4. Marriage is the foundation of the family
Strathmore School
Parents seminar

5. Relationship between couples
This is core of family relationships
Children are greatly determined by how spouses relate to each other
A couple that is united and constantly working on their relationship achieves more than one that is not

6. A stable nest
A stable, peaceful home creates stable children
Parents need to be committed to each other and to their children

7. Children with two parents do better
They have higher test scores and grades
Because they have a sense of security hence are open to learning
They miss fewer days of school
Eat more regular and balanced meals
Have a higher quality of mental health

8. They dream of finishing school and joining university
They have a 7-20% higher chance of finishing university
Avoid pre-marital sex and childbearing
They are likely to avoid crime, drugs, alcohol

9. Children with one parent or divorced parents
Report less than 50% class attendance
Have a 70% higher chance of being expelled from school
Their parents are called to school more often because of indiscipline or behaviour problems

10. As young adults they have a higher chance (1. 5-2
As young adults they have a higher chance ( times) of being out of school or out of work
They have a higher chance of
premarital sex
Child birth
Having a child out of wedlock
Of not having a successful marriage

11. We need both a father and a mother
A father can never adequately fulfill the role of a mother
..and a mother can never adequately fulfill the role of a father
Each gender brings vitally important and unique elements to a child’s development
This essential mix is absent in single parent homes

12. We need both a father and a mother
Parenting is a true partnership between husband
and wife
Fathers should have an equivalent parenting role with mothers
Different and complementary roles

13. Marriage…. is a rich personal resource for parents and children
ensures children have better physical and mental health
produces healthy children who do not overburden the health care system
protects children from poverty and abuse

14. Marriage…. Helps them stay away from criminal behaviour
ensures children have a better future because they get good grades, graduate, get good jobs
protects the society from “bad elements” in the society
ensures our children’s will marry and stay married!!

15. The marriage myths The grass is greener on the other side
I need to change my spouse
I should have married my soul mate
That I cannot be happy in marriage

16. Grass is greener on the other side
Of course it is greener……
..but when you cross over you realize it is artificial turf
I made a mistake, I should have married so and so
It is the devil’s lie

17. I will change my spouse You cannot teach an ”old” dog new tricks
Most likely your spouse is your opposite
You both have different personalities
This was what attracted you in the beginning 17 17

18. But it is hard Of course it is hard…
……because you are focusing on the things you do not like about your spouse
How about more focus on the things that you like about your spouse more 18 18

19. List of things that you cannot change
Gender
Communication differences
Up-bringing/childhood/school history
Personality
Training/ career 19 19

20. I did not marry “my soul mate”
He/she would have understood me better
Who really knows me
I do not have to explain too much...s/he just knows
My soul would know her and I would know her soul
The term soul mate as we know is a creation of Hollywood…. 20 20

21. A soul mate? No human being can enter your soul….only God
A life mate is something that you become
Be understanding, loving, available to your spouse
Become that person you want to see in your spouse
….and your spouse will become your “soul” mate
Be present and available in your marriage 21 21

22. Are people still interested in getting married?
Ninety-eight percent of never-married survey respondents said they wanted to marry
and 88 percent said that marriage should be a lifelong commitment
Asked to select their top two goals, a majority of Americans included a happy marriage as their first goal 22 22

23. To be happy, shouldn’t you just stay single??
Research in 17 nations found that married men and
women report significantly higher levels of happiness than unmarried people
A survey of 14,000 adults over a 10-year-period found that marital status was one of the most
important predictors of happiness
It showed 40 percent of married individuals said they were very happy with their life in general
compared with just less than 25 percent of those who were single or cohabiting

24. The separated and divorced were the least happy group
Married people reported the highest levels of well-being, regardless of whether they were happily married or not
The married had higher self-esteem, greater life satisfaction, greater happiness and less distress
Married people were wealthier had more financial resources
It is a myth that single adults lead happier lives

25. Women are oppressed in marriage
Are radical feminists correct in asserting that marriage was instituted for the benefit of men, and that it is oppressive to women physically, emotionally and economically?
Stable marriage has substantial positive, emotional and psychological benefits for women, and it dramatically improves the well-being of children 25 25

26. Wives typically gain greater financial advantages from marriage
Married women experience lower levels of violence, poverty, depression and emotional problems, enjoy better sex lives and live longer than single women
While marriage enhances well-being for both genders, married women scored higher than married men on measures of perception of well-being
Wives typically gain greater financial advantages from marriage 26 26

27. “… Being married is like having somebody permanently in your corner, it feels limitless, not limited.”
Feminist Gloria Steinem, after marrying for the first time at age 66, People Magazine 27 27

28. Is sex outside of marriage better than married sex?
Surveys show that husbands and wives are more satisfied with sex than sexually active singles
Forty-eight percent of husbands labeled sex with their partner “extremely satisfying emotionally,” compared to just 37 percent of cohabiting men;
50 percent of married men found sex physically satisfying compared to 39 percent of cohabiting men 28 28

29. For women, 42 percent of married women and 39 percent of cohabiting women said they were “extremely satisfied emotionally” by sex with their partner
After controlling for age and other differences, married men and married women were substantially more satisfied with sex than cohabiting or single men and women 29 29

30. Marriage provides: Proximity A long-term contract Exclusivity
Emotional bonding
Security 30 30

31. Are couples that cohabit (live together) similar in all respects to married couples?
They could be together for economic gain or to raise their children together
However their level of commitment is not the same and they often do not stay together for life
This has a negative impact on their children
Their children are also unlikely to marry 31 31

32. Men and women are distinctly different
they are not interchangeable units
A father can never adequately fulfill the role of a mother and a mother can never adequately fulfill the role of a father
Each gender brings vitally important and unique elements to a child’s development 32 32

33. This essential mix is absent in single parent homes
Parenting is a true partnership between husband
and wife
Fathers should have an equivalent parenting role with mothers
Different and complementary roles 33 33

34. I can treat him/her however I want
No you cannot treat him anyhow
Do you have some annoying habits that make life miserable for your spouse like
Being rude
Not keeping time
Squeezing the toothpaste in the middle
Buying unnecessary things
Criticizing your spouse in public
nagging 34 34

35. How to change an annoying habit
Accept that you have such a habit
Realize it
Change it…be patient it takes time
Check it and keep working on it
Its easier said than done….
It takes one month to acquire a virtue 35 35

36. I should not have to ask…….. …do I need to keep repeating things????
Yes…he/she cannot read minds
Just ask the question!
But suggest it do not demand it
Give time for thought or decision making
Be willing to accept something less than you asked for
And give gentle reminders if they forget 36 36

37. The more you push the more I resist
Remember….
The more you push the more I resist
The more you nag the less I hear you
The more you demand the less I feel appreciated
The more you command the more I resent it
You need to actively listen 37 37

38. Listen by
Maintaining eye contact- give full attention
Putting away the newspaper, unplugging the TV
Do not make judgements
Give your full attention
Positive body language

39. When your feeling nagged to talk
Your spouse is always asking “can we talk..”
Avoidance is the easiest solution
But if offers temporary relief
It means that you have lost your friendship
The only contact you have it to tackle difficult situations 39 39 39

40. When your feeling nagged to talk
Find time to do things you used to enjoy together
Ask HER when she least expects it “what do you really need?”
Friends communicate better than enemies do 40 40 40

41. Select the right time!

42. Select the right time!
Certainly not on a Monday morning when the pressures are high
There is a time for everything
Likely on a Friday evening or Saturday morning
Maybe late night “bombs” should be avoided 42 42

43. …. effective communication
Try taking a meal away from home and children
Or a weekend get away
Stressful environments are communication killers avoid the office, car environments 43

44. Select the right SETTING
Genuine communication is clouded by everyday living
Spouses communication is limited to talking at the spouse rather than talking to
Real communication is best achieved away from the home and work setting 44

45. Do we get home late every day? Do we have different schedules?
We have taken on more than we can handle
We are too busy
Do we get home late every day?
Do we have different schedules?
- No common dinner time
- N o common tea time
- No common bed time
No time to talk about our work or day
- very important de stressor 45

46. Practicalities Spend quality time together
The irony of the family Sunday bonding session
Create time to be alone with your spouse
Create bonding sessions
Be interesting-read up on topics that interest them
Be loving
Be patient

47. Why does one spouse find communication a form of torture47 47 47

48. Talking about sensitive issues
Avoid conflict at any cost
Keep eye contact
Watch your body language
Avoid the familiar road that leads to chaos
Be principle centred-do not ask who is right but What is right
You are partners not prosecutors
the marriage comes first before issues of who was right or wrong
Respect your spouse during “the talk”

49. How to begin a conversation
Identify what you want to talk about
Stick only to this and do not bring up old agendas
Get the right timing
Is your spouse tired, hungry, sick, stressed?
Keep to the point, do not keep repeating
allow time for feedback

50. Get the right setting
not in front of children, house help, others
Use the correct body language
Keep eye contact
Be loving
Be respectful
Speak calmly
Check the tone of your voice
Non verbal communication

51. Accept views and opinions of your spouse
Be appreciative-have they listened to you? Tell them you value their opinion
Actively listen
Listen
Understand the person
Feel the person

52. Nil by mouth! Silence can be one of the loudest forms of communication
What are you saying when your not talking?
I do not want to talk because it is going to end up with a fight?
Or do not bother me
Or I do not care about you at all

53. My marriage is over
I have tried everything
We have talked over this issue
Your suggestion will not help
Nothing you suggest will work

54. My marriage is over
People in crisis have difficulties differentiating things as they are and things as they seem to be
Even during the heaviest darkest rainstorm there is always hope

55. When to get help When your problem is no longer big..it is huge
When its become unmanageable, unhealthy
When you are stressed
When you are emotionally wiped out
When you have become resentful

56. So can we do it
Of course we can!!!!
So lets do it!!!!

57. Question 1 LOVE NEVER DIES A NATURAL DEATH
Love never dies a natural death but is neglected leading to “lost” or “dull” love
What efforts do husbands need to make to revive “lost” or “dull” love in marriage?
What efforts do wives need to make to revive “lost” or “dull” love in marriage?

58. Question 2: COMMUNICAING ABOUT FINANCES
Research has shown that lack of communication regarding finances is one of the biggest causes of friction in marriage
Why in your opinion do spouses find this topic difficult to discuss?
What are the possible solutions for avoiding this type of friction?

59. Question 3: INTERNET AND SOAP OPERAS
Social network has had a great effect on our entire society and has affected how most people perceive various issues
Facebook and twitter are some of the trendiest way of interacting with people. What are some of the negative effects of the social media a married couple who frequently use it?
Recently local TV stations have been airing Mexican or Spanish soap operas, which they say is due to public demand. What notions do these soaps portray about marriage? What influence if any do they have on our marriages?

60. Question 4: Fostering communication
Often couples find that they have stopped communication
a) what are the possible reasons for this?
b) What suggestions do you have to jump-start stalled communication?

61. GROUP FIVE: COMMUNICATING WITH RELATIVES AND IN-LAWS
Often couples find communicating with relatives and in-laws challenging. They also find it difficult to discuss issues that crop up concerning their spouse’s relatives.
What issues do couples need to discuss concerning their relatives?

62. Communication between a wife and her husband’s relatives or between a husband and his wives relatives could be challenging. How can these challenges be dealt with?
In order to enhance family unity and cohesion, communication with relatives needs to be very good. How can communication with such relatives be enhanced?

63. GROUP FIVE: COMMUNICATING WITH CHILDREN
How a couple communicates to each other has a very big impact on how they will communicate to their children.
Teenagers should be able to ask their parents any question about what they are going through, especially on matters to do with their sexuality. However parents often are unable to answer such questions or resort to telling white lies when they find the topics “embarrassing” or “difficult”.

64. What is the best way of answering questions that you may not be too comfortable discussing with your child?
Children often imitate what they see their friends doing. How can you discourage your child from following trends or fashion that you do not consider appropriate for them e.g hairstyles, earrings, and sagging trousers etc?