2 Love the One You’re With Chapter 3Love the One You’re With
3 The Evolution of LoveHelen Fisher broke down love into three categories for evolutionary purposesLust: drives reproductionLove: affection and resources shared with 1 partnerAttachment: parental care for youngPhoto by Valeria C PreislerPhoto by Crawford Wilson IIIPhoto by Dianna Mullet
4 Finding Mr. RightMost future partners are 2-3 degrees removed from one anotherThe National Survey of Health and Social Life or “Chicago Sex Survey” reveals:68% of people were introduced totheir spouse by a common acquaintance32% met via “self-introduction”• 53% of one-night-stands were introduced by someone elsePhoto by Wonderlane
5 Finding Mr. RightIf there are one million compatible people for you in the world that’s 1 in 6,000 people who could be your potential “Mr. Right”…..Sound daunting?The dispiritingly unromantic conclusion is that you will never find your one true soul mate…That’s were social networks come inPhoto by Dieter Drescher
6 Help I Need Somebody!If you are single and know 20 people, and each of those 20 know 20 others, and each of those 20 know 20 more, then……20 x 20 x 20 = 8,000 social contacts (for a total of 8,420 within 3 degrees). One of those is probably your future spouse.
7 Finding Mr. RightFriends and family are efficient matchmakers because they can judge the compatibility of the two partiesPhoto by Mike Ortiz
8 Perfect for One Another Homogamy: tendency of like to marry like72% of marriages exhibit homogamyOnce married, spouses become even more similar due to influencePhoto by Alfred LiuPhoto by Johey24, FlikrPhoto by Tripu, FlikrPhoto by Bradley P Johnson
9 Why? People are envious… Big Fish, Little PondPeople often care more about their relative standing in the world than their absolute standingWhy? People are envious…Photo by Keven LawPhoto by TomSaint11
10 Big Fish, Little PondIn an experiment testing the relative standing phenomenon in the workplace:The majority of people involved said they would rather earn a $33,000 salary with everyone else getting $30,000 than earn $35,000 and have fellow colleagues earn $38,000Photo by Seer Snively
11 Big Fish, Little PondIn a similar experiment dealing with attractiveness, participants were asked which state was more desirable:A: Your physical attractiveness is 6; others average 4.B: Your physical attractiveness is 8; others average 10.75% of people preferred A93% of Harvard Grads preferred APhotos by Steve Garfield, Cyril Attias & Fiona Bird, FlikrRelative Standing is key to Sex Appeal
12 Everyone Else is Doing It Social Networks affect our relationships by:Influencing perceptions and opinionsDictating our position in the network and relative standingExample: “Indirect Mate Choice”: the tendency to choose a partner based on what others valuePhoto by Pedro Simoes
13 Marry Me? Marriage produces health benefits…. Counter arguments: Photos by Allard, Flikr and Mike BairdCounter arguments:unhealthy people are less likely to get married and healthier are more likely (also homogamy – the fit marry the fit)“joint unfavorable environment”: both wife and husband were exposed to something that made them more likely to dieSo? Which comes first, better health or marriage?
14 Grooms Gain MoreBeing married adds 7 years to a man’s life and 2 to a woman’sWhy?Emotional support which has biological and psychological benefits (lower heart rate, improved immune function, etc.)Economies of Scale (combined income=more money)Photo by Ed Yourdon
15 Grooms Gain MoreWhen men get married there is a sharp and dramatic decline in their risk of death (women do not experience as much of an immediate benefit)
16 Grooms Gain More Changes in Men: Elimination of “stupid bachelor tricks”Receive support and connection to broader social networks via their wivesPhoto by Kevin LimPhoto by Fabio LonePhoto by David Clow
17 Dying of a Broken Heart The Widowhood Effect: After a wife dies, a husband has a 30%-100% higher mortality rate in the first year of widowhoodRisk of heart attack rises after death of spousePhoto by Avoir ChaudBlack couples or men married to black women do not experience the widowhood effect!