1. “IT’S A BIG DEAL BEING GIVEN A PERSON” REPORT OF A RESEARCH PROJECT INTO THE LINKS BETWEEN INFERTILITY AND ADOPTION Nottingham Trent University and Family Care Nottingham Presented by Jo Ward (NTU) and Karen Daley (Family Care)

2. Purpose To investigate the links between infertility and adoption To try and ascertain why such a small number of people who experience infertility then go on to adopt; and To make some suggestions for practice

3. What we did Literature search Face to face interviews (four people) – these respondents had all had a baby through various forms of assisted conception – asking if and when they had ever considered adoption and what influenced them Online survey through two fertility websites – asking whether people had ever considered adoption and what influenced them

4. Interviews – what they told us Can be grouped into 3 areas: Pregnancy related issues Infertility issues Adoption related issues

5. Pregnancy related issues Wanting to have a baby Strong societal pressure Wanted to have a baby ‘for’ their partners

6. Pregnancy related issues I think I wanted to experience pregnancy. And I wanted (husband’s) child more than I wanted my own child if that makes sense I just wanted to be, I wanted to experience it all, I really wanted to be pregnant, carry a baby and all that. It were a big drive for me People are nice to you when you’re pregnant; it’s like membership of a really exclusive club

7. Infertility issues A treadmill, a roller coaster – can’t get off Knowing when to stop There’s always a chance it might work next time

8. Infertility issues Once you’re on that treatment pathway, you kind of just carry on with it really We started IVF because it just seems the natural step, you know, you go and see the doctor and they refer you, it’s quite medicalised isn’t it? You’re playing these mind games, really just thinking “just one more go, just one more go, it might work then”. Knowing when to stop is one of the hardest decisions

9. Infertility issues Would they consider adoption now they have one biological child? Two issues emerged: Exhaustion We’d been on this journey for 10 years, an emotional roller coaster being miserable for a lot of it if I’m honest …..We’ve got our baby, let’s just enjoy life Choices We’ve got two embryos in the freezer and I think we’d probably go for that before adoption

10. Adoption related issues – process Participants had chosen NOT to adopt – why? Perceived as long and complex, even when they were given evidence to the contrary – difficult for agencies to get this right I applied for an information pack and they did follow it up with a phone call ……I didn’t expect a phone call, whoa just a minute! It is a lengthy process but you’ve got to expect that, it’s a big deal being given a person

11. Intrusive Can we face our relationship being interrogated? ………..you’ve got to be very strongly motivated to go through that let alone the actual parenting Predetermined expectations of what adoptive parents should be like The different sort of parenting was about things like getting in a bath and nudity around the house …..I mentioned it to one of the social workers at the information evening and she was very “Well there’s no question of that”

12. Adoption related issues – personal Needed to exhaust infertility treatment Both needed to agree Age Had to consider existing child

13. Adoption related issues – personal I needed to exhaust the birth child route first I wanted to be a mum so much I would have adopted …but he was unsure about what sort of parent he could be

14. Adoption related issues – child Genetic family, nature versus nurture, and the child being different Children have special needs – were they up to the task?

15. Adoption related issues – child There is a risk because of what the child might have been through I don’t want to use words that are sort of pejorative but ….damaged But You should really give them kids a chance as well because even at that age they are so adoptable I thought, it’s not just my life I’m dealing with here, it’s the lives of the child or children you’d be adopting, so you’d have to be pretty sure

16. Adoption related issues There was a certain lack of trust in the adoption agencies’ message: They’ll tell you there’s no babies out there but I’ll tell you there is

17. Survey 38 respondents, all female 9 had children and didn’t want more; 15 had children but would like more; and 14 didn’t have children but would like to have them 79% had considered adoption prior to or during infertility treatment

18. Survey Comments confirmed the findings from the interviews, i.e. They wanted to experience pregnancy; wanted to be genetically related to the child; or they were worried about the challenges of adoption People who viewed adoption either positively or very positively seem to have been strongly influenced by people they knew or family and friends

19. Summary and conclusions 1. The importance to women of being pregnant and carrying a baby. 2. The treadmill of infertility treatment 3. Adoptive parenting is stigmatising 4. The need for adoptive parenting to be ‘normalised’. 5. The possibility of adoption agencies engaging people earlier, while still involved in fertility treatment. 6. Positive first hand accounts of adoption are important to enable people to make the transition to a different form of family-building 7. Men are more equal partners in adoption than in fertility treatment

20. Summary and conclusions We (Researchers) think it is important that people are engaged in adoption much earlier in the fertility journey. People can keep more than one idea in mind at a time Adoption agencies are uncompromising in their attitude to this Earlier engagement might help people make the choice to move to adoption sooner – so they can step off the treadmill

21. “It’s a big deal being given a person” For further information about this research please contact Jo.ward@ntu.ac.uk