1. Theories for Mate Selection

2. Evolutionary Psychology (Small, 1995, Fisher, 1992, Buss, 1994)
NATURAL SELECTION :
Women prefer to mate with men who:
“would be good fathers”
“stay around to be good providers”
Evolution based on women’s tendency to try and “marry up”; marry older, wiser and more stable but not too old so will be with children
Men prefer to mate with women who:
Could bear and feed children
Intelligent and tempered to raise children well
Evolutionary attraction to female beauty such as full, healthy figure – demonstrates health and ability to carry a child ; younger age sometimes more sexually desirable
Marriage Goal: More children, more wealth, and more skills to continue healthy and effective selection process and perpetuate the species!

3. Social Homogamy Functionalist perspective (Wilson, 2001):
Individuals are “attracted to people of a similar social background”:
Highest correlations between mates for:
Age Race Ethnic background
Religion Socio-economic status Political views
Explains attractions between persons socialized in similar way but not from same race or ethnic group
Roles within society continued
Ensures that couples are compatible
Marriage Goal: to create safe positive & socially appropriate environment for children to carry on beliefs and norms of society; union allows family to perform tasks needed for society to continue.

4. More Social Homogamy effects
Physical appearance!
Tendency for people to marry those who have similar features!
Proximity!
Tendency for people to be attracted to those who:
Live or work nearby
Belong to the same religious community
Attend the same cultural events
Share the same expectations for:
Couple’s relationship and lifestyle choices
Efficient home resource management with less conflict
Child rearing practices

5. Ideal Mate Theory (Nadeau, 1997)
Symbolic Interactionist Perspective:
Attraction based on individual’s “unconscious image of the ideal mate”
Perception or placement of meaning on specific characteristics
“Love at first sight” idea
Ideals are formed through positive and negative experiences within person’s life (childhood, community, media influences, successful marriages observed etc.)
Person may be unaware of judgments or standards that create an image of his/her ideal mate
Marriage Goal: to demonstrate the symbol of commitment
Assumes new role and status based on change to married status

6. Social Exchange Theory (Broderick, 2000, Fisher, 1992)
Attraction and mate selection based on what potential mate has to offer such as: physical appearance, wealth, personality, social status
E.g. Younger, more attractive women my have more resources to offer older more successful men
Marriage Goal: To gain by commitment to a relationship (e.g. greater financial gain, social standing, acceptability, not single)

7. Developmental theory (Levinson,1976; Erikson, Kimmel, 1990, McGoldrick, 1989)
People cannot select a mate without being ready: must first understand who they are and what their roles are; must be capable of intimate relations without loss of identity
Women look for definition of self through relationship connection to form identity
Men prefer more independence in a relationship; may delay commitment until life structures are in place.
One way to explain difference in age often noted in relationships (men average two years older than women in Canada; three and one half years on average worldwide
Marriage Goal: a lasting relationship based on companionship and “give and take” without loss of self

8. Conflict and feminist theory (Burggraf, 1997)
Suggests matches between younger women and older men ensure power dynamic:
Women will need his greater resources due to age to acquire her desired lifestyle
Men need age difference to maintain dominance within patriarchal relationship
Marriage goal: men gain a caregiver and power while women gain financial stability and status

9. Market Experience Perspective (Whyte, 2001; Murstein, Stevens-Long & Commons, 1992)
Learn to relate to the opposite sex and judge character to determine qualities he/she desire in marriage partner
Described as multi-step process where one filters or screens out unacceptable marriage partners and selects those similar to one-self; more serious relationships equal use of finer filters; only one person gets through last filter ready for marriage (Murstein’s filter theory)
Decisions are made one at a time

10. Murstein’s Filter Theory
Murstein uses the analogy of ‘sifting’ to suggest that individuals pass their dates through a series of ‘filters’ to screen out unacceptable marriage partners. This process of filtering leads an individual to only let one acceptable partner through, which ultimately leads to marriage.
1. Field of Eligibles Who is out there, the general population.
2. Propinquity Filter
Who is close to us. An available group to choose from. (proximity)

11. 3. Attraction Filter (Physical attraction/Personality) Judgment based on appearance and individual characteristics
4. Homogamy Filter (Age, Race, Education, Socio-Economic Class, Religion)
Judgment based on how similar these factors are
5. Compatibility Filter (Temperment, Attitudes and Values, Needs, Roles, Habits)
Judgment based on similarities of these more intangible qualities

12. 6. Trial Filter (Cohabitation, Engagement) Statement of commitment here. Test of the compatibility of all previous filters. 7. Decision Filter Final decision is made here to see if individual is the right choice 8. Marriage

13. DATING HISTORY Dating is a recent phenomena –since 1920’s
Evolved from men asking women out to organized event where men paid to show assets
1930’s “going steady” meant exclusive relationship with or without talk of marriage
Created economics and commerce based on dating entertainment for pleasure and romance; also matchmaking
Teen dating started to begin earlier with less of a connection to process of choosing a marriage partner
Dating as of 1950’s, dating considered an ideal mate selection technique in North America
Now industry dedicated to dating and mate selection!

14. Arranged Marriages Supported by theories of homogamy
E.g. similar beliefs re: roles, child rearing practices like those of their culture, social values
E.g. similar backgrounds and compatibility based on selection process by “match maker” or family
Marriage TOO IMPORTANT to be left to chance
Current Canadian practice tends to advocate for
Several meetings with potential suitors AT THE SAME TIME
More parental guidance than force
Right to refuse a partner
Union of two families generally within same “class”, faith group, community of origin,
Sometimes described as:
West believes in love before marriage
East believes in love after marriage

15. Romantic Love
Marriage probably has its roots in the biological need to reproduce
BUT has evolved as a basic social and economic structure within society.
Men and women demonstrate romantic love in 87 percent of ALL cultures
NOT CLEAR whether a recent social development or a human need.
Yolam(2001) suggests a couple living working, sharing a bed and raising children together will probably grow in love for each other regardless how the marriage started (e.g. free v.s. arranged)

16. A Final Note on LOVE LOVE is the best indicator of Marital success:
Deep Love is defined as
Strong sexual desire
knowledge of each other
enjoyment of each other’s company and
the relationship a PRIORITY defined themselves
Couples who remember deep love when they got married have the happiest marriages