1. ANGER MANAGEMENT

2. THE PRESENTER Dr Adelbert Scholtz
Retired minister of religion (NG Kerk)
Registered counselling psychologist in private practice
Part-time lecturer in practical theology and pastoral care (UFS & UWC)

3. ANGER MANAGEMENT What does anger do to you? The mechanics of anger
Managing excessive anger
Managing the anger of your loved ones

4. 1. WHAT DOES ANGER DO TO YOU?

5. ANGER DESCRIBED
Anger is an emotional state that varies in intensity from mild irritation to intense fury and rage

6. THE SIX BASIC EMOTIONS

7. A NATURAL AND DESIRABLE STATE
It is perfectly normal to become angry in certain situations
If you are wronged or when others are treated unfairly you may become angry
The problem is excessive anger without sufficient justification

8. EXCESSIVE ANGER May jeopardise your – Family relationships Friendships
Occupational relationships
Self-respect
Physical health

9. PHYSICAL REACTIONS
When you become angry your body produces stress hormones – adrenalin and cortisol
These hormones enable you to fight or flee when you are in danger
If you cannot fight or flee, these hormones accumulate and attack your body

10. PHYSICAL HARM
Chronic anger makes you more susceptible to heart disease, diabetes, high cholesterol levels, a weakened immune system, insomnia, and high blood pressure

11. PSYCHOLOGICAL REACTIONS
The emotional pathways in your brain work faster than the rational pathways
You react automatically, without thinking
You need this in emergencies
If you behave irrationally you may sometimes make stupid mistakes and you may later regret them

12. YOUR MENTAL HEALTH
Chronic anger consumes huge amounts of mental energy and clouds your thinking, making it harder to concentrate, see the bigger picture, and enjoy life
It can also lead to stress, depression, and other mental health problems

13. BIBLICAL EXAMPLES OF JUSTIFIED ANGER
Jesus (Mark 3: 5 & Mark 11: 15)
Moses (Ex 32: 19)
Samson (Judg 14: & 19)
Samuel (1 Sam : 16 – 31)

14. BIBLICAL EXAMPLES OF EXCESSIVE ANGER
Cain (Gen 4: 4 & 6)
Potiphar (Gen 39: 1 & 19)
Balaam (Num 22: 27 & 28)
Saul (1 Sam 20: 30)
Jonah (Jon 4: 1 – 9)
Herod (Matt 2: 16)

15. CONCLUSION Anger in itself is in order and normal
Excessive and uncontrolled anger is destructive

16. 2. THE MECHANICS OF ANGER

17. BETWEEN TRIGGER AND REACTION
Trigger (unpleasant situation or event) 
Evaluation of situation 
Emotional reaction – irritation, anger or rage 
Inhibitions 
Reaction (what you do or don’t do)

18. BELIEFS INFLUENCING YOUR REACTION
You have beliefs regarding –
Yourself
Other people
How emotions may be expressed
Acceptable behaviour

19. COMMON THINKING MISTAKES INFLUENCING YOUR REACTION
Generalisations
Mind-reading
Emotion-laden language
Selective perceptions
Jumping to conclusions
Excessive pessimism
Perfectionism
Excessive feelings of guilt

20. YOUR MOOD INFLUENCES YOUR REACTION
Your mood is dependent upon your –
State of Health
Nutrition
Amount of exercise
Drug & alcohol usage
Daily rhythm
Sleeping pattern
Social environment

21. WHAT MAKES YOU ANGRY? A low tolerance for frustration
Some children are born irritable, touchy, and easily angered
Another reason may be socio-cultural. We're taught that it's OK to express anxiety, depression, &tc but not to express anger; so we don't learn how to handle it constructively
People who are easily angered come from families that are disruptive, chaotic, and not skilled at emotional communications

22. YOUR BACKGROUND
If you grew up in a violent and aggressive home you will most probably follow this example
If you were abused as a child you may become an abusive adult

23. MYTHS
Myth: I shouldn’t “hold in” my anger (it can only worsen the situation)
Myth: Anger, aggression, and intimidation help me earn respect and get what I want (people might be afraid of you but they won’t respect you)
Myth: Anger isn’t something you can control (nonsense!)

24. 3. MANAGING EXCESSIVE ANGER

25. MANAGING YOUR ANGER It takes hard work and effort
It cannot be achieved overnight
The results are certainly worthwhile because you can gain a lot in improved relationships and improved health

26. FOOD FOR THOUGHT

28. BIBLICAL GUIDELINES
“A quick-tempered man does foolish things….” (Prov 14: 17)
“Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, and do not give the devil a foothold.” (Eph 4: 26)
“Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.” (Eph 4: 31)

29. TIP NO 1 Keep a diary in which you write down – The trigger
Your evaluation of the trigger
Your feelings
Your inhibitions
Your reaction

30. TIP NO 1 (cont’d)
Automatic negative thoughts regarding yourself (ANT’s)
Test the ANT’s and replace with more realistic self-evaluation
Thinking mistakes
A more useful reaction?
What did I learn about myself?

31. TIP NO 2 Be more aware of your anger warning signs and triggers
Pay attention to the way anger feels in your body
Knots in your stomach
Clenching your hands or jaw
Feeling clammy or flushed
Breathing faster
Headaches
Pacing or needing to walk around
“Seeing red”
Having trouble concentrating
Pounding heart
Tensing your shoulders

32. TIP NO 3
Avoid people, places, and situations that bring out your worst
Take control of your environment and avoid unnecessary aggravation
Look at your regular routine and try to identify activities, times of day, people, places, or situations that trigger irritable or angry feelings

33. TIP NO 4 Learn ways to cool down:
Focus on the physical sensations of anger
Take some deep breaths
Exercise
Stretch or massage areas of tension

34. TIP NO 5 Find healthier ways to express your anger:
Pinpoint what you’re really angry about
Remove yourself from the situation for a few minutes
Always fight fair
Focus on the present
Be willing to forgive

35. TIP NO 6
Expressing your angry feelings in an assertive—not aggressive—manner is the healthiest way
Learn how to make clear what your needs are, and how to get them met, without hurting others
Being assertive doesn't mean being pushy or demanding; it means being respectful of yourself and others

36. TIP NO 7 Use humour: See the funny side of an unpleasant situation
Learn to laugh at yourself
Don't use sarcasm, though — it can hurt feelings and make things worse

37. TIP NO 8 Forgiveness is a powerful tool
If you allow anger and other negative feelings to crowd out positive feelings, you might find yourself swallowed up by your own bitterness or sense of injustice
If you can forgive, you might both learn from the situation; it's unrealistic to expect everyone to behave exactly as you want at all times

38. TIP NO 9 Consider professional help if:
You feel constantly frustrated and angry no matter what you try
Your temper causes problems at work or in your relationships
You avoid new events and people because you feel like you can’t control your temper
You have gotten in trouble with the law due to your anger
Your anger has ever led to physical violence

39. 4. MANAGING THE ANGER OF YOUR LOVED ONES

40. ANGER IN YOUR LOVED ONE
If your loved one has an anger problem, you probably feel like you’re walking on eggshells all the time
But always remember that you are not to blame for your loved one’s anger

41. DEALING WITH A LOVED ONE’S ANGER
Tips:
You can control how you respond
Set clear boundaries about what you will and will not tolerate
Wait for a time when you are both calm to talk to your loved one about the anger problem

42. DEALING WITH A LOVED ONE’S ANGER
Remove yourself from the situation if your loved one does not calm down
Consider counseling or therapy for yourself if you are having a hard time standing up for yourself
Put your safety first; if you feel unsafe in any way, get away from your loved one and go somewhere safe

43. ABUSIVE RELATIONSHIPS
Anger isn’t the real problem in abusive relationships
Domestic violence is not due to the abuser’s loss of control over his behavior and temper
Abusive behavior is a deliberate choice for the sole purpose of controlling you
Couples’ counselling is not recommended
Your partner needs specialized treatment, not regular anger management classes

44. SUMMARY: ANGER MANAGEMENT
What does anger do to you?
The mechanics of anger
Managing excessive anger
Managing the anger of your loved ones

45. ANY QUESTIONS?

46. THANK YOU FOR YOUR ATTENTION
[AND FOR NOT SHOOTING ME IN ANGER OR FRUSTRATION!]

47. YOU ARE ORDERED TO HAVE A GOOD NIGHT’S SLEEP!