2. Love the One You’re With
Chapter 3
Love the One You’re With

3. The Evolution of Love
Helen Fisher broke down love into three categories for evolutionary purposes
Lust: drives reproduction
Love: affection and resources shared with 1 partner
Attachment: parental care for young
Photo by Valeria C Preisler
Photo by Crawford Wilson III
Photo by Dianna Mullet

4. Finding Mr. Right
Most future partners are 2-3 degrees removed from one another
The National Survey of Health and Social Life or “Chicago Sex Survey” reveals:
68% of people were introduced to
their spouse by a common acquaintance
32% met via “self-introduction”
• 53% of one-night-stands were introduced by someone else
Photo by Wonderlane

5. Finding Mr. Right
If there are one million compatible people for you in the world that’s 1 in 6,000 people who could be your potential “Mr. Right”…..Sound daunting?
The dispiritingly unromantic conclusion is that you will never find your one true soul mate…
That’s were social networks come in
Photo by Dieter Drescher

6. Help I Need Somebody!
If you are single and know 20 people, and each of those 20 know 20 others, and each of those 20 know 20 more, then……
20 x 20 x 20 = 8,000 social contacts (for a total of 8,420 within 3 degrees). One of those is probably your future spouse.

7. Finding Mr. Right
Friends and family are efficient matchmakers because they can judge the compatibility of the two parties
Photo by Mike Ortiz

8. Perfect for One Another
Homogamy: tendency of like to marry like
72% of marriages exhibit homogamy
Once married, spouses become even more similar due to influence
Photo by Alfred Liu
Photo by Johey24, Flikr
Photo by Tripu, Flikr
Photo by Bradley P Johnson

9. Why? People are envious…
Big Fish, Little Pond
People often care more about their relative standing in the world than their absolute standing
Why? People are envious…
Photo by Keven Law
Photo by TomSaint11

10. Big Fish, Little Pond
In an experiment testing the relative standing phenomenon in the workplace:
The majority of people involved said they would rather earn a $33,000 salary with everyone else getting $30,000 than earn $35,000 and have fellow colleagues earn $38,000
Photo by Seer Snively

11. Big Fish, Little Pond
In a similar experiment dealing with attractiveness, participants were asked which state was more desirable:
A: Your physical attractiveness is 6; others average 4.
B: Your physical attractiveness is 8; others average 10.
75% of people preferred A
93% of Harvard Grads preferred A
Photos by Steve Garfield, Cyril Attias & Fiona Bird, Flikr
Relative Standing is key to Sex Appeal

12. Everyone Else is Doing It
Social Networks affect our relationships by:
Influencing perceptions and opinions
Dictating our position in the network and relative standing
Example: “Indirect Mate Choice”: the tendency to choose a partner based on what others value
Photo by Pedro Simoes

13. Marry Me? Marriage produces health benefits…. Counter arguments:
Photos by Allard, Flikr and Mike Baird
Counter arguments:
unhealthy people are less likely to get married and healthier are more likely (also homogamy – the fit marry the fit)
“joint unfavorable environment”: both wife and husband were exposed to something that made them more likely to die
So? Which comes first, better health or marriage?

14. Grooms Gain More
Being married adds 7 years to a man’s life and 2 to a woman’s
Why?
Emotional support which has biological and psychological benefits (lower heart rate, improved immune function, etc.)
Economies of Scale (combined income=more money)
Photo by Ed Yourdon

15. Grooms Gain More
When men get married there is a sharp and dramatic decline in their risk of death (women do not experience as much of an immediate benefit)

16. Grooms Gain More Changes in Men:
Elimination of “stupid bachelor tricks”
Receive support and connection to broader social networks via their wives
Photo by Kevin Lim
Photo by Fabio Lone
Photo by David Clow

17. Dying of a Broken Heart The Widowhood Effect:
After a wife dies, a husband has a 30%-100% higher mortality rate in the first year of widowhood
Risk of heart attack rises after death of spouse
Photo by Avoir Chaud
Black couples or men married to black women do not experience the widowhood effect!