1. www.attitudespecialist.co.nz1 Dealing with Difficult People and Tricky Situations Janice Davies ATTITUDE SPECIALIST janice@attitudespecialist.co.nz MODULE FIVE

2. Recap Personal Assessment Personality Style Relationship Scenario Self Esteem

3. INTERPRETATION DECODE RESPONSE FEELING EXPRESSION DECISION True or False OUTSIDE or INSIDE Fun or Fear Excited or Scared

4. Communication Face to face/Telephone/Email Verbal/non verbal (body language) Language/dialect

5. Communication Statistics

6. Effective Communication Sender Message Receiver What gets in the way? Telephone ringing, talking, radio, background noise, machines, outside noise, fax machine, THINKING/BELIEFS????

7. Pause – Stop - Listen Stop talking Show you want to listen – look/act interested Hold your temper, don’t argue or criticise Your reply = “Thank you. Here’s my view…” Be patient - allow them time/do not interrupt (depending on situation)

8. Active Listening Show you are listening eye contact/nod head/aha’s Don’t think of your answer while they are talking…. Rephrase a reply – “So what I heard you saying was….”

9. Miss-interpretation = mistakes “I” statements The most powerful word you can use Creating your space with words –I THINK this is a possible solution –I FEEL unhappy…. –I AM loving/loveable

10. Now it’ their turn/opinion/feelings ASK what, where, why, how, when questions Every person unique Every person entitled to thoughts No-one can say you are wrong It is YOUR thoughts Negotiate/compromise

11. Learning to say “No” I’d like to help you but I’m sorry I’ll have to say NO… I have other work scheduled I have alternative appointments That is not part of my job But if you’re unhappy, check with my boss You’ve missed the deadline and I can’t do any more I sent out a reminder notice a few days ago

12. Empathy Understanding and imaginatively entering into another person’s feelings. I UNDERSTAND….. how you’re feeling your point of view/ your situation

13. 3 Types of Communication PASSIVE Signal feeling indirectly (sighing, no eye contact) or ignoring someone Deny their feelings show in body language Can force others do make the decision Make excuses, being indirect when expressing needs

14. Aggressive Using more force verbally or physically Violating other rights through aggression or manipulation Want to dominate or win No regard to others Bullying

15. Assertive Expressing thoughts, feelings, opinions Compromising Honest and direct Considers others Spontaneous Direct – avoids excessive apologies Honest – rely on feelings/owns them

16. Gender/Age/Cultural issues We are all the same but different Understanding/Accepting Glass Ceiling Men not want female boss Equal or unequal pay Baby Boomers, Gen X & Y

17. Based on what I would like you to KEEP doing, STOP doing, START doing WHAT YOU DO THAT I VALUE IS….. ONE THING I AM HAVING DIFFICULTY WITH IS…… WHAT I WOULD LIKE YOU TO DO INSTEAD IS…….. FEEDBACK SANDWICH

18. Latest Heart Rate Statistics Kees Blaas – Heartmath 2005 - www.heartmath.com Relaxation Appreciation Stress

19. Results through Appreciation Drives people and a basic need 5 positives to re-balance 1 negative interaction- M Duclos Describe the behaviour – the facts, neutral, without criticism, clear and open “You are sometimes late to work Describe the consequences for you – realistic and concrete “ I have other staff complaining.” Describe your personal emotions – this behaviour provokes in me, how I feel in a situation “I feel uncomfortable with their constant complaints” WHAT COULD YOU DO TO SOLVE YOUR LATENESS PROBLEM? The other person then decides their new actions

20. NOW WHAT What’s happening for you? What is the difficult person doing?

21. www.attitudespecialist.co.nz21 Next Session Take some action Think your situation through with your new knowledge Observe them and you Talk to positive support person Take notes….do something different