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The Five Stories of Recovery Applied to Sex Addiction Counseling The Society for the Advancement of Sexual Health 2009 National Conference “Creating a.

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Presentation on theme: "The Five Stories of Recovery Applied to Sex Addiction Counseling The Society for the Advancement of Sexual Health 2009 National Conference “Creating a."— Presentation transcript:

1 The Five Stories of Recovery Applied to Sex Addiction Counseling The Society for the Advancement of Sexual Health 2009 National Conference “Creating a Culture of Healthy Sexuality: Integrity and Integration “ Dean LaCoe B.S., EdM, CSAT

2 Notice: This presentation includes some sexually explicit images

3 A Story: The Buddha and Pornography

4 Main Points There is a "natural" process of recovery. Recovered addicts have tapped into these natural processes, using various healing "life stories" that explain and support recovery Our culture provides us “toolbox” of messages and stories to heal ourselves Twelve-Step is one of several stories; and is a powerful one. Therapists are most effective when supporting the client’s own healing story. This requires that we therapist understand and appreciate various recovery stories and their stages

5 Stories Provide: An Existing Framework for; Explaining What Is Happening. A Cure for Problems. A Position (Judgment) about who/what is to blame. Guidance about Good and Evil

6 …and, Therapy Fuels Stories Information and concepts Breakthroughs –transformational insight Stress reduction / reflection sequencing– risk, surprise, confrontation, processes, truths Consolidation points and periods of safety The Transformational Cascade (Carnes)

7 Therapists Consider The meaning of the drug/acting out behavior: existing story? Client’s past experience with personal change: re-useable story line? Willingness: what stage of recovery? Cultural view: what’s in the toolbox?

8 “Positive” Aspects of Addiction Getting high. Relief of depression Reduced sexual inhibition (A&D) Esteem of the group (belonging) More to do (gambling & the elderly) Others?

9 Core Sex Addict Belief System Self-image- I am a flawed and unworthy person Relationships- If people knew me, they wouldn’t love me Needs- If I have to count on others my needs will never be met Sexuality- Sex is my most important need Carnes

10 The Five Stories of Recovery Source: -Narrative Analysis (Hanninen & Koski-Jannes 1999)

11 Narrative Analysis Shows: Exiting addiction is an active process where People make use of the available “cultural tool-box” and Actively adapt and transform prevailing theories and beliefs to fit their own experience

12 The Five Stories Conversion: Alcoholics Anonymous; male alcoholics return as the prodigal’s son. Personal Growth: female victims are re-birthed to a new independence, often by a midwife- therapist. Co-Dependence: male polydrug abusers driven by childhood wounds and secrecy find healing in confession and cathartic realization. Love: females with eating disorders find care; or a drug user finds the love of Christ. Mastery: in male and females smokers the weak “smoking self” is defeated by the strong rational self.

13 Five Cultural Models Conversion (12 Step): The prodigal son returns home Personal Growth: Butterfly breaks out of a cocoon Codependence: Break the chains extending generations Love Story:Love offers a new choice Mastery:The triumph of reason and will

14 Twelve Step (Conversion) Cultural Story Model ExplanationCureMoral AssessmentEvilGood Prodigal son returns home DiseaseGrowing humble, Identify with other alcoholics, finding ones place in the community Not guilty: victim of disease Individual hubris Communion

15 Personal Growth Cultural Story ModelExplanationCureMoral Assessment EvilGood Butterfly breaks out of a cocoon Addiction stems from oppressive relations Breaking loose, listening to one’s own needs Not guilty: victim Oppression, submission Agency & authenticity

16 Co-Dependence Cultural Story ModelExplanationCureMoral Assessment EvilGood Break the curse extending generations Secrecy and Oppression Become conscious, unveiling shameful secrets Not guilty, victim of a crime Repression of truth Openness and awareness

17 Love Story Cultural Story Model ExplanationCureMoral AssessmentEvilGood Love StoryLove Story Love Story Addiction is compensation for the lack of love Receiving love Addiction is justified as compensation IndifferenceLoving Care

18 Mastery and Will Cultural Story ModelExplanationCureMoral Assessment EvilGood Strength, will and the triumph of reason Smoking first supports, later threatens one’s agency Willpower and techniques Weak self is guilty; strong self is not guilty WeaknessReason, self- control, responsibility

19 Five Stories of Natural Recovery Cultural Story ModelExplanationCureMoral AssessmentEvilGood Conversion (12 Step) Prodigal son returns home DiseaseGrowing humble, ID with other alcoholics, finding ones place in the community Not guilty: victim of a disease Individual hubris Communion Personal Growth Butterfly breaks out of a cocoon Addiction stems from oppressive relations Breaking loose, listening to one’s own needs Not guilty: a victim Oppression, submission Agency & authenticity CodependenceBreak the curse extending generations Secrecy and Oppression Become conscious, unveiling shameful secrets Not guilty, victim of a crime Repression of truth Openness and awareness Love Story Addiction is compensation for the lack of love Receiving love Addiction is justified as compensation IndifferenceLoving Care MasteryHero story, the triumph of reason Smoking first supports, later threatens one’s agency Willpower and techniques Weak self is guilty; strong self is not guilty WeaknessReason, self- control, responsibility

20 Addicts: “NOT GUILTY….” Not Guilty In AA, however, they are responsible for current sobriety. They were:  Sick (alcoholic disease)  Abused (trauma victims)  Weak (only smokers)

21 Sex Addicts: Not Guilty Sick: brain disorder Victims of trauma Prideful (master of the universe) Deluded (Not god)

22 Conversion Story: The Hero - Heroine’s Journey

23 Progression of Addiction (Alcohol) Urgency for drink Relief Drinking Exciting New Ways of Living Surreptitious Drinking Return of self esteem Persistent Remorse Unable to discuss problem Obsession Takes stock of self Stops Drinking Vague Spiritual Desires Obsessive Drinking Continues Meets happy ex-drinker All Alibis Exhausted Learns it’s a disease Complete Defeat Admitted Content in Sobriety Resentments Money/work Problems Seeks Help Honest Desire for Help Hazelton 1993

24 The Shape of the Hero Journey Ordeal The DescentResurrection

25 The Hero’s Journey Ordinary World Return with the Elixir Call to Adventure Refusal of the Call Resurrection Meet the Mentor First Threshold Tests. Allies, Enemies Approach to Inmost Cave Ordeal The Road Back Reward (Seize the Sword) Guides The DescentResurrection Campbell 1944

26 Luke Surrenders Trauma: loss of family Huge resentments (feels justified) Addiction is to hate and anger: violent response Abusive father Terrible family secrets “Can’t continue, but feels like he will die if he doesn’t act out.” Surrender:  Put down the weapon (bottle/pipe/porn/whatever)  Turn it over

27 The Porn Addict Recovers Ordinary World Return with the Elixir Call to Adventure Refusal of the Call Resurrection Tests, Allies, Enemies Meet the Mentor Cross the Threshold Approach to Inmost Cave Ordeal The Road Back Reward (Seize the Sword) Guides The DescentResurrection

28 Porn Addict’s Recovery: By Steps Becomes a Sponsor (12 th ) Caught by Partner Repeated Lying Resurrection (5,6,7) First SAA Meeting Slips Continue Admits Powerlessness (1 st ) The Road Back (8&9) Initial Sobriety Therapist (Guide) The DescentResurrection Takes Stock of Self (4 th ) Honest Desire for Help (2&3) All Alibis Exhausted Experiments Integrates Lessons (10,11) LaCoe 2008

29 A Quantum Change in Story Before: Grievance Story After: Gratitude Story

30 Other Stories of Recovery

31 Organizations with Stories Alcoholics Anonymous (AA) Alcoholics Anonymous International Organisation of Good Templars (IOGT) International Organisation of Good Templars LifeRing Secular Recovery (LifeRing) LifeRing Secular Recovery Moderation Management (MM) Moderation Management Narcotics Anonymous (NA), Alcohol is a drug, not a narcotic. Narcotics Anonymousdrug Rational Recovery (RR) Rational Recovery Secular Organizations for Sobriety (SOS) Secular Organizations for Sobriety Smart Recovery (Self Management And Recovery Training - SMART) Smart Recovery Women For Sobriety (WFS) Women For Sobriety Recovery Inc.

32 A Porn Addict’s Journey

33 Havah’s Sex Cure Experiments

34 Havah’s Experiments 1. Masturbate 2. Conversation (talk it out with prostitute) 3. Honesty (with girlfriend) 4. Dishonesty (with girlfriend) 5. Just Do It! 6. Just Do It One Last Time 7. Go All The Way (into the impulse) 8. Get Therapy 9. Get A Better Girlfriend! 10. Do It Together with the Girlfriend 11. Chose a Different Song

35 Therapy and Spirtuality Therapy:  Explanation  Release from addiction  Happiness Spirituality:  Forgiveness  Release for life  Good fit between self and reality: goodness

36 The Therapeutic Alliance

37 Therapy and Spirtuality Therapy:  Explanation  Release from addiction  Happiness Spirituality:  Forgiveness  Release for life  Good fit between self and reality: goodness

38 Discussion The therapist balances “not guilty” with “take responsibility for yourself.”

39 Stories Changing Over Time Stage Change Theory

40 Stages of Change Model Pre-Contemplation (Not Ready) Preparation Action Contemplation (Unsure) Maintenance The Transtheoretical Model (Prochaska & DiClemente, 1983

41 Stages and Therapist’s Role “Our job is simply to help patient move to the next stage of a natural process.” “Being willing to work with the client’s world view….” Acknowledging the perceived “positive” aspects of their addiction… Making possible hope, change and efficacy… Manufacturing new meaning from the available evidence.

42 Motivational Interviewing and Story Change What have you noticed your use of pornography that worries you? What arguments do you see for changing?

43 Dean LaCoe, Ed.M, CSAT 805-275-2243 deanlacoe@earthlink.net


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