1. Defining and Maintaining Abstinence

2. Defining sex and abstinence
In the previous lessons you have learned that “sexual behavior” means different things to different people.
Choosing not to engage in sex, or delaying sex, is often called “abstinence”.
But the word abstinence can also have different meanings to different people.

3. Think about the range of sexual behaviors discussed in class
Discuss with your partner:
What does the term abstinence mean to you?
Which sexual behaviors do you believe should be considered “sex”?

4. Process Questions
What did you notice as you talked to your partner? Did you agree on the definition of abstinence? How does this activity relate to social awareness?
On TV, when characters say they “had sex”, what behavior do they often mean? Is this the same as your definition? Are there other behaviors that people may consider “sex”?
Why is abstinence a healthy choice?

5. Where Do You Draw the Line?
Number a piece of paper 1-9
To help you determine your own guidelines for abstinence, write “yes” or “no” to the following questions.
There are no right or wrong answers!

6. Do you believe people who say they are sexually abstinent can choose to:
1. Hug

7. Do you believe people who say they are sexually abstinent can choose to:
2. French kiss?

8. Do you believe people who say they are sexually abstinent can choose to:
3. Touch their own sexual body parts (masturbate)?

9. Do you believe people who say they are sexually abstinent can choose to:
4. Touch someone else’s sexual body parts with clothes on?

10. Do you believe people who say they are sexually abstinent can choose to:
5. Touch someone else’s body parts with clothes off.

11. Do you believe people who say they are sexually abstinent can choose to:
6. Give or receive oral sex (mouth to penis, vagina, or anus)?

12. Do you believe people who say they are sexually abstinent can choose to:
7. Have vaginal sexual intercourse?

13. Do you believe people who say they are sexually abstinent can choose to:
8. Have sexual intercourse if they use a condom?

14. Do you believe people who say they are sexually abstinent can choose to:
9. Be abstinent if they’ve ever had sex before?

15. Process Questions
How do your personal values affect the way you answered the questions and your definition of abstinence?
If you were dating someone, how would you let them know what abstinence meant to you?
How might drugs or alcohol affect your decisions around abstinence?

16. So how do I define “abstinence?”
Everyone may have a different personal definition of abstinence.
Understanding these differences is part of social awareness.

17. Get Real’s definition
Abstinence is “voluntarily choosing not to engage in certain sexual behaviors, including any sexual behaviors that can result in pregnancy or STIs, including HIV.”

18. People may have different ideas about what constitutes abstinence, from no sexual contact of any kind, including kissing, to abstaining only from sexual intercourse, and all points in between.

19. Reflect on your definition of abstinence
Will your personal definition of abstinence keep you safe from getting pregnant/getting someone else pregnant or getting an STI?

20. What if I use a condom?
While condom use is extremely effective in preventing pregnancy and STIs (if used correctly and consistently), abstinence as defined in the Get Real curriculum is the ONLY 100% protection.

21. Postponement
What does postponement mean?

22. Postponement means: Delaying or putting off something until later.
Young people don’t have to make decisions about abstaining for the rest of their lives.
People who don’t feel ready to engage in sex can postpone, or put off, sexual activity until they are older.

23. What is the safest and healthiest choice for me?
Abstinence and postponement are the safest and healthiest choices for people your age.
Have a discussion with your table partner using evidence from the lesson to support this claim.

24. Refusal Skills and Abstinence Resisting Pressure: Ways to Refuse page 23
You have the right to say NO to sex, and you should not feel guilty about your decision. Saying NO has many advantages. You don’t have to worry about unplanned pregnancy or STIs.
You don’t have to explain your reasons for saying NO. But if your partner is pressuring you to have sex, here are some simple responses to common pressure lines.

25. “You would if you loved me
“You would if you loved me.” -”If you really loved me, you wouldn’t push me.”

26. “Everybody’s doing it.”
-”Even if other people are doing it, I’m not ready.”

27. “I need you. I have to have it. ” -“No, you don’t
“I need you . I have to have it.” -“No, you don’t. If I can wait, so can you.”

28. “If you don’t, I’ll find someone who will
“If you don’t, I’ll find someone who will.” -“ I respect your decision, and feel good about the one that I have made, even if it’s different from yours.”