1. Thanks for the Feedback
THE SCIENCE AND ART OF RECEIVING FEEDBACK WELL*
*even when it is off base, unfair, poorly delivered, and, frankly, you’re not in the mood

2. What is Feedback?
“Feedback is not just what gets ranked; it’s what gets thanked, commented on, and invited back or dropped.” – TFTF pg 4

3. PULL BEATS PUSH
“It doesn’t matter how much authority or power a feedback giver has; the receivers are in control of what they do and don’t let in, how they make sense of what they’re hearing, and whether they choose to change.” – TFTF pg 5
People who actively seek feedback report –
Higher job satisfaction
Greater creativity on the Job
Faster adaptation in a new organization or role
Lower turnover
Higher performance ratings
“The real leverage is creating pull” – TFTF pg 6

4. The Benefits of Receiving Well
“Receiving feedback well doesn’t mean you always have to take the feedback. Receiving it well means engaging in the conversation skillfully and making thoughtful choices about whether and how to use the information and what you’re learning. It’s about managing your emotional triggers so that you can take in what the other person is telling you,and being open to seeing yourself in new ways.” – TFTF pg 8
Think of a time you rejected a feedback and why?
Most times, we engage in wrong-spotting and decide too soon!
Reactions to Feedback boiled down to three triggers.

5. Three Triggered Reactions
Truth
Relationship
Identity

6. That’s wrong!
That’s not helpful!
That’s not me!
TRUTH

7. Learning Response to Truth Triggers
Separate Appreciation, Coaching and Evaluation
First Understand: Shift from “That’s Wrong” to “Tell Me More”
See Your Blind Spots: Discover How You Come Across

8. Separate Appreciation, Coaching and Evaluation
“Feedback” is really three different things, with different purposes:
Appreciation – motivates and encourages
Coaching – helps increase knowledge, skill, capability, growth, or raises feelings in the relationship
Evaluation – tells you where you stand, aligns expectations, and informs decision making
We need all three, but mixing them puts us at cross-purposes
Separate Appreciation, Coaching and Evaluation
GET ALIGNED: KNOW THE PURPOSE AND DISCUSS IT
What’s my purpose in giving/receiving this feedback?
Is it the right purpose from my point of view?
Is it the right purpose from the other’s point of view?

9. First Understand: Shift from “That’s Wrong” to “Tell Me More”
To understand your feedback, discuss where it is:
Coming from: their data and interpretations
Going to: advice, consequences, expectations
First Understand: Shift from “That’s Wrong” to “Tell Me More”
Coming From
Going To
DATA
LABEL
Advice
Consequences
Interpretation
SHIFT FROM WRONG-SPOTTING TO DIFFERENCE-SPOTTING
The data we’re looking at
Our interpretations and implicit rules
ASK: WHAT’S RIGHT?
To seek out what’s legit and what concerns you have in common

10. See Your Blind Spots: Discover How You Come Across
We all have blind spots because we:
Can’t see our own leaky faces
Can’t hear our tone of voice
Are unaware of even big patterns of behavior
Blind spots are amplified by:
Emotional Math: We discount our emotions, while others count them double
Attribution: We attribute our failure to the situation, while others attribute it to our character
Impact-Intent Gap: We judge ourselves by our intentions, while others judge us by our impact on them
See Your Blind Spots: Discover How You Come Across
Invite others to be an honest mirror to help you see yourself in the moment
ASK: HOW AM I GETTING IN MY OWN WAY?

11. ROLE-PLAY

12. Scenario I
You are Dylan. You are in a meeting with your supervisor, Jennifer, regarding the new costumer sales reports that you were asked to submit today. It seems that even though you ed her the reports this morning, Jennifer has not received it yet and believes that you haven’t submitted it. She thinks that you are not being honest about your responsibility. How would you react to this situation?

13. RELATIONSHIP After all I’ve done for you?! Who are you to say?
You’re the problem, not me.
RELATIONSHIP

14. Learning Response to Relationship Triggers
Don’t Switchtrack: Separate We from What
Identify the Relationship System: Take Three Steps Back

15. Don’t Switchtrack: Separate We from What
Conversation gets shifted from one topic to two and we talk past each other
Usually created by:
What we think about the giver
Skill or judgement
Credibility
Trust
How we feel treated by the giver
Appreciation
Autonomy
Acceptance
Don’t Switchtrack: Separate We from What
SPOT THE TWO TOPICS
GIVE EACH TOPIC ITS OWN TRACK

16. Don’t Switchtrack: Separate We from What
Daughter: Mom, you never let me go out. You treat me like a child. Don’t you trust me? Mom: You should be grateful you have a mother who cares. Topic one: Daughter’s view that her mother treats her like an untrustworthy child Topic two: Mother’s feeling that her daughter is ungrateful
Don’t Switchtrack: Separate We from What

17. Don’t Switchtrack: Separate We from What
Boss: You didn’t meet your sales numbers. Salesperson: Why are you telling me this right before I head out on vacation? Topic one: Sales numbers Topic two: Appropriate time to raise the sales numbers
Don’t Switchtrack: Separate We from What

18. Don’t Switchtrack: Separate We from What
Wife: This place is a mess! You were supposed to have the kids fed and bathed by the time I got home. Now, we’ll be late for the recital! Husband: Don’t use that tone with me. I’m not the dog! Wife: That’s where you want to go with this? You did precisely none of the things you promised, and you’re making this about me? Husband: That! That tone right there is exactly what I’m talking about. Topic one: Husband not doing what he’d promised Topic two: Wife’s tone and husband’s reaction to it
Don’t Switchtrack: Separate We from What

19. Identify the Relationship System: Take Three Steps Back
To understand the feedback you get, take three steps back:
One Step Back: You + Me intersections. Are differences between us creating the friction?
Two Steps Back: Role Clashes. Is this partly a result of the roles we play in the organization or the family?
Three Steps Back: Big Picture. Are processes, policies, physical environment, or other players reinforcing the problem?
Looking at systems:
Reduces judgement
Enhances accountability
Uncovers root causes
Look for patterns in your feedback. Is this You + Everybody intersection?
Take responsibility for your part

20. ROLE-PLAY

21. Scenario II
You are Delilah. You have worked as a data analyst in a corporation for four years. While you were working on project with a strict deadline using your own knowledge and experience, a new employee, John, corrects your data analyzation method. How would you react to this situation?

22. I’m not a bad person-or am I?
I mess up everything
I’m dead
I’m not a bad person-or am I?
IDENTITY

23. Learning Response to Identity Triggers
Learn how wiring affects how we hear feedback
Dismantle distortions: see feedback at “Actual size”
Cultivate a growth identity: Sort toward coaching

24. Learn How Wiring Affects How We Hear Feedback
Baseline: the beginning and end of the arc
Swing: how far up and down you go
Sustain and Recovery: how long does the swing last?
Baseline, Swing and Sustain/Recovery vary as much as 3,000 percent among individuals
If we have a lower baseline, the volume will be turned down on the positives, and up on the negatives
Learn How Wiring Affects How We Hear Feedback

25. Learn How Wiring Affects How We Hear Feedback
Emotions distort our stories about the feedback itself.
The Google bias magnifies the negatives and collapses the past and the present
One thing becomes everything and everyone
The forever bias makes the future look bleak
Learn How Wiring Affects How We Hear Feedback

27. Dismantle Distortions: See Feedback at “Actual Size”
Before we decide what we think of the feedback we get, we need to remove the distortions:
Be prepared, be mindful – recognize your feedback footprint
Separate the strands – of feeling / story / feedback
Contain the story – what is this about and what isn’t this about?
Change your vantage point – the another, to the future, to the comedy
Accept that you can’t control how others see you
Don’t buy their story about you wholesale
Others’ views of you are input, not imprint
Dismantle Distortions: See Feedback at “Actual Size”

28. Cultivate a Growth Identity: Sort Toward Coaching
Our ability to take in and metabolize feedback is affected by how we tell our identity story. Shift from:
Simple all-or-nothing to realistically complex
Fixed to growth – so that you see challenge as opportunity, and feedback as useful information for learning
Three practices help:
Sort for coaching. Hear coaching as coaching, and find the coaching in evaluation
When evaluated, separate the judgement from and assessment and consequences
Give yourself a second score for how you handle the first score
Cultivate a Growth Identity: Sort Toward Coaching

29. ROLE-PLAY

30. Scenario III
You are Travis. You have been assigned to lead the production for a major sales order received by your company and have been facing delay because of new line workers who are still under training. Your supervisor, Harris, has repeatedly mentioned that your team hasn’t been performing well enough to meet the production demands. How would you react to this situation?

31. “What’s one thing you see me doing -- or failing to do -- where I am getting in my own way?”