1. Relationships
Feldman 12-3/13-1/13-3 .

2. FORMING RELATIONSHIPS: Factors in Attraction
Similarity Proximity & Familiarity Physical Attractiveness (Personality Traits)

3. Similarity
Similarity is when someone else’s attitudes and behavior are similar to ours.
It provides:
Consensual validation – support for our own attitudes and behavior
Comfort – lack of conflict and a feeling of shared understanding between the individuals
the people we like most are usually similar to us.

4. Familiarity and Similarity
Familiarity is necessary for a close relationship to develop
Moreland and Beach (1992) found students said they liked women who attended class more often, even though the targets didn’t interact with anyone
Familiarity happens with repeated exposure. The “mere exposure effect” says that the more we are exposed to a person or object, the more positive our feelings about it become.
Proximity or geographical nearness leads to repeated opportunities for exposure and allows familiarity to develop.

5. Physical Attractiveness
In the process of selecting new people to get to know, we tend to judge them to some extent by their physical attractiveness.
Some qualities, such as good grooming, may indicate desirable personality traits.

6. Physical Attractiveness
Men may be more affected by physical attractiveness than are women.
Heterosexual men rate as important in women:
good looks
cooking skills
frugality
And women know and respond to this:
Buss (1988) found that women use tactics that alter their appearance (wear make-up, keep well-groomed, wear stylish clothes, wear jewelry).

7. Physical Attractiveness
And women have different criteria.
When seeking an intimate partner, heterosexual women rate as important in men:
Considerateness
Honesty
Dependability
Kindness
Understanding
Buss (1988) found that men use tactics that involve resource possession and display (brag about cars and money, display strength) to impress women.

8. Physical Attractiveness
The Matching Hypotheses says that although most people would like to go out with 10’s, when it comes down to it, most of us select people whom we believe match our own level of attractiveness.

9. Personality Traits
Anderson (1968) found we are attracted to people with personality traits such as being:
sincere
honest
understanding
loyal
truthful
trustworthy
intelligent
dependable

10. Social Network – Social Support
Aging and the Social World
Social Network – Social Support
Social Convoy model of social relations — go through life embedded in personal network of individuals that give social support
Helps those of all ages cope
Improves mental and physical health
Linked to reduced symptoms of disease
Linked to longevity
Emotionally positive contact lowers depression
The composition (people) of the convoy changes, but it does not go away.

11. Peer Relations in Childhood and Adolescence
Peer Group Functions
Peers — individuals about the same age or maturity level
Peer groups provide source of information and comparison about world outside the family
Peer influences and evaluations can be negative or positive and can influence our self-concept, self-esteem, and/or behavior.

12. Six Functions of Friendship
Companionship
Stimulation
Physical support
Ego support
Social comparison
Intimacy/affection
intimacy in friendship — self-disclosure and sharing of private thoughts

13. Strategies for Making Friends
Friendship
Strategies for Making Friends
Appropriate
Initiate interaction
Be nice
Behave prosocially
Show respect
Give social support
Inappropriate
Be psychologically aggressive
Present oneself negatively
Behave antisocially

14. Social or Relationship Skills
Probably start in the home, perhaps as early as infancy.
Develop as a person grows.
In pre-school years are developed through play.

15. Childhood Functions of play Health Affiliation with peers
Play and Leisure
Childhood
Functions of play
Health
Affiliation with peers
Cognitive development
Exploration
Tension release, master anxiety and conflicts
Play therapy

16. Parten’s Classic Study of Play
Play and Leisure
Parten’s Classic Study of Play
Onlooker
Parallel
Solitary
Unoccupied
Child not engaging in play as commonly understood; might stand in one spot
Associative
Cooperative
Child watches other children play
Child plays separately from others, but in manner that mimics their play
Play that involves social interaction with little or no organization
Play that involves social interaction in
group with sense of organized activity
Child plays alone, independently of others

17. Types of Play Pretense/ Symbolic Social Practice Sensorimotor
Play and Leisure
Types of Play
Pretense/ Symbolic
Social
Practice
Sensorimotor
Infants derive pleasure from exercising their sensorimotor schemes
Games
Repetition of behavior when new skills are being learned
Activities engaged in for pleasure; include rules
Occurs when child transforms physical environment into symbol
Involves social interactions with peers

18. Developmental Changes
Peer Relations in Childhood and Adolescence
Developmental Changes
Early Childhood
Frequency of peer interaction increases
Middle/Late Childhood
Children spend increasing time in peer interaction
Average time spent
10% of time spent with peers at age 2
20% of time spent with peers at age 4
40% of time spent with peers during ages 7-11

19. Peer Relations in Childhood and Adolescence
Peer Statuses
Frequently nominated as a best friend; rarely disliked by peers
Popular
Receive average number of positive and negative nominations from peers
Average
Infrequently nominated as a best friend but not disliked by peers
Neglected
Infrequently nominated as a best friend; actively disliked by peers
Rejected
Frequently nominated as someone's best friend and as being disliked
Controversial

20. Friendship during Childhood
Children use friends as cognitive and social resources
Not all friends and friendships are equal
Supportive friendships advantageous
Coercive, conflict-ridden friendships not
Friends generally similar — age, sex, ethnicity, and many other factors

21. The Nature of Friendship Changes During Childhood
Damon & Hart (1988) found that friendships are for:
4-7 year olds – opportunities for interaction, liking and sharing
8-10 year olds – appreciation of personal qualities and mutual trust
11-15 year olds – psychological closeness, intimacy and loyalty

22. Friendship during Adolescence
Need for intimacy intensifies
Quality of friendship more strongly linked to feelings of well-being
Important sources of support
Friends are active partners in building a sense of identity

23. Friendship during Adolescence
Friendships in adolescence and adulthood tend to be intimate relationships involving trust, acceptance, liking and mutual understanding.
The benefits include:
reducing loneliness
being a source of self-esteem
providing emotional support
providing information and social comparison
fulfilling the need to be accepted or to belong

24. The Strategies for Keeping Friends . .
Are much the same as those for getting them initially
1. Be nice, kind, and considerate
2. Be honest and trustworthy
3. Respect others
4. Provide emotional support

25. Gender and Friendship
In childhood, boys and girls remain voluntarily gender segregated. Boys play with boys and girls with girls.
Boys’ play tends to involve rough-and-tumble activity, larger play groups, and the tendency to establish a hierarchy of who has the most status.
Girls play involves smaller groups, equal status, and social scenarios involving negotiation and compromise (and often some drama).

26. Gender and Friendship In friendships between women, women
have close friends
are likely to listen and be sympathetic
share their thoughts and feelings
use rapport talk
In friendships between men, men are more likely to engage in activities, show competition and use report talk.
In friendships between women and men, problems can arise because of different expectations of romantic involvement.

27. And sometimes we are temporarily without friends.
Loneliness can occur with life transitions, such as:
moving
divorce
death of friend or family member
first year of college
At the beginning of college life, 75%
said they felt lonely at least part
of the time

28. Relationships at Midlife
Sometimes family obligations can diminish opportunities for interactions with friends.
At midlife, many people find themselves in the “sandwich” generation, providing support to aging parents and adult children.
Part of this may be due to the “boomerang generation” of adult children who are returning home for such reasons as divorce, financial problems, difficulty finding jobs or need for more education.

29. Friendship in Late Adulthood
Important role; tend to narrow social network
Choose close friends over new friends
Friends replace distant family
Gender differences
Women: more depressed without a best friend; no change in desire for friends
Men: decreased desire for new and close friends in older adulthood

30. Chapter 12
Sexuality

31. What is sexuality? Sexuality is not a personality characteristic.
Sexuality is not a level of biological drive.
Sexuality is a choice of behaviors.

32. Heterosexual Choices
90% of people have had sexual intercourse by age 22
National Health & Social Life Survey (1994)
to 59 year olds
Partners are alike in age, ethnicity, education & religion
71% have only one sex partner per year
1/3 have sex up to twice a week; 1/3 a few times a month; 1/3 a few times a year

33. Heterosexual Behavior
Married people have the most frequent sex & most satisfying sex lives
Most popular activities intercourse, watching partner undress
75% men, 85% women not unfaithful
Men think about sex more
Michael & others, 1994

34. Sexuality - Adulthood
Sexual activity increases through the 20s and declines in the 30s.
80% of adults in committed relationships , and 88% in marriages report begin “extremely physically and emotionally satisfied.”
Only a few report persistent sexual problems

35. Sex and Relationships “Sex is a socially significant act.”
Self-concept
Future partners
Parents
Possible children
The need to belong
Best in truly intimate relationships

36. Why is sex best in an intimate relationship?
Physical and psychological intimacy influence each other.
Commitment is a safeguard.
A caring rather than a using partner.
Identity/relationship issues are important.

37. Unregulated Sexual Behavior
Unregulated sexual behavior is a problem for any society.
The problem is age/stage-related, in adolescence & young adulthood
Adolescents have the highest rates of STD’s all age groups, 1 in 6 per year

38. STD’s (The Short List) National Center for Health Statistics, 2004
1 of 6 Americans has one.
Bacterial Viral
Syphilis Genital herpes
Gonorrhea HPV
Chlamydia AIDS

39. Cochran & Mays (1990) 20 % of men 4% of women
Indicated that they would lie to a potential sex partner about the results of a positive HIV test.

40. Adolescent Pregnancy
U.S. adolescent pregnancy rate is higher than that of most industrialized countries
40-45% of these end in abortion
75% to unmarried females
Increased social acceptance
Belief that a baby will fill a void in life

41. Teenage Mothers Likely to be poor
High percentage are low-income, minorities
Tend to have limited education, poor school performance, etc.

42. Effects of the Child on Circumstances
Reduces likelihood of educational attainment
Reduces the chance of marriage
Increases the chances of economic disadvantage and welfare

43. Why so much irresponsible sex?
Irresponsible Mindset
Lack of clear cultural standards
religion, morality, social acceptability no longer reasons to say no
Social acceptability: Substantial numbers of people believe it is OK
Most high school seniors are no longer virgins
Internal conflict – ambivalent feelings; guilt
20% use no contraception

44. Irresponsible Mindset
Lack of communication about birth control/sex
Alcohol & other drugs
“Romantic fog”

45. Why so much irresponsible sex?
Pressure
Media/TV – spontaneous passion should be acted upon; the 40-year-old Virgin
Subculture factors – to be “normal”
Peer pressure – to be acceptable
Date pressure – to be loved

46. We live in a sexually coercive society.
12% of American girls and 5% of boys say they were forced to have intercourse
Among those who had sex voluntarily, 25% said they really did not want to do so

47. Sexual Coercion
Estimated 13% of women have endured rape, legally defined as intercourse by force, by threat of harm, or when the victim is incapable of consent by reason of mental retardation, mental illness, or intoxication.
1998 college survey, 44% of women had experienced sexual coercion; 19% of men had obtained sex through force

48. Why is date rape a problem?
Because too many people think it isn’t.
Taking sex too lightly – no big deal
Pornography/Myths about women
Beliefs that women enjoy rape
Misreading friendliness
Assuming that refusal is part of the game

49. Sexual Coercion: The Cost
Psychological reactions to rape resemble those of trauma survivors
Shock Confusion
Withdrawal Chronic fatigue
Tension Disturbed sleep
Depression/Suicidal thoughts

50. Homosexuals 2.7% men, 1.3% women No real evidence of biological basis
No clear indications of social, environmental correlates
May be an interaction of the two (nature-nurture question)
Factors in explanation
Biological plasticity
Social tolerance

51. Sexual Orientation: Not Genetically Determined
Identical twin concordance rate is about 50%
Inconsistency of preference
18% heterosexual boys, 6% girls report engaging in at least one homosexual act
Prisoners
Bisexuality
Other conditions of changing lifestyles

52. New Statement from APA
“There is no consensus among scientists about the exact reasons that an individual develops a heterosexual, bisexual, gay or lesbian orientation. Although much research has examined the possible genetic, hormonal, developmental, social and cultural influences on sexual orientation, no findings have emerged that permit scientists to conclude that sexual orientation is determined by any particular factor or factors. Many think that nature and nurture both play complex roles. . . “
American Psychological Association