1. Communication and Communication Skills Nataliya Lishchenko

2. What is Communication? A basic life skill, as important as the skill by which we make our way through school or earn a living A basic life skill, as important as the skill by which we make our way through school or earn a living Our personal happiness Our personal happiness Our friends Our friends We are more valued at work We are more valued at work Our children respect and trust us Our children respect and trust us We get our sexual needs met We get our sexual needs met

3. If we are less effective at communicating: Work may be allright but our family shouts at the dinner table Work may be allright but our family shouts at the dinner table Sex can be found but friendships never seem to work out Sex can be found but friendships never seem to work out We bounced from job to job We bounced from job to job We get a lot laughs at parties but go home alone We get a lot laughs at parties but go home alone

4. Why we need that? Our American students are very good communicators Our American students are very good communicators Our cultural paculiarities – we are more silent Our cultural paculiarities – we are more silent To be succesful we need to communicate more To be succesful we need to communicate more As a future or current teachers we have to develop or improve our communication skills As a future or current teachers we have to develop or improve our communication skills

5. Effective Communication Makes Life Works!!!

6. Fundamental Communication Skills

7. LISTENING Is an essential skill for making and keeping relationships Is an essential skill for making and keeping relationships If you are a good listener, you’ll notice that others are drawn to you If you are a good listener, you’ll notice that others are drawn to you Success comes a little easier because you hear and understand people: you know what they want and what hurts or irritates them Success comes a little easier because you hear and understand people: you know what they want and what hurts or irritates them

8. Real Versus Pseudo-Listening Being quite while someone talks does not constitute real listening. Being quite while someone talks does not constitute real listening. Real listening is based on the intention to do one of four things: Real listening is based on the intention to do one of four things: 1) Understand someone 1) Understand someone 2) Enjoy someone 2) Enjoy someone 3) Learn something 3) Learn something 4) Give help or solace 4) Give help or solace

9. Exersise for you: Everyone is a pseudo-listener at times. Problems develop when real listening (the intention to understand, enjoy, learn, help) is happening a lot less than pseudolistening. In general, the more real listening you do, the better your relationships feel.

10. Exersise for you: Use the following chart to assess the real versus the pseudo-listening you do with significant people in your life. Estimate the percentage of your listening that is real for each of the following: Use the following chart to assess the real versus the pseudo-listening you do with significant people in your life. Estimate the percentage of your listening that is real for each of the following:

11. Exersise for you: WORK Boss____________% Boss____________% Coworkers________% Coworkers________% Subordinates______% Subordinates______%HOME Mate_____________% Mate_____________% Children__________% Children__________% Roommate________% Roommate________%

12. Exersise for you: RELATIVES: Mother_____________% Mother_____________% Father______________% Father______________% Siblings_____________% Siblings_____________%FRIENDS Best friend___________% Best friend___________% Same-sex friend_______% Same-sex friend_______% Opposite-sex friends____% Opposite-sex friends____%

13. Ask Yourself these questions: Who are the people you listen to best? Who are the people you listen to best? Who are the people with whom you do more pseudolistening? Who are the people with whom you do more pseudolistening? What is about these people that makes it easier or harder to listen to them? What is about these people that makes it easier or harder to listen to them? Are there any people on the chart with whom youyou want to do more real listening? Are there any people on the chart with whom youyou want to do more real listening?

14. Blocks to listening Comparing – you’are always trying to assess who is smarter, more competent, more emotionally healthy – you or the other Comparing – you’are always trying to assess who is smarter, more competent, more emotionally healthy – you or the other As a result – you can’t let much in because you’re too busy seeing if you measure up

15. Blocks to listening Mind Reading – you are trying to figure out what the other person is really thinking and feeling. The mind readers pay less attention to words than to intonation and subtle cues in an effort to see through to the truth – “I bet he’s looking at my lousy skin...He thinks I’m stupid...He’s turned off by my shiness” Mind Reading – you are trying to figure out what the other person is really thinking and feeling. The mind readers pay less attention to words than to intonation and subtle cues in an effort to see through to the truth – “I bet he’s looking at my lousy skin...He thinks I’m stupid...He’s turned off by my shiness”

16. Blocks to listening Rehearsing –Youu don’t have time to listen when you’re rehearsing what to say. Your whole attention is on the preparation and crafting of your next comment. You have to look interest, but your mind is going a mile a minute, because you’ve got a story to tell, or a point to make. Rehearsing –Youu don’t have time to listen when you’re rehearsing what to say. Your whole attention is on the preparation and crafting of your next comment. You have to look interest, but your mind is going a mile a minute, because you’ve got a story to tell, or a point to make.

17. Blocks to listening Filtering – you listen to some things and not to others. You pay only enough attention to see if somebody angry, or unhappy, or contains none of those things, you let your mind wonder. Filtering – you listen to some things and not to others. You pay only enough attention to see if somebody angry, or unhappy, or contains none of those things, you let your mind wonder.

18. Blocks to listening Judging – Negative labels have enormous power.If you prejudge someone as stupid or nuts or unqualified, you don’t pay much attention to what they say. Judging – Negative labels have enormous power.If you prejudge someone as stupid or nuts or unqualified, you don’t pay much attention to what they say. BUT...be sure your judgments are made only after you have heard and evaluated the content of the message!

19. Blocks to listening Dreaming – You are half-listening, and something the person says suddenly triggers a chain of private associations. You are more prone to dreaming when you feel bored or anxious. Everybody dreams and you sometimes need to make herculean efforts to stay turned in... Dreaming – You are half-listening, and something the person says suddenly triggers a chain of private associations. You are more prone to dreaming when you feel bored or anxious. Everybody dreams and you sometimes need to make herculean efforts to stay turned in... BUT...do not dream a lot with certain people – it may indicate lack of commitment, they may get a statement that you don’t value what they have to say very much BUT...do not dream a lot with certain people – it may indicate lack of commitment, they may get a statement that you don’t value what they have to say very much

20. Blocks to listening Identifying – you take everything a pesron tells you and refer it back to your own experience. Everything you hear reminds you of something that you’ve felt, done, or suffered. You are so busy with these exciting tales of your life that there’s no time to really hear or get to know the other person Identifying – you take everything a pesron tells you and refer it back to your own experience. Everything you hear reminds you of something that you’ve felt, done, or suffered. You are so busy with these exciting tales of your life that there’s no time to really hear or get to know the other person

21. Blocks to listening Advising – You are the great problem-solver, ready with help and suggestions. You don’t have to hear more than a few sentences before you begin searching for the right advice. Advising – You are the great problem-solver, ready with help and suggestions. You don’t have to hear more than a few sentences before you begin searching for the right advice. BUT...while you are cooking up suggestions and convincing someone to “just try it”, you may miss what’s most important...

22. Blocks to listening Sparring – this block has you arguing and debating with people. The other person never feels heard because you’re so quick to disagree. In fact, a lot of your focus is on finding things to disagree with. Sparring – this block has you arguing and debating with people. The other person never feels heard because you’re so quick to disagree. In fact, a lot of your focus is on finding things to disagree with. A subtype of sparring is put-down – using of sarcastic remarks to dismiss the other person’s point of view. A subtype of sparring is put-down – using of sarcastic remarks to dismiss the other person’s point of view.

23. Blocks to listening Being Right – you will go to any lengths (twist the facts, start shouting, call up past sins) to avoid being wrong. You can’t listen to criticism, you can’t be corrected, and you can’t take suggestion to change. Your convictions are unshakable. And since you won’t acknowledge that your mistakes are mistakes, you just keep making them. Being Right – you will go to any lengths (twist the facts, start shouting, call up past sins) to avoid being wrong. You can’t listen to criticism, you can’t be corrected, and you can’t take suggestion to change. Your convictions are unshakable. And since you won’t acknowledge that your mistakes are mistakes, you just keep making them.

24. Blocks to listening Derailing – this listening block is accomplished by suddenly changing the subject. You derail the train of conversation when you get bored or uncomfortable with topic. Derailing – this listening block is accomplished by suddenly changing the subject. You derail the train of conversation when you get bored or uncomfortable with topic. Another way of derailing is by joking it off. Another way of derailing is by joking it off.

25. Blocks to listening Placating – “Right...Right....Absolutely...I know...Of course you are... Incredible.... Yes....Really ?”You want to be nice, pleasant, supportive. You may be half-listen, just enough to get the drift, but you are not really involved. Placating – “Right...Right....Absolutely...I know...Of course you are... Incredible.... Yes....Really ?”You want to be nice, pleasant, supportive. You may be half-listen, just enough to get the drift, but you are not really involved.

26. Exersise for you: Now you probably have an idea which blocks apply to you. List the blocks that seem typical of the ways you avoid listening. Now you probably have an idea which blocks apply to you. List the blocks that seem typical of the ways you avoid listening.

27. To remind you, they are: Comparing Comparing Mind Reading Mind Reading Rehearsing Rehearsing Filtering Filtering Judging Judging Dreaming Dreaming Identifying Identifying Advising Advising Sparring Sparring Being Right Being Right Derailing Derailing Placating Placating

28. Assessing Your Listening Blocks Exersise: For significant people in your life, write in the listening blocks you typically use. Note that for many people you may use more that one block.

29. Exersise for you: WORK Boss____________________________ Boss____________________________ Coworkers________________________ Coworkers________________________ Subordinates______________________ Subordinates______________________HOME Mate_____________________________ Mate_____________________________ Children__________________________ Children__________________________ Roommate________________________ Roommate________________________

30. Exersise for you: RELATIVES: Mother______________________________ Mother______________________________ Father______________________________ Father______________________________ Siblings_____________________________ Siblings_____________________________FRIENDS Best friend___________________________ Best friend___________________________ Same-sex friend______________________ Same-sex friend______________________ Opposite-sex friends___________________ Opposite-sex friends___________________

31. Ask Yourself these questions: Are you blocking more at home or at work? Are you blocking more at home or at work? With same-sex or opposite-sex friends? With same-sex or opposite-sex friends? Do certain people or situation trigger blocking? Do certain people or situation trigger blocking? Do you use different blocks with different people? Do you use different blocks with different people?

32. Thank You! Have a good weekend!