1. I Can’t Believe You Said That
I Can’t Believe You Said That! Common Communication Mistakes Across Cultures
Nina Meierding, MS, JD
Negotiation and Mediation Training Services
Bainbridge Island, Washington

2. Sometimes the “how” causes more conflict in communication than the “what.”

3. This session is designed to raise our level of awareness of the following cultural differences in the “how” of communication.

4. We are all like all others, we are all like some others, and we are all like no other. -Kluckholn

5. A prototype should never become a stereotype. - Meierding

6. You don’t have to agree - you just need to understand. - Meierding

7. High and Low Context High context
Implicit and “built-in” understanding of intent and meaning
Intuit from situation and relationship
Emphasis on oral traditions and agreements; less need for formal agreements
Importance of saving face
May believe that direct speech is insulting, domineering, or disrespectful
Traditionally, Japan, China, India, Indonesia, Native Americans, Southeast Asia are more high context cultures.

8. Low context To-the-point communication Information is abundant
Rules and expectations are clearly stated
Places high value on writing, specific directions
May see high context speech as evasiveness, avoidance, or lying
Traditionally, Northern and Eastern Europe and North America are more low context
Mid range: Middle East, Africa, Latin America

9. Direct and Indirect Speech
Indirect speech examples
Hedging – the softening of a request or a criticism; downplaying of certainty.
Direct speech examples
Explicit directions, absolute truth
Choice may be related to power distance
Subordinate speech – difference between men and women; difference across cultures

10. High and Low Context Interacting with high context or indirect people
Active listening is key - listen for the unstated.
Everything is relevant.
Asking direct questions will not get direct answers.
Do not try to reframe/summarize too quickly.
Do not assume lack of specificity is avoidance or lying or passive aggressive behavior.
Do not assume a quieter tone is any less confident and /or certain.

11. High and Low Context Interacting with low context or direct people
Low context/direct people intend to be straight- forward and clear, not rude. Do not take it personally.
Be direct with a low context person to avoid confusion about expectations and needs. Otherwise in relationships (personal or work) their defense will be “You didn’t tell me what you want!”
Direct means being clear, it does not mean insulting or personally attacking someone.

12. Ritual Opposition (Direct speech)
Involves positional bargaining and the art of debate and argumentation
Attempts to undercut another’s argument
Is an attack on the issue – not on the person
Generally used more by men than women
Very direct form of speech (so problematic in working with high context cultures)
Often assumes equal power to debate (so problematic in working with high power distance cultures).

13. Humor
Humor may be intended to diffuse tension, create a connection, build understanding, or minimize the seriousness of an issue.
However, in many cultures, humor is not appropriate in negotiation or personal situations.
High context cultures (and women in direct cultures) tend to use more self-deprecating humor (internal).
Men’s humor tends to be directed more towards someone else (external).

14. Processing and Time Monochronic Linear, sequential, ordered
Time is quantifiable
Being late is rude – wasting time
Wants agendas and outlines
Sequential commitments; “a” then “b” then “c”
Traditionally, German, British, Canadians and Americans are largely monochronic cultures.

15. Processing and Time Polychronic
Global, broad, multi-layered discussions – everything is related to everything else
Linkage in settlements is very common; “if this then this”
Time is flexible and relational; in “sync”
Traditionally, African, Middle Eastern, Latin American and Southern European cultures tend to be polychronic.

18. Monochronic and Polychronic
Opposites often attract.
Build on the strengths of each attribute – it is easy to focus on differences.
Polychronics tend to adapt more easily to monochronics than the reverse.
Adapt to each other.

19. High and Low Uncertainty Avoidance
High uncertainty avoidance
Dislikes the feeling of uncertainty (subjective)
Needs to control future and minimize risk
Wants to plan for contingencies
Wants formal agreements – little is assumed
Traditionally, Japan, France, Mexico, Spain, Greece and Italy tend to be more high uncertainty avoidant cultures

20. High and Low Uncertainty Avoidance
Flexible about future
Less resistance to change
General clauses in agreements are acceptable
Sees high uncertainty avoidance as no trust
Traditionally, Norway, Sweden, Denmark, United Kingdom, India, Philippines, and to some extent the United States tend to be more low uncertainty avoidant cultures.

21. High and Low Uncertainty Avoidance
Interacting with high uncertainty avoidant people
Be patient with the need for detail.
Don’t tell them “Murphy’s Law.”
Never assume there is a lack of trust if someone wants detail; ask questions such as:
“Do you tend to like a lot of detail, in general?”
“Is there anything specific about the nature of this particular situation that I should know about?”

22. High and Low Uncertainty Avoidance
Interacting with low uncertainty avoidant people
Understand their frustration with detail.
In legal cases, explain the “sub-culture” of the law (high uncertainty avoidance).
Use words like “pro-active” rather than “protect.”
Don’t prime their brains with “trust” words. If there is no lack of trust, you may create lack of trust.

23. Summary “A prototype is not a stereotype.”
Be careful making assumptions about another person’s behavior or actions.
Is someone being “deliberately vague” in order to mislead you or could they be a high context speaker?
Is someone being “intentionally rude” or are they just more of direct speaker?
Is someone “scattered” or are they polychronic?
Is someone “compulsive” or are they monochronic?
Is there actual distrust or could it be just high uncertainty avoidance?

24. Conclusion Be aware of your own biases. Be curious.
Think, “I wonder if” rather than “I know that…”
Use questions to determine “process” as well as “substantive” issues.
Use strategies that support positive communication.

25. You don’t have to agree - you just need to understand. - Meierding
Remember
You don’t have to agree - you just need to understand. - Meierding