1. Do Now: Spend 2 minutes writing down an upsetting issue that has happened to you this year in your classroom regarding a student. Or describe a power struggle which has occurred this year in your classroom.

2. Avoiding Power Struggles in the Classroom A teacher’s guide to prevention and intervention Ken Margolin Franklin High School

3. When Kids Push Our Buttons “ How we respond to the challenging moments and what we do afterward can strongly affect whether or not these problems continue, get worse, or improve.” (Mendler & Mendler, 2012)

4. Preparing for Power Struggles Out of school factors that effect student behavior Preventing behaviors from occurring and escalating is still our priority Don’t push back

5. Forms of Verbal Defiance & Nonverbal Active Defiance

6. Understanding Why and How Students Misbehave Figuring out the WHAT and the WHY Behavior as an illness Medicine to cure the illness Understanding the root of the behavior Highly predictable categories of why students misbehave

7. Why Students Misbehave Attention Power or Control Competence Belonging

8. Attention

9. Power or Control Give students a voice in developing and modifying classroom rules. (control) Student’s make the decision to act out or not

10. Competence No understanding in the classroom Mask their inadequacy by acting out Have to Believe they can master a challenge

11. Belonging Need to feel connected Seek others similar to themselves to feel connected

12. Preparing Students for How You Will Handle Misbehavior Preventing the storm Let students know you will respond

13. Prevention Phrases

14. Following Up Later I might drop by someone’s desk and tell him to knock it off. As I am walking away, he might roll his eyes, deny doing anything wrong, or mumble something under his breath that is just loud enough for me to hear [It will never be “thank you for correcting me”]. Some of you might wonder if I heard him and what I am going to do about it. Trust me, yes, I heard it, and yes, I am going to do something about it—it just might not be at the exact time you all think I should.

15. Privately Praising and Correcting Going forward this year, there are going to be times that I drop by your desk, table, or workstation to deliver a message that is only for your ears. It might be something positive, or I might be correcting a behavior I do not like. After I do this, some of you might wonder what I said to the individual person. I just want to let you all know right now that I will not be sharing that message with the entire class. More than likely, I will drop by your desk this year just as often as I drop by everyone else’s. Don’t worry about what I said unless I was talking to you.

16. Differentiating Instruction Fair is not Equal

17. Giving Students a Say Ask how you can make the class better-How many of us actually do this?? Ask students for feedback – privately

18. Prevention Implementing classroom practices ( policies and procedures ) Letting students know how you are going to handle misbehavior

19. Prevention Strategies In-class relationship building Outside-of-school relationship building Opportunities for students to be in charge Competence building

20. In Class Relationship Building Greet Students-Say Hello, make eye contact Make a comment about how you think their day might be going. It’s ok to ask personal but non intimate questions, and tell the student something about yourself. Casually, and Naturally Relationships are a two way street MAKE CONNECTIONS!!!

21. Starting With a Clean Slate Each day is a new beginning Students are expected to give the teacher a clean slate each day as well Some students need a clean slate every 15 minutes Eliminate the Phrases “ I need you to” replace with “Thank you for..” “I would appreciate it if..”

22. Seek feedback on your teaching: The good, the bad, hopefully not the ugly.

23. Outside of School Relationship Building Attend Extracurricular Activities-Make sure the student sees you at the activity. Volunteer for activities which you can attend with your students. Know something about the interests of your students outside of the classroom.

24. Opportunities for Students to be in Charge Students with challenging behaviors are often surprisingly conscientious when they are given the opportunity to be responsible. Connect with classroom leaders. Usually 1-3 in every classroom. Allow students to have input when it comes to rules. Pick a day where you respond to everything with a question. “Mr. D, that’s not fair!” “Really? Do you have a way I can make it better?” “When are we going to ever use this?” “What are all the things you plan to do in your whole life?”

25. Competence Building

26. Rate Your Classroom Disciplinary Practices

27. Intervention Strategies Intervention strategies are designed to get challenging behaviors to stop, so the teacher can get back to the lesson as soon as possible. Stay connected to kids without taking what they do and say personally Understand the hostility cycle Substitute less powerful words and images for those you find disturbing Reframe the situation

28. Stay Connected to Kids Without Taking What They Do and Say Personally Troubled students will test caring adults by aggravating them Test caring adults by showing their worst behaviors Show student you will not stop caring about them, even in the face of distasteful behavior I know the game!!!

29. Understanding the Hostility Cycle

30. Substitute Less Powerful Words and Images for Those You Find Disturbing Student uses inappropriate language Student uses an inappropriate gesture

31. Reframing the Situation See coming late as preferable to not coming at all Let the student know that he or she is more important than his or her behavior

32. Defusing Strategies

33. Goals of Defusing Strategies:  Treat students with dignity  Preserve dignity for yourself  Keep the student in class and get back to teaching  Become a next-to-last word person  Teach an alternative to aggression https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XPKWag-NUIw

34. Treat Students with Dignity Hard to do when they are being disrespectful and behaving in an unacceptable manner A true professional educator can respond with disapproval while still respecting the student

35. Preserve Dignity for Yourself Start predicting the behaviors before they come. Do not get into a war of words. Be assertive and quickly move on. Locate the words you will use in response, when your buttons are pushed, that enable you to stand up for yourself without fighting back.

36. Keep the Student in Class and Get Back to Teaching Power struggles are almost always about the same thing The student does not want to…?? of his friends, and the teacher….??? students

37. Become a Next-to-Last-Word Person

38. Teaching an Alternate to Aggression How we respond to conflict is a critical element in either gaining or losing credibility with our students. When a student calls a teacher an inappropriate name, the incident actually provides the teacher with an opportunity to show students how to stand up to conflict effectively without either caving in or fighting back.

39. Basic Defusing Skills:  PEP- Privacy, Eye Contact, and Proximity  Nonverbal PEP-Index cards and sticky notes  LAAD-Listening, Acknowledging, Agreeing, Deferring  Verbally Acknowledging Power Struggles  Offering the Door, but Inviting to Stay  Giving Temporary Control  Deciding if Consequences Is Necessary

40. Privacy, Eye Contact, Proximity Circulate the room and use proximity Blend corrective messages with those that are appreciative Remember, publically praising often annoys and aggravates the students not being praised. Publically correcting usually prompts a defensive response. Speak quickly, directly, and firmly, and then move right into something else. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3pnQxfpQOh8

41. Non Verbal PEP Post its- “thanks,” “way to go,” “please chill,” or “stop.” Cards or notes can also us pictures. Deliver the Non Verbal the same way you deliver the Verbal PEP– Get in, get out!!

42. Listening, Acknowledging, Agreeing, Deferring

43. Verbally Acknowledging Power Struggles

44. Offering the Door, but Inviting to Stay

45. Giving Temporary Control

46. Deciding If Consequence Is Necessary You still need to decide on a consequence

47. Defusing Statements I’m disappointed that you are choosing to use such angry words, even though I am sure there is much to be upset about I am really concerned! It is very important that I understand why you are so mad. Please tell me later when I can really listen. Thanks for waiting. Your words/actions tell me you are bored. It takes a lot of discipline to hang in there when you are unsure about why we are doing certain things. Thanks. I know you are angry, but there is no problem so big that it can’t be solved. Do you need a time-out now, or can you use your words to solve the problem? You’re just not yourself today, and that must feel lousy. Let me know if there is anything I can do to help. We both know there are other ways of telling how we feel while still being respectful. Please share your thoughts with me after class.

48. Defusing Statements (cont.) Throwing chairs doesn’t make problems go away. It only creates new ones. What do you think you can do to express yourself differently next time? I really want to understand what I did to annoy you, but swearing at me does not help. Let’s talk later when we can figure this out. Wow, you must be feeling awfully mad to use those words in front of everyone. Are you trying to embarrass me/yourself by saying/doing that? It makes me want to fight back, but then we’d never solve the problem. Let’s talk about this later. I’m glad you trust me enough to tell me how you feel, and I’m concerned. Any suggestions for improvement are appreciated. Please leave them in the suggestion box. There may be some truth to what you are saying, but if you really want me to hear you, there is a more respectful way to go. When would you like to discuss this?

49. Summary of Defusing Strategies 1.State the rule and possible consequences using PEP. 2.Ignore the hook 3.Use listening and acknowledging. 4.Use agreeing and deferring. 5.Verbally acknowledge there’s a power struggle happening. 6.Offer the door, but invite to stay. 7.Give temporary control. 8.Decide if a consequence is necessary

50. Final Thoughts Troubled student will make us mad We still care I am prepared for the power struggle I will stand up without fighting back Tough kids are emotional infants

51. References Mendler, A. N., & Mendler, B. D. (2012). Power Struggles Successful Techniques for Educators (2nd ed.). Bloomington, IN/USA: Solution Tree Press. Mendler, B. D., Curwin, R. L., & Mendler, A. N. (2008). Strategies for Successful Classroom Management: Helping Students Succeed Without Losing Your Dignity or Sanity. Thousand Oaks, CA/USA: Corwin Press.