1. Difficult Conversations
The Guide

3. Principles Separate people from the problem. 2. Focus on interests.
3. Generate options.
4. Use objective criteria.

4. Separate People From Problems
“Seek to understand, then to be understood.
“If one lets [the heart] go, they soon lose control of the head too.
“Be kind; everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle. ” ” ”
Point of View
Understand how they see things.
Emotions
Don’t get too heated or dramatic.
Listening
See to understand, then be understood.
Don’t prepare a response until it’s your turn.

5. Focus on Interests, Not Positions
“Your position is something you decide. Your interest is what caused you to decide.”
When dealing with positions, one person has to lose.
Interests allow collaboration.
Listen for their interests.

6. CRAZY “Every really new idea seemed at first.” Generate Options
Focus on solutions, not the problem.
Look for win-win; how can both parties be benefited from this interaction?
Don’t be scared to brainstorm “wild” options.
Search for solutions that are appealing to them.

7. Use Objective Criteria
Doesn’t negate personal beliefs or preference.
Using facts and data, current trends and social norms may help.
“You cut, I choose,” method.

8. “ NEVER ” UNDERSTOOD. “I understand.” “Help me understand.” change
Shift your entire stance
“I understand.”
from
“Help me understand.” to
Everything else will
People almost
follow…
NEVER
change
Shift your entire stance from “I understand” to “Help me understand.” Everything else will follow… People almost never change without first feeling understood.
without first
feeling ”
UNDERSTOOD.