1. Love and Relationships

2. Agenda Link to Gender Differences Factors influencing attraction
Theories of Love
Long term relationships
Other issues

3. Links to Gender Differences
Studies by Lefkowitz (2002)

4. Link from Gender Differences
What women talk about more: Sexual behavior, Sexual feelings, Dating and romantic relationships, “Making out," The dangers of sex, Abstinence, How attractive members of the other sex were, How attractive they themselves were, Date rape and Contraception
What men talk about more:
Masturbation

5. Link from Gender Differences
So where to the stereotypes come from?
Go out with
Sleep with
Men 56 91
Women 47

6. Link from Gender Differences
So where to the stereotypes come from?
How acceptable is it it to sleep with a person if you’ve known them:

7. Link from Gender Differences
So where to the stereotypes come from?
Men are considerably more likely to misinterpret a female’s friendly behavior as indicating sexual interest (Le Bouef, in press)
Evolution and mate selection (Buss, 1995)

8. Factors Influencing Attraction
Proximity
Physical Attractiveness
Similarity
Reciprocity
Conditioning
Courtship

9. Proximity Reasons why proximity plays a role in attraction
1) Mere exposure
2) More opportunities to meet, interact
3) People are likely to live near people of similar economic, social backgrounds

10. Proximity Mere exposure (Zajonc, 1966; Moreland & Beach 1992)
Ratings of attraction.

11. Proximity More opportunities to meet, interact:
Homes for elderly, college campuses distance between rooms predicts attraction (Nahemow & Lawton, 1975)
Manipulating dorm assignments (Festinger, 1950)
Random (alphabetized) seating assignments in class (Segal, 1974)

12. Proximity
People are likely to live near people of similar economic, social backgrounds:
Wealth, class, ethnicity, and education levels tend to cluster by neighborhood (U.S. Census Bureau, 1990).
People with similar backgrounds are inclined to like each other more (Newcomb, 1956).

13. Physical Attraction
People like beauty. Halo effects (Hatfield et al, 1986)
More attractive people get lower bail set, (Downs & Lyons, 1991), more easily influence others (Chaiken, 1979), earn more money (Hamermesh & Biddle, 1994).
#1 predictor of date satisfaction for males is the attractiveness of the partner (Sprecher & Duck, 1994)

14. Physical Attraction Beauty is objective:
High level of agreement across cultures (Langlois et al, 2000)
Certain features of faces are reliably associated with attractiveness (Cunningham, 1986)
Babies prefer attractive faces (Cowley, 1996).

15. Physical Attraction Beauty is subjective:
Different cultures “improve” beauty in different ways (Newman, 2000).
Different body types are judged to be more attractive in different parts of the world (Anderson et. al 1992)
Body type standards vary over time (Silverstein et al, 1986).

16. Physical Attraction Things that people agree on:
Symmetrical faces are more attractive

17. Physical Attraction Things that people agree on:
2) More average faces are more attractive
3) Waist/hip ratio for women is judged similarly across culture. Men prefer waists 1/3 narrower than hips (Singh, 1993)
4) Across culture, women prefer men to have a V-shaped physique (Singh, 1995)

18. Physical Attraction Things that people agree on:
5) Women who have large eyes, prominent cheekbones, small bones and a wide smile are judged more attractive (Cunningham, 1986)
6) Men with broad jaws and chiseled features are judged more attractive (Cunningham et al, 1990).

19. Physical Attraction Situational influences on attraction:
Contrast effects (Kenrick et al, 1993)
Opinions of same sex peers (for women) (Graziano et al, 1993)
Girls all get prettier at closing time effect, (Gladue & Delaney, 1990)
Glasses (Terry & Macy, 1991)

20. Physical Attraction
Good male names: Alexander, Joshua, Mark, Henry, Scott, Taylor.
Good female names: Elizabeth, Mary, Jessica, Ann, Brittany, Isabella
Bad male names: Otis, Roscoe, Norbert, Ogden, Willard, Eugene
Bad female names: Mildred, Frieda, Agatha, Harriet, Rosalyn, Tracy

21. Similarity Schuster & Elderton (1906)
Married couples report significant agreement about politics and religion.
Friends were more similar in attitudes, beliefs, values, and interests.
Correlation does not imply causation.

22. Similarity
Demonstrating that similarity is responsible for attraction (Newcomb, 1956)
Gave students free rent in a dorm in exchange for being study participants.
Took measures of attitudes on different topics before students arrived on campus.
Over the course of the year, students with similar attitudes reported more attraction to each other

23. Similarity
Proportion of similar attitudes scale (Byrne & Nelson, 1965)
Attraction Ratings

24. Similarity Rosenbaum’s (1986) repulsion hypothesis
Smeaten et. al (1989) proportion hypothesis
After a decade of argument, it appears that the proportion hypothesis is correct.

25. Similarity
Matching Hypothesis: We like those who are like ourselves (Galton, 1870).
Romantic pairs are similar in physical attractiveness (Zajonc et al, 1987)
Even college roommates, prefer to be of similar attractiveness (Carlie et al. 1991)
Sense of humor particularly important (Cann et al., 1995)

26. Reciprocity
People like positive feedback (Coleman, Jussim, & Abraham, 1987).
Even obvious attempts at flattery increase liking (Drachman et. al. 1978).
Being liked leads to positive interpersonal behavior (1986).

27. Reciprocity
Over time, people prefer increasing affinity rather than decreasing affinity (Aronson et al, 1965).
This has been referred to as the “couple’s curse”.

28. Reciprocity Playing hard to get
Very hard to get empirical data supporting this strategy (Walster et al, 1973)
Although people prefer moderately selective mates to those with no selectivity, lack of perceived interest is typically perceived as a turn off (Wright & Contrada, 1986).

29. Conditioning
Association with positive or negative stimulus influences attractiveness ratings.
Negative mood leads to lower attractiveness ratings (Byrne & Clore, 1970).
Unpleasant background music when meeting a person leads to subsequent lower attractiveness ratings (May & Hamilton, 1980)

30. Courtship Opening Lines Female Courtship Rituals

31. Introductions

32. Introductions Kleinke et al, 1986;
Investigated what people say when trying to meet somebody they don’t know (pick up lines)
Typical Answers:
“Hi, I’m easy, are you?”
“Where are you from”
“Hi. I’m a little embarrassed about this, but I’d like to get to know you.

33. Introductions Kleinke et al, 1990; Cunningham, 1989
Looked at the effectiveness of different types of opening lines in laboratory, and then real life settings
Likeability

34. Introductions Kleinke et al, 1990; Cunningham, 1989 Setting Best Line
Worst Line
Bar
Do you want to dance?
Bet I can out-drink you!
Laundromat
Want to have a cup of coffee while we’re waiting
Those are some nice undies you have there
Beach
Want to play frisbee?
Let me see your strap marks.

35. Female Courtship Rituals
Women’s flirting behavior Eibl-Eibesfeldt (1989):
Smile
Lift Eyebrows in fast jerky motion
Open their eyes wide
Lower their eyelids
Tilt heads down and to the side
Look away

36. Female Courtship Rituals
Moore (1985; 1989):
Female courtship behaviors were defined as that specific subset of nonverbal behavior that consistently resulted in male attention
52 items identified
Courtship found to be more important that physical attraction for garnering male interest.

37. Female Courtship Rituals
Type I, II, III glances, Eyebrow flash, head toss, hair flip, face to face, lipstick application, lip lick, lip pout, smiling, laugh, giggling, kissing, whisper, arm flexion, tapping, palming, gesticulation, hand hold, primp, skirt hike, object caress, caress (hair, leg, buttock, arm, torso, back), lean, brush, breast touch, thigh tough, foot to foot, placement, Lateral body contact, parade, approach, promenade, pinching, tickling.

38. Male Courtship Rituals
Submissive displays: Palms up, shoulder shrug, tilt head.
Dominance displays: Entering personal space, putting arm around shoulder, swagger.
Resources displays: Paying for food, drink. Wearing expensive clothes. Bragging.

39. Male Courtship Rituals
Male rituals harder to chronicle (Taflinger, 1996):
The less ritualized and more original his approach is, the more likely a woman is to accept it
This leads to ad hoc courtship by human males.

40. Theories of Love
Love Styles
Triarchic Model of Love
Equity Theory

41. Love Styles

42. Love Styles Hendrick & Hendrick (1993):
Had subjects write “personal account or story of a romantic relationship”.
Did a factor analysis on prevalence of different themes/adjectives
Found 6 love styles – romantic partners tend to have similar love styles (Morrow et al, 1995)

43. Love Styles Eros – Passionate Love Love at first sight
34% of subjects rate ‘high’ on this scale
Men typically have higher ratings
Sample Question: My lover and I were attracted to each other immediately after we first met.

44. Love Styles Storge – Friendship Love
Very close friendship becomes love
66% of subjects rate ‘high’ on this scale
Women typically have higher ratings
Sample Question: Love is really a deep friendship, not a mysterious, mystical emotion.

45. Love Styles Ludus – Game-Playing Love Flirtatious and not committed
2% of subjects rate ‘high’ on this scale
Men typically have higher ratings
Sample Question: I have sometimes had to keep my two lovers from finding out about each other.

46. Love Styles Mania – Possessive Love Feeling of ownership over lover
2% of subjects rate ‘high’ on this scale
Women typically have higher ratings
Sample Question: I cannot relax if I suspect that my lover is with somebody else.

47. Love Styles Pragma – Logical Love
Cognitive appreciation for other’s quality
17% of subjects rate ‘high’ on this scale
Women typically have higher ratings
Sample Question: It is best to love somebody with a similar background.

48. Love Styles Agape – Selfless Love Putting one’s lover above one’s self
2% of subjects rate ‘high’ on this scale
Highly correlated with religiosity
Sample Question: I would rather suffer than let my lover suffer.

49. Triarchic Model of Love
Three aspects of love (Sternberg, 1986):
Intimacy: Closeness two people feel psychologically, how well partners understand each other.
Passion: The amount of physical/sexual attraction and romance.
Commitment: The cognitive factors such as the decision to maintain the relationship.

50. Triarchic Model of Love
Intimacy = Liking
I + P = Romantic Love
I + C = Companionate Love
Consummate Love
Passion = Infatuation
Commitment = Empty Love
P + C = Fatuous Love

51. Equity Theory Homans, 1969; Messick & Cook, 1983
Economic model of love
Rewards include love, companionship, consolation, sexual gratification, social acceptance
Costs include work to maintain relationship, conflict, compromise, sacrifice of other opportunities for relationships

52. Equity Theory = Your Benefits Partner’s Benefits
Your Contributions Partner’s Contributions
Comparison Level = average expected outcome of the relationship
Comparisons for alternatives = expectation of what could be received in a different relationship
Investment = what must be put into a relationship that can not be recovered if the relationship ends. =

53. Successful Relationships
Terman et al (1935)
Investigated hundreds of couples, and looked at the 100 happiest, 100 least happy (but still married) and 100 divorced couples.
500 item psychological scale

54. Remaining Agenda Successful Relationships Unsuccessful Relationships
Other Things
Homework

55. Successful Relationships
Items on which happy couples were more similar:
1) Avoiding arguments (‘yes dear’)
2) Contributing to charity
3) Reaction to illness
4) Being alone vs. being with friends during stressful times.

56. Successful Relationships
Attitudes about others on which happy couples were more similar:
1) Energetic People
2) Dentists
3) Conservatives and Liberals
4) Life Insurance

57. Successful Relationships
Over the long haul, things that happier marriages tend to have:
1) The woman maintains passionate love (Alexander & Higgins, 1993).
2) More joint activities and projects
3) Laughing together
4) Satisfaction with children (if there are kids)

58. Unsuccessful Relationships
Over the long haul, things that lead to divorce:
1) Infidelity/Jealousy
2) Failure to compromise
3) Failure to express emotions/communicate
4) Dissimilarity emerging over time (or being discovered over time).
5 ) Sexual dissatisfaction

59. Other Issues Misattribution of Arousal Loneliness Internet Dating
Soul mate vs. Work it out theorists
Breaking up

60. Homework Watch “When Harry Met Sally”
Dating for Dummies, Chapters 7 & 8
3) Quiz on what women want
4) The Rules
5) The system
6) Pickup lines
7) Commercials (will URLs)

61. The End