1. The Five Stories of Recovery Applied to Sex Addiction Counseling
The Society for the Advancement of Sexual Health 2009 National Conference
“Creating a Culture of Healthy Sexuality: Integrity and Integration “
Dean LaCoe
B.S., EdM, CSAT

2. Notice: This presentation includes some sexually explicit images

3. A Story: The Buddha and Pornography

4. Main Points There is a "natural" process of recovery.
Recovered addicts have tapped into these natural processes, using various healing "life stories" that explain and support recovery
Our culture provides us “toolbox” of messages and stories to heal ourselves
Twelve-Step is one of several stories; and is a powerful one.
Therapists are most effective when supporting the client’s own healing story.
This requires that we therapist understand and appreciate various recovery stories and their stages

5. Stories Provide: An Existing Framework for;
Explaining What Is Happening.
A Cure for Problems.
A Position (Judgment) about who/what is to blame.
Guidance about Good and Evil

6. …and, Therapy Fuels Stories
Information and concepts
Breakthroughs –transformational insight
Stress reduction / reflection sequencing– risk, surprise, confrontation, processes, truths
Consolidation points and periods of safety
The Transformational Cascade (Carnes)

7. Therapists Consider
The meaning of the drug/acting out behavior: existing story?
Client’s past experience with personal change: re-useable story line?
Willingness: what stage of recovery?
Cultural view: what’s in the toolbox?

8. “Positive” Aspects of Addiction
Getting high.
Relief of depression
Reduced sexual inhibition (A&D)
Esteem of the group (belonging)
More to do (gambling & the elderly)
Others?

9. Core Sex Addict Belief System
Self-image- I am a flawed and unworthy person
Relationships- If people knew me, they wouldn’t love me
Needs- If I have to count on others my needs will never be met
Sexuality- Sex is my most important need
Carnes

10. The Five Stories of Recovery
Source:
-Narrative Analysis (Hanninen & Koski-Jannes 1999)

11. Narrative Analysis Shows:
Exiting addiction is an active process where
People make use of the available “cultural tool-box” and
Actively adapt and transform prevailing theories and beliefs to fit their own experience

12. The Five Stories
Conversion: Alcoholics Anonymous; male alcoholics return as the prodigal’s son.
Personal Growth: female victims are re-birthed to a new independence, often by a midwife- therapist.
Co-Dependence: male polydrug abusers driven by childhood wounds and secrecy find healing in confession and cathartic realization.
Love: females with eating disorders find care; or a drug user finds the love of Christ.
Mastery: in male and females smokers the weak “smoking self” is defeated by the strong rational self.

13. Five Cultural Models
Conversion (12 Step): The prodigal son returns home
Personal Growth: Butterfly breaks out of a cocoon
Codependence: Break the chains extending generations
Love Story: Love offers a new choice
Mastery: The triumph of reason and will

14. Twelve Step (Conversion)
Cultural Story Model
Explanation
Cure
Moral Assessment
Evil
Good
Prodigal son returns home
Disease
Growing humble, Identify with other alcoholics, finding ones place in the community
Not guilty: victim of disease
Individual hubris
Communion

15. Personal Growth Butterfly breaks out of a cocoon
Cultural Story Model
Explanation
Cure
Moral Assessment
Evil
Good
Butterfly breaks out of a cocoon
Addiction stems from oppressive relations
Breaking loose, listening to one’s own needs
Not guilty: victim
Oppression, submission
Agency & authenticity

16. Co-Dependence Break the curse extending generations
Cultural Story Model
Explanation
Cure
Moral Assessment
Evil
Good
Break the curse extending generations
Secrecy and Oppression
Become conscious, unveiling shameful secrets
Not guilty, victim of a crime
Repression of truth
Openness and awareness

17. Love Story Love Story Addiction is compensation for the lack of love
Cultural Story Model
Explanation
Cure
Moral Assessment
Evil
Good
Love Story
Addiction is compensation for the lack of love
Receiving love
Addiction is justified as compensation
Indifference
Loving Care

18. Mastery and Will Strength, will and the triumph of reason
Cultural Story Model
Explanation
Cure
Moral Assessment
Evil
Good
Strength, will and the triumph of reason
Smoking first supports, later threatens one’s agency
Willpower and techniques
Weak self is guilty; strong self is not guilty
Weakness
Reason, self-control, responsibility

19. Five Stories of Natural Recovery
Cultural Story Model
Explanation
Cure
Moral Assessment
Evil
Good
Conversion
(12 Step)
Prodigal son returns home
Disease
Growing humble, ID with other alcoholics, finding ones place in the community
Not guilty: victim of a disease
Individual hubris
Communion
Personal Growth
Butterfly breaks out of a cocoon
Addiction stems from oppressive relations
Breaking loose, listening to one’s own needs
Not guilty: a victim
Oppression, submission
Agency & authenticity
Codependence
Break the curse extending generations
Secrecy and Oppression
Become conscious, unveiling shameful secrets
Not guilty, victim of a crime
Repression of truth
Openness and awareness
Love Story
Addiction is compensation for the lack of love
Receiving love
Addiction is justified as compensation
Indifference
Loving Care
Mastery
Hero story, the triumph of reason
Smoking first supports, later threatens one’s agency
Willpower and techniques
Weak self is guilty; strong self is not guilty
Weakness
Reason, self-control, responsibility

20. Addicts: “NOT GUILTY….”
In AA, however, they are responsible for current sobriety.
They were:
Sick (alcoholic disease)
Abused (trauma victims)
Weak (only smokers)

21. Sex Addicts: Not Guilty
Sick: brain disorder
Victims of trauma
Prideful (master of the universe)
Deluded (Not god)

22. Conversion Story: The Hero - Heroine’s Journey

23. Progression of Addiction (Alcohol)
Exciting New Ways of Living
Content in Sobriety
Urgency for drink
Surreptitious Drinking
Return of self esteem
Relief Drinking
Stops Drinking
Persistent Remorse
Meets happy ex-drinker
Unable to discuss problem
Seeks Help
Obsession
Learns it’s a disease
Money/work Problems
Resentments
Takes stock of self
Vague Spiritual Desires
All Alibis Exhausted
Honest Desire for Help
Complete Defeat Admitted
Hazelton 1993
Obsessive Drinking Continues

24. The Shape of the Hero Journey
The Descent
Resurrection
Ordeal

25. The Hero’s Journey Ordinary World Call to Adventure
Return with the Elixir
The Descent
Resurrection
Refusal of the Call
Guides
Meet the Mentor
First Threshold
The Road Back
Tests. Allies, Enemies
Resurrection
Approach to Inmost Cave
Reward (Seize the Sword)
Campbell 1944
Ordeal

26. Luke Surrenders Trauma: loss of family
Huge resentments (feels justified)
Addiction is to hate and anger: violent response
Abusive father
Terrible family secrets
“Can’t continue, but feels like he will die if he doesn’t act out.”
Surrender:
Put down the weapon (bottle/pipe/porn/whatever)
Turn it over

27. The Porn Addict Recovers
Ordinary World
Call to Adventure
Return with the Elixir
The Descent
Resurrection
Refusal of the Call
Guides
Meet the Mentor
The Road Back
Cross the Threshold
Tests, Allies, Enemies
Resurrection
Approach to Inmost Cave
Reward (Seize the Sword)
Ordeal

28. Porn Addict’s Recovery: By Steps
Caught by Partner
Becomes a Sponsor
(12th)
The Descent
Resurrection
Repeated Lying
Therapist (Guide)
Integrates Lessons (10,11)
First SAA Meeting
The Road Back (8&9)
Slips Continue
Resurrection (5,6,7)
Experiments
Takes Stock of Self (4th)
All Alibis Exhausted
Initial Sobriety
Admits Powerlessness (1st)
Honest Desire for Help (2&3)
LaCoe 2008

29. A Quantum Change in Story
Before:
Grievance Story
After:
Gratitude Story

30. Other Stories of Recovery

31. Organizations with Stories
Alcoholics Anonymous (AA)
International Organisation of Good Templars (IOGT)
LifeRing Secular Recovery (LifeRing)
Moderation Management (MM)
Narcotics Anonymous (NA), Alcohol is a drug, not a narcotic.
Rational Recovery (RR)
Secular Organizations for Sobriety (SOS)
Smart Recovery (Self Management And Recovery Training - SMART)
Women For Sobriety (WFS)
Recovery Inc.

32. A Porn Addict’s Journey

33. Havah’s Sex Cure Experiments

34. Havah’s Experiments Masturbate
Conversation (talk it out with prostitute)
Honesty (with girlfriend)
Dishonesty (with girlfriend)
Just Do It!
Just Do It One Last Time
Go All The Way (into the impulse)
Get Therapy
Get A Better Girlfriend!
Do It Together with the Girlfriend
Chose a Different Song

35. Therapy and Spirtuality
Explanation
Release from addiction
Happiness
Spirituality:
Forgiveness
Release for life
Good fit between self and reality: goodness

36. The Therapeutic Alliance

37. Therapy and Spirtuality
Explanation
Release from addiction
Happiness
Spirituality:
Forgiveness
Release for life
Good fit between self and reality: goodness

38. Discussion The therapist balances “not guilty” with
“take responsibility for yourself.”

39. Stories Changing Over Time
Stage Change Theory

40. Stages of Change Model Pre-Contemplation (Not Ready) Maintenance
(Unsure)
Preparation
Action
The Transtheoretical Model (Prochaska & DiClemente, 1983

41. Stages and Therapist’s Role
“Our job is simply to help patient move to the next stage of a natural process.”
“Being willing to work with the client’s world view….”
Acknowledging the perceived “positive” aspects of their addiction…
Making possible hope, change and efficacy…
Manufacturing new meaning from the available evidence.

42. Motivational Interviewing and Story Change
What have you noticed your use of pornography that worries you?
What arguments do you see for changing?

43. Dean LaCoe, Ed.M, CSAT 805-275-2243 deanlacoe@earthlink.net