1. CM 220:Composition II: Introductions, Conclusions, and Effective Peer Feedback

2. Assignments for unit Readings from The Kaplan Guide to Successful Writing: ch. 14 (pp. 181-194) and ch. 15; Roger Ebert’s article “Whole Lotta Cantin Going On” For this week’s discussion, post revised introduction and conclusion paragraphs AND explain why you made the changes you did. Attach your draft or cut and paste the original introductions and conclusions into your post so classmates can make comparisons. There is NO PROJECT due this.

3. On today’s agenda: How do I write effective introductions and conclusions? How can I provide constructive feedback on my peer’s paragraphs? What are some strategies for making sentences clear and concise?

4. INTRODUCTIONS AND CONCLUSIONS Part I

5. Introductions should... Set the stage Engage attention Set the appropriate tone Provide background and definition of topic, and State thesis (usually in a single sentence at the very end of the paragraph)

6. What to avoid in introductions What to avoidExample Truisms, platitudes, and obvious statements. “Truisms” are claims that are so commonplace and obvious that they are not worth mentioning. “A little knowledge can go a long way” “Children are the hope of the future” “Go with the flow.” Complaining and personal apologies to instructor “I had a really hard time deciding what to write about” Dictionary definitionsAccording to Merriam-Webster’s Dictionary, alternative medicine is “any various system of healing or treating disease that is not included in traditional medical curricula.”

7. What to avoid in introductions What to avoidExamples Widely known factsNo Child Left Behind became a law in 2001. “I believe” and “I think” statements as well as other uses of first person “I think No Child Left Behind has failed to achieve its goals.” “We need to improve our country’s educational system.” Second person (you)You should recognize the signs of bullying so that your child will not be a victim or a perpetrator. AnnouncingThis paper will be about... Overly outrageous statements“Children should never be allowed to use the internet because this will protect them from predators.”

8. Establish the issue In the last decade or so, American culture has become increasingly tolerant of teenage sexuality. Many parents, too busy in their lives, are not proactive in educating their teens on issues related to sexuality. Educators are often left with the role of providing basic information about the subject even as more and more sexual education classes are cut from the curriculum. Where does this leave curious teens? Statistics show that 75 percent of teens have had sex by the time they are nineteen years old. The teenage birth rate continues to climb as do reported cases of sexually transmitted diseases (Healy, 2008). Cleary, it is imperative to develop intervention programs that teach adolescents the effective skills in delaying early sexual behaviors. Early education on delaying sexual activity for teens can drastically decrease teenage pregnancies, prevent the spread of STDs, and help teens to make the right choices that can impact the rest of their lives.

9. Pose questions/use example Can a person’s life change dramatically in a matter of twenty-four hours? One day a person has a certain kind of life – a home, nearby schools for your kids, a wonderful neighborhood, good job, friends – and the next day it may all be gone, irreversibly changed. As a resident of New Orleans, Louisiana, Jean had always known that a major hurricane could strike, but even knowing this fact could not prepare her for what happened in the wake of Hurricane Katrina. Hurricane Katrina demonstrated the need for residents to evacuate when mandated, for local and state authorities to work more efficiently together, and for the federal government to respond in a timely and responsible manner.

10. Use a narrative, descriptive language It was a dark and stormy night. The wind whipped through the trees while lightening flashed and thunder boomed. Up ahead on a hill, a rickety old house stood. In an upstairs window, a single, solitary light shone, casting an eerie shadow across the yard. John was in Chattanooga, Tennessee, on business, and was driving to the outskirts of the city to visit his aunt, an old woman he hadn’t seen in nearly twenty years. According to his directions, that rickety old house was his aunt’s house, but he didn’t know if he had the nerve to knock on the door. In fact, he couldn’t remember a time he had been more scared. Everyone experiences fear just as everyone experiences happiness or sadness. Fear is a natural human emotion to the unknown and is characterized by physical changes to the body, an innate need to escape, and acute awareness of one’s surroundings.

11. Use an attention-grabbing statement Some children cannot sit still. They fidget and do not listen. They appear distracted by every little thing and do not seem to learn from their mistakes. These children disregard rules, even when they are punished repeatedly. Many people see such kids and conclude that their parents must not know how to control them. However, the truth is that attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) is misunderstood. In fact, ADHD is a growing problem that requires more research to understand, better intervention programs to help afflicted children, and improved training and support programs to help parents and educators.

12. Use a shocking statement or statistic, use a quote McDonald’s has sold over 100 billion burgers. One hundred billion burgers with bun, stacked on top of one another would extend over 2.9 million miles into space- -twelve times as far as the moon (Grimes, 2007). What is the secret of McDonald’s incredible success? To use the words of Ray Kroc, McDonald’s founder, the secret to McDonald’s success is that the fast-food giant produces “consistently mediocre food” (Thomas, 2001). The McDonald’s corporation has become a model of success due to its understanding of its market niche, its ability to redefine its image over time, and its ability to remain stable and produce a profit even in difficult economic times.

13. Other approaches Use extended example or series of examples Define an essential term (one the reader may not be familiar with or that you need to reframe for the reader) Dramatize a scene

14. Conclusions: What should they do? Bring the essay to a logical close Reinforce the main idea in an engaging manner (without just repeating the thesis and introduction) Leave readers with something to think about

15. Strategies StrategyHow it works The echoRepeat key concepts or words to reiterate a point Audience appealPoints out to audience how things will turn out if the situation doesn’t change State the “so what”What is the deeper meaning to the argument? Back to the beginningA “mirror image” or completing a narrative begun in the introduction Where do we go from here?Suggest directions for further research, note problems that still need to be addressed

16. Example (audience appeal) The current political culture allows for staggering sums of money to be spent on campaigns. The basic idea is not so much about content as it is about getting the word out and creating a buzz. The more one hears about a candidate, the greater the buzz. And, of course, creating a buzz costs money, but, as advertisers have known for a long time, it is money well spent. Getting elected is a lot like selling laundry detergent, and until If American citizens do not let their government know that they’ve had enough, that spending millions of dollars – even if it’s a candidate’s own money – to hold an office is ludicrous, then they have no one but themselves to blame.

17. EFFECTIVE PEER FEEDBACK Part II

18. Peer review in the real world Journals use “peer review” to critique and select articles for publication Architecture schools use “juries” of peers and instructors to critique projects and offer advice Many jobs will ask groups of employees to work on a project, and typically, the collaboration will involve critique and revision

19. How have I been using peer review? Comments from classmates and friends about your project Discussion board responses Formal peer reviews in previous courses?

20. Common misconceptions and concerns “I’m not a great writer, so how can I offer advice?” “I’m scared about getting critiqued by someone else. What if she hates my paper?” “How can a classmate give me good advice? I don’t care about what anyone but the teacher has to say since she is the one giving me the grade.”

21. Things to avoid Not helpful...why? I really liked this paper. I thought the introduction was great! Some other examples would be helpful. This is boring.

22. Helpful feedback Much better Your thesis statement clearly describes your position, but you have main points that are not clearly connected to the thesis statement. How about revising the thesis so that it lets the reader know what to expect? You might include a statistic in the introduction to let the reader know how big of a problem this is. I read this great article in the Washington Post this week that would give you some good numbers; here is the link... I have had a really hard time revising my introduction to give it a good “hook,” too. I found this helpful website at the University of North Carolina’s writing center that you might review: http://www.unc.edu/depts/wcweb/handouts/introductions.htmlhttp://www.unc.edu/depts/wcweb/handouts/introductions.html. A couple of suggestions they had were opening with a thought-provoking question or a surprising anecdote related to your topic.

23. EDITING SENTENCES Part 3

24. Paramedic Revision Paramedic Revision is a sentence level revision strategy that helps to make writing more clear and concise. It revives tired, wordy, and awkward sentences and makes them more readable

25. Steps Circle the prepositions (of, in, about, for, onto, into) Draw a box around the "is" verb forms Ask, "Where's the action?" Change the "action" into a simple verb Move the doer into the subject (Who's kicking whom) Eliminate any unnecessary slow wind-ups Eliminate any redundancies. (“Paramedic Revision,” 2010).

26. An example The point I wish to make is that the employees working at this company are in need of a much better manager of their money. Who is doing the acting? What is the action? Are there any unnecessary phrases? Could any prepositional phrases be more concise? Actor: Employees Action: Need Direct object: manager

27. Revision Employees at this company need a better money manager.

28. Try revising this... It is widely known that the engineers at Sandia Labs have become active participants in the Search and Rescue operations in most years.

29. And this... After reviewing the results of your previous research, and in light of the relevant information found within the context of the study, there is ample evidence for making important, significant changes to our operating procedures.

30. Links to helpful resources Writing Effective Introductions and Conclusions (Writing Center workshop) http://khe2.acrobat.com/p44415570/?launcher=false&fcsC ontent=true&pbMode=normal Introductions: http://www.unc.edu/depts/wcweb/handouts/introductio ns.html http://www.unc.edu/depts/wcweb/handouts/introductio ns.html Conclusions: http://www.unc.edu/depts/wcweb/handouts/conclusions. html http://www.unc.edu/depts/wcweb/handouts/conclusions. html

31. References Top ten things not to do in your introduction (Power Point presentation created by Kaplan faculty member) Clements, K. (2010). Essay development. In Martinez, D., Carlson, S., & VanDam, K. (Eds), The Kaplan guide to successful writing (pp. 159- 204). New York: Kaplan Publishing.