1. Grief and Loss

2. What is Grief??
Grief is a normal and natural internal reaction to a loss of any kind.
Grief is the conflicting feelings caused by the end of, or change, in a familiar pattern of behavior.

3. In your life…
Think back to an event that represented a loss to you. It can be a death of a person, a best friend moving away, death of a pet, divorce of parents, parent losing a job, a loss in a major sporting event, or any other loss.
Visualize this loss – How did you feel? How did your life change because of this loss? How were you treated by others during this time?

4. Signs of Grief Normal Emotional Behaviors: Crying at unexpected times
Over-reacting to a situation
Inability to concentrate or focus
Noncompliance/Rebellion
Being angry at everyone and everything
Seeing someone and believing it is the person who died
Lowered self esteem
Irritability

5. Signs of Grief Normal Verbal Behaviors:
Talking about the deceased or loss a lot or not talking about it at all
Asking numerous questions or not asking any questions
Wishing to be with the deceased
Engaging attention by talking a lot
Becoming the class bully, class clown or withdrawn from others
Mentioning nighttime dreams about the person who died
Voicing fears of almost everything and anything

6. Signs of Grief Normal Physical Behaviors:
Eating a lot or not eating much
Sleeping a lot or not sleeping
Fatigue, even with enough sleep
Pains in the stomach and other areas unexplained by physician
Aggressive behavior
Needing to touch people frequently/feel loved

7. Signs of Grief Worrisome Behaviors: Dangerous risk taking
Self destructive behaviors
Threatening to hurt self or others
Total withdrawal from people and environment
A dramatic change in personality or functioning over a long period of time
Any of the "normal" behaviors happening over a very long time or to an extreme.

8. Stages of Loss
YouTube - Giraffe: Stages of Loss -

9. The Stages of Loss
People who suffer a major loss may go through a special five stage process that enables them to deal with the loss.
Sometimes people get stuck in one of the first four stages and their lives can be painful until they move to the last stage.

10. Stage 1 - Denial Denial is a person’s initial reaction to any loss.
A person who has suffered a significant loss can’t believe the loss has occurred.
This stage may last just a few days or longer depending on the situation.

11. Stage 2 - Anger
A person next moves from denial to the anger or “why me?” stage.
During this stage the person may be furious, critical, demanding, or uncooperative (blames doctors, nurses, etc.)

12. Stage 3 - Bargaining
As the reality of the loss sets in, the anger begins to subside and is replaced by bargaining.
The person may pray or promise to change if only the lost person or object is returned even for a while.

13. Stage 4 – Depression/Sense of Loss
This stage is often marked by silence and withdrawal.
Earlier feelings of disbelief, isolation, anger, and rage are replaced with a deep sense of quiet sadness.

14. Stage 5 - Acceptance
While the depression stage may leave a person feeling helpless, this last stage can involve a sense of power.
The person can now face reality in constructive ways and make significant and meaningful gestures surrounding the idea of the loss.

15. Moving Through Grief Check in with yourself.
Take time – we all grieve differently.
Express your feelings – crying is NORMAL!
Share your grief (support group, professional help)
Be prepared – feelings may come up at an unexpected time.
Take care of yourself physically.
Look for faith

16. Helpful things to say to someone who is grieving…
I am sorry about your loss
I am here for you
I can't imagine what this is like for you
Take all the time you need
This must be very hard for you
What's the hardest part?
How are you doing with all of this?
I'll call you tomorrow (but only if you will)
I don't know why this happened; it isn’t fair
I don't know what to say
I wish I had the right words, just know that I care
I don't know how you feel, but I am here for you
You and your loved one will be in my thoughts and prayers
My favorite memory of your loved one is....
I am always just a phone call away
I am usually up early or late, if you need anything

17. Things not to say to someone who is grieving…
There is a reason for everything
Time heals all wounds
Your loved one is in a better place
I know how you feel
Be strong
Aren't you over him yet; he has been dead for a while now
At least she lived a long life; many people die young
Now you’re the man/woman of the house

18. "We can endure much more than we think we can; all human experience testifies to that. All we need to do is learn not to be afraid of pain. Grit your teeth and let it hurt. Don't deny it, don't be overwhelmed by it. It will not last forever.  One day, the pain will be gone and you will still be there.” - Harold Kushner -