1. Marriage What are some characteristics of a healthy marriage?

2. 4 Types of Intimacy Intimacy – a deep and meaningful kind of sharing between two people. Intimacy does not mean sex Philosophical Intimacy – the sharing of beliefs and values ex: Where to spend holidays, relationship with family What is your philosophy about family/relationships… Emotional Intimacy – The sharing of needs, emotions, weaknesses ex: Happiness/disappointments Emotional Intimacy deepens throughout the year

3. 4 Types of Intimacy Cond’t Creative intimacy – the sharing of efforts to accomplish tasks and projects ex: How to manage a household, where to vacation, how to raise children, etc. Physical intimacy – The sharing of physical affection ex: hugging, kissing, etc.

4. The Marriage Commitment Commitment – taking a vow or making a promise What vows do people make when they get married? Partners who are committed to each other are more supportive, share responsibilities, and work to make the marriage work What are some consequences of breaking a marriage commitment?

5. Stages of Marriage What types of skills does a marriage take? Marriages take work… Developmental stages of marriage – the five stages of marriage in which couples must master certain tasks in order to develop and maintain intimacy.

6. 5 Stages of Marriage The 1 st stage: first two years Newly married couple overcomes their idealistic notions of marriage and begin to form a family Maintain individual identity Develop cooperation and reduce the need to control one another Develop a sexual bond that leads to deeper intimacy Develop an effective decision making style Recognize difficulties in their parents’ marriages and anticipate how those difficulties might affect their marriage

7. 5 Stages of Marriage Cont’d The 2 nd Stage: third through tenth year The couple gains a realistic view of one another and must settle into dealing with their individual weaknesses and make an effort to avoid dysfunctional behavior. Recognize and confront the weakness of both partners Reaffirm commitment to sexual intimacy, including sexual fidelity

8. 5 Stages of Marriage Cont’d The 3 rd Stage: 11-25 th year The couple establishes and maintains individual identifies and deals with issues of aging, adolescent children and intimacy Maintain individual identities and develop mutual dependence Recognize that neither person will be perfect and forgive mistakes Confront the crisis of middle age, including aging, sexuality, job and financial security

9. 5 Stages of Marriage Cont’d The 4 th stage: 26-35 th year The couple will confront changes in sexuality and grieve over their losses. Recognize the physical changes that accompany aging and affect sexuality, and rekindle romance Grieve over losses such as the death of parents and children leaving home

10. 5 Stages of Marriage Cont’d The 5 th stage: 36 th year and on… The couple finds new inspiration after the major life tasks have been completed, and they confront feelings about death Prepare for retirement Renew intimacy and develop ways to continue sexual intimacy

11. Success in Marriage Predicting Success in Marriage Age: couples who marry when they are in their twenties or older have more success Marriage partners who are similar in age have greater success in marriage Reasons for marriage: Couples who marry to love and nurture and share intimacy are more likely to have a successful marriage Length of relationship and engagement: Longer relationships and engagements provide the opportunity for couples to examine their relationship and to development intimacy. Longer relationships usually are associated with more successful marriages

12. Success in Marriage Similar attitudes about children and child- raising: Couples should discuss these issues before they are married If and when they want to have children, how many children they want, how they will discipline children… Disagreement could cause problems for marriage Parental attitudes towards the potential marriage partner: A marriage is more likely to succeed when a person’s parents approve of the future husband or wife.

13. Marriage 5 minute check 1.What is the difference between commitment-motivated and feelings- motivated marriages? 2.What is intimacy? 3.What are the four types of intimacy? 4.What happens during the 1 st stage of marriage? 5.What happens during the 2 nd stage of marriage?