1. Introduction to assertiveness
Professional Development
Introduction to assertiveness
Prepared by Suzanne Morton 1

2. Today’s session - content
Professional Development
Today’s session - content
Difficult situations – our choices
Identifying assertive, aggressive and submissive behaviour
Types of assertion for different scenarios
Action planning 2

3. Why do we need assertion?
Poor / inappropriate communication
Pressure of work
Personality clash
Conflicting interests
Conflicting values
Unrealistic expectations
Misunderstandings / mistakes
NO!

4. What problems can unresolved conflict cause?
Anger / arguments
Poor productivity
Poor relationships
Resentment
Guilt
Stress
Illness / insomnia
etc…………….

5. ...which was fine when we lived in caves!
The natural response to conflict or ‘danger’ is to react (flight or fight)....
...which was fine when we lived in caves!

6. Instead of this we should choose the ‘best’ response or attitude
Our choices:
Give yourself time / space to think
Reframe the situation – i.e. try to see it differently
Try different behaviour (assertion?)

7. The choice you make is critical to the outcome
Professional Development
The choice you make is critical to the outcome
The attitudes that we adopt in any situation partly determine how the situation will unfold.
Zohar & Marshall (1993) 7

8. Spectrum of behaviours
Professional Development
Spectrum of behaviours 8

9. Group Exercise
For the behaviour type your group has been asked to look at:
Write a definition
Discuss examples of words and body language associated with this behaviour type

10. Aggressive behaviour
Standing up for your rights in a way violates the rights of others
Ignoring or dismissing the needs, wants, opinions, feelings or beliefs of others
Expressing your own needs, wants and opinions in inappropriate ways

11. Aggressive words Shut up Stupid Don’t you ever listen What a nerve
Because I said so
Get on with it
You’d better
Come on
I told you so

12. Submissive behaviour
Failing to stand up for your rights or doing so in a way that others can easily disregard them
Expressing your needs, wants, opinions, feelings or beliefs in apologetic or self effacing ways
Failing to express honestly your own needs, wants beliefs and opinions

13. Submissive words Sorry It’s only me Would you mind
I could come back later
Well it’s a bit awkward, but er…..
I wonder
Excuse me
I guess
Sorry to bother you

14. Assertive behaviour
Standing up for your own rights in such a way that you do not violate another person’s rights
Expressing your needs, wants, opinions, feelings or beliefs in direct honest and appropriate ways

15. Assertive words I would like I think Let’s consider the options
I’d like to hear your view
What do you think about....?
I can see that
How can we resolve this?

16. Also
Being clear about what you feel, what you need and how it can be achieved
Being able to communicate calmly without attacking
Saying “yes” when you want to, and saying “no” when you mean “no”
Deciding on, and sticking to, clear boundaries
Being happy to defend your position
Being confident about handling conflict if it occurs
Understanding how to negotiate if people want different outcomes
Being able to listen to others
Being able to give and receive positive and negative feedback

17. Assertive Techniques Basic assertion Responsive assertion
Empathetic assertion
Fogging
Instant replay
Discrepancy assertion
Negative feelings
Consequence assertion

18. Handling difficult situations (1) Putting your point of view or suggestion across
Use basic assertion
You make a straightforward statement which makes clear your needs, wants, beliefs opinions or feelings or stands up for your rights by. e.g. “I need to leave by 12 noon today.”
Keep it simple!

19. (2) Getting someone to open up
Use responsive assertion
You are aiming to find out where the other person stands, or what their needs, wants opinions and feelings are
e.g. “What would you prefer to do this evening?” or “What problems does the new system create for you?”

20. (3) Softening the blow / increasing the chances of being heard
Use empathetic assertion
A statement that contains some empathy followed by a statement of your needs / wants.
e.g.”I can see you’re busy at the moment John but I’d just like to ask a quick question”

21. (4) Taking the heat out / slowing things down
Use fogging
A way of slowing the other person down without agreeing or disagreeing with them.
e.g. “That’s a useful interpretation” or
“That is certainly one way of looking at it”

22. (5) Making sure you are heard / dealing with being ‘cornered’
Use the instant replay technique
A way of getting your message through without nagging or whining. The message is repeated or paraphrased until it can no longer be dismissed or ignored.
e.g. “I can’t get the amendments done by 2 o’clock”………….
“I can’t do the amendments by 2 o’clock but I could do it by 4 o’clock”……
“As I’ve already said I can’t do the amendments by 2 o’clock”…..

23. (6) Dealing with people who don’t do what they promise
Use discrepancy assertion
A statement that shows the other person has ‘moved the goalposts’.
e.g. “Mike, when we spoke last month, you said you would let me have your feedback more quickly, I’m still keen for that to happen”

24. (7) Dealing with insensitive people
Use negative feelings assertion (‘I’ statements)
A statement which shows another person the undesirable effect their behaviour is having on you.
e.g. “I feel that I’m not being taken seriously / being heard”
“I feel very concerned about the impact this change will have on quality of the end result
It is really important to avoid generalisations and ‘YOU’ statements
e.g. “You never take me seriously”
“You’re taking no account of the impact this will have on the quality of the end result”

25. (8) Finally as a last resort ......!
Use consequence assertion
A statement that informs the other person of the consequences if the situation is not resolved.
e.g. “If I can’t get the equipment I need, I’ll have no option but to delay the project by 2 weeks / escalate this to the Head of School. I’d rather we didn’t get to that stage.”

26. Weigh it up! What will I gain by being assertive?
What will I lose by being assertive?

27. Different Perspectives (1)
Reframing
Different Perspectives (1)
2 people can look at the same situation or ‘picture’ and see entirely different things

28. Different Perspectives (2)

29. Changing our attitude If my underlying assumption is:
I am right, you are wrong
I am well-intentioned
You are misinformed
You are acting on a selfish basis
I need to persuade you to do what I know is right
…..then conflict is likely to result

30. However - if I ‘re-frame’ the situation……...
What I see is just one perspective
I may be missing something
You may see something I’ve missed
You have good intentions (we can pretend you do even if it’s hard to spot!)
Then conflict is less likely to arise or likely to be resolved more quickly

31. Other re-framing strategies
If someone is being really difficult
Try to see the situation through their eyes..... (e.g. Are they under pressure from someone else?)
Imagine something unimaginably awful has happened to the person recently (it may not be true but it can help!)

32. For people who you find slightly scary!
Imagine them doing something very ‘normal’ like shopping
Imagine them as an irritating fly or a child that wants an ice-cream – they can’t really hurt you

33. Your action plan Choose a situation you want to be more assertive in
Be clear what your goal is
What would you normally do?
What could you do differently?
Weigh up pros and cons of being assertive
Don’t give up at the first hurdle
Look for win/win compromise solutions

34. In summary Make the right choice to:
Professional Development
In summary Make the right choice to:
Maximise the chance of you achieving the outcome you want
Minimise negative / destructive conflict
Maintain your self respect and your respect for others 34

35. Introduction to assertiveness
Professional Development
Introduction to assertiveness
Prepared by Suzanne Morton 35