1. Stressbusters Dealing with Difficult People

2. If you are distressed by anything external, the pain is not due to the thing itself but to your own estimate of it; and this you have the power to revoke at any moment. ~ Marcus Aurelius

3. Dealing with Difficult People Impact of difficult behavior Types of difficult behavior Getting results Keeping your balance

4. Impact on our Work Miscommunication Focus on “winning” rather than the issue Rewarding bad behavior Time wasted by distractions Residual resentment colors future dealings

5. Impact on our Mood Fight or flight Defensiveness Question judgment, capability Feel belittled, mistreated Ongoing resentment

6. Getting Results with Any Type Remain calm Focus on problem solving Act with confidence Listen Collaborate Understand their motivation

7. Lessons Learned from Motherhood Pick your battles Tantrums are no fun for anyone It’s the behavior that’s bad, not the person Always provide an escape hatch Don’t run with scissors

8. The Dictator Intimidating, aggressive Demanding and critical Arbitrary Arrogant Values a high level of self-confidence and assertiveness

9. Coping with a Dictator Stand up to him without fighting State your opinion Remain calm and focused

10. The Complainer Finds fault with everything Negative and nit-picking Accusatory Self-fulfilling cycle of passivity, blame, and powerlessness Some of the complaints may be legitimate

11. Coping with a Complainer Focus on problem solving Listen attentively Identify specifics Don’t simply dismiss Don’t accept blame or make excuses Ask for solutions

12. The Passive Avoids conflict and risk Non-committal Unresponsive

13. Coping with a Passive Ask open-ended questions Don’t rush to fill silences Remain friendly and approachable Offer observations

14. The Yes-Person Sociable, outgoing Attentive Agreeable Quick to commit Rarely delivers

15. Coping with a Yes-Person Make honesty non-threatening Leave wiggle-room Recap agreement Get it in writing

16. The Pessimist Negative Lacking in trust Feels powerless Resistant to change Harmful to morale

17. Coping with a Pessimist Be confident and optimistic Don’t argue Allow role of devil’s advocate Ask for specifics rather than generalizations

18. The Know-it-all Expert on everything Tone of absolute certainty Can be condescending and pompous Values facts and logic Seeks respect Frequently right

19. Coping with a Know-it-all Consider alternatives Avoid direct challenges to expertise Present accurate and complete information Separate the issues Listen Question with confidence Don’t compete

20. Keeping your Balance Humour Perspective Awareness Calm

21. Keeping your Balance Humour Perspective

22. If you break your neck, if you have nothing to eat, if your house is on fire, then you got a problem. Everything else is inconvenience. ~ Robert Fulghum

23. Perspective What’s the big deal? Is the reaction proportional to the issue? What’s the problem? Immediate issue Long-term issue Who is this about? What’s my responsibility? What isn’t my responsibility?

24. Keeping your Balance Humour Perspective Awareness Know your triggers Recognize your defensive mechanisms Don’t personalize

25. If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. Then quit. There's no point in being a damn fool about it. ~ W. C. Fields

26. Keeping your Balance Humour Perspective Self-Awareness Calm

27. Silence is one of the hardest arguments to refute. ~ Josh Billings

28. Getting through a Confrontation If person is frustrated but not (yet) angry… Do: Listen and paraphrase Acknowledge feelings Identify specific actions to reach solution Don’t: Patronize Overwhelm Accept responsibility except where appropriate

29. Getting through a Confrontation If person is angry or hostile… Do: Acknowledge feelings Keep the discussion on topic Stay focused on resolution Don’t: Rise to the bait Make excuses or long explanations

30. Getting through a Confrontation If the person is abusive and unreasonable… Do: State the rules State the limits Be clear and concise Call for backup and/or remove yourself Don’t: Run with scissors

31. Dealing with Difficult People Any questions or comments?