badly” “I’m the worst”

35. Topic: Using the Meta model patterns Think about any of the Meta model patterns for 1 minute & any questions you want to ask about it. Think about any of the Meta model patterns for 1 minute & any questions you want to ask about it. In pairs: A interviews B then switch roles In pairs: A interviews B then switch roles Pairs form group of 4 Pairs form group of 4 Round robin: each participant shares with team what he/she learned in the interview about using the Meta model. Round robin: each participant shares with team what he/she learned in the interview about using the Meta model.

36. Milton Model language patterns “A set of sentences that, because they are deliberately unclear, direct the listener to discover the meaning of what you’re saying by forcing her to explore her own experiences. The listener goes inside her own head to look for meaning, her conscious mind is distracted….reducing resistance to your suggestions.” “A set of sentences that, because they are deliberately unclear, direct the listener to discover the meaning of what you’re saying by forcing her to explore her own experiences. The listener goes inside her own head to look for meaning, her conscious mind is distracted….reducing resistance to your suggestions.” Ready & Burton Ready & Burton

37. Milton Model – hypnotic language Mind Reading. Claiming to know someone’s internal state. Mind Reading. Claiming to know someone’s internal state. Judgements. Making a value judgement without revealing who made that judgement. Judgements. Making a value judgement without revealing who made that judgement. Cause – effect: The implication is that one thing causes or results in something else. Cause – effect: The implication is that one thing causes or results in something else. Complex equivalence. One thing is interpreted as meaning something else. Complex equivalence. One thing is interpreted as meaning something else. “I know your curiosity is growing by the second” “ It’s ok to be concerned & want to feel satisfied” “It’s good to believe” “ Breathing results in you relaxing & focusing your attention” Words to use: makes, causes, results in, if, then, so, and, as, because. “Thank you for listening to me therefore opening your mind to new possibilities…” Words to use: means, so, therefore

38. Milton Model – hypnotic language Pace current experience. Stating someone’s experience in a way they cannot deny followed by the instruction. Pace current experience. Stating someone’s experience in a way they cannot deny followed by the instruction. Unspecified verbs. A statement that leaves out the person doing the acting or omits the verb how someone did something. Tag question designed to displace resistance Double bind. Where the client is given two choices both of which are desirable separated by an “or” “ You are sitting here, listening to me, looking at me and there’s a rhythm to your breathing which means you are learning” “You made it happen” “You made it happen” “ “ And you can” “ Can you not” “Do you want to start your homework now or in 10 minutes”

39. An NLP approach to teaching and learning The teacher- learner relationship is a cybernetic loop, a dynamic process in which meaning is constructed through reciprocal feedback; not a transmission of information from one individual to another separate individual. People act according to the way they understand and represent the world, not according to the way the world `is' (i.e. `the map is not the territory'). Of prime interest in NLP are the ways in which people represent the world internally, through sensory imagery (principally visual, auditory and kinaesthetic) and language. sequences). A learner's internal representations and processing are reflected, in various ways, in their language and their external behaviour (e.g. non-verbal behaviour).

40. An NLP approach to teaching and learning An individual's capacity to learn is influenced strongly by their neuro-physiological `state' (e.g. a state of curiosity rather than a state of boredom), and by their beliefs about learning and about themselves as learners  All communication potentially influences learning. Crucially, teachers' language and behaviour influence learners on at least two levels simultaneously; both their understanding of the topic in question, and their beliefs about the world, including about learning itself. It follows that awareness of choice about one's own language patterns and behaviour as a teacher, and sensitivity to and curiosity about their influence on and interaction with learner's internal representations, are crucial to effective teaching and learning.

41. “ I wouldn’t dream of telling you to use NLP all the time & there’s no way I would suggest that you can change easily so everything I said to you to-day you will want to apply, won’t you which means you can use your imagination and relax as you let NLP help you help others. Thank you. Embedded commands. Sandwiching commands in the middle of a conversation to bypass the conscious mind & speak directly to the unconscious mind.