1. Getting to know your fourth grader
Immaculate Heart of Mary School
Jodi Turpening MA, LPCC-S
Counselor

2. Physical Development
Nine-year-old children are on the cusp of adolescence—a major phase of child development in which they can expect many physical, emotional, and other changes. Puberty starts sometime between 8 and 12 for girls and 9 and 14 for boys and you can expect to need to discuss with your child what is happening to their body and to their friends.

3. Cognitive Development
Fourth Graders are curious about the world and are full of questions about how things work and why things are the way they are.
Abstract thinking is beginning…thinking about my thinking (metacognition)
Begin to expand their thinking on various subjects
Focus and attention span lengthen-they stick to activities for up to an hour
Increased ability to problem solve-recognize many solutions, recognize consequences to each solutions and able to evaluate the best solution
Increased ability to solve problems that require analytical and logical thinking

4. Emotional Development
Though fourth graders are maturing emotionally, they tend to struggle with intense emotions
Fourth graders tend to still need adult guidance (battle between wanting to be independent, but still needing connection with their caregiver)
Easily embarrassed
Mirror emotions of caregivers
The emotions they experience tend to be intense and real for them
More independent-want to socialize without their parents (sleepovers or friend get togethers)

5. Social Development
The social world of a fourth grader is opening up more than ever before.
Friendships are very important; however, friendships tend to change or shift around fourth grade
They care what others think about them
Peer pressure becomes a larger issue
Fourth graders will want to spend more time with friends outside of school or extracurricular activities
Black and White thinking-see things in absolutes, things are right or wrong, fair or unfair- this thinking may trigger strong emotions
Fourth graders begin to realize the impact that current events have on their future
Boys tend to stray away from feeling that make them feel vulnerable and uncomfortable
Girls tend to show affection openly and directly, so they might state that they have a crush on someone

6. How to support your fourth grader
Allow them to have a voice- “I hear you…I understand…It sounds like….What do you need?”
Give them choices: IF you choose this_____, THEN you have chosen this_____”
Give them independence-don’t do for them what they can do for themselves and allow them to feel logical consequences
Give them a well placed NO for practice, which may cause discomfort and suffering for them
Give them a well place YES to show you trust them
Model I statements: “I feel disappointed when you come home without all of your homework, because then I can’t help you. Tomorrow, can you write a list of things you need to bring home and then check them off throughout the day?”
Break Eye Contact: talk and walk, or talk while driving, ask for help in the kitchen while preparing for dinner, conversation happens easier when your fourth grader is not looking directly at you
Relationship over Rules-balance social time with family time and make a set time to reconnect
Allow your fourth grader to suffer in order to grow-follow through on consequences, allow natural consequences to happen
3. If they walk out the door in winter without a coat, let them feel the consequence of being cold
4. Mom can you bring me my book I forgot it at home….”No, I am busy this morning, you will have to problem solve it at school”
5. Mom can I go to my friends house? YES once you get your homework completed
6. I statements not only model what a person is feeling and why, but it help they child to solve the problem.
9. Natural consequences are not instilled, they just happen. You forget your coat, you may be cold; you stay up to late, you are tired the next day; without an opportunity to experience real world consequences, kids don’t always understand the reasons behind rules and expectations
Logical consequences are directly related to the misbehavior; “If you don’t complete your homework at home, then you lose free time at school to complete the work”. These consequences work best when warned ahead of time. If your fourth grader misses the bus on purpose a logical consequence may be that they have to complete extra chores to earn money to pay for the ride.

7. Discipline at School
At school we try to enforce rules and expectations with natural and logical consequences; however, this is not always possible. To monitor behavior and expectations we use a CARE Card:
Detention Procedures
Consequences are most effective when given as immediate as possible; therefore, detentions are held every morning from 6:45-7:45 am in Heritage. A student can be assigned the entire hour or a portion of the hour, depending on the severity of the situation and the age of the student. When a detention is issued, it is marked in the student’s planner, along with the time the student needs to report to Heritage.
A detention is automatically assigned to a student when a serious infraction warrants an immediate consequence. Detentions are also assigned to students every fourth infraction.
The fee for a detention is $5, which is due at the time of drop off. If the student does not pay at the time of drop off the guardian will be charged the detention fee in a monthly bill. When fees are not paid in a timely manner guardians are charged a late fee of $25.
CARE represents Christ like, Accountable, Respectful and Engaged behaviors. We review these expectations often and refer back to these expectations when warning students prior to issuing a consequence. If a student is not abiding by an expectation they will be reminded, if they continue then they will be issued a CARE Card point. The point will be written here on the CARE Card, which is located in your student’s planner and it will also be recorded on Option C. Option C will notify you both on your dashboard and through . In fourth grade your child will receive a more stringent consequence every 4th point. Detentions are held every morning, starting at 6:45. Consequences are best when given as immediate as possible, so we have changed our policy to reflect this. If your child is issues a detention it will be assigned on the CARE Card and you will be responsible for bringing your child the next morning. Student report to morning care and are given a detention assignment to learn from their decision making. There is a fee for detention this year and will need to be paid the morning of the detention, or you will be billed. We ask that parents sign your student’s planner every week. By signing the planner you really are saying that you have checked your students infractions, if they have any, you are updating yourself on the fact that they are using their planner and it may be a good reminder to check Option C for grade updates, missing assignment, or any other communication from teachers. Signing the students planner is a way for you to communicate to teachers, I have checked things and I am aware of what is going on.

8. Resources www.verywell.com
Ages and Stages by Dr. Charles E. Schaefer and Theresa Foy DiGeronimo
Love and Logic-Loveandlogic.com
Dan Siegel: No-Drama Discipline, Whole Brain Child, Parenting from the Inside Out