1. Balancing the 3 C’s
Katie Reck

2. - Marriage Requirements -
What skills are needed to have a healthy couple relationship?

3. Predictors of Divorce Personality __________________
Religious discrepancies
______________
Geographic – South and West
_____________
Liberal attitudes toward marriage and divorce
Negative couple interactions (four horseman)
Campbell & Wright, 2010

4. Communication and Divorce
Gottman:
2 types of marriages that are likely to divorce
Hostile/engaged
Argue often and in hot-tempered ways
Hostile/detached
Emotionally disengaged and argue briefly

5. Relationship Education
Focuses on three aspects:
Improving couple ______________
Improve conflict resolution
Increase ________________

6. Communication One of the most commonly cited reasons for divorce
Poor __________________
__________ of positive communication
How you communicate now – patterns of communication – effects later relationships.
Marital Quality
Amato and Previtti, 2003
Communication

7. Marital Satisfaction Decline over time
__________________________________
Stable – 3%
Unstable – 15%
__________________________________
1 year years

8. Marital Satisfaction Decline over time
Important to have ________________ skills ______ to marriage!!!
__________________________________
Stable – 3%
Unstable – 15%
1 year years

9. Positive Communication
Have a “Game Plan”
It takes two!
Personal style vs. couple style
Flexibility
Practice
Having a Winning Mentality

10. Ground Rules Rule #1 – _______________
Positive
Free from distraction
Rule #2 – How you start is how you’ll finish
_____________________
Rule #3 – ________________
“___” Statements – “____ get frustrated when…” “You don’t ever…”
“Honey, did you hear me? A game plan for effective communication” National Healthy Marriage Resource Center.

11. Ground Rules Rule #4 – __________________ Rule #5 – _______________
One issue at a time
Current events
Less likely to “tune-out”
Rule #5 – _______________
Mind reading
Be specific and use examples
Rule #6 – Stop, Pause, Listen
Let them speak so you know they understand
______________ any misunderstandings

12. Ground Rules Rule #7 – _____________ Be willing to __________ Empathy
Its okay to “__________________________”
Reschedule
“____________” is not always the solution

13. Active Listening Stop, _________, Replay ___________
Not Re-butt – one opinion against another
___________
Emotionally invested

14. Avoid ________ Foul #1 – ___________ Foul #2 – _______and __________
Not always negative
Implies fault
Foul #2 – _______and __________
Put down or demeaning
____________________

15. Avoid Fouls Foul #3 – The _______________
Natural – fight or flight
Foul #4 – The __________________
Conscious decision
Spite
_____________________

16. Communication
________________
________________________________

17. Conflict Resolution
____________
How we deal with conflict can change!

18. Positive Aspects of Conflict
Help recognize discontent
________________
Provide new information
_______________________________
Communication

19. Negative Aspects of Conflict
_____________________
Grow
__________________
Addition of others
____________________

20. Resolving Conflict State the problem _________________
Explore _____________
______________
Evaluate results

21. Commitment Define - Examples of commitment in your life
________________to give up other competing choices
Examples of commitment in your life
Marriage is no different
___% of divorced couples state that commitment is the reason

22. Commitment Create a ___________________________
Outline the _________and _________of the relationship
Rules and boundaries
Time – quality and quantity
________
Intimacy
__________

23. 9 Skills (4 horseman & 5 Do’s)
Dr. John Gottman
What you need in order to have a positive relationship

24. Four Horseman of the Apocalypse
__________
Attacking the person rather than the behavior
_________
Intended negativity and hurtfulness
Feeling victimized and taking action to protect oneself
____________
Withdrawing from interactions

25. Do Calm down __________________ Speak Non-defensively _____________
Overlearn Skills
Master knowing what you need – 8 needs

26. Application to Balancing Work and Family
Effective communication
Dealing with conflict
Learning to commit
Gain needed skills in order to create affective relationships