1. Intimate Relationships

2. Theories of Attraction
Propinquity (Proximity)
Familiarity
Physical
Similarity
Reciprocity

3. Attraction – A Matter of Rewards
Fundamental assumption
We are attracted to others whose presence is rewarding to us (Clore & Byrne, 1974)
Two different types of rewards
Direct – received from interactions with others
Indirect – benefits that are merely associated with someone else

4. Proximity – Liking Those Near Us
Generally people become acquainted with, and attracted to, someone who lives, works, shops, and plays nearby
To meet people is not necessarily to love them, but to love them we must first meet them!
Correlation b/w physical proximity & interpersonal attraction
Think about relationships in the classroom…

5. Proximity
Propinquity appears to lead to attraction in a variety of situations
This tendency is attributable to:
People near to us have more opportunities to REWARD us
EXPECTATION of future interaction with those who live and work near us

6. Proximity – Experiment
270 MIT students randomly assigned to apartments within 17-building campus complex
After 3 months, asked to name 3 closest friends within the complex

7. Proximity Why does proximity have such influence?
When others are nearby, it’s easy to enjoy whatever rewards they offer
The expense and effort of interacting with a distant partner make distant relationships more costly overall

8. Familiarity – Repeated Contact
Related to propinquity,
The closer we are to someone, the more we see them and the more familiar that person becomes
The mere exposure effect is an increase in positive feelings toward a novel stimulus (person) based on frequent exposure to it (him/her)

9. Familiarity – Experiment
Moreland and Beach (1992) had college women attend certain classes either 15 times, 10 times, or 5 times per semester
They never talked and simply sat there
At the end of the semester, real students were given pictures of the women and asked for their reactions
The more familiar the women were, the more attracted to them the students were

10. Physical Attractiveness
Proximity brings people together, what gets us to notice each other?
Three views:
Natural selection
Averages
Bias for beauty, “What is beautiful is good”

11. Physical Attractiveness
Natural Selection
Survival of the fittest
What determines who is “fit”?
Competition for limited resources, to survive, reproduce, and raise children
Development of adaptive behaviours
Women prefer men who have the resources to be good providers
Since women were unable to both care for infants and gather food
Men preferred women who could
Bear healthy babies, feed their children, and successfully raise them

12. Physical Attractiveness
Theory of Averages
Good-looking faces in both sexes have features that are neither too large nor too small
Indeed, they are quite average
However, does not mean that gorgeous people have bland, ordinary looks
A more universal look at what is good- looking

15. Averages These faces are all proportional to one another…
No nose is too big, no eyes are too small, nothing is exaggerated, or underdeveloped
Averaged faces are also symmetrical, with the two sides of the face being mirror images of one another
Thus, beautiful faces seem to combine the best features of individual faces in a balanced, well-proportioned whole

16. Physical Attractiveness
“What is beautiful is good”
Physical attractiveness has substantial influence on first impressions
We tend to assume that good-looking people are more likable, better people than those who are unattractive (Brewer & Archer, 2007)
Newborn infants exhibit preferences for faces like those that adults find attractive too
They spend more time gazing at attractive than unattractive faces

17. What is beautiful is good – Experiment (Dion, Berscheid, and Walster, 1972)
Male and female participants judged that physically attractive people were more likely than the opposite to be more:
Kind, strong, outgoing, nurturing, sensitive, interesting, poised, exciting
Also, they would have futures that involve:
More prestige, happier marriages, professional success, and more fulfilling lives

18. Phys. Attract. Long-term Impacts
What about the long run?
Berscheid et al. (1972) Yearbook Study
Obtained ratings of college yearbook photos
Interviewed (then) middle-aged graduates
Beauty = More likely to marry
What about marital satisfaction, life satisfaction, & overall happiness?
No big differences

19. Similarity – Liking those who are like us
What kinds of similarity?
Demographics (Social homogamy)
Attraction from similar social and cultural backgrounds
Age, sex, race, education, religion, social class
Personality
Traits (The Big 5) – Openness, conscientiousness, extraversion, agreeableness, neuroticism
Partners with similar personalities have happier marriages than do spouses with different styles (Gaunt, 2006)
Values & attitudes
The more agreement, the more liking
No danger in having “too much in common”
The more similar they are, the more they like each other

20. Reciprocity – Liking those who like us
Just knowing that someone likes us fuels our attraction to that person
Reciprocal liking sometimes happens because of a self-fulfilling prophecy:
When we expect people to like us, we elicit more favourable behaviour from them and show more to them
Aronson & Worchel (1966) have suggested that reciprocal liking may account for the effect of similarity on attraction

21. Reciprocity The Matching Phenomenon
To enjoy the most success in the relationship marketplace, we should pursue partners who are likely to return our interest
Matching Formula
A Potential Partner’s Desirability = His/Her Physical Attractiveness x Their Probability of Accepting You
Therefore, the most appealing potential partner is someone who is moderately attractive and who seems to offer a good chance of accepting us

22. Reciprocity
Our exp. on others’ acceptance have much to do with our mate value (overall attractiveness as a reproductive partner)
People with high mv’s are highly sought by others and can reasonably expect most people to be interested in them
Thus, similarity in physical attractiveness may operate as a screening device

23. What is Love? Placemat Individually come up with a definition
In groups, share your definition with one another
As a whole, come up with a complete definition

24. Three components in Love
In simple terms, the strong positive emotion of regard and affection
3 Components
Intimacy
Close, connected, bonded feelings between two people
Passion
The drives that lead to romance, physical attraction, sexual consummation in a relationship
Commitment
The decision that one loves someone (short-term) and commitment to maintain that love (long-term)
Intimacy: Including concern for the welfare of others, mutual happiness, positive regard, sharing, support, mutual understanding, and intimate communication.

25. Sternberg’s Seven Types of Love
Draw on answers developed through think-pair-share, Different types of love
Question: Do you think all people would agree with this theory?

26. Love over Time

27. NOT for Homework Due to Dance!!!
Connecting Theory to Music
Choose any song about love and/or relationships
Identify the parts of the lyrics that indicate the components of love
Determine which of the 7 Types of Love this song is talking about
Write a short paragraph (4-5 sentences) explaining your analysis (Explain how the lyrics represents one of the components of love)
Include the lyrics in your homework

28. Connecting Theory to Music
I’ll Stand By You by The Pretenders
Oh, why you look so sad? Tears are in your eyes Come on and come to me now Don't be ashamed to cry. Let me see you through 'cause I've seen the dark side too When the night falls on you, you don't know what to do Nothing you confess, could make me love you less I'll stand by you, I'll stand by you Won't let nobody hurt you, I'll stand by you So if you're mad, get mad Don't hold it all inside, come on and talk to me now Hey, what you got to hide? I get angry too, well I'm a lot like you When you're standing at the crossroads And don't know which path to choose Let me come along, 'cause even if you're wrong I'll stand by you, I'll stand by you Won't let nobody hurt you, I'll stand by you
Intimacy
Commitment
Intimacy

29. Explanation
In The Pretender’s song, “I’ll Stand By You”, the band sings, “Oh, why you look so sad? Tears are in your eyes, come on and come to me now.” This shows intimacy as it describes close bonded feelings between them and a desire to be close to each other. When they repeat, “I’ll stand by you”, it shows evidence of commitment, which can indicate either short or long-term. Finally, they sing, “So if you're mad, get mad. Don't hold it all inside, come on and talk to me now”, which also indicates intimacy through the desire to share feelings with one another.
Therefore, as this song shows indication of both intimacy and commitment, according to the Triangular Theory of Love, the band is singing about Companionate Love.