1. Lifeskills Program for AdolescentsWelcome Communication with Others Organised and Supported by “On Track” Community Health Project Mallee Track Health & Community Services Presented by Bernard Denner Special Projects Manager MTH&CS

2. Lifeskills Program for Adolescents What WE are looking at today A bit about me Communication Drinking Sex / Lust / Choice Depression Parents / Teachers Girls / Boys / Dating

3. Lifeskills Program for Adolescents Who am I? Bernard Denner Health Educator / Projects Manager Bloke 52 years Divorced 12 years Daughters - 15 and 17 years Vietnam Veteran 3RAR…Infantry

4. Lifeskills Program for Adolescents My work since 1994 focuses on providing Programs that address issues associated with: Men Adolescents Workplace Health Women Understanding Men and Farmsafety in Primary Schools

5. Lifeskills Program for Adolescents mannet.com.au Averages monthly: 80 to 90,000+ hits 5,250+ sessions 40% interest from North America Rated in Top 15% of 1.7M www domains “Who said men weren’t interested in their health”

6. Lifeskills Program for Adolescents

7. Australian Mortality Rates National - 1999 15-24 years Cause of DeathMalesFemales%Rate Suicide398 71435%  Cancer 95 47202%  Leukemia 35 11318%  Transport Accident407116350%  Drugs 68 27251%  Source: Causes of Death, ABS, 1999

8. Lifeskills Program for Adolescents Australian Mortality Rates Loddon Mallee Health Region - 1994 Cause of DeathMalesFemales%Rate Suicide 25 7357%  Cancer309230134%  Heart Disease122 49248%  Source: DHS, Measures of Health Status and Health Services in Victoria, 1994

9. Lifeskills Program for Adolescents Communication

10. Lifeskills Program for Adolescents Communication in all aspects of Life is Important Whether it be with adults, friends, family or members of the opposite sex Good communication is the Solution to lots of problems

11. Lifeskills Program for Adolescents Know yourself Get to know and like yourself Become aware of your feelings and values; don’t be pushed into betraying them If you’re not sure what you think and feel, WAIT; don’t rush yourself

12. Lifeskills Program for Adolescents Think about the decisions you make, their consequences and their effect on yourself and on others Talk to the people you care about, let them know what you think and feel

13. Lifeskills Program for Adolescents Accept that you will make mistakes, and learn from them BE YOURSELF Source: Be yourself, Love Sex and You, A Guide for Teenagers, Vicki Wootten

14. Lifeskills Program for Adolescents Swearing The constant use of the “F” or “C” words: Doesn’t make you an Adult Doesn’t make you tough Doesn’t attract nice girls/boys

15. Lifeskills Program for Adolescents It makes you: Ugly Aggressive Impolite Unattractive

16. Lifeskills Program for Adolescents Constant Swearing is UNATTRACTIVE Swearing at teachers is UNACCEPTABLE

17. Lifeskills Program for Adolescents Other unacceptable language is: Put downs of other people, especially females: e.gidiot, bitch, slut, spastic, dickhead, moron, son of a bitch, poofter, dyke,’You’re Gay’ What other words do you dislike? Source: Bernard Denner

18. Lifeskills Program for Adolescents Other unacceptable BOY THINGS Labelling Girls don’t like it! Source: Bernard Denner

19. Lifeskills Program for Adolescents Who are Parents? What is a Parent? What is Parenting Love? Parenting is important!

20. Lifeskills Program for Adolescents How to talk to parents

21. Lifeskills Program for Adolescents Pick the right time Prepare yourself Work within the Boundaries Prepare some alternative options Remind Parents - You’re older

22. Lifeskills Program for Adolescents Don’t lose your cool Negotiate calmly Give and take Don’t put one parent against the other - remember you will never win doing this. Source: Bernard J. Denner

23. Lifeskills Program for Adolescents Use Good examples to get your Point Across Like someone your Parents Respect and Like

24. Lifeskills Program for Adolescents How important are Teachers? What’s their job? Maybe your future partly depends on them!

25. Lifeskills Program for Adolescents How to talk to teachers

26. Lifeskills Program for Adolescents Pick the right time Ask for an appointment / suitable time in advance Don’t try to solve a problem or argue in front of the whole class

27. Lifeskills Program for Adolescents Prepare yourself What do you want to say What do you hope to achieve Alternative outcomes that are acceptable to you and the Teacher

28. Lifeskills Program for Adolescents Work within the boundaries Don’t lose your cool Negotiate calmly Understand that teachers are human and can make mistakes

29. Lifeskills Program for Adolescents Don’t promise what you can’t deliver - be realistic about your goals and work towards them Give and take Source: Bernard J. Denner and Gail Allan

30. Lifeskills Program for Adolescents Discipline Boundaries Rules By Parents, Teachers and other adults … You Should ask yourself... WHY?

31. Lifeskills Program for Adolescents IT MEANS …... That they... CARE Want to...GUIDE EDUCATE and SUPPORT YOU

32. Lifeskills Program for Adolescents Thoughts for Adolescents - …………...School School is also chance to develop: Lifeskills Form opinions Learn about themselves Be educated for Life Socialise

33. Lifeskills Program for Adolescents School is a chance to work on: Coping with difficult people Coping with difficult situations and to LISTEN AND LEARN

34. Lifeskills Program for Adolescents How to talk to girls

35. Lifeskills Program for Adolescents Approach Not to be threatening or Aggressive Smile Don’t Act too cool Speak in a lower tone of voice

36. Lifeskills Program for Adolescents Don’t Act too cool “Bullshit” Be a Hero Talk only about yourself Talk about how tough you are or what a legend you are Advice from 3 teenage girls

37. Lifeskills Program for Adolescents Talk about Music Sport TV Programs Their interests Your interests Ask questions

38. Lifeskills Program for Adolescents Don’t act stupid THINK before you SPEAK Have something sensible to Say You don’t have to swear Talk about their things Ask about things

39. Lifeskills Program for Adolescents Most of all Introduce yourself properly to a new friend and Smile Source: Bernard Denner

40. Lifeskills Program for Adolescents Dating - How to Ask

41. Lifeskills Program for Adolescents “Unthreatening” approach Speak clearly Invitation to be made with warmth Such as …….

42. Lifeskills Program for Adolescents “Would you like to …. go with me to the ice hockey?” go with me to the basketball?” go with me to the mall / shops?” go for a walk?” go to the pictures?

43. Lifeskills Program for Adolescents NOT “Would you like to meet me somewhere” or “I’m not doing anything Sat” or “just broke up with”

44. Lifeskills Program for Adolescents Phone Etiquette When phoning, speak politely to the parents, if they answer. You need their support - having good manners impresses. Remember to identify yourself clearly. Source: Bernard J. Denner

45. Lifeskills Program for Adolescents Drinking If you choose to drink you should consider the following pieces of advice

46. Lifeskills Program for Adolescents Be clear about why you are drinking Be responsible for yourself and others Don’t take risks with yourself or others Drink in a safe place

47. Lifeskills Program for Adolescents Take a limited amount of alcohol with you Low alcohol beer is cheaper and tends to make you feel full before you are drunk Pour your own drinks / open your own bottles

48. Lifeskills Program for Adolescents Finish your glass first, don’t “top” it up Arrange for safe transport home Make a safety pact with a friend before drinking Alternate alcoholic and non- alcoholic drinks and avoid salty snacks

49. Lifeskills Program for Adolescents Finish the night by drinking water - it won’t make you sober, but you will feel better in the morning Never drink and drive, climb or swim Source: Rob and Kerry Grant

50. Lifeskills Program for Adolescents Unsafe Drinking Could lead to: Unsafe sexual behaviour Aggression / Fighting Targetting / Harrassing Girls Drugs

51. Lifeskills Program for Adolescents Stronger Drinks Risky behaviour such as: unsafe swimming unsafe driving Hospitalisation through injury from risky behaviour or alcoholic poisoning Source: Bernard J. Denner

52. Lifeskills Program for Adolescents Drugs If you choose to take drugs you should consider the following pieces of advice

53. Lifeskills Program for Adolescents Be clear about why you are taking drugs Be responsible for yourself and others Don’t take risks with yourself or others Take drugs in a safe place

54. Lifeskills Program for Adolescents Don’t mix drugs and alcohol Don’t buy drugs from an unknown source Don’t experiment, by yourself Never mix drugs

55. Lifeskills Program for Adolescents Arrange for safe transport home Make a safety pact with a friend before taking drugs Best Advice DON’T TAKE DRUGS

56. Lifeskills Program for Adolescents Ask yourself Why? Do I need to? Being cool, could KILL you Source: Bernard Denner

57. Lifeskills Program for Adolescents Unsafe Drug Taking Could lead to: Death Incapacitation for Life Jail HIV and Hepatitis C

58. Lifeskills Program for Adolescents Stronger Drugs Risky behaviour such as: unsafe swimming unsafe driving Hospitalisation through injury from risky behaviour Source: Bernard J. Denner

59. Lifeskills Program for Adolescents Ask yourself Is it worth it? Get High on Life, not on Drugs

60. Lifeskills Program for Adolescents What is Sex? Male or Female Communication between couples Pleasure between couples Demonstration of Feelings/Affection Provides Intimacy Making Babies or Just for FUN

61. Lifeskills Program for Adolescents So Why do Adolescents have Sex?

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63. WHY NOT? Reason Boys Girls % of Responses Not ready / interested36%35% “It’s Illegal”28%11% Safer19%39% Parents17%15%

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69. What is Love? It is based on friendship, affection, mutual respect, admiration, thoughtfulness, sharing and caring Involves good communication and listening

70. Lifeskills Program for Adolescents Does not involve any physical, emotional or sexual violence Is not instant or perfect Love at first sight is more likely to be lust at first sight Source: Unzipped: Everything teenagers want to know about Love, Sex and Each other, B. Donaghy

71. Lifeskills Program for Adolescents What is Lust? Is a physical response that involves sexual arousal It is being “turned on” sexually Is a short-term emotion

72. Lifeskills Program for Adolescents Can get you into trouble (ie lust can make you do something you wouldn’t normally do, eg not using a condom) LUST...Is not always love You can love and lust at the same time, but they are not the same thing Source: Unzipped: Everything teenagers want to know about Love, Sex and Each other, B. Donaghy

73. Lifeskills Program for Adolescents Do YOU have a CHOICE? YES or NO

74. Lifeskills Program for Adolescents The Choice is YOURS 3 A’s Abstinence A ctivity A ll the Way

75. Lifeskills Program for Adolescents What is sexual activity? Masturbation …..? Kissing, Pashing …..? Feeling, touching someone else ….? Mutual masturbation …..? Oral sex …..?

76. Lifeskills Program for Adolescents Or All the WAY Anal intercourse …..? Bonking, sexual intercourse …..? Source: Bernard J. Denner

77. Lifeskills Program for Adolescents Sexual Activity Needs Permission or Consent Source: Bernard J. Denner

78. Lifeskills Program for Adolescents Questions to ask …. If you are thinking of having sex...

79. Lifeskills Program for Adolescents Do I feel old enough and responsible enough to be doing this? Am I doing this for me or for him / her? Am I prepared to use a condom?

80. Lifeskills Program for Adolescents If something goes wrong and we become pregnant, am I prepared for that responsibility? Am I just trying to prove something to myself or him / her? How will I feel about him / her afterwards?

81. Lifeskills Program for Adolescents How will I feel about myself? Has Sex - Solved the Problem? Has Sex - made me Feel Better? Source: Unzipped: Everything teenagers want to know about Love, Sex and Each other, B. Donaghy

82. Lifeskills Program for Adolescents What is sex for? There are several main answers to the question “what is sex for?” and many people feel that the ‘true’ answer is a combination of these:

83. Lifeskills Program for Adolescents Sex is for the survival of the species (human beings). Sex is for making babies. Sex is part of partnership; it cements the relationship. Sex is showing feelings of love or affection between people.

84. Lifeskills Program for Adolescents Sex is for pleasure. Sex is better between committed couples. Good Sex is more than just Bonking.

85. Lifeskills Program for Adolescents The Perils of Sex Without Love and Unprotected Sex

86. Lifeskills Program for Adolescents Unwanted Pregnancy Sexual Diseases Interrupted Study Alienation from friends Depression Being used

87. Lifeskills Program for Adolescents Always check the Use By Date on condoms to ensure that they are effective. Use a lubricant to ensure condom doesn’t break.

88. Lifeskills Program for Adolescents Depression

89. Lifeskills Program for Adolescents What is Depression? Where you feel unhappy and it goes on longer than for a week. A feeling of sadness/loneliness that you can’t snap out of or Brush it Off.

90. Lifeskills Program for Adolescents How do you recognise Depression? Sometimes it is hard to recognise. Some of the signs are: Isolating yourself from other people Feeling lonely / unloved - especially by family / friends Feeling that no-one understands or cares

91. Lifeskills Program for Adolescents Feeling out of sorts / grumpy / irritable Feeling tired all the time Don’t really feel like eating Unable to concentrate Feeling like your life is out of your control Not really feeling happy

92. Lifeskills Program for Adolescents Depression can make you feel or think about SUICIDE or SELF Harm As a way to stop That feeling A way out of what is happening

93. Lifeskills Program for Adolescents What do you do when you feel like this? Admit to yourself that this is the way you feel Find someone that you can talk to and who will listen Your Parent/sFamily Doctor Your friend/sSchool Welfare RelativesA Teacher

94. Lifeskills Program for Adolescents Depression is something that affects all of us from time-to-time. We need to recognise that Life Sucks from time-to-time. We don’t always achieve what we want. We don’t always get what we want. Relationships / Friends come and go. School is only a part of Life.

95. Lifeskills Program for Adolescents We have to recognise that ‘Shit happens’ That we can move on But sometimes some people need support to cope

96. Lifeskills Program for Adolescents There’s no Shame in feeling Depressed Lonely Pissed off with the world Feeling like a loser a Nobody Sometimes we all have days and times when we feel like that

97. Lifeskills Program for Adolescents But when those feelings are there all the time, day after day, week after week, get help.

98. Lifeskills Program for Adolescents How you can help a Depressed Friend Keep an eye out for them If you feel that they are having trouble coping with things and are drinking or drug taking more than usual - talk to an adult about what to do If your friend starts crying in front of you - hold them, let them talk and then see if they will seek some help or Allow you for them

99. Lifeskills Program for Adolescents Accessing Your.... Family Doctor / Welfare Worker Confidentially

100. Lifeskills Program for Adolescents Ring up for a chat first or email him / her

101. Lifeskills Program for Adolescents Talk about your issue Make a time that you feel is Comfortable and Confidential

102. Lifeskills Program for Adolescents Communication in all aspects of Life is Important Whether it be with adults, friends, family or members of the opposite sex Good communication is the Solution to lots of problems

103. Lifeskills Program for Adolescents ALWAYS THINK ABOUT How would you Like to be TREATED … OTHERS DESERVE the SAME

104. Lifeskills Program for Adolescents As a person YOU need to be Healthy and Happy THAT YOU FEEL GOOD About YOURSELF Most of the TIME

105. Lifeskills Program for Adolescents Why.....? So that you don’t put yourself at risk, or your relationships at risk

106. Lifeskills Program for Adolescents Who’s A Winner The person who does their best. That they achieve their Personal Best. THEY are a Winner. Source: Bernard Denner Inspired by Simon Madden

107. Lifeskills Program for Adolescents Adolescence is a GOOD TIME of Life ENJOY IT