1. Working with Emotional Intelligence to Create Positive Change Robert K. Bitting, Ph.D., L.M.H.C. June, 2013 NYSCAA

2. What is Intelligence? Typically focused on: ◦ analytic reasoning ◦ verbal skills ◦ spatial ability ◦ attention ◦ memory ◦ judgment Murky concept with definitions by many experts... What’s the key?

3. IQ: A weak predictor for ◦ Achievement ◦ Job performance success ◦ Overall success, wealth Still a component of employment/career success; maybe 20-25% So, where’s the rest come from?

4. One Place: Emotional Intelligence How we perceive emotions and facilitate thought. How we understand and manage emotions. Refers to feelings that a person has in a relationship. Capacity to reason with emotions and emotional signals – self and others. Self-awareness, social awareness, self- management, relationship management. What’s Your Definition?

5. Two Important People: Carl Rogers (and the Big “E”) and…

6. The “Godfather” of E.I. Albert Ellis Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy Connection Between How We: Think, Feel and Behave The Idea of “Changing the Thought, Changing the Behavior”

7. Thoughts FeelingsBehaviors

8. YOU (CHOICE) Thoughts FeelingsBehaviors

9. Ellis: ABCDE A – Activating or “red flag” event B – Belief or Behavior C – Consequences (Emotional or other) D – Dispute w/ more rational/realistic expectations (Choose to “reframe”) E – Effects (positive) of these more rational beliefs/behaviors

10. Ellis: Typical Thinking Errors Ignoring the Positive Exaggerating the Negative Overgeneralizing QUIT MUSTERBATING!!

11. Three Key Questions: What Do You Want? What Are You Doing To Get What You Want? How’s It Working? (Also, quit awfulizing and whining!)

12. Based On Acceptance (Unconditional) Self Others Life Really?: Let’s hear what Ellis has to say about this!

13. So…more potent predictors of Career Success are: Ability to handle frustrations Manage own emotions Manage own social skills Do you know any highly intelligent people who aren’t socially adept? (Anyone in NYSCAA?)

14. Problem: how we’ve historically viewed emotions: Chaotic Haphazard Superfluous Incompatible with reason Disorganized Largely visceral Resulting from the lack of effective adjustment

15. How we are now viewing emotions: Arouse, sustain, direct activity Part of total economy of living organisms Not in opposition to intelligence A higher order of intelligence Emotional processing may be an essential part of rational decision making

16. Evolutionary Advantage to Emotion For example: ◦ Fight or flight response ◦ But… Can basic emotions overwhelm rational thinking? ◦ Have you ever been “HIJACKED”?

17. The main purpose of the innermost part of the brain is survival. To Get at Emotion, Go Deep... Amygdala is deep within the most elemental Parts of the brain.

18. Basic Emotions—we all have ‘em – are they “hard-wired” or learned? The “4 Core” Joy Sadness Anger Fear Others?

19. “Being nice” Letting feelings hang out” So (Again) What is Emotional Intelligence (EI)? The capacity for recognizing our own feelings and those of others, for motivating ourselves, and for managing emotions well in ourselves and in our relationships. a field in infancya field in infancy fast-growingfast-growing aspects harken to research of the 1940’saspects harken to research of the 1940’s a field in infancya field in infancy fast-growingfast-growing aspects harken to research of the 1940’saspects harken to research of the 1940’s

20. Emotional self-awareness The inability to notice our true feelings leaves us at their mercy. People with greater certainty about their feelings are better pilots of their lives and have a surer sense about how they feel about personal decisions. How do you stay open to your emotional experiences?-- can we tolerate the full range? Self-awareness

21. Value of taking time for self- awareness requires abilities to recognize appropriate body cues and emotions to label cues and emotions accurately to stay open to unpleasant as well as pleasant emotions Includes the capacity for experiencing and recognizing multiple and conflicting emotions Emotional Self Awareness

22. Managing One’s Own Emotions EI is like a smoke alarm. EI tells us a particular emotion is arising. Tremendous individual variability vis- à-vis duration and intensity of emotion. EI can help us “reframe” and move forward more quickly. Self - regulatio n

23. Out of Control Emotions Impair reasoning (even smart people sometimes act stupidly – example?) May increase the likelihood that chronic emotional problems will result, (e.g., clinical depression or chronic anxiety or hostility)

24. Using emotions to maximize intellectual processing and decision- making: As a person matures, emotions begin to shape and improve thinking by directing a person’s attention to important changes. Example: Learning to Delay Gratification Self- Motivation

25. Utilizing mild emotional swings to more effectively: Promote or hinder motivation - anxiety, hostility, sadness Understand emotional swings to increase perspective on future events. Read Blink, by Malcolm Gladwell – a great book for “reading” other people!

26. Developing empathy Empathy is the ability to recognize another’s emotional state, which is very similar to what you are experiencing. “Here I am, as I am” leads us closer to conditions for Unconditional Acceptance, Social Interest, and the Big E. social awareness

27. Developing empathy also links to: Greater emotional stability Greater interpersonal sensitivity Better school and work performance Developing empathy

28. The Art of Social Relationships-- managing emotions in others Effective friend, negotiator, and leader. Ability to guide interactions, inspire, and make others. comfortable in social situations Influence and persuade others.

29. The “Dark Side”:The danger of the nice personality Have you ever met a nice person, but the “bells have gone off?” Charisma draws in but not always to desired ends, e.g., Hitler, Jim Jones. Empathy can be faked; so can other emotions. Anyone you know?

30. The Development of “EI” A genetic contribution is likely But it is not destiny Early expression of emotion by parents helps learning Early abuse hinders learning Poor ability to read others’ emotions may lead to the development of poor social skills.

31. Emotion-Related “Dysfunction” (the Everyday Type!) Can lead to THE 4 HORSEMEN of Negative Emotions: Defensiveness Stonewalling Criticism CONTEMPT!! Impacts on physical health: Cardiovascular disease Progression of diabetes, cancer, hypertension OVERALL BAD STUFF

32. Dysfunction at Work - Questions to Ask: Is the person in the wrong job? Does the job require the person to be difficult? What is remarkable about the group dynamics of the organization? What about individuals, personal and interpersonal?

33. Importance of EI to Organizations: 50% of work satisfaction is determined by the relationship a worker has with… his/her boss. EI is a prerequisite for effective leadership across borders. ◦ Requires a high level of self-mastery and people skills; ability to put yourself into the positions of others.

34. What is Improving EI Worth? Increases retention. Decreases absenteeism. Increases overall organizational growth. Could increase production as much as 20% Current estimates to American Business: Losing between $5.6 and $16.8 Billion annually

35. Nine Strategies for TAKING THE TIME FOR MINDFULNESS Recognizing and naming emotions Understanding the causes of feelings Differentiating between emotion and the need to take action Preventing depression through “learned optimism” Managing anger through learned behavior or distraction techniques Listening for the lessons of feelings Using “gut feelings” in decision making Developing listening skills Promoting Emotional Intelligence

36. Using E.I. in the Workplace Should skills related to EI find their way into workplace strategic planning? Can such skills be effectively developed in the workplace? Would the introduction of skills related to EI radically modify the workplace – and if so, how? How does effective customer service relates to the basic concepts of E.I.? What is the EI skill set applied to where you work?