1. Power/Managing Conflict
4/21/2019

2. Part I: Power in Relationships
Power/Managing Conflict
Part I: Power in Relationships
4/21/2019

3. Part I: Power in Relationships
Power definitions
Power – the ability of an individual within a social relationship to carry out his will even in the face of resistance by others, we get what we want by avoiding giving them what they want.
Types of power:
power resources – material goods/education and other non-tangible resources (ie. intelligence, knowledge, etc.)
power processes – communication patterns partners use to exert control
power outcome – who makes the final decision
syncratic decision making – making decisions together
autonomic decision making – making decisions in separate spheres separately
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4. Part I: Power in Relationships
Reasons People Want Power –
self – actualization
social expectations (relates to legitimate power)
family of origin influences
psychological need
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5. Part I: Power in Relationships
Sources of Relational Power
legal rights
cultural norms
gender norms
economic resources
education and knowledge (relates to expert and informational power)
theory of primary interest and presumed competence - the person most interested in a involved with a particular choice and is most qualified will be more likely to make that choice
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6. Part I: Power in Relationships
Sources of Relational Power (cont.)
personality differences
communication ability
emotional factors
Waller’s Principle of Least Interest – those with the greatest love and emotional need have the least power, the least invested have the most power
physical stature and strength (relates to coercive power)
circumstances
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7. Part I: Power in Relationships
Power Processes – the way power is applied
orchestration (the power to make impt. decisions) vs. implementation (the power to carry out the decision)
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8. Part I: Power in Relationships
Power Tactics that Help or Harm
Stephen Covey’s model –
-win/lose communication – aggressive
-lose/win communication – passive
-win/win communication – assertive (the best kind)
Power Tactics that Help-
discussing, explaining, asking, telling
bargaining and negotiation
Power Tactics that Help or Harm -
persuasion
being nice (flattery)
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9. Part I: Power in Relationships
Harmful power tactics
dependence
overprotection
deceiving, lying
criticizing
gas lighting
punishing
silent treatment
blackmail
anger
cruelty/abuse
Consequences of Power Struggles – effects on marital satisfaction -
the happiest marriages have egalitarian decision making structures
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10. Part II: Managing Conflict
4/21/2019

11. Part II: Managing Conflict
Is conflict healthy for a marriage?
See article on conflict
Conflict is healthy
couples who are closest have the greatest opportunity for marital satisfaction and for conflict
how conflict is managed determines how satisfied couples are
good resolution makes a couple closer
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12. Part II: Managing Conflict
Sources of Conflict
personal (intra-psychic) –originate within an individual when inner drives and values pit against each other, struggles with oneself
physical (intra-somatic) – inner tensions with a physical origin
interpersonal (inter-psychic) – occur in relationships between people
situational or environmental – originate within the environment or situation
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13. Part II: Managing Conflict
3 Parts of a Conflict
content – the specific issues a couple fights about
structure – the features of the people and situation involved in the conflict; it defines the problem the couple faces
process – the actual behavior/communication tactics the partners use in their efforts to manage the conflict
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14. Part II: Managing Conflict
Methods of Managing a Conflict –
avoid or discuss?
ventilation/catharsis – expressing and draining off negative emotions is not constructive
destructive conflicts – attack the ego of the other person rather than the problem, seek to shame or punish, sidetrack, talk in extremes/exaggerate.
constructive conflicts – attack the specific problem, stick to the issues, and lead to understanding, compromise, or other acceptable solutions.
See handout on constructive conflict tactics.
4/21/2019