1. ACTIVE LISTENING The ability to listen effectively to another person with whom we are having a discussion.

2. Listening Blocks  before you can effectively use active listening  must become aware of what you normally do instead of listen

3.  REHEARSING  focused on what you will say next, and not what you are hearing  JUDGING  prejudging someone as stupid, incompetent or uninformed  have already written them off  should only be made after you have heard and evaluated the content of the message

4.  IDENTIFYING  take everything a person tells you and relate it back to your own experience  it’s all about you  ADVISING  set yourself up as the great problem solver  begin thinking up advice before you’ve finished hearing the whole problem  give advice for a problem you have not fully understood  might push them to implement a decisions that is inappropriate

5.  SPARRING OR BATTLING  other person never feels heard because you are so quick to disagree  your focus is on finding things with which you disagree  take strong stands and are very rigid in your beliefs  avoid sparring by repeating back what you have heard, to try to look for something with which to agree

6.  PUT DOWNS  a type of sparring  using cutting or sarcastic remarks to put down the other person’s point of view  generally pushes the conversation into stereotyped patterns in which each person repeats familiar and hostile statements

7.  BEING RIGHT  go to great lengths to avoid being wrong  ex. trying to twist facts, shouting, making excuses or accusations, calling up past  you can’t listen to criticism, can’t be corrected, and can’t take suggestions for change  you will not acknowledge your mistakes, you just keep making them

8.  DERAILING  accomplished by suddenly changing the subject  do this when bored or uncomfortable with a topic  another way is to joke it off (ex. continually respond with a joke to avoid the discomfort or anxiety of seriously listening to another person)

9.  SMOOTHING OVER  “right…right…absolutely…I know…of course you are…yes…really?”  you want to be nice, pleasant and supportive and you want to be liked  half-listen but not really involved  smooth over rather than really listen

10.  DREAMING  pretend to listen but really tune the other person out  need to train yourself to concentrate on the other person

11. Are you a good listener?  In a journal entry, explain whether or not you think that you are a good listener. Have a look over the listening blocks that we just talked about…everyone has one or two that they do on a regular basis. Which do you find yourself doing when other people are talking to you? How can you overcome these listening blocks to become a better active listener?

12. BEING A GOOD ACTIVE LISTENER…  maintain eye contact  lean forward, nod  let speaker complete ideas  give verbal encouragement  agree with the speaker  paraphrase the speaker’s ideas  reflect the speaker’s feelings  ask questions

13. SOFTEN  S mile at the person who is talking  O pen posture and face the person who is speaking to you  F orward lean slightly towards the speaker  T ime should be allowed to talk without interruptions  E ye contact should be made without staring  N od occasionally to show acknowledgement

14.  What would be the perfect date?  Should students be required to wear school uniforms?  What would you do if you won one million dollars?  What was your all time favourite vacation?  What’s the funniest thing that has aver happened to you?  If you could have dinner tomorrow night with anyone in the world, who would you invite?