1. Counseling Teenage Rebellion Copyright © Melvin Wong, Ph.D. 2001 All Rights Reserved Melvin W. Wong, Ph.D. Licensed Clinical Psychologist www.ChristianMentalHealth.com Students@ChristianMentalHealth.comServices@ChristianMentalHealth.com Tel (510)794-8898 Fax (510)475-1473 220 Montgomery St., Suite 1098, San Francisco, CA 94104 1357 Mowry Ave., Fremont, CA 94538

2. 腓立比書 Philippians 2:15 聖經新譯本 (NIV) 好使你們無可指 摘、純真無邪， 在這彎曲乖謬的 世代中，作上帝 沒有瑕疵的兒女 ；你們要在這世 代中發光，好像 天上的光體一樣 ， so that you may become blameless and pure, children of God without fault in a crooked and depraved generation, in which you shine like stars in the universe

4. “How Well Do you Know your Kids” Barbara Kantrowitz & Pat Wingert, 38-39 Almost Almost half of youths today lived through their parents’ divorce 63% 63% of youths live in households where parents work outside of the home 25% 25% say their mothers were home when they return from school 98% 98% teens spent 11 hour/week watching TV Teenagers Teenagers spend 3.5 hrs. alone daily

5. The Disconnected Generation Saving Our Youth from Self-Destruction (McDowell, Josh. Project 911.) by Josh McDowell Josh McDowell List Price: $14.99 Our Price: $11.99 You Save: $3.00 (20%) Josh McDowell Paperback - 250 pages (July 2000) Word Books; ISBN: 084994077X ; Dimensions (in inches): 0.72 x 8.95 x 6.01

6. The Disconnected Generation Saving Our Youth From Self-Destruction “The real battle is not in the amoral and immoral influences of our culture, but in the hearts of our kids. Today's young people are losing hope because they feel isolated and alienated from their parents. parents. They are the disconnected generation.”

7. Biblical Principle for Parents Stewardship -Reward Sons are a heritage from the LORD, children a reward from him. Psalm 127:3 兒女是耶和華所賜的產業 ，腹中的胎兒是他的賞賜 。 聖經新譯本詩篇 。 聖經新譯本詩篇 127:3

8. Biblical Principle for Parents Training - Guidance Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it. Proverbs 22:6 教養孩童走他當行的路， 就是到老，他也不會偏離 。 聖經新譯本 聖經新譯本 箴言 箴言 22:6

10. Josh McDowell's Handbook on Counseling Youth A Comprehensive Guide for Equipping Youth Workers, Pastors, Teachers, and Parents by Josh McDowell, Josh McDowell,Josh McDowellJosh McDowell Bob Hostetler Bob Hostetler List Price: $18.99 Our Price: $15.19 Paperback (June 1996) Word Books; ISBN: 084993236X ; Dimensions (in inches): 1.20 x 9.12 x 7.34

11. Asian-American Discipline Trap Rules without a Relationship will lead to Rebellion either outright disobedience or, as so often happens, Passive rebellion or Indifference.

12. Basic Counseling Issues (Traps) Denial Denial of Problems: Blame; No Ownership “IP” “IP” Identified Patient Concept –IP –IP is the “Carrier” of Family Problems –IP: –IP: Barometer of Real Patient-System Problem Family Family System Issues –Fix –Fix parts to fix the whole –Fixing –Fixing only a part, but missing the whole »Recurrent-Chronic »Recurrent-Chronic Problems “Forest “Forest & Trees” Issues –Need –Need for Comprehensive Understanding

13. Counseling Essentials Key Key Issue: Parental Relationship Problems Teenage Teenage Problems: Anger Derivatives –Destructiveness: –Destructiveness: Acting-Out: Authority Issues –Depression: –Depression: Acting-In: Truancy-Poor Grades Systemic Systemic Dynamics: Family-Marital-Child –Identified –Identified Patient Systemic Systemic Changes: Family Treatment –Avoid –Avoid One-Sided Information Collection

14. 歌羅西書 Colossians 3:20-21 聖經新譯本 NIV 你們作兒女的， 要凡事聽從父 母，因為這在 主裏是可喜悅 的。你們作父 親的，不要激 怒兒女，免得 他們灰心喪志 。 Children, obey your parents in everything, for this pleases the Lord. Fathers, do not embitter your children, or they will become discouraged.

15. “IP” Identified Patient Concept What What is Identified Patient? Why? System System Theory of Family Counseling One One part of a problem: Reflects System problem Who Who is your client? (Your loyalty?) –The –The “IP” (child)? Parents? System?

16. Teenage Psychological Symptoms Behavioral Manifestations Anger: Anger: Destructiveness Truancy: Truancy: School Problems Substance Substance Abuse: Emotional Pain Talking-Back: Talking-Back: Oppositional Promiscuity: Promiscuity: Intimacy at all costs Masked Masked Depression: Anger, Truancy, Diurnal Shifts, Social Isolation, Low Grades

17. 瑪拉基書 Malachi 4:5-6 聖經新譯本 NIV 「看哪！在耶和華 大而可畏的日子來 到以先，我必差派 以利亞先知到你們 那裏去。他要使父 親的心轉向兒女， 兒女的心轉向父親 ，免得我來擊打這 地，以至完全毀滅 。」 "See, I will send you the prophet Elijah before that great and dreadful day of the LORD comes. He will turn the hearts of the fathers to their children, and the hearts of the children to their fathers; or else I will come and strike the land with a curse."

18. How to Make a Referral? ChristianMentalHealth.com Referrals@ChristianMentalHealth.com Thoughtfulness Thoughtfulness makes Referral Succeed –“You –“You are too messed up so I can’t help you” –Problem –Problem is Chronic & You Ran out of Solutions After After the Referral: Your Care Continues –How –How did the week go? –Counseling –Counseling Helpful? Learned Anything? Establish Establish Link with Professional

19. Working with a Professional Issue of Confidentiality: Trust & Disclosure Issue of Confidentiality: Trust & Disclosure Issue of Fees: “Worth & the market place” Issue of Fees: “Worth & the market place” Issue of Dual-Relationships: Destructive Issue of Dual-Relationships: Destructive List of Three Names: What is “Christian”? List of Three Names: What is “Christian”? –Expect Doctor shopping & Blaming Making a Very Good Match: Making a Very Good Match: –Similarities: Spiritual-Cultural-Language –Gender-Matching: Case-by-Case

20. Bible Verses on Parent-Child Colossians 3:20-21 Children, obey your parents in everything, for this pleases the Lord. 21 Fathers, do not embitter your children, or they will become discouraged. Mark 10:19 You know the commandments: `Do not murder, do not commit adultery, do not steal, do not give false testimony, do not defraud, honor your father and mother.'"

21. Erickson’s Psychosocial Developmental Stages Year Stage Character 0-2 Basic Trust vs. Mistrust Hope 0-2 Basic Trust vs. Mistrust Hope 2-7 Autonomy vs. Shame & Doubt Will 2-7 Autonomy vs. Shame & Doubt Will Initiative vs. Guilt Purpose Initiative vs. Guilt Purpose 7-13 Industry vs. Inferiority Competence 7-13 Industry vs. Inferiority Competence 13-21 Identity vs. Role Confusion Fidelity(Faith) 21-35 Intimacy vs. Isolation Love 35 + Generativity vs. Stagnation Care 35 + Generativity vs. Stagnation Care 60 + Integrity vs. Despair Wisdom 60 + Integrity vs. Despair Wisdom

22. Youth Developmental Characteristics Age 13-21 Adolescence Cognitive Form Formal Operational: “Black or White” Moral Judgment Conventional: Mutual interpersonal concord. Law & Order Morality Psychosocial Identity vs. Role Confusion: Fidelity Social Awareness Group identity. Social-Peer pressure Authority Focus Group derived: Conformity-Acceptance Communication Subtle, felt meaning, symbolic Symbolic Function Progress from Symbolic to Concrete

23. Teenage Stages of Development Passage from preteen to teenage-hood, to young adulthood Passage from preteen to teenage-hood, to young adulthood Going through an identity crisis: Who am I? Am I worthy? Going through an identity crisis: Who am I? Am I worthy? –How do I know I am accepted? Do I belong? –How do I know I am approved of and affirmed of my sexuality? –Passage: Car (Identity symbol)-Man? Beauty (Popular)-Woman? –What makes me a man now? What is manhood? –What makes me a woman now? What is womanhood? –The impacts of media: “Ellen” “Melrose Place” “Bay Watch” Shaping the secular teen scene: Establishing the popularity standards for teens to conform to »Sexually active: Popularity=sexuality

24. Bible verses on the Father Proverbs 20:7 The just [man] walketh in his integrity: his children [are] blessed after him. (KJV) Proverbs 20:7 The just [man] walketh in his integrity: his children [are] blessed after him. (KJV) Proverbs 20:7 The righteous man leads a blameless life; blessed are his children after him. (NIV) Proverbs 20:7 The righteous man leads a blameless life; blessed are his children after him. (NIV) Children Learn by your Personal Examples

25. Arrows Analogy: Individuation Psalm 127:4-5 Like arrows in the hands of a warrior are sons born in one's youth. 5 Blessed is the man whose quiver is full of them. They will not be put to shame when they contend with their enemies in the gate. Children, like Arrows Need to be Launched Accurately with Skill, Strength and Practice

26. Parents Must Accept Teens Matthew 18:5-6 "And whoever welcomes a little child like this in my name welcomes me. 6 But if anyone causes one of these little ones who believe in me to sin, it would be better for him to have a large millstone hung around his neck and to be drowned in the depths of the sea. (NIV)

27. Connecting Point #1: Affirmation When we affirm the feelings of our young people, we give them a sense of authenticity When we affirm the feelings of our young people, we give them a sense of authenticity That they are worthy individuals That they are worthy individuals

28. Connecting Point #2: Acceptance

29. Connecting Point #3: Appreciation

30. Connecting Point #4: Affection

31. Connecting Point #5: Availability

32. Connecting Point #6: Accountability

33. Cultural Differences & Conflicts Oversea Parents Oversea Parents American-Born Children American-Born Children Clash of Two Cultures Clash of Two Cultures

34. Family of Origin Characteristics

35. Sibling Orders & Disorders First-borns: More Anxious but More Obedience First-borns: More Anxious but More Obedience –Problems More Internalized Middle-borns: More Behavioral Problems Prone Middle-borns: More Behavioral Problems Prone –Problems More Externalized