1. Tool #13 Magic Words that Change Negative to Positive Employee Success Toolkit Copyright Harriet Meyerson 2008 www.ConfidenceCenter.com

2. Magic Words that Change Negative to Positive © Harriet Meyerson, 2008 www.ConfidenceCenter.com Some Everyday Words Can Be Detrimental  How often do you think about the meanings of the words that you use every day?  Do you just say what flows naturally from your mouth?  Some common words may actually create negative relationships with your co-workers, managers and customers.

3. Magic Words that Change Negative to Positive © Harriet Meyerson, 2008 www.ConfidenceCenter.com PROBLEMS Become SITUATIONS Instead of saying, “I have a difficult problem at work.”, try saying, “I have a difficult situation at work.”  A problem seems like it will always be there.  A situation seems temporary and solvable.

4. Magic Words that Change Negative to Positive © Harriet Meyerson, 2008 www.ConfidenceCenter.com ALWAYS and NEVER Become OFTEN and SELDOM  “Always” and “Never” are negative words.  They are rarely true and exaggerate a situation.  They are usually used to criticize.  People feel blamed and attacked.  They become defensive.  They may focus on your exaggeration and ignore your message.

5. Magic Words that Change Negative to Positive © Harriet Meyerson, 2008 www.ConfidenceCenter.com Become Positive by Using OFTEN and SELDOM Negative: “You never help me with the filing. You always leave the charts for me to file.” Positive: “Since you seldom seem to have time to help me file the charts, I often have to stay late. Can we work out a plan to share the filing?”

6. Magic Words that Change Negative to Positive © Harriet Meyerson, 2008 www.ConfidenceCenter.com SHOULD HAVE Becomes COULD HAVE  Using “should have” creates condemnation and guilt for something that has already been done and cannot be changed. “You should have worked on that report first.”  The words “could have” don’t condemn, they imply choice, allowing the experience to become a lesson. “You could have worked on that report first and saved the filing for later.”

7. Magic Words that Change Negative to Positive © Harriet Meyerson, 2008 www.ConfidenceCenter.com BAD Becomes UNWISE  “Bad” is a judgment of a person’s character and causes resentment. “It was a bad idea to take time off when we had a deadline to meet.”  “Unwise” refers to the natural consequences of the person’s actions and doesn’t judge their character. “It wasn’t very wise to take time off when we had a deadline to meet. Everyone was stressed by having to do more than their share.”

8. Magic Words that Change Negative to Positive © Harriet Meyerson, 2008 www.ConfidenceCenter.com FAULTS Become DIFFERENCES  Using the word, “faults”, is judging someone’s actions as right or wrong. “One of my co-worker’s faults is that her desk is always a mess.”  Using the word, “differences”, removes the critical tone because you are pointing out how you are different, not that one person is right or wrong. “One of the differences between us is that her desk is cluttered while I like everything put away.”

9. Magic Words that Change Negative to Positive © Harriet Meyerson, 2008 www.ConfidenceCenter.com MISTAKES Become VALUABLE LESSONS  Using the word, “mistakes”, makes others feel ashamed and stifles creativity. “You made a mistake.”  Using the words, “valuable lessons”, gives others something positive to do - to learn from their actions. “There is a valuable lesson in what you did. What did you learn from it?”

10. Magic Words that Change Negative to Positive © Harriet Meyerson, 2008 www.ConfidenceCenter.com MUST Becomes PREFER  Using the word, “must”, adds stress to your life. “I must finish everything on my task list by 5 PM.”  Using the word, “prefer”, doesn’t add stress and is more realistic. “I would prefer to finish everything on my task list by 5 PM, but if I don’t, I’m still making progress.”

11. Magic Words that Change Negative to Positive © Harriet Meyerson, 2008 www.ConfidenceCenter.com PLEASE Becomes WOULD YOU PLEASE  Even if you are trying to sound pleasant, the word “please” can sound like a demand. “Please have this completed by 3PM.”  Using the words, “would you please”, softens your request because it gives a person a choice, and you are more likely to get cooperation without resentment. “Would you please have this completed by 3 PM?”

12. Magic Words that Change Negative to Positive © Harriet Meyerson, 2008 www.ConfidenceCenter.com Magic Actions  In addition to using magic words, there are magic actions you can take to create a more positive workplace. 1.Smile - it’s the international language that brings happiness to others. 2.Show appreciation to your co- workers, and offer to help when necessary. 3.Bring in cookies or other goodies. 4.Post cartoons and inspiring quotes on the bulletin board.

13. Magic Words that Change Negative to Positive © Harriet Meyerson, 2008 www.ConfidenceCenter.com Watch Your Tone of Voice  Avoid using a critical tone of voice or sarcasm.  It will cancel out the positive words that you are using.  If you are upset about something, use positive words to explain the situation in a calm and reasonable tone of voice.

14. Magic Words that Change Negative to Positive © Harriet Meyerson, 2008 www.ConfidenceCenter.com Body Language Speaks Louder than Words  Your body language should reflect your words, or you may be sending mixed messages.  People will believe your body language more than your words.

15. Magic Words that Change Negative to Positive © Harriet Meyerson, 2008 www.ConfidenceCenter.com Be a Role Model  By keeping a positive outlook, and using positive words, you can be a positive role model for others.  If you are persistent, others will get on the positive band- wagon with you.  It only takes one person to start making a difference.

16. Magic Words that Change Negative to Positive Copyright Harriet Meyerson 2008 www.ConfidenceCenter.com Quiz & Discussion Questions

17. Magic Words that Change Negative to Positive © Harriet Meyerson, 2008 www.ConfidenceCenter.com Question 1 What are some situations where you might run into problems using negative words?

18. Magic Words that Change Negative to Positive © Harriet Meyerson, 2008 www.ConfidenceCenter.com Question 2 What are some words you can use to get cooperation from co- workers without creating resentment?

19. Magic Words that Change Negative to Positive © Harriet Meyerson, 2008 www.ConfidenceCenter.com Question 3 What are the consequences to using the words “always” and “never”?

20. Magic Words that Change Negative to Positive © Harriet Meyerson, 2008 www.ConfidenceCenter.com Question 4 What word, when used towards a co-worker, implies judgment of a person’s character?

21. Magic Words that Change Negative to Positive © Harriet Meyerson, 2008 www.ConfidenceCenter.com Question 5 What are three other things you can do to change a negative work environment into a positive one?

22. Magic Words that Change Negative to Positive © Harriet Meyerson, 2008 www.ConfidenceCenter.com Set Your Goals What are your three main goals to change negative into positive?