Wordy Frames 2 Version 1.0 This is one of a series of units available here to help you write sentences well. Please view this unit as a slide show.here.

Wordy Frames 2 Version 1.0 This is one of a series of units available here to help you write sentences well. Please view this unit as a slide show.here This unit includes about 100 slides. Each slide includes three columns. The left column presents editing cues and problematic text. The middle column repeats the text and permits editing. The right column presents model answers and commentary. Examine these three columns now: Press the down arrow to reveal your editing tools. If you are viewing this slide in a slide show, then please press the right arrow on your keyboard and reveal the answer column. Way to go! Problem Column Editing Column Model Column Marshall Lev Dermer © 2013 All Rights Reserved

For editing you can use: the cursor to mark text; the mouse and the keyboard’s arrows to move the cursor; and the four shortcut keys below: Short Cut Function ctrl-ccopy marked text ctrl-xcut marked text ctrl-vpaste marked text To remember the short cut for paste, think of the “v” as the first letter in “Velcro.” Press the down arrow to cut some words. Marshall Lev Dermer © 2013 All Rights Reserved

In the editing column, use your tools to cut the needless words. Problem Column Editing Column Model Column Contrary to previous reports... # 181 Compare your revision with the model. Is your revision as concise? Do both revisions have about the same meaning as the original (in the problem column)? Press the down arrow to learn more about revising. Press the right arrow to reveal the model revision. Marshall Lev Dermer © 2013 All Rights Reserved

In the model columns, I’ve provided “professional” revisions, but there is no absolutely right revision for revisions vary across editors. Indeed, one editor may revise many times, over many days. Moreover there is the issue of context. In this unit you usually will be editing text without much context such as a next sentence or the paragraph in which the text could appear. So what should you do? Given the cue, such as wordy, revise as best you can. If you can think of several revisions then enter them. Crafting multiple revisions now sans context, will help you edit later with context. Here you will be asked to edit for a reader with considerable editing experience. As you revise more and more text, your style will become increasingly like that of an experienced editor. In the process, you will be acquiring a basic skill that will help you edit when text appears in context! Press the down arrow for a request for your help. Marshall Lev Dermer © 2013 All Rights Reserved

You will be using the “first edition” of this unit. So it is very possible that your revisions are better than mine. If so, could you forward them to me here?here Please include the version number of this unit (see the top of Slide 1) and the number of the slide as it appears in the model revision column, for example, “# 102.” If your revision is helpful, then with your consent I will use your revision and add your name to the list of contributors here.here Press the down arrow for advice about skill learning. Marshall Lev Dermer © 2013 All Rights Reserved

Four Factors that Promote Skill Learning Location instructions or advicesee web page that corresponds to this unit examples see above practicerevising the many texts in this unit constructive feedbackcomparing your revisions with the model revisions Practice is vital. It is best to study for 20 minutes daily and carefully work through the slides, typing revisions, comparing, etc. After each session, store this unit on your computer. Then retrieve the unit the next day as needed to finish the unit. Factors that promote skill learning and their location in these instructional materials are listed in the table below. Please review the table. Press the down arrow for advice about the “next step.” Marshall Lev Dermer © 2013 All Rights Reserved

When you have finished a unit, the best next step is not to move on to a new unit but to review your revisions. If you have been storing this unit then you have been storing your revisions. So review them! This is what experienced researchers do; sometimes they revise more than ten times. In this regard, consider Lee J. Cronbach’s comments in his "Four Psychological Bulletin Articles in Perspective,” (Psychological Bulletin, 1992, 112, 389-392):Lee J. Cronbach’s In the days before word processors, I found 10 retypings of a manuscript none too many, and that implies many rereadings by me. Pages going back to my typist often carried scribbles in five colors, each new color representing an additional reading. Always, one sees floating pronouns to anchor, sentences to clarify or vivify, paragraphs to move, digressions to delete... I advise the inexperienced writer to leave a near-final draft in a drawer for a few weeks and, returning to it fresh, to read it aloud. Try to listen through the ears of a graduate student new to the paper, indeed, new to the topic. Press the down arrow to reveal another tool. Marshall Lev Dermer © 2013 All Rights Reserved

As you work through this unit, you will be encountering the slides in a fixed order. So, when you finish this unit and seek to review your work, it may be desirable to present the slides in a new order. Reordering is possible with a module written in Visual Basic for Applications. Below, is an image of the window you must access to run the module.Visual Basic for Applications Press the down arrow to learn about accessing the macro window Marshall Lev Dermer © 2013 All Rights Reserved

You can access the macro window when not in slide show mode. So, stop the slide show and press Alt-F8. When the window appears, press the run button. An hour-glass icon will appear on your screen. Randomizing the slides may require 50 seconds patiently wait for the icon’s removal. Of course, you must then restart the slide show to begin practicing. Just advance to the slide with the green bar below. There you have it. Practice and learn! --MLD Go for it! Marshall Lev Dermer © 2013 All Rights Reserved

A 22 year-old man, studying introductory psychology, volunteered. I cut “to participate” as this description is in a participant section. You could also shorten the subject- verb distance: From an introductory psychology course, a 22 year-old man volunteered. # 21 Marshall Lev Dermer © 2013 All Rights Reserved

Many researchers have studied how verbal skills increase with age. Note: Don’t just write about changes; tell your reader the direction and possibly the magnitude of the change. # 3 Marshall Lev Dermer © 2013 All Rights Reserved

Piaget has pervasively influenced neo-Piagetian and information processing research. Piagetian theory has pervasively influenced neo-Piagetian and information processing research. # 138 Marshall Lev Dermer © 2013 All Rights Reserved

Perhaps because the younger children worked with two- and three-dimensional media they may have more realistically represented the pictorial themes. # 146 Marshall Lev Dermer © 2013 All Rights Reserved

These two periods of consolidation depend on protein synthesis, protein kinase A (PKA) (Bourtchouladze et al., 1998), and nRNA synthesis (Igaz et al., 2002). # 158 Marshall Lev Dermer © 2013 All Rights Reserved

Lesions to the hippocampal formation in rats (Clark et al., 2000) and monkeys (Zola et al, 2000) and to the perirhinal and postrhinal cortices in rats (Bussey et al., 1999) impair recognition memory. Above, the distance between the subject “lesions” and verb “impair” is quite long. Below is a version with a short distance between the subject “memory” and the verb “is impaired”: Recognition memory is impaired by lesions to the hippocampal formation in rats (Clark et al., 2000) and monkeys (Zola et al, 2000) and to the perirhinal and postrhinal cortices in rats (Bussey et al., 1999). # 159 Marshall Lev Dermer © 2013 All Rights Reserved

Additionally, morphine or another analgesic could be microinjected into various regions of the descending nociceptive pathway, to determine the pathway. To determine the pathway, morphine or another analgesic could be microinjected into various regions of the descending nociceptive pathway. # 164 Marshall Lev Dermer © 2013 All Rights Reserved

The data records should be examined to verify their accuracy. The data records should be verified. The data records should be audited. The data should be verified. The data should be audited. # 187 Marshall Lev Dermer © 2013 All Rights Reserved

Introduced by Autor (1960) and frequently used in basic behavior analytic research, the concurrent chains procedure presents schedules of reinforcement that are simultaneously available. or: Frequently used in basic behavior analytic research, the concurrent chains procedure presents simultaneously available schedules of reinforcement (Autor, 1960). # 283 Marshall Lev Dermer © 2013 All Rights Reserved

Feminists first fought for equal voting rights, later questioned traditional social roles and spheres of influence, and today champion egalitarianism. # 303 The project's goal is... Marshall Lev Dermer © 2013 All Rights Reserved

Post-hoc tests revealed that the oldest participants were more verbal (present mean here) than were the youngest participants (present mean and inferential statistics here), with both of these groups being about as verbal as the middle-aged participants (present mean and inferential statistics here). Don’t just write about changes; tell your reader the direction and the magnitude of the change. # 11 Marshall Lev Dermer © 2013 All Rights Reserved

As hypothesized, as participants’ age increased so did their verbal skill. Less friendly: As hypothesized, participants’ age correlated positively with their verbal skill. As hypothesized, participants’ age increased with their verbal skill. # 12 Marshall Lev Dermer © 2013 All Rights Reserved

Participants responses increased from the first ten trials (M = 14.7) to the last ten trials (M = 34.6; F (X, Y) = X.XX, p =.01, η 2 =.ZZ). Along with the means, there should appear: an appropriate inferential statistic, probability level, and measure of variance explained. # 29 Marshall Lev Dermer © 2013 All Rights Reserved

Flesh and blood character: When studying response latency, future researchers should note the time when sessions are conducted. When studying response latency, future researchers should note when sessions are conducted. No flesh and blood character: When studying response latency, the time when sessions are conducted should be specified. Studies of response latency should note when sessions are conducted. # 30 Marshall Lev Dermer © 2013 All Rights Reserved

Participants were men and women, ages 18-30, who daily followed an exercise protocol and weekly completed a battery of cognitive tests. Participants were men and women, ages 18-30, who followed an exercise protocol daily and completed a battery of cognitive tests weekly. “Protocol” refers to a plan that details activities. #55 # Marshall Lev Dermer © 2013 All Rights Reserved

Our data suggest that students can best recall information when they have deeply processed the information. Because such processing likely occurs when material is interesting, students may do best by enrolling in interesting courses. # 82 Marshall Lev Dermer © 2013 All Rights Reserved

To explore LOP theory, the current study crossed type of learning (incidental vs. intentional) with orienting task (deep versus shallow). Word recall, the dependent measure, was hypothesized to be affected only by orienting task (Craik & Lockhart, 1972). A more specific last sentence might be: Word recall, the dependent measure, was hypothesized to only be a function of orienting task with recall be higher in the intentional than in the incidental condition (Craik & Lockhart, 1972). # 90 Marshall Lev Dermer © 2013 All Rights Reserved

Our experiment may have failed because our questionnaire included just six items. More items would have permitted more reliably assessing many qualities. Notice how the first sentence’s end links with the second sentence’s beginning. # 151 Marshall Lev Dermer © 2013 All Rights Reserved

Because undergraduates were required to participate, a replication with volunteers who have not attended college would be interesting. In science, the generality of a relationship is rarely based on random sampling from a population. Instead it is based on “biased sampling” to see if the relation holds across different biased samples. So having college students in Milwaukee participate may be a first step; the next step might be having grandmothers at a spa participate. Will the relationship hold for the new sample? (About this issue, click here!) (About this issue, click here!) # 84 Marshall Lev Dermer © 2013 All Rights Reserved

Because only undergraduates participated, this study should be replicated with other types of participants. In science, the generality of a relationship is rarely based on random sampling from a population. Instead it is based on “biased sampling” to see if the relation holds across different biased samples. So having college students in Milwaukee participate may be a first step; the next step might be having grandmothers at a spa participate. Will the relationship hold for the new sample? (About this issue, click here!)(About this issue, click here!) # 83 Marshall Lev Dermer © 2013 All Rights Reserved

These two studies suggest that practice in social settings mediates the positive relation between activity level and verbal skill. Note: Don’t just write about change; at least tell your reader the direction of the change. # 6 Marshall Lev Dermer © 2013 All Rights Reserved

Because undergraduates were required to participate, a replication with volunteers from who have not attended college would be interesting. In science, the generality of a relationship is rarely based on random sampling from a population. Instead it is based on “biased sampling” to see if the relation holds across different biased samples. So having college students in Milwaukee participate may be a first step; the next step might be having grandmothers at a spa participate. Will the relationship hold for the new sample? (About this issue, click here!) (About this issue, click here!) # 84 Marshall Lev Dermer © 2013 All Rights Reserved

At TF’s home sessions were in the therapy room, with only TF and research staff present. An alternative revision is: Sessions were in the therapy room at TF’s home, with only TF and research staff present. The revision above places “at TF’s home” at the end of the clause and so emphasizes the home over the therapy room. Generally, placing text at a unit’s end (here a clause’s end) implicitly emphasizes that text. # 108 Marshall Lev Dermer © 2013 All Rights Reserved

We presume that autogenous and reactive obsessions differ. This distinction has been supported by a series of studies primarily conducted by Smith and colleagues. In a sentence’s end, place the most important information. Then refer to this information in the next sentence’s beginning. obsessions differ. --->This distinction # 131 Marshall Lev Dermer © 2013 All Rights Reserved

To learn how early (primacy) and late (recency) information affect impressions, Luchins (1957) manipulated the order of presentation of two paragraphs that described a person. # 149 Marshall Lev Dermer © 2013 All Rights Reserved

Given the selection criteria, the literature review yielded 15 articles. I placed the text about the selection criteria at the sentence’s beginning so the sentence ends with what is important : “15 articles.” Presumably those articles are later discussed. # 123 Marshall Lev Dermer © 2013 All Rights Reserved

Close inspection of this child’s drawing reveals that she intelligently positioned simple undifferentiated figures on a plane to form a clear visual composite. I don’t understand what is “a clear readable product.” # 140 Marshall Lev Dermer © 2013 All Rights Reserved

These studies indicate that younger persons (ages 18 -26) were less verbal than were older persons (ages 60-75). Unless otherwise specified, all differences are reliable in an introduction. # 1 Marshall Lev Dermer © 2013 All Rights Reserved

Ginkgo biloba’s effects on learning and memory are being investigated, because studies have produced divergent results. -- >The studies that have found gingko biloba to be effective include.... Because studies of gingko biloba’s effects on learning and memory have produced divergent results, new studies are in progress. --->These studies are being conducted by pharmaceutical companies... The first version would be appropriate if the next sentence began by describing the divergent results; the second version would be appropriate if the next sentence began by describing the new studies. In a sentence’s end, place the most important information. Then refer to this information in the next sentence’s beginning. # 114 Marshall Lev Dermer © 2013 All Rights Reserved

A one-way analysis of variance revealed that across men and women verbal skill increased with age (F (1, 46) = 7.22, p =.01, η 2 =.34). Note: Statistics are in italics with the last one, η 2, measuring strength of relationship. # 10 Marshall Lev Dermer © 2013 All Rights Reserved

By considering children’s drawings to creatively solve the problem of representing three-dimensions on a plane, we can better understand children’s compositional strategies. # 144 Marshall Lev Dermer © 2013 All Rights Reserved

The interaction between “initial information” and “consistency,” is inconsistent with the primacy model but consistent with the averaging model of impression formation. I ended the sentence by referring to the averaging model, so the next sentence can cohesively provide elaboration. # 150 Marshall Lev Dermer © 2013 All Rights Reserved

Several perinatal stressor variables (gestational age at birth, birth weight, complications rating, and days of hospital care) were expected to predict scores on the PPQ. # 153 Marshall Lev Dermer © 2013 All Rights Reserved

In behavior analysis courses, these explanations are verboten. So, students must offer acceptable explanations. In behavior analysis courses, these explanations are verboten. So, students must offer behavior analytic explanations. # 281 Marshall Lev Dermer © 2013 All Rights Reserved

The comprehension scores in the review condition were highest. The review condition yielded the highest scores. Highest scores were in the review condition. The third version, above, is probably best if the next sentence began like this: In that condition, participants twice read... # 207 Marshall Lev Dermer © 2013 All Rights Reserved

Because words that begin and that end a list are best recalled, the first two words and the last two words on the list were disregarded when counting the number of words freely recalled. (Craik & Lockhart, 1972, p. 680). # 100 Marshall Lev Dermer © 2013 All Rights Reserved

Conversely, numerous studies demonstrate implicit forms of learning and memory that are not substantially affected by damage to the hippocampus or MTL (Keane et al. 1995; Stark and Squire 2000). Retrieved November 5, 2012 from http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/a rticles/PMC2078244/ # 157 Marshall Lev Dermer © 2013 All Rights Reserved

A healthy diet and regular exercise help children grow normally and can protect all Americans from chronic disease. These diseases include.... Children grow normally and all Americans are protected from chronic disease by eating healthy and exercising regularly. Other healthy behaviors include... A “healthy diet’ must be “nutritious,” but a “nutritious diet” need not be healthy. # 115 Marshall Lev Dermer © 2013 All Rights Reserved

Participants were 24 undergraduates who had given informed consent. “Informed consent” implies freely choosing participation after reviewing a description of the procedures. #66 # Marshall Lev Dermer © 2013 All Rights Reserved

This sentence is completely uninformative. Better to begin the results section with a description of the first analysis: To explore the relations between age and verbal skill, the correlation between these variables was calculated separately for men and for women. # 9 Marshall Lev Dermer © 2013 All Rights Reserved

After 36 days of using SAFMEDS, frequencies of positive thoughts increased and frequencies of negative thoughts decreased. Here is an alternative revision: While using SAFMEDS for 36 days, frequencies of positive thoughts increased and... Note that I added “frequencies” to indicate the aspect of the thoughts that changed. # 105 Marshall Lev Dermer © 2013 All Rights Reserved

As found in previous research (e.g, Graziano & Zimbra, 2012, Jones & Smith, 2011), we hypothesized that extensive practice enhances recall. If this is the introduction’s last sentence, then the sentence well links the introduction to the method section. # 73 Marshall Lev Dermer © 2013 All Rights Reserved

Frank obsessed about making mistakes at home that would endanger his three young children. I thought about replacing “making mistakes” with a verb, but could not find a good replacement. # 126 Marshall Lev Dermer © 2013 All Rights Reserved

A 2 x 2, between-subjects ANOVA revealed a main effect for type of task, with older participants answering more questions ( M = 29.6) than did younger participants (M =19.5, F(x, y) = xx.xx, p <.005, η 2 =.34),). # 78 Marshall Lev Dermer © 2013 All Rights Reserved

Lists of words were comprised of either associated or unassociated words; the former were to have a higher rate of recall than were the later according to level of processing theory (Hyde & Jenkins, 1973). # 87 Marshall Lev Dermer © 2013 All Rights Reserved

In two studies, age correlated positively with verbal skill (Lew & Dower, 2012; Zimmerman & Peterson, 2009). Age correlates positively with verbal skill (Lew & Dower, 2012; Zimmerman & Peterson, 2009). As adults age their verbal skill improves (Lew & Dower, 2012; Zimmerman & Peterson, 2009). # 45 Marshall Lev Dermer © 2013 All Rights Reserved

Children more easily learn second languages than do adults because adults may not readily detect small acoustic differences. Maintaining the same grammatical subject (children) in each clause can enhance comprehension: Children more easily learn second languages than do adults because children may best detect small acoustic differences. # 285 Marshall Lev Dermer © 2013 All Rights Reserved

Introversion-extroversion has been extensively studied and appears to explain much variability in personality. Extensively studied, introversion- extroversion appears to explain much variability in personality. # 32 Marshall Lev Dermer © 2013 All Rights Reserved

This study can be extended in several ways. First, noise and drug injection could be manipulated to determine their individual effects on hypoalgesia. # 163 Marshall Lev Dermer © 2013 All Rights Reserved

For men, physical activity correlates positively with verbal skill (Jones, 2011). You can use the past tense to reduce confidence in a finding: For men, physical activity correlated positively with verbal skill (Jones, 2011). Or you can more explicitly reduce confidence: For men, physical activity reportedly correlates positively with verbal skill (Jones, 2011). Unless otherwise specified, all relations are reliable in an introduction. # 7 Marshall Lev Dermer © 2013 All Rights Reserved

Because age and verbal skill correlate positively, studies of verbal skill should control for age. Because age and verbal skill covary, studies of verbal skill should control for age. # 62 Marshall Lev Dermer © 2013 All Rights Reserved

Until recently, researchers have assumed that the hippocampus encodes the types of learning and memory that require conscious processing (Manns, Clark, & Squire, 2000). # 135 Marshall Lev Dermer © 2013 All Rights Reserved

The researchers examined physical coordination, intellectual abilities, as well as auditory and visual perception. "And" could replace "as well as," but "as well as" best marks off "auditory and visual perception." # 272 Marshall Lev Dermer © 2013 All Rights Reserved

Wordy Frames 2 Version 1.0 This is one of a series of units available here to help you write sentences well. Please view this unit as a slide show.here.

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Wordy Frames 2 Version 1.0 This is one of a series of units available here to help you write sentences well. Please view this unit as a slide show.here.

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Presentation on theme: "Wordy Frames 2 Version 1.0 This is one of a series of units available here to help you write sentences well. Please view this unit as a slide show.here."— Presentation transcript:

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