2. Communication with Athletes and Parents Tom Doyle Personal Perceptions Northwest, LLC (PPNW) www.truecoaching.net © PPNW 2007

3. THE PROBLEM?

4. The Problem?

5. Youth Sports Programs The National Alliance for Sports reports that: Over 70 percent of these kids quit playing these league sports by age 13 – and never play them again. "The number-one reason (why they quit) is that it stopped being fun." Michael Pfahl, NYSCA

6. Challenges in Athletics Today Fewer athletes turning out; more quitting at earlier age Fewer officials – concerns about sportsmanship and ability to play contests Parent complaints Violence at contests Coaches quitting and keeping fewer kids Fewer qualified coaches Sportsmanship Role Models? Five years from now?????

7. Communication! Why is it so difficult? The ability to express thoughts, feelings, and information easily and effectively; to impart knowledge, to make known; to give to another. …to interchange thoughts, ideas, feelings Websters Takes two to Tango! Response Roles –Speaker –Attentive & Active Listener

8. 1 st Amendment Congress shall make no law … abridging the freedom of speech…. Obligation to Listen???

9. Parents – Why Are They the Way They Are? Children of the 60s –Im OK, Youre OK –Authority –Coaching Background –Love

10. Parental Philosophy Special Cant afford to Fail NO is not an acceptable answer Trophies for participating Scholarships – the Holy Grail

12. Helicopter Parents

13. What about the kids?

15. Millenial Youth Special. All Winners. Awards. …grew up with the expectation they will automatically win and theyll be rewarded for showing up. Coddling Virus – Our parents really took from us that opportunity to fall down on our face and learn how to stand up

16. Perceptions "To effectively communicate, we must realize that we are all different in the way we perceive the world and use this understanding as a guide to our communication with others." Anthony Robbins

17. Sports Triangle Athletes Parents Coaches

18. Parent Nights Mandatory (& Memorable) Options – Videotape, Parent Manual, Other Be Creative - e.g. New Parent in town »Scholarships »Win »Money »Discipline »Playing time »Referees »Coaches »Sportsmanship Topics

19. Communication with Parents 1.Parenting is hard work – a challenge. 2.Deception Pass 3.Happy Parents 4.Relationships with coaches 5.Know your role 6.Know what motivates your athlete. 7.What you do that embarrasses your kid. 8.What you do that your kid loves. 9.What your kid wanted me to say to you. 10.Be a good sport

20. Parenting – Guard Rails Deception Pass

24. Happy Parents 1.Play my kid 2.Play my kid all the time 3.Play my kid all the time and win

25. 10-80-10 Rule

26. Relationship to Coaches: Potential Conflicts I versus We Long Term vs. Short Term Goals Safety/Security vs. No Pain No Gain Biggest mistake – Cant talk to coaches

27. Potential Conflict Area: Roles? Parents Role – support and encourage. The experience is designed to be a spectator activity for parents. (Spectator – one who watches without taking an active part (Websters Dictionary) )

28. Objective vs. Subjective Standards. Playing Time/Coach Decisions. – Sports where measurable skill/times, little conflict; sports where skills et.al. are subjective cause great potential for conflict. 24 Hour Rule

29. Role of Parents? Before the season - understand why they play During a contest – be a positive role model After a contest – give them time

30. Another Sports Triangle Parents want to Coach. Coaches want to Officiate. Officials want to watch. You can only do one thing well. Choose! Bruce Brown

31. Why is your son/daughter playing the sport? Do you know why he/she is playing high school sports? Whose choice is it to play? 30 Million High School Athletes; 1% play in College at Div I, II, III. Is she/he playing for the right reasons? Enjoying the experience?

32. Why Kids Play – Boys Michigan State University Study To have fun To do something I am good at To improve my skills For the excitement of competition To stay in shape For the challenge of competition To get exercise To learn new skills To be part of a team To go to a higher level of competition

33. Why Kids Play – Girls Michigan State University Study To have fun To stay in shape To get exercise To improve my skill To do something I am good at To learn new skills For the excitement of competition To play as part of a team To make new friends For the challenge of competition

35. A Different Evaluation~ Ask Kids: –What do your parents do that embarrasses you? –What do your parents do that you appreciate? –What would you like me to tell your parents? High School Athletes Evaluate their parents role and the…………..

36. Why Be a Good Sport? Safety

37. What is Good Sportsmanship? Mark Twain It's good sportsmanship to not pick up lost golf balls while they are still rolling.

38. Sportsmanship? Could It Happen in Your Program?

39. Youth Coach Who Lost It Could Have Been Any One of Us CW Nevius – San Francisco Chronicle What kind of man would do something like that? What kind of father would allow himself to lose control so completely? Can you imagine someone who would? I can. Me. I've never charged the field, punched a ref or grabbed a player. But I've been close. I know that feeling. And so do you.

40. Do Sports Build Character or Reveal Character?

41. Webster's Dictionary the ability to take a loss or defeat without complaint, or a victory without gloating, and to treat opponents with fairness, generosity, and courtesy What is Sportsmanship?

42. Fundamentals of Sportsmanship: 1. Show respect for the opponent and the officials. 2. Know, understand, and appreciate the rules of the contest. 3. Maintain self-control. 4. Recognize and appreciate skill in performance regardless of affiliation.

43. The Lessons of the Generations! – Be a parent or guardian, not a coach! – Let your kids go. It is their experience, not yours! – Help your son/daughter understand that athletics isnt everything. Be a student, a whole Person! – Be thankful for the miracle of your son/daughter!

44. The Champions of: Respect Class Winning with Grace Losing with Dignity Striving to Win!

45. Communication! Why is it so difficult? Say what you mean, and mean what you say, but don't say it mean! Speech is power: speech is to persuade, to convert, to compel. It is to bring another out of his bad sense into your good sense. Ralph Waldo Emerson

48. Questions? Thank You! www.truecoaching.net tkdoyle@speakeasy.net