1. Are you receiving me? Key skills for effective communication
Sue Duraikan
Are you receiving me? Key skills for effective communication

2. Objectives
Learn how your mindset affects verbal and non-verbal communication
See why you must plan before you communicate
Get your message across more clearly
Listen to and understand others better
Identify and respond to communication barriers

3. Think right!
Trigger
Thoughts
Feelings
Behaviour

4. Mindfulness: be aware of your…
State of mind
Attitude to person, situation or topic
Assumptions and self-limiting beliefs

6. Cognitive distortions
Magnifying or minimising
You exaggerate or inappropriately shrink importance of things until they appear huge/tiny
Catastrophizing
Black and white thinking
Overgeneralisation
You see a single negative event as a never- ending pattern.
Mind-reading
You arbitrarily conclude that somebody is reacting negatively to you, and don’t bother to check it out.
Fortune Telling
You anticipate that things will turn out badly, convinced that your prediction is an already-established fact.
Disqualifying the Positive
You reject positive experiences because they ‘don’t count’, so maintaining a negative belief despite your experiences.

7. Joy
Warmth
Certainty

8. I’m glad you’re here.
I’m glad I’m here.
I know what I know.

9. What’s your self-talk? W In a stressful situation
Faced with angry, aggressive
behaviour
When unprepared
When the other person
doesn’t want to
listen/engage
When receiving criticism
When others disagree
In meetings where I need to make a point

10. How does Jenny… Show she’s planned the conversation?
Get and keep Chris’s attention?
Structure her message?
Ensure mutual understanding?

11. Key skills Teller Get attention Get main points across
Bring points to life
Check understanding
Understander
Concentrate
Ask questions
Reflect back
Encourage

12. Teller skills
How?
Where?
When?
Why?
Who?
What?

13. Frame of reference
The ‘glasses’ through which each of us sees the world. We each have a different prescription which affects our understanding of the world.

14. Making an impact Verbal 7% Vocal 36% Visual 57% Albert Mehrabian:
Hidden Messages
Making an impact
Verbal 7%
Vocal 36%
Visual 57%

15. Key skills Teller Get attention Get main points across
Bring points to life
Check understanding
Understander
Concentrate
Ask questions
Reflect back
Encourage

16. Chinese symbol for ‘Listen’

17. Understander skills
‘Seek first to understand, then to be understood.’ St Francis of Assisi

18. Questions Open v Open minded v Opinion v One at a time v Closed
Leading
Memory
Multiple

19. Understanding practice
Teller: prepare…
What’s one of your life’s greatest ambitions? or
What are you most proud of in your life?
Understander
Ask only open questions
At the end, positively reinforce what your partner has said eg. ‘It sounds like you are really passionate about …’
‘It must have taken some courage to do that.

20. Understander skills: Digging deeper
Scratch the surface: facts and information
Probe: opinions, ideas
Search: beliefs, values

21. Calm down, dearie!

22. I think you’ll find shouting gets you nowhere.

23. Communication blocks Patronise Use clichés Judge Generalise Trap
Avoid concerns
Negativity
Defensiveness
Passive-aggressive
Have the last word

24. Communication blocks
Patronise ‘Calm down.’ ‘I think you’ll find..’ ‘It was clearly stated…’ Clichés ‘I hear what you’re saying but…’ ‘I understand your position.’ ‘With all due respect…’ Judge ‘You’re overreacting/being unreasonable.’ ‘That’s just typical of an academic.’ Impose solutions ‘What you need to do is..’ ‘You should …..’

25. Communication blocks
Avoid concerns ‘That’s not the point.’ ‘I’m sure it’s nothing to worry about.’ ‘What do you expect me to do about it?’ ‘That’s ridiculous.’ Give negative message ‘… not possible.’ ‘…not our policy.’ ‘Nothing I can do.’ Be defensive ‘…not my fault.’ ‘I wasn’t informed of that.’ ‘That’s not true.’