Presentation on theme: "The Five Stories of Recovery Applied to Sex Addiction Counseling"— Presentation transcript:
1 The Five Stories of Recovery Applied to Sex Addiction Counseling The Society for the Advancement of Sexual Health 2009 National Conference“Creating a Culture of Healthy Sexuality: Integrity and Integration “Dean LaCoeB.S., EdM, CSAT
2 Notice: This presentation includes some sexually explicit images
4 Main Points There is a "natural" process of recovery. Recovered addicts have tapped into these natural processes, using various healing "life stories" that explain and support recoveryOur culture provides us “toolbox” of messages and stories to heal ourselvesTwelve-Step is one of several stories; and is a powerful one.Therapists are most effective when supporting the client’s own healing story.This requires that we therapist understand and appreciate various recovery stories and their stages
5 Stories Provide: An Existing Framework for; Explaining What Is Happening.A Cure for Problems.A Position (Judgment) about who/what is to blame.Guidance about Good and Evil
6 …and, Therapy Fuels Stories Information and conceptsBreakthroughs –transformational insightStress reduction / reflection sequencing– risk, surprise, confrontation, processes, truthsConsolidation points and periods of safetyThe Transformational Cascade (Carnes)
7 Therapists ConsiderThe meaning of the drug/acting out behavior: existing story?Client’s past experience with personal change: re-useable story line?Willingness: what stage of recovery?Cultural view: what’s in the toolbox?
8 “Positive” Aspects of Addiction Getting high.Relief of depressionReduced sexual inhibition (A&D)Esteem of the group (belonging)More to do (gambling & the elderly)Others?
9 Core Sex Addict Belief System Self-image- I am a flawed and unworthy personRelationships- If people knew me, they wouldn’t love meNeeds- If I have to count on others my needs will never be metSexuality- Sex is my most important needCarnes
10 The Five Stories of Recovery Source:-Narrative Analysis (Hanninen & Koski-Jannes 1999)
11 Narrative Analysis Shows: Exiting addiction is an active process wherePeople make use of the available “cultural tool-box” andActively adapt and transform prevailing theories and beliefs to fit their own experience
12 The Five StoriesConversion: Alcoholics Anonymous; male alcoholics return as the prodigal’s son.Personal Growth: female victims are re-birthed to a new independence, often by a midwife- therapist.Co-Dependence: male polydrug abusers driven by childhood wounds and secrecy find healing in confession and cathartic realization.Love: females with eating disorders find care; or a drug user finds the love of Christ.Mastery: in male and females smokers the weak “smoking self” is defeated by the strong rational self.
13 Five Cultural ModelsConversion (12 Step): The prodigal son returns homePersonal Growth: Butterfly breaks out of a cocoonCodependence: Break the chains extending generationsLove Story: Love offers a new choiceMastery: The triumph of reason and will
14 Twelve Step (Conversion) Cultural Story ModelExplanationCureMoral AssessmentEvilGoodProdigal son returns homeDiseaseGrowing humble, Identify with other alcoholics, finding ones place in the communityNot guilty: victim of diseaseIndividual hubrisCommunion
15 Personal Growth Butterfly breaks out of a cocoon Cultural Story ModelExplanationCureMoral AssessmentEvilGoodButterfly breaks out of a cocoonAddiction stems from oppressive relationsBreaking loose, listening to one’s own needsNot guilty: victimOppression, submissionAgency & authenticity
16 Co-Dependence Break the curse extending generations Cultural Story ModelExplanationCureMoral AssessmentEvilGoodBreak the curse extending generationsSecrecy and OppressionBecome conscious, unveiling shameful secretsNot guilty, victim of a crimeRepression of truthOpenness and awareness
17 Love Story Love Story Addiction is compensation for the lack of love Cultural Story ModelExplanationCureMoral AssessmentEvilGoodLove StoryAddiction is compensation for the lack of loveReceiving loveAddiction is justified as compensationIndifferenceLoving Care
18 Mastery and Will Strength, will and the triumph of reason Cultural Story ModelExplanationCureMoral AssessmentEvilGoodStrength, will and the triumph of reasonSmoking first supports, later threatens one’s agencyWillpower and techniquesWeak self is guilty; strong self is not guiltyWeaknessReason, self-control, responsibility
19 Five Stories of Natural Recovery Cultural Story ModelExplanationCureMoral AssessmentEvilGoodConversion(12 Step)Prodigal son returns homeDiseaseGrowing humble, ID with other alcoholics, finding ones place in the communityNot guilty: victim of a diseaseIndividual hubrisCommunionPersonal GrowthButterfly breaks out of a cocoonAddiction stems from oppressive relationsBreaking loose, listening to one’s own needsNot guilty: a victimOppression, submissionAgency & authenticityCodependenceBreak the curse extending generationsSecrecy and OppressionBecome conscious, unveiling shameful secretsNot guilty, victim of a crimeRepression of truthOpenness and awarenessLove StoryAddiction is compensation for the lack of loveReceiving loveAddiction is justified as compensationIndifferenceLoving CareMasteryHero story, the triumph of reasonSmoking first supports, later threatens one’s agencyWillpower and techniquesWeak self is guilty; strong self is not guiltyWeaknessReason, self-control, responsibility
20 Addicts: “NOT GUILTY….” In AA, however, they are responsible for current sobriety.They were:Sick (alcoholic disease)Abused (trauma victims)Weak (only smokers)
21 Sex Addicts: Not Guilty Sick: brain disorderVictims of traumaPrideful (master of the universe)Deluded (Not god)
23 Progression of Addiction (Alcohol) Exciting New Ways of LivingContent in SobrietyUrgency for drinkSurreptitious DrinkingReturn of self esteemRelief DrinkingStops DrinkingPersistent RemorseMeets happy ex-drinkerUnable to discuss problemSeeks HelpObsessionLearns it’s a diseaseMoney/work ProblemsResentmentsTakes stock of selfVague Spiritual DesiresAll Alibis ExhaustedHonest Desire for HelpComplete Defeat AdmittedHazelton 1993Obsessive Drinking Continues
24 The Shape of the Hero Journey The DescentResurrectionOrdeal
25 The Hero’s Journey Ordinary World Call to Adventure Return with the ElixirThe DescentResurrectionRefusal of the CallGuidesMeet the MentorFirst ThresholdThe Road BackTests. Allies, EnemiesResurrectionApproach to Inmost CaveReward (Seize the Sword)Campbell 1944Ordeal
26 Luke Surrenders Trauma: loss of family Huge resentments (feels justified)Addiction is to hate and anger: violent responseAbusive fatherTerrible family secrets“Can’t continue, but feels like he will die if he doesn’t act out.”Surrender:Put down the weapon (bottle/pipe/porn/whatever)Turn it over
27 The Porn Addict Recovers Ordinary WorldCall to AdventureReturn with the ElixirThe DescentResurrectionRefusal of the CallGuidesMeet the MentorThe Road BackCross the ThresholdTests, Allies, EnemiesResurrectionApproach to Inmost CaveReward (Seize the Sword)Ordeal
28 Porn Addict’s Recovery: By Steps Caught by PartnerBecomes a Sponsor(12th)The DescentResurrectionRepeated LyingTherapist (Guide)Integrates Lessons (10,11)First SAA MeetingThe Road Back (8&9)Slips ContinueResurrection (5,6,7)ExperimentsTakes Stock of Self (4th)All Alibis ExhaustedInitial SobrietyAdmits Powerlessness (1st)Honest Desire for Help (2&3)LaCoe 2008
29 A Quantum Change in Story Before:Grievance StoryAfter:Gratitude Story
31 Organizations with Stories Alcoholics Anonymous (AA)International Organisation of Good Templars (IOGT)LifeRing Secular Recovery (LifeRing)Moderation Management (MM)Narcotics Anonymous (NA), Alcohol is a drug, not a narcotic.Rational Recovery (RR)Secular Organizations for Sobriety (SOS)Smart Recovery (Self Management And Recovery Training - SMART)Women For Sobriety (WFS)Recovery Inc.
34 Havah’s Experiments Masturbate Conversation (talk it out with prostitute)Honesty (with girlfriend)Dishonesty (with girlfriend)Just Do It!Just Do It One Last TimeGo All The Way (into the impulse)Get TherapyGet A Better Girlfriend!Do It Together with the GirlfriendChose a Different Song
35 Therapy and Spirtuality ExplanationRelease from addictionHappinessSpirituality:ForgivenessRelease for lifeGood fit between self and reality: goodness
40 Stages of Change Model Pre-Contemplation (Not Ready) Maintenance (Unsure)PreparationActionThe Transtheoretical Model (Prochaska & DiClemente, 1983
41 Stages and Therapist’s Role “Our job is simply to help patient move to the next stage of a natural process.”“Being willing to work with the client’s world view….”Acknowledging the perceived “positive” aspects of their addiction…Making possible hope, change and efficacy…Manufacturing new meaning from the available evidence.
42 Motivational Interviewing and Story Change What have you noticed your use of pornography that worries you?What arguments do you see for changing?
43 Dean LaCoe, Ed.M, CSAT 805-275-2243 firstname.lastname@example.org