1. …to understand, to love, to influence, to be influenced & to be heard

2. Listening Exercise 1 - How well do you listen?

3. Listening Introduction God, who knows everything, asks questions, invites us to talk & ask for things. Why? We, who know very little, need to ask for additional reasons The unity we desire is fostered – in part through listening. Conflict is best addressed by listening

4. Listening The importance of humility Flesh problems require humility Brain problems require humility Selective attention Memory formation & recall Projection Logic/Empathy switching Decisions are emotional

5. Listening Getting to intimacy Understanding the person

7. Biology Genetics Development personality predilections

8. Biology Genetics Development personality predilections Psychological development Nurture/Modeling Experiences Trauma/Loss

9. Biology Genetics Development personality predilections Psychological development Nurture/Modeling Experiences Trauma/Loss Spirituality Fallen Satan Redemption

10. Biology Genetics Development personality predilections Psychological development Nurture/Modeling Experiences Trauma/Loss Core Beliefs Core Desires Core Strategies Spirituality Fallen Satan Redemption

11. Saying what’s experienced Saying what’s felt Saying what’s being thought Saying what’s wanted Saying what you’ve done Intimacy is… Core beliefs, desires & strategies drive much of what goes on in our inner life

12. Listening Exercise 2 – mapping the inner life (Johari Window, Understanding Beliefs & Desires)

13. Listening Turning toward them Notice out loud & ask them to interpret OR Let them have their turn first Reflect & summarize Validate (leaning out on the rail w/ them)

14. Exercise 3 – taking turns listening with your body Exercise 4 – taking turns reflecting & validating

15. Listening Getting around their bad habits

16. Intimacy is saying what I… Experience Feel Think Want Did But what’s presented is… interpretation blame insisting entitlement justification

17. Listening Getting around their bad habits When they interpret (mind read) When they blame you for their feelings When they insist their thoughts = reality When they feel entitled to their wants When they justify their behaviors Other offensive/defensive habits

18. Listening Be offensive/defensive Exercise 5 working around their bad habits (and yours)

19. Listening The importance of personal humility Getting to intimacy Turning toward them Working around their bad habits Q & A