1. Argumentativeness and Verbal Aggressiveness Two orientations toward arguing

2. argumentativeness 4 Definition: “A predisposition to recognize controversial issues, advocate positions, and refute opposing positions” (Infante) 4 Is viewed as a personality trait 4 Is considered a subset of “assertiveness” 4 Is generally considered to be a positive, constructive trait

3. argumentativeness--continued 4 Assertiveness and argumentativeness are viewed as constructive predispositions 4 Assertiveness includes being forceful, firm, using reasoning to defend personal positions while refuting the positions of adversaries 4 Research has shown that “high argumentatives” are seen as more credible, eloquent, creative, and self-assured

4. argumentativeness--continued 4 High argumentatives –are willing to engage in argument –like to discuss controversial issues –initiate arguments, express disagreement 4 Low argumentatives –dislike arguing, shy away from conflict –withdraw from arguments –are reluctant to voice disagreement “I’m not yelling at you, I’m yelling with you.”

5. a happy medium is the key 4 The idea is to strike a balance –Don’t precipitate arguments needlessly –Don’t avoid arguments altogether. 4 One’s style of arguing should lie between the two extremes. ConstructiveDestructive assertivenesshostility argumentativenessverbal aggressiveness

6. verbal aggressiveness 4 Definition: a predisposition to attack the self- concept of others 4 Is associated with name-calling, the use of threats, and ultimatums, negativity, resentment, and suspicion 4 is generally considered a negative, destructive form of communication

7. Four main causes of aggressiveness 4 Argumentative skill deficiency 4 Psychopathology (attacking for other unresolved issues) 4 Disdain (expressing hate through verbal attacks) 4 Social learning (modeling behavior) “I shall now poke a huge hole in your argument”

8. verbal aggressiveness--continued 4 Verbal aggressiveness is an assault on another’s self concept, rather than his/her position. 4 Individuals who rely on verbal aggressiveness are viewed as less credible, have less satisfying relationships, and resort to physical aggression more often.

9. more on verbal aggressiveness 4 Consequences of verbal aggression include: –lower self-concept, frustration, anxiety, anger, and resentment, embarrassment, physical aggression 4 verbal aggressiveness is viewed as a skill deficiency –an individual lacks the verbal skills required to deal with normal disagreements and everyday frustrations

10. types of verbal aggressiveness 4 name calling, insults, put- downs 4 character attacks, ridicule 4 racial epithets 4 threats, ultimatums 4 nonverbal aggression— rolling the eyes, gritting the teeth, looks of disdain 4 passive-aggressive behavior

11. caveats 4 The two traits are not inversely related (e.g. opposites). –an individual can be high in argumentativeness and high in verbal aggressiveness 4 Sex differences in the two traits –in general, males are more prone to argumentativeness than females –in general, males are more prone to verbal aggressiveness than females 4 Western culture bias in favor of argumentativeness

12. application to interpersonal communication 17.07 17.60 16.81 19.49 23.41 22.03 Adaptable roommate Obstinate roommate High argumentatives Moderate argumentatives Low argumentatives p <.01 p <.025

13. Managing verbal aggressiveness 4 Avoid verbal aggressivess: don’t engage people who are known to be verbally aggressive—don’t be an “enabler” –Example: I’m not going to argue with you unless we both have a chance to speak our minds and unless you refrain from insults.” 4 Be polite: allow the other to speak without interruption, use a calm voice, practice empathy, allow opponent’s to save face –Example: “I can understand why you are so upset. I would be too under the circumstances.” 4 Define the argument: Make sure everyone agrees on what the issue or point of contention is –Example: “We were arguing about where to spend Thanksgiving, not whether I’m selfish or inconsiderate.” –Example: “Let’s deal with that issue in a minute. I want to get back to what we were just talking about.” 4 Recognize shifts from constructive to destructive –Example: “I realize you are upset, but that was uncalled for.” –Example: “please don’t shout at me. I can hear you just fine.”

14. Managing verbal aggressiveness 4 Do argue, Don’t attack: focus on the issues not on personalities –Example: “I’m not saying you are selfish or cheap, I’m saying you didn’t pay your share for the dinner, whatever the reason.” 4 Be aware: Be attentive to the kinds of situations that can trigger aggressiveness: –Win-lose scenarios, personal rejection, “sandbagging” (storing up grievances) 4 Know when to stop arguing: leave- taking is also a communication skill: –Example: “If you continue to call me names, I’m going to hang up.” 4 Use a referee: invite a neutral 3 rd party to observe a dispute. –People are more likely to be on their good behavior if a 3 rd party is present. 4 Argue in a public place: Go to a Starbucks or some other public place to talk.

15. application to intimate relationships 4 “Skill Deficiency Model”: lack of argumentation skills is a catalyst for aggression, violence. 4 Watkins (1982): lack of effective conflict management skills is a major issue in domestic violence 4 Infante, Sabourin, Rudd, & Shannon (1990): violence is most likely to happen in marriages where both spouses have latent hostile dispositions and argumentative skill deficiencies.