1. Business communication
Chapter 2
Fundamental of business writing

2. Contents Written communication Adaptation and the selection of words
Construction of clear sentences
Writing for effect
Business communication. Swust. Shirley Miao

3. CASE
A colleague has just sent you an relating to a meeting you're having in one hour's time. The is supposed to contain key information that you need to present, as part of the business case for an important project.
But there's a problem: The is so badly written that you can't find the data you need. There are misspellings and incomplete sentences, and the paragraphs are so long and confusing that it takes you three times more than it should to find the information you want.
Business communication. Swust. Shirley Miao

4. As a result, you're under-prepared for the meeting, and it doesn't go as well as you want it to.
Business communication. Swust. Shirley Miao

5. A.Written communication
Written communication involves any type of interaction that makes use of the written word.
It is very common in business situations. so it is important to develop effective written communication skills.
Business communication. Swust. Shirley Miao

6. Writing ability is especially important in customer communication
Writing ability is especially important in customer communication. Business proposals, status reports, customer documentation, technical support, or even replies all depend on clear written communication.
The better your writing skills are, the better the impression you'll make on the people around you – including your boss, your colleagues, and your clients.
Business communication. Swust. Shirley Miao

7. B.Adapation and the selection of words
What is Adaptation?
fitting the messages to the specific
readers
There are many diction levels to
language, and many ways to say
something.
Business communication. Swust. Shirley Miao

8. A. Understand and analyze business communication situations
How to adapt?
A. Understand and analyze business communication situations
B. Identify our audiences/recipients
C. Analyze our audiences/recipients
D. Choose channels to reach our audiences
E. Use audience analysis to adapt our message
F. Create reader benefits
Business communication. Swust. Shirley Miao

9. A. Understand and analyze business communication situations
to whom should we send a message?
What channel should we use ?
What should we say ?
How should we say it ?
Business communication. Swust. Shirley Miao

10. B. Identify our audiences/recipients
Initial Audience
the first audience to get our message,
sometimes the one Who tells us to write
the message.
Primary audience
The one who decide whether to accept our
recommendations or will act on the basis of our
message.
B. Identify our audiences/recipients
Business communication. Swust. Shirley Miao

11. The one who may be asked to comment On our message or to implement our
Secondary audience
The one who may be asked to comment
On our message or to implement our
Ideas after they’ve been approved.
Gatekeeper
The one who has the power to stop your
message instead of sending it on to other
Audiences.
Business communication. Swust. Shirley Miao

12. The one who has political, social, or Economic power, and pays close
Watchdog audience
The one who has political, social, or
Economic power, and pays close
attention to the transaction between
you and the primary audience and may
base future actions on its evaluation of
our message.
Business communication. Swust. Shirley Miao

13. Jane is an assistant account executive
CASE 1
Jane is an assistant account executive
in an advertisement agency. Her boss
asks her to write a proposal for a
marketing plan for a new product which
the agency’s client is introducing.
Pleas identify Jane’s audiences
Business communication. Swust. Shirley Miao

14. THE REAL AUDIENCES
Jane’s Boss
executive committee of the client company
marketing staff of the client company
artists, writers, media buyers
the relevant government authority
TYPES OF AUDIENCES
Initial audience
Primary Audience
Secondary Audience
Gatekeeper
Watchdog Audience

15. A consulting company was hired by a group of manufacturers to write a
CASE 2
A consulting company was hired by a
group of manufacturers to write a
report on how potential changes of
some regulations would affect
manufacturing, safety and costs of a
consumer product.
Please identify the consulting company’s audiences.
Business communication. Swust. Shirley Miao

16. the group of manufacturers government industry reviewers
Initial audience
Primary audience
Secondary audience
Watchdog Gatekeeper
the group of manufacturers
government
industry reviewers
general public
competitors
potential clients of the company
Business communication. Swust. Shirley Miao

17. C. Analyze our audiences/recipients When analyzing individuals,
we can use common sense and empathy
Business communication. Swust. Shirley Miao

18. When analyzing the organizational culture
we pay attention to its myths, stories and heroes revealed verbally, and its allocation of space, money and power showed and felt nonverbally.
When analyzing members of groups
we can refer to demographic characteristics (人口统计特征), psychographic characteristics (人格心理特性), values and life styles (价值观-生活方式图)
Business communication. Swust. Shirley Miao

19. Education level (Less educated,Highly educated)
Group work!
Age (Under 30, 30-60, Above 60)
Education level (Less educated,Highly educated)
Character(outgoing,conservative)
Business communication. Swust. Shirley Miao

20. D. Choose channels to reach your audiences
Communication channels vary in speed, accuracy of transmission, cost, number of messages carried, number of people reached, efficiency and ability to promote goodwill.
Depending on the audience, our purposes , and the situation, on channel may be better than other.
Business communication. Swust. Shirley Miao

21. E. Use audience analysis to adapt our message
What will the reader’s initial reaction(反应)be to the message?
How much information does the reader need?
What obstacles(障碍)must we overcome?
What positive aspects can we emphasize?
What expectations does the reader have about the appropriate language, structure, and form for messages?
Business communication. Swust. Shirley Miao

22. F. Create reader benefits Reader benefits are benefits or advantages
that the reader gets by using services, buying
our products, following our policies, or
adopting our ideas.
Identify the feelings, fears, and needs that may motivate our reader
Identify the features of our product that could meet the needs
Show how the reader can meet his or her needs with the features of the policy or product.
Business communication. Swust. Shirley Miao

23. Find out and/or emphasize the common interests.
Some tips:
Adapt to the lowest level we need to reach without offending(冒犯)those at higher levels.
Without offending the gatekeepers and the decision makers, use the primary audiences to determine level of detail, organization, level of formality, and use of technical terms and theory.
Find out and/or emphasize the common interests.
Business communication. Swust. Shirley Miao

24. Suggestions For Selecting Words
Use familiar words
Choose short words
Use slang(俚语)words with caution(谨慎)
Use technical words and acronyms(只取 首字母的缩写词)with caution
Select words with the right strength
Business communication. Swust. Shirley Miao

25. Use concrete(具体的)language Use the active(积极的)voice
Select words for precise meanings
Use gender-neutral words
Avoid words that stereotype by race, nationality, or sexual orientation(倾向性)
Avoid words that typecast those with disabilities
Business communication. Swust. Shirley Miao

26. CASE 1 Long, Unfamiliar Words Short, Familiar Words Shorten Abbreviate
Accomplish
Approximately
Ascertain
Commence
Considerable
Determine
Detrimental
Shorten Do
About
Find out
Begin
Much
Decide
Harmful
Business communication. Swust. Shirley Miao

27. Long, Unfamiliar Words Short, Familiar Words
Duplicate
Elevation
Equivalent
Fabricate
Furnish
Indeterminate
Indicate
Ineffectual
Copy
Height
Equal
Build
Give
Vague
Show
Useless
2-8
This list continues the comparison.
Business communication. Swust. Shirley Miao

28. Long, Unfamiliar Words Short, Familiar Words
Interrupt
Minimal
Modification
Proceed
Supersede
Ultimate
Visualize
Verification
Hinder
Smallest
Change Go
Replace
Last
Picture
Proof
2-9
This list continues the comparison.
Business communication. Swust. Shirley Miao

29. What do these letters mean?
CASE 2
What do these letters mean?
RFID
FTC CD
IPO RV
NATO
IRS
Radio Frequency Identification
Federal Trade Commission
Certificate of Deposit/Compact Disc
Initial Public Offering
Recreational Vehicle
North Atlantic Treaty Organization
Internal Revenue Service
2-11
See how many of these initials and acronyms your students know. Explain that the symbols should be used with caution.
Business communication. Swust. Shirley Miao

30. CASE 3 Abstract Concrete
We have found that this technique is successful.
Your department may hire some new employees.
We will ship your order soon.
Each of the branch managers will receive a substantial pay raise.
This procedure requires a constant low temperature.
Our research shows that 87 percent of those using this technique are successful.
Your department may hire three new stock clerks.
We will ship the Moss No. 41 desk sets you ordered October 12 by Arrow Freight on October 15.
Each of the branch managers will received a 15 percent pay raise.
This process requires a constant temperature of 10 degrees centigrade.
2-12
Use these contrasting abstract and concrete sentences as a demonstration exercise.
Business communication. Swust. Shirley Miao

31. CASE 4
Sexist
Nonsexist
We will reimburse any employee who paid his travel expenses.
If a customer pays promptly, he is placed on our preferred list.
A physician(医师)should treat his patients with respect.
We will reimburse any employee for travel expenses paid.
A customer who pays promptly is placed on our preferred list.
A physician should treat patients with respect.
2-19
This slide shows how rewording can correct the problem.
Business communication. Swust. Shirley Miao

32. Nonsexist
Sexist
If a customer pays promptly, he is placed on our preferred list.
When an unauthorized(未被授权的(employee enters the security area, he is subject to dismissal(解雇).
A supervisor is not responsible for such losses if he is not negligent(疏忽的).
When a customer needs service, it is her right to ask for it.
If customers pay promptly, they are placed on our preferred list.
When unauthorized employees enter the security area, they are subject to dismissal.
Supervisors are not responsible for such losses if they are not negligent.
When customers need service, they have the right to ask for it.
2-20
Using the plural references is a second way to avoid sexist writing.

33. Sexist
Nonsexist
If a customer pays promptly, he is placed on our preferred list.
When an unauthorized employee enters the security area, he is subject to dismissal.
A supervisor is not responsible for such losses if he is not negligent.
When a customer needs service, it is her right to ask for it.
If a customer pays promptly, he or she is placed on our preferred list.
When an unauthorized employee enters the security area, he/she is subject to dismissal.
A supervisor is not responsible for such losses if s/he is not negligent.
When service is needed, one has the right to ask for it.
2-21
The third way to avoid masculine pronouns is shown here.

34. C. Construction of clear sentences
1.EMPHASIS ON SHORT SENTENCES
Writing clearly generally involves
writing short sentences, though there
are exceptions.
We can write short sentences in two
ways:
by limiting content
by using words economically
Business communication. Swust. Shirley Miao

35. some troublesome (麻烦的) problems About uneconomical wordings:
Cluttering Phrases
Surplus（多余的） Words
Roundabout（拐弯抹角的） Constructions
Unnecessary Repetition of Words or Ideas
Business communication. Swust. Shirley Miao

36. × cluttering phrases √ eliminate cluttering phrases
Economizing on Words
× cluttering phrases √ eliminate cluttering phrases
Regardless（不管） of the fact that sales increased, profits continue to decline.
Even though sales increased, profits continue to decline.
Production will decrease next month due to the fact that we must retool for the next model.
Production will decrease next month because we must retool for the next model.
Business communication. Swust. Shirley Miao

37. The salespeople seldom（很少） receive bonuses over $100.
In very few instances do the salespeople receive bonuses over the amount of $100.
The salespeople seldom（很少） receive bonuses over $100.
At all times the cash box is kept locked.
The cash box is always locked.
Business communication. Swust. Shirley Miao

38. × surplus words √ cutting surplus words
You are hereby instructed to send all daily reports directly to this office as promptly（迅速地） as possible.
Please send all reports to this office promptly.
Your attention is directed to paragraph 3, which summarizes the findings of this study.
Paragraph 3 summarizes the findings of this study.
Business communication. Swust. Shirley Miao

39. × roundabout constructions √ rephrase（改撰） roundabout constructions
All the books are in readiness（准备就绪） for the annual audit.
The books are ready for the annual audit.
It is our expectation that this plan will be successful.
We expect the plan to succeed.
Business communication. Swust. Shirley Miao

40. × unnecessary repetition √ remove unnecessary repetition
We have verified the charges to your account and find that the account balances on our books agree with the account balances on your books.
We have verified the charges to your account and find that our records agree with yours.
This change will enable us to get started sooner than if we wait for a later date.
This change will enable us to get started sooner.
Business communication. Swust. Shirley Miao

41. 2.Determining Emphasis in Sentence Design
Normally, short and simple sentences carry
More emphasis than long, involved ones.
Write sentences that give their contents
proper emphasis
Example Sentences
on pp51-52 of the textbook
2.Determining Emphasis in Sentence Design
Business communication. Swust. Shirley Miao

42. 3. Giving the Sentences Unity(统一) Violations(违背) of unity in sentence
construction fall into three categories:
Unrelated ideas
Excessive(过多的) detail
Illogical(不合逻辑的)constructions
Business communication. Swust. Shirley Miao

43. put the ideas in separate sentences √
unrelated ideas
put the ideas in separate sentences √
make one of the ideas subordinate(服从) to the other √
add words that show how the ideas are related √
Business communication. Swust. Shirley Miao

44. put the ideas in separate sentences
CASE 1
The Passman shredder(撕碎机) was the first manufactured, and we have had a Timmons since 1996.
put the ideas in separate sentences
The Passman shredder was the first manufactured. We have had a Timmons since 1996.
Business communication. Swust. Shirley Miao

45. make one of the ideas subordinate to the other
CASE 2
The weather was unusually bad last month, and sales of Drummond products increased 12 percent.
make one of the ideas subordinate to the other
Even though the weather was unusually bad last month, our sales of Drummond products increased 12 percent.
Business communication. Swust. Shirley Miao

46. add words that show how the
CASE 3
We value your satisfaction, and we have carefully looked into the handling(处理) of your order.
add words that show how the
ideas are related
Because we value your satisfaction, we carefully looked into the handling of your order.
Business communication. Swust. Shirley Miao

47. D. Writing for effect Building Goodwill
(1) friendly, co-operation or helpful feeling
(2) (financial value attached to the) good reputation of an established business
Business communication. Swust. Shirley Miao

48. 1.You-Attitude / You-Viewpoint
A style of writing that looks at things
from the reader’s point of view,
emphasizing what the reader wants to
know, respecting the reader’s
intelligence, and protecting the reader’s
ego.
Business communication. Swust. Shirley Miao

49. How to create You-attitude?
DO what?
DON’T DO what?
Business communication. Swust. Shirley Miao

50. Refer to the reader’s request or order specifically.
Focus not on what you do for the reader, but on what the reader receives or can do. In positive situations, stress what the reader wants to know.
Refer to the reader’s request or order specifically.
Don’t talk about your own feelings unless you’re sure the reader wants to know how you feel.
Business communication. Swust. Shirley Miao

51. Don’t tell reader how they feel or will react
In positive situations: use you more often than I; use we when it includes the readers
In negative situations: avoid the word you; protect the reader’s ego; use passive verbs and impersonal expressions to avoid assigning blame.
Business communication. Swust. Shirley Miao

52. CASE 1
I have negotiated an agreement with Apex Rent-a-Car that gives you a discount on rental cars.
As a Sunstrand employee, you can now get a 20% discount when you rent a car from Apex.
We are shipping your order of September 21 this afternoon.
The two dozen Corning Ware starter sets you ordered will be shipped this afternoon and should reach you by September 28.
Business communication. Swust. Shirley Miao

53. [ You-attitude (to individual) ] The desk chair you ordered…
CASE 2
Your order…
[ You-attitude (to individual) ]
The desk chair you ordered…
[ You-attitude (to a large store) ]
Your invoice # …
Business communication. Swust. Shirley Miao

54. We are happy to extend you a credit line of $5,000.
CASE 3
We are happy to extend you a credit
line of $5,000.
You can now charge up to $5,000 on
your American Express card.
Business communication. Swust. Shirley Miao

55. Open Grip Walkway Channels meet OSHA requirements.
CASE 4
You’ll be happy to hear that Open Grip Walkway Channels meet OSHA requirements.
Open Grip Walkway Channels meet OSHA requirements.
You’ll be happy to hear that your scholarship has been renewed.
Congratulations! Your scholarship has been renewed.
Business communication. Swust. Shirley Miao

56. We provide health insurance to all employees.
CASE 5
We provide health insurance to all employees.
You receive health insurance as a full-time Procter& Gamble employee.
Business communication. Swust. Shirley Miao

57. CASE 6
You must get approval(正式批准) from the director before you publish any articles or memoirs based on your work in the agency.
Agency personnel must get approval from the director to publish any articles or memoirs based on their work at the agency.
Business communication. Swust. Shirley Miao

58. You-Attitude beyond the Sentence Level
① Tips to Create Goodwill with Content:
Be complete. When you have lots of information to give, consider putting some details in an appendix, which may be read later.
Anticipate and answer questions the reader is likely to have.
When you include information the reader didn’t ask for, show why it is important.
Show readers how the subject of your message affects them.
Business communication. Swust. Shirley Miao

59. ② Tips to Organize Information to Build goodwill
Put information readers are most interested in first
Arrange information to meet your reader’s needs, not yours.
Use headings and lists so that the reader can find key points quickly.
Business communication. Swust. Shirley Miao

60. CASE: A letter lacking You-attitude
Dear Ms. McFarland
We are ready to issue a check to Rollins Equipment in the amount of $14, To receive said check, you will deliver to me a release of the mechanic’s liens in the amount of $14,
Before we can release the check, we must be satisfied that the release is in the proper form. We must insist that we be provided with a stamped original of the lien indicating the document number in the appropriate district court where it is filed. Also, either the release must be executed by an officer of Rollins Equipment, or we must be provided with a letter from an officer of Rollins Equipment authorizing another individual to execute the release.
Please contact the undersigned so that an appointment can be scheduled for this transaction. …

61. Dear Ms. McFarland Let’s clear up the lien in the Allen contract.
Rollins will receive a check for $14, when you
give usa release for the mechanic’s lien of 14,
To assure us that the release is in the proper form,
1. Give us a stamped original of the lien indicating the district
court number, and
2. Either
a. Have an officer of Rollins Equipment sign the
release or
b. Give us a letter from a Rollins officer authorizing
someone else to sign the release.
Call me to tell me which way is best for you.

62. How to Create Positive Emphasis? How to Apologize?
Business communication. Swust. Shirley Miao

63. A.How to Create Positive Emphasis
Avoid negative words and words with negative connotations.
State information positively. Focus on what the reader can do rather than on what you won’t or can’t let the reader do.
Business communication. Swust. Shirley Miao

64. If the negative is truly unimportant, omit it.
Justify negative information by giving a reason or linking it to a reader benefit.
If the negative is truly unimportant, omit it.
Business communication. Swust. Shirley Miao

65. CASE 1 negative better still better
We have failed to finish taking
inventory（存货）.
better
We haven’t finished taking inventory.
still better
We will be finished taking inventory
Friday.
Business communication. Swust. Shirley Miao

66. negative better still better
If you can’t understand this explanation, feel free to call me.
better
If you have further questions, just call me.
still better
Please call me for further information
Business communication. Swust. Shirley Miao

67. Never fail to back up your disks. better Always back up your disks.
negative
Never fail to back up your disks.
better
Always back up your disks.
Your balance of $835 is delinquent（拖欠）.
Your balance of $835 is past due.
Business communication. Swust. Shirley Miao

68. CASE 2 negative better or
We will not allow you to charge more than $1,500 on your VISA account.
better
You can charge $1,500 on your new VISA card. or
Your new VISA card gives you $1,500 in credit that you can use at thousands of stores nationwide.
Business communication. Swust. Shirley Miao

69. negative
You will not qualify for the student membership rate of $25 a year unless you are a full-time student.
better
You get all the benefits of membership for only $25 a year if you’re a full-time student.
Business communication. Swust. Shirley Miao

70. We cannot sell computer disks in lots of less than 10. better
CASE 3
negative
We cannot sell computer disks in lots of less than 10.
better
To keep down packaging costs and to help customers save on shipping and handling costs, we sell computer disks only in lots of 10 or more.
Business communication. Swust. Shirley Miao

71. The beginning and end are always positions of emphasis.
Remember these tips:
The beginning and end are always positions of emphasis.
Put negatives in the middle of a paragraph rather than in the first or last sentence.
Giving a topic lots of space emphasizes it. Therefore, you can de-emphasize negative information by giving it as little space as possible.
Business communication. Swust. Shirley Miao

72. Do not apologize when you are not at fault.
B.How to Apologize
No explicit（直率的） apology is necessary if the error is small and if you are correcting the mistake.
Do not apologize when you are not at fault.
When you apologize, do it early, briefly and sincerely.
Business communication. Swust. Shirley Miao

73. I’m sorry the clerk did not credit your account properly.
CASE 1
negative
I’m sorry the clerk did not credit your account properly.
better
Your statement has been corrected to include your payment of $
Business communication. Swust. Shirley Miao

74. CASE 2
negative
I’m sorry that I could not answer your question sooner. I had to wait until the sales figures for the second quarter where in.
better
We needed the sales figures for the second quarter to answer your question. Now that they’re in, I can tell you that…
Business communication. Swust. Shirley Miao

75. I’m sorry I didn’t answer your letter sooner.
CASE 3
negative
I’m sorry I didn’t answer your letter sooner, I hope that my delay hasn’t inconvenienced you.
better
I’m sorry I didn’t answer your letter sooner.
Business communication. Swust. Shirley Miao

76. Written communication
SUMMARY
Written communication
Adaptation and the selection of words (how to adapt? Tips of selecting words)
Construction of clear sentences
(Short sentence)
Writing for effect (You-attitude)
Business communication. Swust. Shirley Miao

77. 实用商务英语写作教程 徐仁凤 东南大学出版社
Reference
商务与管理沟通（Business and administrative communication) ,Kitty O. Locker. 机械工业出版社
实用商务英语写作教程 徐仁凤 东南大学出版社
Business communication. Swust. Shirley Miao

78. Thank You !