5 Who has ever said “Men are so dense and clueless Who has ever said “Men are so dense and clueless – I don’t understand them?”
6 Who has ever heard a Man say – “Women – can’t live with them Who has ever heard a Man say – “Women – can’t live with them – can’t live without them?”
7 NicknamesIf Laura, Suzanne, Debra, and Rose go out to lunch, the will call each other Laura, Suzanne, Debra, and Rose.But if Mike, Charlie, Bob, and John go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Godzilla, Peanut-head, and Useless
8 Eating OutWhen the bill arrives Mike, Charlie, Bob, and John will each throw in $20, even though the bill is only for $22.50.None of them will have anything smaller and none will actually admit they want change back.When the girls get their bill, out come pocket calculators.
9 Money A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he wants A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item she does not want
10 BathroomsA man has 6 items in his bathroom: a toothbrush, toothpaste, shaving cream, razor, a bar of soap, and a towel from the Holiday Inn.The average number if items in a typical woman’s bathroom is A man would not be able to identify most of those items.
11 Arguments A woman has the last word in any argument. Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.
12 Dressing UpA woman will dress up to go shopping, to water the plants, to empty the garbage, to answer the phone, to read a book, or to get the mail.A man will dress up for weddings and funerals.
13 Dealing with Anger and Emotions Men will deal with stress by punching inanimate objects such as a door or steering wheel and blame clubs, bats, bowling balls etc. for poor performance.Women will make sniffling noises and sigh heavily or they will clamp hands over their face and weep. When questioned, they keep saying, “Oh nothing” over and over.
14 Time needed to get ready for an event If a Man needs to be ready by 6pm to go out to dinner – he will typically start to get ready at 5:55pm and will be ready by 6pm.If a woman needs to be ready by 6pm it doesn’t matter if she starts getting ready at 3pm, 4pm or 5pm –she will still probably be 20 minutes late due to not liking the way her hair turned out or not liking her outfit and thus changing outfits 100 times.
15 OffspringAh – Children. A woman knows all about her children. She knows about dentist appts, romances the children have, best friends, favorite foods, secret fears, hopes and dreams of her kids.A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the home.
16 If you are a woman, you usually think… “What is wrong with men – why don’t they think like me, act like me and understand me- Men are so dense – they need to clue in!”What a woman means:“Women have it right and men have it wrong – so if men would just become more like us and think and communicate like me – then there would be no problems”
17 If you are a man, you are usually thinking….. Men usually think –“Men have it right and women have it all wrong. So if women would just think like us and be like us then there would be no problems communicating”
18 Why it’s great to be a male facts We know stuff about tanksA 5 day trip requires only one suitcaseWe can open all our own jarsWe can go to the bathroom without a support groupWe can kill our own food and eat it hours laterIf someone forgets to invite us to something they can still be our friend
19 Everything on our face stays its original color Three pairs of shoes are more than enough… maybe too manyWe can sit quietly and watch a game with a friend for hours without thinking,– “He must be mad at me.”We can drop by and see a friend without having to bring a little giftIf another guy shows up at a party in the same outfit, we just might become lifelong friends
20 Our pals will never trap us with: “So notice anything different?” WE are not expected to know the names of more than 5 colorsWe are totally unable to see wrinkles in our clothesThe same hairstyle lasts for years – even decadesA few belches are expected and toleratedWe can do our nails with a pocketknifeChristmas shopping can be accomplished for 25 people on the day before Christmas and in 45 minutes!
21 5 Different Ways We Are Different in Our Communication 1st ReasonWhy men and women seem to be from different planets – is how men and women think and process life differently
22 The bottom line is –That men think in one box at a time and spend most of their time doing that they are best at - solving problems.
23 Women process life more like a plate of pasta or like a blackboard.
24 1st Reason: How men and women think and process life differently “Men think women think like men think and women think men think like women think”
25 Men process life like Waffles or like a filing cabinet
26 5 Different Ways We Are Different in Our Communication 2nd Reason:Why men and women seem to be from different planets – is that Men tend to be Mr. Fix It and Women tend to be Ms. Home Improvement
27 2nd Reason: Men tend to be Mr. Fix It and Women tend to be Ms 2nd Reason: Men tend to be Mr. Fix It and Women tend to be Ms. Home ImprovementThe most frequently expressed complaint Women have about men is that Men don’t listen.The most frequently expressed complaint Men have about Women is that Women are always trying to change them.
28 What makes a Man “Tick” & Makes him Mr. Fix It? Men - Value power, competency, efficiency, and achievement.Their sense of self is defined through their ability to achieve results and they feel fulfilled primarily through success and accomplishment.The way a man feels good about himself is by achieving goals and thus proving he is competent.
29 Mock ConversationMary says, “There is so much to do; I don’t have any time for myself”Tom says, “You should drop a class and quit doing so much for the sorority. You don’t have to work so hard. Just slow down a little bit.”She responds, “But I like my classes and all the sorority stuff I do. Its just that the professors surprise us so much with extra work each week and they just expect me to change everything at a moments notice.”Tom says “Don’t put so much pressure on yourself. Just do what you can do both in the classes and cut back on sorority stuff”
30 Mary says – “I am! Oh my gosh!!!! Tom says “What?””Mary says – “I can’t believe I completely forgot to call my best friend from high school today!”Tom says – “Don’t worry about it, she will understand.”Mary says – “Do you know what she is going through right now. She needs me”Tom says “You worry too much, that’s why you’re so unhappy”
31 Mary says – “Never mind!!! Why even bother” Now Mary is getting angry, “I am not always unhappy. Can’t you just listen to me”Tom is frustrated now – “I am listening!”Mary says – “Never mind!!! Why even bother”
32 What makes Women “tick” Makes her Nature: Miss Home Improvement Women value love, communication, beauty and relationships.Their sense of self is defined through their feelings and the quality of their relationships.Talking and relating to one another is a source tremendous fulfillment for them
33 Brief examples of ways a woman might unknowingly annoy a man by offering advice or seemingly harmless criticism“How can you think of buying that? You already have one.”“There’s a parking spot over there, turn the car around”“Don’t put that there. It will get lost”
34 “You forgot to bring it over to me again “You forgot to bring it over to me again. Maybe you could put it in a special place where you can remember it.”“You’re driving too fast. Slow down or you’ll get a ticket”“You’re shirt doesn’t match your pants”
35 Brief examples of ways a man might mistakenly invalidate feelings or offer unwanted solutions when the woman was needing empathy and nurturing“You shouldn’t worry so much.”“It’s not such a big deal”“OK – I am sorry. Now can we just forget it?”“You shouldn’t feel hurt, that’s not what I meant”
36 “How can you say that. Last week I spent the whole day with you “How can you say that? Last week I spent the whole day with you. We had a great time”“Of course I care about you. That’s ridiculous”“Would you get to the point?”
37 5 Different Ways We Are Different in Our Communication 3rd ReasonWhy men and women seem to come from different planets – is that Men are what I would call Mr. Caveman and women are what I would call Miss Chatty
38 3rd Reason: Men are what I would call Mr 3rd Reason: Men are what I would call Mr. Caveman and women are what I would call Miss ChattyIn stress men become increasingly focused and withdrawn while women become increasingly overwhelmed and emotionally involved.A good sign that a man needs to go in his cave to deal with a problem or stress is – when a woman asks “what’s the matter” and she gets“I’m OK”“I’m fine”“Its nothing”“It’s all right” or “I’m all right”“It’s no big deal”“It’s no problem”
39 A woman will say – “You don’t listen” The man will usually say,“What do you mean I don’t listen. I can tell you everything you just said.”When a man is in the cave he can record what she is saying with the 5% of the mind that is listening. A Man reasons that if he is listening with 5%, then he is listening.However, what she is asking for is his full undivided attention.
40 The woman could say – “I feel like you are not even here” The man will respond usually with“What do you mean I’m not here? Of course I am here. Don’t you see my body!”The man reasons his body is present so she shouldn’t say he is not there.However, though his body is present, she doesn’t feel his full presence, and that is what she means.
41 So Women –When men go in their caves let them go and don’t keep bothering them about “what is going on? Are you ok?”And Men –Just listen to a woman talk – don’t feel the need to solve it. – a man just needs to listen and the woman will feel better.
42 5 Different Ways We Are Different in Our Communication 4th ReasonWhy men and women are from different planets – is that they speak different languages
43 4th Reason: They speak different languages Men think facts first and then feelingsWomen think feelings first and then facts
44 Complaints & Responses Woman says“We never go out.”Man responds“That’s not true. We went out last week“Everyone ignores me”“I’m sure some people notice you”
45 Man/Women Phrase Dictionary The woman says “We never go out.” –Translated into woman means – “I feel like going out and doing something together. We always have such a fun time, and I love being with you. What do you think? Would you take me out to dinner? Its been a few days since we went out.”Now Without this translation, what a Man may hear when he hears “we never go out”Is “You’re not doing your job. – What a disappointment you have turned out to be. We never do anything together anymore because you are lazy, unromantic, and just boring”
46 “Everyone ignores me.” – Translated into woman means – “Today I am feeling ignored and unacknowledged. I feel as though nobody sees me. Of course I am sure some people see me, but they don’t seem to care about me. I suppose I am also disappointed that you have been so busy lately. I am starting to feel like your school work and fraternity stuff is more important than me. I am afraid that I am not important to you anymore. Would you give me a hug to tell me how special I am to you?”Without this translation, a Man may hear,“I am so unhappy. I just can’t get the attention I need. Everything is completely hopeless. Even you don’t notice me, and you are the person who is supposed to love me. You should be ashamed. You are so unloving. I would never ignore you this way.”
47 When a man says - “I’m OK” – Translated into Man means – “I am ok, I can deal with my upset. I don’t need any help, thank you.”Without this translation – when a woman hears the man say “I’m OK” –She thinks he really thinking, “I am not willing to share with you my upset feelings. I don’t not trust you to be there for me.”
48 When a man says - “It’s nothing” – Translated into Man means – “Nothing is bothering me that I can’t handle alone. Please don’t ask me any more questions about it. I can handle it myself.”Without this translation a woman thinks he means –“I don’t know what is bothering me. I need you to ask me questions to assist me in discovering what is happening”
49 5 Different Ways We Are Different in Our Communication 5th Reason:That men and women seem to be from different planets – is that men and women have different emotional needs
50 5th Reason: Men and Women have different emotional needs Women need to receive:CareUnderstandingRespectDevotionValidationReassuranceMen need to receive:TrustAcceptanceAppreciationAdmirationApprovalEncouragement
51 A common male/female pattern in an argument: A woman expresses her upset feelings about XYZA man explains why she should not be upset about XYZShe feels invalidated and becomes more upset (she is not more upset about being invalidated than she is about XYZ)He feels her disapproval and becomes upset. He blames her for upsetting him and expects an apology before making upShe apologizes and wonders what happened, or she becomes more upset and the argument escalates into a battle.
52 For review – Difference #1 – How we think and process life – remember –Men are like waffles (they think in boxes)Women are like spaghetti (they connect things and process out loud)
53 Difference #2 –Men tend to be Mr. Fix It (men try to fix the problems)Women tend to be Ms. Home Improvement (women are talking and women make suggestions on how to better the man)
54 Difference #3 –Men are Mr. Caveman (men go into their caves to process)Women are Miss Chatty (Women talk and share about their problems and do not necessarily want solutions right away)
55 Difference #4 –Men and women speak different languages (the men and women phrase dictionaries come in handy here)
56 Difference #5 –Men and women have different emotional needs
57 There are 2 choices as we realize these differences – To ignore them and try to make the other person be more like you – only to get more frustrated and feel more resentful and misunderstood.To learn how to communicate and to work at it and fall in love with each other more and more each year we are together.
58 Philippians 2:2-5“…Make my joy complete by being like-minded, having the same love, being one in spirit and purpose. Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit but in humility consider others better than yourselves. Each of you should not look to your own interests but also to the interests of others. Your attitude should be the same as that of Jesus Christ.”
59 As you come to understand the differences and how we are created differently – It helps to understand rather than try to change and fight over the differences.
60 Suggested Books:Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus by Dr John GrayMen are like Waffles and Women are like Spaghetti by Bill and Pam FarrelWhy Men are the Way They are by Warren Farrell