1. Men – One Liners

2. How many honest, intelligent, caring men in the world does it take to do the dishes?

3. How many honest, intelligent, caring men in the world does it take to do the dishes? Answer: Both of them.

4. Why don’t women blink during sex?

5. Why don’t women blink during sex? Answer: They don’t have time.

6. Why does it take 1 million sperm to fertilize one egg?

7. Answer: They don’t stop and ask for directions.

8. What do men and sperm have in common?

9. What do men and sperm have in common? Answer: They both have a one— in—a—million chance of becoming a human being.

10. How does a man show that he is planning for the future?

11. How does a man show that he is planning for the future? Answer: He buys two cases of beer.

12. What is the difference between men and government bonds?

13. What is the difference between men and government bonds? Answer: The bonds mature.

14. Why are blonde jokes so short?

15. Answer: So men can remember them.

16. How many men does it take to change a roll of toilet paper?

17. Answer: We don’t know; it has never happened.

18. What do you call a woman who knows where her husband is every night?

19. What do you call a woman who knows where her husband is every night? Answer: A widow.

20. When do women care for a man’s company?

21. When do women care for a man’s company? Answer: When he owns it.

22. Why are married women heavier than single women?

23. Why are married women heavier than single women? Answer: Single women come home, see what’s in the fridge and go to bed. Married women come home, see what’s in bed and go to the fridge.

24. How do you get a man to do sit-ups?

25. How do you get a man to do sit-ups? Answer:Put the remote control between his toes.

26. What did God say after creating man?

27. Answer:I must be able to do better than that.

28. What is the one thing that all men at singles bars have in common?

29. What is the one thing that all men at singles bars have in common? Answer:They’re married.

30. Man says to God: ”God, why did you make woman so beautiful?”

31. Man says to God: ”God, why did you make woman so beautiful?” God says:”So you would love her.”

32. Man says to God: ”God, why did you make woman so beautiful?” God says:”So you would love her.” “But God”, the man says, “why didn’t you make her more intelligent?”

33. Man says to God: ”God, why did you make woman so beautiful?” God says:”So you would love her.” “But God”, the man says, “why didn’t you make her more intelligent?” God says: ”So she would love you.”