1. An Adolescent Dating Abuse Prevention Curriculum
SAFE DATES
An Adolescent Dating Abuse Prevention Curriculum

2. DEFINING CARING RELATIONSHIPS
Important qualities in a dating relationship
Supportive & caring actions
Treatment from a dating partner
Treatment to a dating partner
Choice in the way treated from a dating partner
Choice in the way to treat a dating partner

3. Important Qualities in a Relationship
Funny
Independent
Respected
Trusted
Supported
Encouraged
Loved
Excited
Romanced

4. DEFINING DATING ABUSE Harmful dating behaviors
Physical & Emotional abusive behaviors
Physical & Emotional abuse in the dating relationship
Abusive behavior identification
Susceptibility to dating abuse
Rejection of abuse in a dating relationship

5. Emotional Harmful Behaviors
Calling a Date Names
Criticizing Opinions
Ignoring a Date’s Feelings
Isolating Date from Others
Behaving Jealously
Telling Lies
Scaring a Date
Cheating on a Date
Making Someone Feel Guilty
Spreading Rumors
Threatening to Hurt a Date
Threatening to Hurt Oneself
Using Sexually Derogatory Names
Criticizing Beliefs about Sex
Putting Down Family and Friends
Driving Recklessly to Scare a Date
Humiliating a Date in Public or Private
Insulting a Date’s Beliefs or Values
Displaying Inappropriate Anger

6. Physical Harmful Behaviors
Hitting
Scratching
Pushing
Pinching
Choking
Spitting
Shaking
Shoving
Forcing
Biting
Pulling Hair
Using a Weapon
Throwing Things
Keeping a Date from Leaving
Molestation
Rape
Forcing Unwanted Sexual Actions
Damaging Personal Property
Acting in an Intimidating Way
Purposefully Injuring an Animal

7. WHY DO PEOPLE ABUSE?
Controlling & Manipulative functions of dating abuse
Identification of abusive behaviors
Misperceptions about dating abuse
Dating abuse as a serious matter
Abuse is not a victims fault
Short & Long term consequences of abusive relationships
Warning signs of an abusive relationship

8. Short-term Consequences of Abuse
Break-up
Fight
Resentment
Frustration
Anger
Scared/Fear
Insecurity
Pain
Suffering
Physical Injuries

9. Long-term Consequences of Abuse
Break-up
Arrested
Death
Suicide
Depression
Chronic Physical Injuries
Trust Issues
Lose of Friends/Family
Damaged Relationships

10. HOW TO HELP FRIENDS
Complexity of decision making in leaving an abusive relationship
Difficulty & fear of asking for help from the victim
Ways to support a friend that is a victim
Community resources for abuse
How to find help if a victim of abuse

11. HELPING FRIENDS Red flags of dating abuse
Confronting a friend about dating abuse
Supporting a friend in an abusive relationship

12. Dating Abuse Red Flags (Individual who may be in an Abusive Relationship)
Being Physically Hurt
Feeling Afraid of you Boyfriend or Girlfriend
Feeling Isolated
Losing Friends
Changing behavior due to girlfriend/boyfriend jealousy
Feeling embarrassed, ashamed, put down or guilty
Being Threatened
Feeling Manipulated or Controlled
Feeling Nervous, Sick to Stomach when boyfriend/girlfriend is Irritated, Frustrated or Angry

13. Dating Abuse Red Flags (Individual who may be in an Abusive Relationship)
Feeling a pounding or fluttering in chest when boyfriend/girlfriend isn’t happy
Not being allowed to, or being afraid to, make decisions for yourself
Noticing that your girlfriend/boyfriend has very traditional (stereotypical) beliefs about women and men
Feeling as if your date gets too personal or touches you in an unwanted way
Not having your thoughts or wishes for personal space respected

14. Dating Abuse Red Flags (Individual who may be Abusing their Partner)
Physical Assaulting partner
Intimidating partner
Angry if partner spends time with other people
Asking partner to change behavior because you’re jealous
Verbally threatening partner
Using “guilt trips” to get partner to do something
Feeling unable to control your own feeling of anger
Making partner afraid of you
Forcing partner to do sexual things that he or she is not comfortable doing

15. Helping a Friend Believe Story Make Sure They are Safe/Safety Plan
Tell Person They Don’t Deserve to be Abused
Ask Many Questions to get them to Think about Problem
Ask them their Options (leave, stay, get advice from professional, etc)
Let them know Abuse gets Worse if Ignored
Encourage them to Seek Help (Hotline; Legal, Medical, Counseling resources)
Don’t Gossip
Let Victim Make Own Decisions (Let make decision when they are ready)

16. OVERCOMING GENDER STEREOTYPES
Specific images of dating relationships
Images influence on interactions in relationship
Harmful consequences of gender stereotyping
Role of gender stereotypes in dating relationships

17. Gender Stereotypes Boys Pay for Dates Boy makes physical advances
Only boys can ask girls out
Girls should play hard to get
Women should be caretakers
Women should do work in the kitchen
Women should always obey and listen to men
Me should be in control
Men should be waited on
All men are violent
Women are emotional and irrational

18. EQUAL POWER THROUGH COMMUNICATION
Eight communication skills for resolving conflict
Non-violent responses to partner that does not communicate fair and equal

19. Eight Basic Skills for Equal Communication
Secure your center (respond when thinking clearly)
Ask clarifying questions (honest/open questions, avoid misunderstanding)
Find out partner’s feelings (feels about situation)
Express feelings (be honest and specific)
Determine what’s important to you (can’t compromise)
Acknowledge what’s important to partner
Think about similarities and differences (determine where agree/disagree and why disagree)
Exchange ideas for possible solutions (brainstorm)

20. HOW WE FEEL, HOW WE DEAL Expression of feelings and emotions
Acknowledgment of feelings
Situations that trigger anger
Physiological & Psychological cues of anger
Non-violent responses to anger
Choice of response when angry

21. Hot Buttons (Triggers)
Someone who is always late
Someone who doesn’t follow through on promises
Someone being loud and obnoxious
Someone does something that hurts your feelings

22. Diffusing Anger Talking to myself (positive self-talk) Walking/Running
Counting
Controlling my breathing
Crying
Walking Away/Removing self from situation
Hitting pillow
Exercising strenuously
Asking someone for advice
Explaining to the person why I’m angry
Playing with my pet
Listening to music

23. Eight Dating Tips Things to do to protect self:
Double-date, go out with group of friends
Date in public places
Decide boundaries on sex, be firm and clear
Trust feelings and instincts
Be careful if date holds strong gender stereotypes
Things to do to respect partner:
Respect dates feelings and wishes about being sexual
Pay attention to date’s body language
Be aware of own gender stereotypes
Stop physical advances if date says NO

24. PREVENTING SEXUAL ASSAULT
Sexual assault victims never to blame
Rape is unacceptable
Understand & interpret “NO” cues
Protecting yourself in potential rape situation
Establish clear sexual boundaries with dating partner
Tips to decrease chance of being a victim of sexual assault

25. SUMMARY TOPICS DATING ABUSE & CONSEQUENCES “RED FLAGS” FOR ABUSE
EQUAL POWER THROUGH COMMUNICATION
PREVENTING SEXUAL ASSAULT