Presentation on theme: "Marriage is the foundation of the family Strathmore School Parents seminar."— Presentation transcript:
Marriage is the foundation of the family Strathmore School Parents seminar
Relationship between couples This is core of family relationships Children are greatly determined by how spouses relate to each other A couple that is united and constantly working on their relationship achieves more than one that is not
A stable, peaceful home creates stable children Parents need to be committed to each other and to their children A stable nest
Children with two parents do better They have higher test scores and grades Because they have a sense of security hence are open to learning They miss fewer days of school Eat more regular and balanced meals Have a higher quality of mental health
They dream of finishing school and joining university They have a 7-20% higher chance of finishing university Avoid pre-marital sex and childbearing They are likely to avoid crime, drugs, alcohol
Children with one parent or divorced parents Report less than 50% class attendance Have a 70% higher chance of being expelled from school Their parents are called to school more often because of indiscipline or behaviour problems
As young adults they have a higher chance ( times) of being out of school or out of work They have a higher chance of –premarital sex –Child birth –Having a child out of wedlock –Of not having a successful marriage
We need both a father and a mother A father can never adequately fulfill the role of a mother..and a mother can never adequately fulfill the role of a father Each gender brings vitally important and unique elements to a childs development This essential mix is absent in single parent homes
We need both a father and a mother Parenting is a true partnership between husband and wife Fathers should have an equivalent parenting role with mothers Different and complementary roles
Marriage…. is a rich personal resource for parents and children ensures children have better physical and mental health produces healthy children who do not overburden the health care system protects children from poverty and abuse
Marriage…. Helps them stay away from criminal behaviour ensures children have a better future because they get good grades, graduate, get good jobs protects the society from bad elements in the society ensures our childrens will marry and stay married!!
The marriage myths The grass is greener on the other side I need to change my spouse I should have married my soul mate That I cannot be happy in marriage
Of course it is greener……..but when you cross over you realize it is artificial turf I made a mistake, I should have married so and so It is the devils lie Grass is greener on the other side
I will change my spouse You cannot teach an old dog new tricks Most likely your spouse is your opposite You both have different personalities This was what attracted you in the beginning 17
But it is hard Of course it is hard… ……because you are focusing on the things you do not like about your spouse How about more focus on the things that you like about your spouse more 18
List of things that you cannot change 1.Gender 2.Communication differences 3.Up-bringing/childhood/school history 4.Personality 5.Training/ career 19
I did not marry my soul mate He/she would have understood me better Who really knows me I do not have to explain too much...s/he just knows My soul would know her and I would know her soul The term soul mate as we know is a creation of Hollywood…. 20
A soul mate? No human being can enter your soul….only God A life mate is something that you become Be understanding, loving, available to your spouse Become that person you want to see in your spouse ….and your spouse will become your soul mate Be present and available in your marriage 21
Are people still interested in getting married? Ninety-eight percent of never-married survey respondents said they wanted to marry and 88 percent said that marriage should be a lifelong commitment Asked to select their top two goals, a majority of Americans included a happy marriage as their first goal 22
Research in 17 nations found that married men and women report significantly higher levels of happiness than unmarried people A survey of 14,000 adults over a 10-year-period found that marital status was one of the most important predictors of happiness It showed 40 percent of married individuals said they were very happy with their life in general compared with just less than 25 percent of those who were single or cohabiting To be happy, shouldnt you just stay single??
The separated and divorced were the least happy group Married people reported the highest levels of well-being, regardless of whether they were happily married or not The married had higher self-esteem, greater life satisfaction, greater happiness and less distress Married people were wealthier had more financial resources It is a myth that single adults lead happier lives
Are radical feminists correct in asserting that marriage was instituted for the benefit of men, and that it is oppressive to women physically, emotionally and economically? Stable marriage has substantial positive, emotional and psychological benefits for women, and it dramatically improves the well-being of children 25 Women are oppressed in marriage
Married women experience lower levels of violence, poverty, depression and emotional problems, enjoy better sex lives and live longer than single women While marriage enhances well-being for both genders, married women scored higher than married men on measures of perception of well- being Wives typically gain greater financial advantages from marriage 26
… Being married is like having somebody permanently in your corner, it feels limitless, not limited. Feminist Gloria Steinem, after marrying for the first time at age 66, People Magazine 27
Surveys show that husbands and wives are more satisfied with sex than sexually active singles Forty-eight percent of husbands labeled sex with their partner extremely satisfying emotionally, compared to just 37 percent of cohabiting men; 50 percent of married men found sex physically satisfying compared to 39 percent of cohabiting men 28 Is sex outside of marriage better than married sex?
For women, 42 percent of married women and 39 percent of cohabiting women said they were extremely satisfied emotionally by sex with their partner After controlling for age and other differences, married men and married women were substantially more satisfied with sex than cohabiting or single men and women 29
Marriage provides: Proximity A long-term contract Exclusivity Emotional bonding Security 30
Are couples that cohabit (live together) similar in all respects to married couples? They could be together for economic gain or to raise their children together However their level of commitment is not the same and they often do not stay together for life This has a negative impact on their children Their children are also unlikely to marry 31
Men and women are distinctly different they are not interchangeable units A father can never adequately fulfill the role of a mother and a mother can never adequately fulfill the role of a father Each gender brings vitally important and unique elements to a childs development 32
This essential mix is absent in single parent homes Parenting is a true partnership between husband and wife Fathers should have an equivalent parenting role with mothers Different and complementary roles 33
No you cannot treat him anyhow Do you have some annoying habits that make life miserable for your spouse like Being rude Not keeping time Squeezing the toothpaste in the middle Buying unnecessary things Criticizing your spouse in public nagging 34 I can treat him/her however I want
1.Accept that you have such a habit 2.Realize it 3.Change it…be patient it takes time 4.Check it and keep working on it Its easier said than done…. It takes one month to acquire a virtue 35 How to change an annoying habit
I should not have to ask…….. …do I need to keep repeating things???? Yes…he/she cannot read minds Just ask the question! But suggest it do not demand it Give time for thought or decision making Be willing to accept something less than you asked for And give gentle reminders if they forget 36
Remember…. The more you push the more I resist The more you nag the less I hear you The more you demand the less I feel appreciated The more you command the more I resent it You need to actively listen 37
Listen by Maintaining eye contact- give full attention Putting away the newspaper, unplugging the TV Do not make judgements Give your full attention Positive body language
When your feeling nagged to talk Your spouse is always asking can we talk.. Avoidance is the easiest solution But if offers temporary relief It means that you have lost your friendship The only contact you have it to tackle difficult situations 39
When your feeling nagged to talk Find time to do things you used to enjoy together Ask HER when she least expects it what do you really need? Friends communicate better than enemies do 40
Select the right time!
Certainly not on a Monday morning when the pressures are high There is a time for everything Likely on a Friday evening or Saturday morning Maybe late night bombs should be avoided
Try taking a meal away from home and children Or a weekend get away Stressful environments are communication killers avoid the office, car environments …. effective communication
Genuine communication is clouded by everyday living Spouses communication is limited to talking at the spouse rather than talking to Real communication is best achieved away from the home and work setting Select the right SETTING
We have taken on more than we can handle We are too busy Do we get home late every day? Do we have different schedules? - No common dinner time - N o common tea time - No common bed time No time to talk about our work or day - very important de stressor
Practicalities Spend quality time together The irony of the family Sunday bonding session Create time to be alone with your spouse Create bonding sessions Be interesting-read up on topics that interest them Be loving Be patient
Why does one spouse find communication a form of torture 47
Talking about sensitive issues 1.Avoid conflict at any cost 2.Keep eye contact 3.Watch your body language 4.Avoid the familiar road that leads to chaos 5.Be principle centred-do not ask who is right but What is right 6.You are partners not prosecutors the marriage comes first before issues of who was right or wrong 7.Respect your spouse during the talk
How to begin a conversation 1.Identify what you want to talk about 2.Stick only to this and do not bring up old agendas 3.Get the right timing Is your spouse tired, hungry, sick, stressed? 4.Keep to the point, do not keep repeating allow time for feedback
5.Get the right setting not in front of children, house help, others 6.Use the correct body language Keep eye contact Be loving Be respectful Speak calmly Check the tone of your voice Non verbal communication
7.Accept views and opinions of your spouse 8.Be appreciative-have they listened to you? Tell them you value their opinion 9.Actively listen Listen Understand the person Feel the person
Nil by mouth! Silence can be one of the loudest forms of communication What are you saying when your not talking? I do not want to talk because it is going to end up with a fight? Or do not bother me Or I do not care about you at all
My marriage is over I have tried everything We have talked over this issue Your suggestion will not help Nothing you suggest will work
My marriage is over People in crisis have difficulties differentiating things as they are and things as they seem to be Even during the heaviest darkest rainstorm there is always hope
When to get help When your problem is no longer big..it is huge When its become unmanageable, unhealthy When you are stressed When you are emotionally wiped out When you have become resentful
So can we do it Of course we can!!!! So lets do it!!!!
Question 1 LOVE NEVER DIES A NATURAL DEATH Love never dies a natural death but is neglected leading to lost or dull love What efforts do husbands need to make to revive lost or dull love in marriage? What efforts do wives need to make to revive lost or dull love in marriage?
Question 2: COMMUNICAING ABOUT FINANCES Research has shown that lack of communication regarding finances is one of the biggest causes of friction in marriage a)Why in your opinion do spouses find this topic difficult to discuss? b)What are the possible solutions for avoiding this type of friction?
Question 3: INTERNET AND SOAP OPERAS Social network has had a great effect on our entire society and has affected how most people perceive various issues 1.Facebook and twitter are some of the trendiest way of interacting with people. What are some of the negative effects of the social media a married couple who frequently use it? 2.Recently local TV stations have been airing Mexican or Spanish soap operas, which they say is due to public demand. What notions do these soaps portray about marriage? What influence if any do they have on our marriages?
Question 4: Fostering communication Often couples find that they have stopped communication a) what are the possible reasons for this? b) What suggestions do you have to jump-start stalled communication?
GROUP FIVE: COMMUNICATING WITH RELATIVES AND IN-LAWS Often couples find communicating with relatives and in-laws challenging. They also find it difficult to discuss issues that crop up concerning their spouses relatives. 1.What issues do couples need to discuss concerning their relatives?
2.Communication between a wife and her husbands relatives or between a husband and his wives relatives could be challenging. How can these challenges be dealt with? 3.In order to enhance family unity and cohesion, communication with relatives needs to be very good. How can communication with such relatives be enhanced?
GROUP FIVE: COMMUNICATING WITH CHILDREN How a couple communicates to each other has a very big impact on how they will communicate to their children. 1.Teenagers should be able to ask their parents any question about what they are going through, especially on matters to do with their sexuality. However parents often are unable to answer such questions or resort to telling white lies when they find the topics embarrassing or difficult.
What is the best way of answering questions that you may not be too comfortable discussing with your child? 2.Children often imitate what they see their friends doing. How can you discourage your child from following trends or fashion that you do not consider appropriate for them e.g hairstyles, earrings, and sagging trousers etc?