1. Chapter 3
Love

2. Chapter 3: Love Introduction
Quote: “Love is merely a madness; and, I tell you, deserves a dark house and a whip as madmen do: an the reason why they are not so punished and cured is that lunacy is so ordinary that the whippers are in love too.”
William Shakespeare
Discussion: What is love and is it still firmly entrenched in American culture? Explain.

3. Chapter 3: Love Introduction
Ways of Conceptualizing Love
Theories on the Origins of Love
Falling in Love
Love as a Context for Problems
Jealousy in Relationships
Compersion, Polyamory, and Open Relationships
The Future of Love Relationships

4. Chapter 3: Love Introduction
Food for thought…
A team of researchers surveyed 14,121 adolescents and found that the romantic ideal continues regardless of gender or sexual identity…an overwhelming proportion of the respondents rated love, faithfulness, and lifelong commitment as extremely important for marriage or long term relationships.
Demir (2008) emphasized that involvement in a romantic relationship moves one to a new level of happiness independent of one’s personality.
Schoebi (2008) identified hard (angry) and soft (depressed) emotions and the degree to which the emotions of one spouse affected another. When one spouse was experiencing hard emotions, the partner tended to mirror those.

5. Ways of Conceptualizing Love
What is love? The word love is polysemous; the meanings are numerous.
Hegi and Bergner (2010) defined love as an “investment in the well-being of the other for his or her own sake.”
Foster (2010) described love as being “about deep, abiding feelings with a focus on the long term.”
Lust
Infatuation

6. Ways of Conceptualizing Love: Love Styles
Ludic: Love as a game…
Pragma: Logical and rational…
Eros: Romantic love…
Mania: Out-of-control love…
Storge: Companionate love…
Agape: Compassionate love…

7. Ways of Conceptualizing Love: Romantic vs. Realistic Love
Romantic Love: an intense love whereby the lover believes in love at first sight, only one true love, and that love conquers all
Romantic love is said to have appeared in all human groups at all times in human history.
Conjugal Love: the love between married people characterized by companionship, calmness, comfort, and security

8. Ways of Conceptualizing Love: Romantic vs. Realistic Love
Food for thought…
Regarding the beliefs about romantic love, 21% of 2,922 undergrads reported that they had experienced love at first sight; over a quarter (27%) reported that they would marry someone they had known for only a short time if they were in love.
Men were more likely than women to report having experienced love at first sight (38.3% vs. 32.7%).
Another study by Dotson-Blake et al. (2008) found further evidence that males are more romantic than females in that men were significantly more likely (85% vs. 73%) than women to believe that they could solve any relationship problem as long as they were in love.

9. Ways of Conceptualizing Love: Triangular View of Love
Sternberg (1986) developed the “triangular” view of love, consisting of three basic elements: intimacy, passion, and commitment.
The absence of these three elements creates various types of love experienced between individuals, regardless of their sexual orientation. These various types include:
Nonlove
Liking
Infatuation
Romantic love
Conjugal love
Fatuous love
Empty love
Consummate love

10. Ways of Conceptualizing Love: Why a Love Relationship Lasts
Caryl Rusbult’s investment model of commitment has been used to identify why relationships last. While love is important, there are other factors involved…
People become dependent on their relationships because they:
Are satisfied with the relationship
Believe their alternatives are poor
Have invested many important resources in the relationship
The model includes both internal and external factors in maintaining relationships.

11. Ways of Conceptualizing Love: Social Control of Love
Parents inadvertently influence the mate choice of their children by moving to certain neighborhoods, joining certain churches, and enrolling their children in certain schools.
Peers exert a similar influence on homogenous mating by approving or disapproving certain partners.
Social approval of one’s partner is normally important for a love relationship to proceed on course.
Arranged Marriages – parents actually select the spouse for their children.
Individuals attracted to someone of the same sex quickly feel the social and cultural disapproval of this attraction.

12. Theories on the Origins of Love
Evolutionary Theory
Learning Theory
Sociological Theory
Psychosexual Theory
Biochemical Theory
Attachment Theory

13. Falling in Love Social Conditions for Love
Love is a social label given to an internal feeling. Our society promotes love through various forms of mass media.
Body Type Condition for Love
The probability of being involved in a love relationship is influenced by approximating the cultural ideal of physical appearance.

14. Falling in Love Food for thought…
Madathill and Benshoff (2008) compared the importance attributed to love of Asian and Indian couples living in the United States who had arranged marriages versus American couples who selected their own partners. The researchers found greater importance attributed to love by Asian and Indian couples than American couples. One explanation was the greater joy of Asian and Indian couples, who were experiencing freedom since they were not living in their home countries and being restricted by their culture, as compared to American couples, who took freedom to love and choice of their mate as a given.
Ambawani and Strauss (2007) found that body image has an effect on sexual relations and that relationships affect their self-image. Hence, women who felt positively about their body were more likely to report having sexual relations with a partner.

15. Falling in Love Discussion:
Halpern et al. (2005) analyzed data on a nationally representative sample of 5,487 African American, white, and Hispanic adolescent females and found that, for each one-point increase in body mass index (BMI), the probability of involvement in a romantic relationship dropped by 6%.
Do agree with the results of this study? Why or why not?

16. Falling in Love: Psychological Conditions for Love
Perception of Reciprocal Liking
Personality Qualities
Self-Esteem: Having a high self-esteem provides the following benefits:
Allows you to believe that others are capable of loving you
Allows one to be open and honest about strengths and weaknesses and accepting them in oneself and others
Allows one to feel equal to others
Allows one to take responsibility of one’s own feelings
Allows one to validate oneself and not expect the partner to do this
Permits one to feel empathy
Allows separateness and interdependence

17. Falling in Love: Psychological Conditions for Love
Self-Disclosure
Ross (2008) identified eight dimensions of self-disclosure:
Background and history
Feelings toward the partner
Feelings toward self
Feelings about one’s body
Attitudes toward social issues
Tastes and interests
Money and work
Feelings about friends
Gratitude

18. Falling in Love Physiological and Cognitive Conditions for Love
Other Factors Associated with Falling in Love
Appearance
Similarity
Familiarity
Social Influence
Meeting one’s needs
Specific cues
Isolation
Mysteriousness

19. Love as a Context for Problems
Profound Sadness/Depression When a Love Relationship Ends
Unrequited Love
Love Involving Risky, Dangerous, or Questionable Behavior
Ending the Relationship with One’s Parents
Simultaneous Loves
Putting on Weight after Moving In
Abusive/Stalking Relationships

20. Love as a Context for Problems
Food for thought…
What if you fall out of love with the person you had planned to marry?
In a sample of 2,922 undergrad students, exactly half agreed that, “I would divorce my spouse if I no longer loved him or her.”
What if you are in love with two people at the same time?
According to the text, just let the clock run. Most love relationships do not have a steady course. Time has a way of changing them. If you maintain both relationships, one is likely to emerge as more powerful and you’ll have your answer.

21. Jealousy in Relationships
An emotional response to a perceived or real threat to an important or valued relationship
Types of Jealousy
Reactive Jealousy
Anxious Jealousy
Possessive Jealousy

22. Jealousy in Relationships
Causes of Jealousy
External Causes
Internal Causes
Mistrust
Low Self-Esteem
Lack of Perceived Alternatives
Insecurity
Physiology

23. Jealousy in Relationships
Consequences of Jealousy
Desirable Outcomes
Undesirable Outcomes
Gender Differences in Coping with Jealousy
Analysis of the data on women’s and men’s reactions to jealousy revealed four significant differences:
Food (30.3% women vs. 22% men turn to food)
Alcohol (46.9% men vs. 27.1% women turn to alcohol)
Friends (37.9% women vs. 13.5% men turn to friends)
Nonbelief that “Jealousy shows love” (63.2% of women vs. 42.6% of men disagreed that “jealousy shows love”)

24. Compersion, Polyamory, and Open Relationships
Compersion: sometimes thought of as the opposite of jealousy; the approval of a partner’s emotional and sexual involvement with another person
Polyamory: a lifestyle in which two lovers embrace the idea of having multiple lovers
By agreement, each partner may have numerous emotional and sexual relationships.

25. Compersion, Polyamory, and Open Relationships
Advantages and Disadvantages of Polyamory
Rules of an Open Relationship:
Honesty
Recreational Sex
Condom
Approval
No Online Hunting

26. The Future of Love Relationships
Love will continue to be one of the most treasured experiences in life.
Love will be sought, treasured, and when lost or ended, will be met with despair and sadness.

27. Quick Quiz
Which one of the following is not one of the styles of love mentioned in the text?
Ludic
Pragma
Heart
Storge
ANS: C

28. Quick Quiz
A mate selection pattern whereby parents select the spouse of their offspring is known as:
parochial marriage
arranged marriage
patriarchal familism
non-consentual marriage
ANS: B

29. Quick Quiz
Which one of the following is not one of the eight dimensions of self-disclosure when falling in love?
Feelings toward his/her Parents
Feelings toward the partner
Background and history
Money and work
ANS: A

30. Quick Quiz
____ is an emotional response to a perceived or real threat to an important or valued relationship.
Unrequited love
Anger
Amorous envy
Jealousy
ANS: D

31. Quick Quiz
Which of the following is true about the causes and consequences of jealousy?
The way that men and women respond are different.
All consequences of jealousy have undesirable outcomes.
Low self-esteem is rarely a cause of jealousy.
People who are insecure are rarely jealous.
ANS: A