1. ON LOVE AT HOME D. Calvin Andrus A Fifth Sunday Lesson Sterling Park Ward 30 April 2006

2. 2 January 5, 1968 Stardate: 3211.7Stardate: 3211.7 Star Trek, Season 2, Episode 46Star Trek, Season 2, Episode 46 “The Gamesters of Triskelion”“The Gamesters of Triskelion” Three disembodied beings wager on fights staged by prisoners abducted from around the galaxyThree disembodied beings wager on fights staged by prisoners abducted from around the galaxy

3. 30 April 20063 Galt, Master Thrall

4. 30 April 20064 Focus on the Collar Shahna, Trainer Thrall

5. 30 April 20065 Kirk and Providers

6. 30 April 20066 Kirk Wins!

7. 30 April 20067 Collar of Obedience How much would I pay on eBay for a “real” collar of obedience?How much would I pay on eBay for a “real” collar of obedience? –I really could have used a couple of them when my older boys were teenagers...

8. 30 April 20068 Obedience School? There are some fathers who have a tendency to treat their home as an obedience school.There are some fathers who have a tendency to treat their home as an obedience school. –That is, the principle they most often emphasize in the home is obedience. –Indeed, some husbands act like the person in their home who needs the most “obedience training” is their wife. Obedience training is for dogs, not family members.Obedience training is for dogs, not family members.

9. 30 April 20069 The Disobedient When I was in junior high and senior high school, wayward teens were sent to reform schools, also known as reformatories.When I was in junior high and senior high school, wayward teens were sent to reform schools, also known as reformatories. Sometimes we would be warned, “Do you want to be sent to reform school?”Sometimes we would be warned, “Do you want to be sent to reform school?”

10. 30 April 200610 Salem Reform School

11. 30 April 200611 Pruntytown Reformatory

12. 30 April 200612 Reform School? There are some mothers who have a tendency to treat their home as a reform school.There are some mothers who have a tendency to treat their home as a reform school. –That is, the principle they most often emphasize in the home is reform. (change) –Indeed, some wives act like the person in their home who needs the most “reform” is their husband. Reform school is for convicts, not family members.Reform school is for convicts, not family members.

13. 30 April 200613 Imposing our Will In both the obedience school and the reform school cases, we are trying to get other family members to behave the way WE want them to.In both the obedience school and the reform school cases, we are trying to get other family members to behave the way WE want them to. –In essence, we want to impose our will on their will.

14. 30 April 200614 Expending Energy Some of us spend considerable emotional energy trying to change our family members.Some of us spend considerable emotional energy trying to change our family members. –Or, if not trying to change them, we use up our energy grumbling that they haven’t changed.

15. 30 April 200615 Inside vs. Outside Obedience or reform imposed from the outside is temporaryObedience or reform imposed from the outside is temporary –True reform--that brings one closer to the Celestial Kingdom--comes from within the person –Obedience is the natural state of one who as given him/herself to Christ

16. 30 April 200616 A Better Way Rather than expend so much energy operating our homes asRather than expend so much energy operating our homes as –obedience schools for children, or –reform schools for spouses, Let me suggest we re-channel that energy and operate our homes as ‘love’ schools.Let me suggest we re-channel that energy and operate our homes as ‘love’ schools.

17. 30 April 200617 Guiding Principle (Matt 7:3) And why beholdest thou the mote that is in thy brother's eye, but considerest not the beam that is in thine own eye?(Matt 7:3) And why beholdest thou the mote that is in thy brother's eye, but considerest not the beam that is in thine own eye?

18. 30 April 200618 Re-focus the Energy Ask not what your family can do for you (reform, obedience), but ask what you can do for your family (love).Ask not what your family can do for you (reform, obedience), but ask what you can do for your family (love). [Apologies to JFK]

19. 30 April 200619 A “Love School” Home Always be cheerful, regardless of the circumstancesAlways be cheerful, regardless of the circumstances –Spilt milk and muddy carpets –Late arrivals and departures –Messy bedrooms and playrooms –Broken china, crashed cars –Financial irresponsibility Notice and appreciate the little thingsNotice and appreciate the little things –Meals, house work, yard work, repairs, kindnesses

20. 30 April 200620 Replace Bad Habits Offer assistance, not criticismOffer assistance, not criticism Give compliments, not complaintsGive compliments, not complaints Teach by example, not by harangueTeach by example, not by harangue Offer a warm heart, not a cold shoulderOffer a warm heart, not a cold shoulder Be cooperative, not cantankerousBe cooperative, not cantankerous Give hugs, not spankingsGive hugs, not spankings

21. 30 April 200621 Love Actions and Words Perform lots of love ‘actions’ that speak louder than love ‘words’Perform lots of love ‘actions’ that speak louder than love ‘words’ –It is very important to use the “Love” word in conversations with family members –It is even more important to use “Love” actions in our behavior toward our family. Too often I see people use the “Love” word to excuse non-”Love” behaviorToo often I see people use the “Love” word to excuse non-”Love” behavior –“I love my husband, but...” –“I love my parents, but...”

22. 30 April 200622 Acting in Love We act with love when we behave in ways that show we put the interests of the members of our family above our own interests.We act with love when we behave in ways that show we put the interests of the members of our family above our own interests. –Playing with children –Taking teens to the mall (yet, again!?!) –Helping with chores and errands –Supporting each other in assignments

23. 30 April 200623 Love Actions Brethren, one love action that speaks louder to your wife than love words is:Brethren, one love action that speaks louder to your wife than love words is: Emotional Intimacy Sisters, one love action that speaks louder to your husband than love words is:Sisters, one love action that speaks louder to your husband than love words is: Physical Intimacy

24. 30 April 200624 Our homes are a school where we teach and practice loveOur homes are a school where we teach and practice love –Love changes hearts –Changed hearts reform people –Reformed people obey Heavenly Father We put the cart before the horse when we focus on reform and obedience instead of loveWe put the cart before the horse when we focus on reform and obedience instead of love First Things First

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26. 30 April 200626 End or Continue....

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28. 30 April 200628 Let’s Get Current One act of love we can all do is to share the things our pride keeps us from saying to our loved onesOne act of love we can all do is to share the things our pride keeps us from saying to our loved ones –Apologies –Forgiveness –Love Now is the time to stop the denial and drop the pretense that gets in the way of having solid honest relationships with those we love.Now is the time to stop the denial and drop the pretense that gets in the way of having solid honest relationships with those we love.

29. 30 April 200629 The (Real) End