1. Psychology Applied to Modern Life, Eighth Edition, Weiten and Lloyd Chapter 8 Friendship and Love

2. Psychology Applied to Modern Life, Eighth Edition, Weiten and Lloyd Chapter 8 Perspectives on Close Relationships The ingredients of close relationships. –Close relationships – “are those that are important, interdependent, and longlasting”. –They come in many forms, including: Family relationships. Friendships. Work relationships. Romantic relationships. Marriage.

3. Psychology Applied to Modern Life, Eighth Edition, Weiten and Lloyd Chapter 8 Culture and relationships. –Cultures vary in their emphasis on romantic love as a basis for marriage. Individualistic cultures tend to fully embrace “marriage for love” as the ultimate expression of individualism. In collectivist cultures, marriages are more likely to be arranged by families. Perspectives on Close Relationships (cont.)

4. Psychology Applied to Modern Life, Eighth Edition, Weiten and Lloyd Chapter 8 The Internet and relationships. –Are internet (virtual) relationships as close as face-to-face relationships? Research suggests that they are as close and as stable as traditional relationships. In fact, the anonymity of online interactions may facilitate closeness because it reduces the risks associated with self-disclosure. However, this assumes that the individual is presenting an “honest” persona online. Perspectives on Close Relationships (cont.)

5. Psychology Applied to Modern Life, Eighth Edition, Weiten and Lloyd Chapter 8 Three factors underlie initial attraction between strangers: 1.Proximity – we are more likely to become involved with people we are geographically, or spatially, close to. 2.Familiarity – the mere exposure effect states that positive feelings toward a person are increased the more often we see them. Initial Attraction and Relationship Development

6. Psychology Applied to Modern Life, Eighth Edition, Weiten and Lloyd Chapter 8 Three factors underlie initial attraction between strangers: (cont.) 3.Physical Attractiveness – This factor plays a key role in face-to-face romantic relationships as well as friendships. – However, cross-cultural research suggests it is not the most important factor, for both males and females. Initial Attraction/Relationship Development (cont.)

7. Psychology Applied to Modern Life, Eighth Edition, Weiten and Lloyd Chapter 8 What makes someone attractive? –Facial features found most attractive: For women: “baby-faced” features, (large eyes, small nose), combined with “mature” features (prominent cheekbones). For men: a strong jaw and broad forehead. Initial Attraction/Relationship Development (cont.)

8. Psychology Applied to Modern Life, Eighth Edition, Weiten and Lloyd Chapter 8 What makes someone attractive? (cont.) –Physique – features found most attractive: For women: average weight, an “hour glass” figure and medium-sized breasts. For men: broad shoulders and a slim waist. Initial Attraction/Relationship Development (cont.)

9. Psychology Applied to Modern Life, Eighth Edition, Weiten and Lloyd Chapter 8 What makes someone attractive? (cont.) –Physical attractiveness is more important to males, than to females, in heterosexual relationships. –Among newlyweds, men emphasized their material resources to appeal to their spouse while dating, whereas women worked at enhancing their appearance. Initial Attraction/Relationship Development (cont.)

10. Psychology Applied to Modern Life, Eighth Edition, Weiten and Lloyd Chapter 8 What makes someone attractive? (cont.) –The matching hypothesis – “proposes that people of similar levels of physical attractiveness gravitate toward each other.” –In contrast, the resource exchange is an evolution-based theory proposing that “in heterosexual dating, males ‘trade’ occupational status for physical attractiveness in females”. Initial Attraction/Relationship Development (cont.)

11. Psychology Applied to Modern Life, Eighth Edition, Weiten and Lloyd Chapter 8 Resource Exchange theory. –David Buss (1988) believes mating patterns depend on what each sex has to invest in terms of survival. For men, reproductive opportunities are the most important, so they show more interest in sexual activity and physical attractiveness. Parental investment theory (see Figure 8.4) states women choose mates that will supply resources needed to support offspring for many years. Initial Attraction/Relationship Development (cont.)

12. Psychology Applied to Modern Life, Eighth Edition, Weiten and Lloyd Chapter 8 Figure 8.4

13. Psychology Applied to Modern Life, Eighth Edition, Weiten and Lloyd Chapter 8 Getting acquainted. –Three factors affect viability of relationships: 1.Reciprocal liking – if we believe someone likes us, we will like them in return. 2.Similarity – we are drawn to those with similar qualities. –This is true in friendships and romantic relationships, regardless of sexual orientation. –Similar attitudes play a key role. Initial Attraction/Relationship Development (cont.)

14. Psychology Applied to Modern Life, Eighth Edition, Weiten and Lloyd Chapter 8 –Three factors affect viability of relationships: (cont.) 3.Desirable personality characteristics. –For future spouses or life partners, personal qualities are more important than physical traits. –Most desirable personality traits were warmth, good sense of humor, and social assertiveness. Initial Attraction/Relationship Development (cont.)

15. Psychology Applied to Modern Life, Eighth Edition, Weiten and Lloyd Chapter 8 Established relationships. –Relationship maintenance – involves “the actions and activities used to sustain the desired quality of a relationship” (see Figure 8.8). –The process of minding relationships involves: Using good listening skills. Know your partner’s opinions. Making positive attributions about your partner’s behavior. Initial Attraction/Relationship Development (cont.)

16. Psychology Applied to Modern Life, Eighth Edition, Weiten and Lloyd Chapter 8 Figure 8.8

17. Psychology Applied to Modern Life, Eighth Edition, Weiten and Lloyd Chapter 8 Minding relationships. –Expressing feelings of trust and commitment. –Recognizing your partner’s support and effort. –Being optimistic about the future of the relationship. Initial Attraction/Relationship Development (cont.)

18. Psychology Applied to Modern Life, Eighth Edition, Weiten and Lloyd Chapter 8 Relationship satisfaction and commitment. –What determines whether you will stay in the relationship or get out? Interdependence or social exchange theory states that the decision is based on a “cost-benefit” analysis of the relationship’s outcome. If the rewards outweigh the costs, we stay. Initial Attraction/Relationship Development (cont.)

19. Psychology Applied to Modern Life, Eighth Edition, Weiten and Lloyd Chapter 8 Interdependence theory. –Relationship satisfaction is guaged by our comparison level – “personal standard of what constitutes an acceptable balance of rewards and costs”. –It is based on outcomes experienced in previous relationships and on outcomes seen in other people’s relationships. Initial Attraction/Relationship Development (cont.)

20. Psychology Applied to Modern Life, Eighth Edition, Weiten and Lloyd Chapter 8 Interdependence theory. –Relationship commitment is determined by two factors: 1.The comparison level for alternatives, or “our estimation of the available outcomes from alternative relationships”. We tend to stay in unsatisfying relationships until a better one comes along. Initial Attraction/Relationship Development (cont.)

21. Psychology Applied to Modern Life, Eighth Edition, Weiten and Lloyd Chapter 8 –Relationship commitment is determined by two factors (cont.): 2.The investments, or “things that people contribute to a relationship that they can’t get back if the relationship ends”. –Thus, putting investments into a relationship strengthens our commitment to it. Initial Attraction/Relationship Development (cont.)

22. Psychology Applied to Modern Life, Eighth Edition, Weiten and Lloyd Chapter 8 What makes a good friend? –Many factors are important (see Figure 8.10), but a common theme is that good friends provide emotional and social support. Friendship

23. Psychology Applied to Modern Life, Eighth Edition, Weiten and Lloyd Chapter 8 Figure 8.10

24. Psychology Applied to Modern Life, Eighth Edition, Weiten and Lloyd Chapter 8 Gender differences in friendship. –Women’s friendships are more emotionally- based, closer and satisfying because they involve more self-disclosure. –Why isn’t this true for men’s friendships? Men are socialized to be “strong and silent”. Fear of homosexuality is stronger in men. Men are encouraged to see each other as competitors. Friendship (cont.)

25. Psychology Applied to Modern Life, Eighth Edition, Weiten and Lloyd Chapter 8 Sexual orientation and love. –Sexual orientation – “refers to a person’s preference for emotional and sexual relationships with individuals of the same gender, the other gender, or either gender”. –Most studies of romantic love suffer from heterosexism, “or the assumption that all individuals and relationships are heterosexual”. –However, homosexual romance and relationships are basically the same as those of heterosexuals. Romantic Love

26. Psychology Applied to Modern Life, Eighth Edition, Weiten and Lloyd Chapter 8 Gender differences regarding love. –Counter to stereotype, men are actually more romantic than women and fall in love more easily than do women. –Women are also more selective when choosing a partner, a tendency that supports the “parental investment theory” of attraction. Romantic Love (cont.)

27. Psychology Applied to Modern Life, Eighth Edition, Weiten and Lloyd Chapter 8 Theories of love. –Sternberg’s triangular theory of love states that all loving relationships are comprised of some combination of three components: 1.Intimacy – “warmth, closeness, and sharing”. 2.Passion – “intense feelings (both positive and negative), including sexual desire. 3.Commitment – “the decision and intent to maintain a relationship in spite of the difficulties and costs that may arise”. Romantic Love (cont.)

28. Psychology Applied to Modern Life, Eighth Edition, Weiten and Lloyd Chapter 8 Sternberg’s Triangular Theory (cont.) –Eight types of relationships can result from the presence, or absence, of each of the three components. –The ultimate type of love is consummate love, in which each of the three components is present. Romantic Love (cont.)

29. Psychology Applied to Modern Life, Eighth Edition, Weiten and Lloyd Chapter 8 Romantic love as attachment. –Hazen and Shaver (1987) draw a connection between attachment patterns early in life and the quality of romantic love relationships (see Figure 8.12). Warm, responsive parenting fosters secure attachment patterns and is associated with longer-lasting relationships and the fewest divorces. Romantic Love (cont.)

30. Psychology Applied to Modern Life, Eighth Edition, Weiten and Lloyd Chapter 8 Figure 8.12

31. Psychology Applied to Modern Life, Eighth Edition, Weiten and Lloyd Chapter 8 Romantic love as attachment. (cont.) –Bartholomew and Horowitz (1991) developed a four-category model of adult attachment styles that result from the interaction of two factors (see figure 8.13): 1.Perceptions of own self worth (positive or negative). 2.Perceptions of others’ trustworthiness and reliability (positive or negative). Romantic Love (cont.)

32. Psychology Applied to Modern Life, Eighth Edition, Weiten and Lloyd Chapter 8 Figure 8.13

33. Psychology Applied to Modern Life, Eighth Edition, Weiten and Lloyd Chapter 8 Romantic love as attachment. (cont.) –In conclusion: Securely attached individuals have healthier, more satisfying relationships. People with a secure attachment style are more likely to have securely attached partners. Early bonding experiences produce relatively enduring relationship styles. Romantic Love (cont.)

34. Psychology Applied to Modern Life, Eighth Edition, Weiten and Lloyd Chapter 8 The course of romantic of love. –Sternberg’s theory predicts that the strength of each of the three components of love varies across time (see Figure 8.14). Passion peaks early in a relationship and then decreases in intensity. However, both intimacy and commitment increase as time progresses. Romantic Love (cont.)

35. Psychology Applied to Modern Life, Eighth Edition, Weiten and Lloyd Chapter 8 Figure 8.14

36. Psychology Applied to Modern Life, Eighth Edition, Weiten and Lloyd Chapter 8 The course of romantic of love. (cont.) –Why do some relationships end? 1.Premature commitment. 2.Ineffective communication and conflict management skills. 3.Becoming bored with the relationship. 4.Availability of a more attractive relationship. Romantic Love (cont.)

37. Psychology Applied to Modern Life, Eighth Edition, Weiten and Lloyd Chapter 8 The course of romantic of love. (cont.) –Helping relationships last. 1.Take plenty of time to get to know the other person before making a long-term commitment. 2.Emphasize the positive qualities in your partner and relationship. 3.Find ways to bring novelty to long-term relationships. 4.Develop effective conflict management skills. Romantic Love (cont.)

38. Psychology Applied to Modern Life, Eighth Edition, Weiten and Lloyd Chapter 8 The nature of loneliness. –Loneliness – “occurs when a person has fewer interpersonal relationships than desired, or when these relationships are not as satisfying as desired”. –Emotional loneliness – absence of an intimate attachment figure. –Social loneliness – lack of friendship network. Application: Overcoming Loneliness

39. Psychology Applied to Modern Life, Eighth Edition, Weiten and Lloyd Chapter 8 The nature of loneliness. (cont.) –Transient loneliness – brief disruptions to social network. –Chronic loneliness – inability to establish social networks over a number of years. –Loneliness is most prevalent among: The young (especially homosexual teens). Single, divorced and widowed adults. Individuals whose parents have divorced. Application: Overcoming Loneliness (cont.)

40. Psychology Applied to Modern Life, Eighth Edition, Weiten and Lloyd Chapter 8 The roots of loneliness. –Early experiences – inappropriate behavior (aggressiveness, aloofness, competetiveness, or overdependence) in children can lead to rejection by peers. –Social trends – busy schedules, and time spent watching television and using computers in our homes, decreases potential interaction with others. Application: Overcoming Loneliness (cont.)

41. Psychology Applied to Modern Life, Eighth Edition, Weiten and Lloyd Chapter 8 Correlates of loneliness. –Shyness – “discomfort, inhibition, and excessive caution in interpersonal relations”. –Poor social skills. –Self-defeating attributional style – especially thinking negatively about social situations, can cause people to behave in ways that confirm their negative expectations. Application: Overcoming Loneliness (cont.)

42. Psychology Applied to Modern Life, Eighth Edition, Weiten and Lloyd Chapter 8 Conquering loneliness. –Chronic loneliness is associated with a variety of mental and physical health problems. –Fortunately, loneliness can be overcome by trying the following: Use the internet to alleviate anxiety created by face-to-face interactions. Avoid the temptation to withdraw from social situations. Application: Overcoming Loneliness (cont.)

43. Psychology Applied to Modern Life, Eighth Edition, Weiten and Lloyd Chapter 8 Conquering loneliness. (cont.) –Break out of the habit of the self-defeating attributional style. –Cultivate your social skills through a “social skills training” program designed to teach individuals the skills involved in initiating and maintaining relationships. Application: Overcoming Loneliness (cont.)