Sample essays Question 1

Sample essays Question 1
It has been said that Susan Hill’s ghost story is successful because of the expert way she develops character and atmosphere rather than the story itself. Is this true? Foundation tier You should write about: the plot the way characters are presented the atmosphere what makes the story successful  Philip Allan Updates

Grade A* answer (1) The main purpose of a ghost story is to frighten and entertain. Clearly, The Woman in Black does both. So what makes it successful? The plot itself is relatively simple and this in itself adds to the fear. In the mid-nineteenth century Jennet Humfrye had her illegitimate son forcibly adopted. Nathaniel Pierston, the son, died as a result of a tragic accident while in the care of Jennet’s sister, Alice Drablow. Ever since, even from beyond the grave, Jennet Humfrye has been seeking revenge on her sister and anyone who was involved with her. This revenge has manifested itself in the form of fatal accidents or illnesses befalling children in Crythin Gifford. Clear, succinct beginning that relates to key words in the task. A brief synopsis of the plot related to purpose.  Philip Allan Updates

Grade A* answer (2) It is only the fact that the story was set between the mid-nineteenth and twentieth centuries that makes it feasible, because in modern Western societies the stigma of having children outside marriage or indeed being illegitimate barely exists. Most people look back with horror and outrage at how young, single women and their babies were treated. The plot is effective because it appeals to these emotions in today’s readers and it is totally believable despite its simplicity. Background to the plot increases credibility and appeal to the reader.  Philip Allan Updates

Grade A* answer (3) Paraphrase rather than quotation to support point.
Susan Hill’s characters in this novel have limited development because the story is told by the main character, Arthur Kipps. His character is developed in an interesting way because as narrator he is looking back and describing events from the perspective of his younger self. This adds depth to his character and to the plot because as readers, we live through his nightmare with him and share his fears vicariously as we discover the terrible secrets of Crythin Gifford, the town where people tuck themselves in with their backs to the wind and carry on with their business. This viewpoint is particularly effective as it enables the older Kipps to enter the narrative and comment on the events as Hill unfolds them. Paraphrase rather than quotation to support point. This paragraph comments on characterisation, not merely character.  Philip Allan Updates

Grade A* answer (4) Sophisticated overview of characterisation.
Arthur Kipps is akin to a classical hero and, like such characters as Jason and Hercules, he sets forth on his adventure to ‘foreign lands’ where he has to cope with unforeseen dangers. The remaining characters are purely functional to the plot, for example Samuel Daily acts as protector and mentor. When the dangers reach a climax, either he or Mr Bentley comes to Kipps’ aid. As Arthur Kipps fulfils the role of the necessary sceptic in the classical ghost story genre, he has to be brave (if not foolhardy) and adventurous. Being a pragmatist and a rationalist, he is determined to find a natural explanation of supernatural phenomena but of course he fails and this is how he gains the sympathy of the reader. The remaining characters fulfil much simpler roles and, apart from the ghost herself, the women characters are barely distinguishable from each other in the way they fulfil the stereotypes of the domestic roles of women in those times. Sophisticated overview of characterisation.  Philip Allan Updates

Grade A* answer (5) Effective comment on writer’s craft.
Every story needs an effective plot and characterisation but Susan Hill’s expertise lies in the creation and manipulation of the atmosphere. She does this by the use of symbolism, pathetic fallacy and imagery. Her use of birds in the graveyard, ‘an ugly satanic-looking thing’, symbolises evil. The association of the woman wearing black and being ravaged by disease symbolises death. Nathaniel Pierston’s perfectly preserved nursery evokes memories of Kipps’ own childhood and fears. Each time the ghost appears, there is a dramatic change from calm to stormy conditions. The wind is described as a lion, ‘howling at the doors and beating upon the windows’. These violent images evoke such childhood terrors that Kipps feels that he ‘was a small boy again’. Effective comment on writer’s craft. Comments on theme and symbolism. Comments on the use of pathetic fallacy. Good use of embedded quotation.  Philip Allan Updates

Grade A* answer (6) Comments on use of sounds.
The creation of suspense through supernatural events, the well-chosen appearances of the woman in black and the ghostly sounds of the child and pony and trap sinking in the marshes chill the very bones of the reader. The rhythmic sounds of the empty rocking chair in the nursery and the mystery of the locked door without any locking mechanism which mysteriously opens are ingredients which Susan Hill uses to create and relax tension at salient points in the plot. Comments on use of sounds. Aware of the novel as a construct.  Philip Allan Updates

Grade A* answer (7) Plot, characterisation and atmosphere evaluated.
It is difficult to isolate any of the elements — the plot, the characterisation or the creation of atmosphere — on which to pin the success of the ghost story. Like any successful novel, it is the crafting of each of these elements which collectively make the story work for the reader. The writer’s style, however is paramount but the novel has to be judged as a whole and each of the elements are necessary and contribute to its success. Plot, characterisation and atmosphere evaluated. Measured, effective conclusion.  Philip Allan Updates

Grade A* answer (8) Summative comment
A sophisticated response where the candidate demonstrates the following: considered/qualified response to text details linked to interpretation appreciation/consideration of writer’s uses of language and/or form and/or structure and effect on readers/audience thoughtful consideration of ideas/themes/settings information is presented in a way which assists with communication of meaning syntax and spelling are generally accurate Mark Band 6 (26–30 marks)  Philip Allan Updates

Grade C answer (1) Every story needs characters and a believable plot but a successful ghost story relies mostly on the creation of atmosphere. Susan Hill’s The Woman in Black is based on the classic ghost story genre and therefore the plot is important too. There is only one main character and that is Arthur Kipps, the narrator. The plot is important but it is the way the writer creates a ghostly atmosphere which frightens the reader. Arthur Kipps, an elderly retired solicitor, is invited by his stepson to tell a ghost story for fun on Christmas Eve. He can’t do it because he is genuinely spooked by a real ghost but then he decides to write the story only to be read after his death in order to exorcise his ghost. This is all in the first chapter. The rest of the book is the story of what happened to him in his youth and the book then ends back in the present. Addresses key words in the question in the opening paragraph. Colloquial expression. Interesting comment on structure.  Philip Allan Updates

Grade C answer (2) The plot is based around the woman in black who is the ghost of Jennet Humfrye who lived in the nineteenth century and had her baby taken off her. Her precious son was adopted by her sister Alice Drablow and died in a drowning accident. Jennet blamed her sister and became so obsessed with revenge that she was determined to make Alice suffer and continued to haunt her and anyone connected to her even after death. Every time the woman in black appeared a child died in a horrible way but the people of Crythin Gifford kept this secret and the reader doesn’t find this out until near the end. Arthur Kipps gets caught up in this as he is sent to Crythin Gifford to sort out Alice Drablow’s affairs after she died. The story is about how he is haunted in a terrifying way and the climax comes when the woman in black jumps out in front of a pony and trap carrying Kipps’ wife and child and Kipps’ child dies like her own child did. Overlong synopsis of the plot but not quite storytelling.  Philip Allan Updates

Grade C answer (3) The story is really good because it contains all the ingredients of a classic ghost story which are: a ghost and supernatural events; an unbeliever who is determined to make sense of the supernatural events; stormy weather; a haunted house; graveyards and deaths. These are all really important but it is the way the story is told which makes it successful, not just the plot. Aware of writer’s intention to write a classic ghost story. Refers back to the question of success.  Philip Allan Updates

Grade C answer (4) Aware of the role of the reader.
The only character who is really interesting is Arthur Kipps because it is through him that the reader shares the terrifying experiences set out in the novel. It is important that the reader likes Kipps and sympathises with him because if you don’t the story doesn’t work. Kipps is an ordinary young man at the beginning who wants to do well at work and impress his boss, Mr Bentley. He is in love with his fiancée, Stella, and gets excited when he gets a letter from her. He imagines married life and the two of them living in beautiful isolation in Eel Marsh House, watching the birds and the vast sea landscape. He gets impatient with the landlord and Mr Jerome because he is from London and looks down on country people but he learns his lesson. The reader understands all this and can identify with him because he is not perfect and because he suffers a lot. He also keeps changing his mind but he doesn’t run away because he has to get to the bottom of what is happening but because he is young he doesn’t listen. Nevertheless he comes to love Spider and risks his life to save the dog. Because of all this, the reader can believe he is a real person in a way that the other characters are only one-dimensional. Aware of the role of the reader. Understands characterisation as opposed to character.  Philip Allan Updates

Grade C answer (5) Poor sentence structure, limited expression.
The other characters are really stereotypes. Mr Bentley is an eccentric, posh boss. Mr Daily is Kipps’ protector. The landlord is not even given a name as he is just a landlord who makes cryptic comments and keeps secrets. Keckwick would be a comic figure because he looks like his horse if his life hadn’t been so sad looking after a mad old woman like Alice Drablow and Jerome is just a nervous wreck. Nevertheless they are not intended to be developed but just play a part in Kipps’ story, just like all the women who are very similar and all they do is look after the men. The characters, apart from Kipps, are not what make the story successful although they do add mystery to the story because they are not telling. Poor sentence structure, limited expression. A badly constructed paragraph.  Philip Allan Updates

Grade C answer (6) Keeps on track by returning to the question.
What does make the story successful is the writer’s style and the way she creates atmosphere. Right from the start of Kipps’ journey you get the feel of the thick yellow fog (‘it was menacing and sinister’), the noise of the steam locomotive, the smell of tar from the hot brazier and all this is supposed to remind you of Hell: ‘a great, boiling cauldron of tar for the road menders spurted and smoked an evil red smoke’. Keeps on track by returning to the question. Begins to use quotations to support points (should have done so earlier).  Philip Allan Updates

Grade C answer (7) When something supernatural is going to happen, Susan Hill prepares the reader by using pathetic fallacy. This means using the weather to create an atmosphere. Just before the ghost appears in the burial ground at Eel Marsh House there are pages and pages which describe the sheer beauty and the vastness of the landscape in the sunlight: ‘My head reeled at the sheer and startling beauty, the wide open bareness of it.’ The ‘s’ sounds add a softness and a sense of marvel but then the metaphor of the snake in ‘to the east, sea and sky had darkened…The wind that came suddenly snaking of the estuary was cold’ makes the atmosphere feel slimy and deceitful. The most frightening bit is in the nursery when the storm is battering the outside ‘like a lion’ and everything goes dark and Kipps smashes the torch and the mysterious bumping sound of the rocking chair in the locked nursery. This is so scary it is like something out of a Hitchcock film. Some interesting points well made on writer’s use of language. Sudden leap forward to a different part of the text. The remainder of this paragraph should be the basis of a new paragraph. A valid personal response.  Philip Allan Updates

Grade C answer (8) In conclusion, I think that the plot, the character of Arthur Kipps and above all the creation of atmosphere are the things which make the story successful because if you read a ghost story you want to be frightened and to believe what is happening and these are the things which make the story successful for me. A sudden, simple conclusion (ran out of time, perhaps?).  Philip Allan Updates

Grade C answer (9) Summative comment
Follows the structure given by the bullet points in the question. Shows clear knowledge and understanding of what makes the story successful and of the writer’s concerns, but sometimes inhibited in expression by limited linguistic skills. Candidate demonstrates the following: explained response to task explained response to text details used to support a range of comments identification of effect(s) of writer’s choices of language and/or form and/or structure awareness of ideas/themes/settings information is presented in a way which is generally clear syntax and spelling have some degree of accuracy Mark Band 4 (16–20 marks)  Philip Allan Updates

Sample essays Question 2
How far does Susan Hill’s use of animals and children add interest to the story? Foundation tier You should write about: the children in the novel Spider and the ponies birds how they make the story more interesting  Philip Allan Updates

Grade A* answer (1) An original opening.
‘Never work with children or animals’ is the age-old adage which advises actors on stage but this does not apply to authors and their novels, particularly in ghost stories because children and animals represent the natural as opposed to the supernatural. In The Woman in Black, Susan Hill uses both children and animals to great effect throughout the novel, for different purposes, as they add not only interest to the story but also credibility to the characters and continuity to the plot. The novel deals with revenge. The woman in black is seeking revenge on her sister Alice Drablow (unreasonably) as she holds her sister responsible for the accidental death of her child and this manifests itself in the taking of the lives of the children of those who are deemed to be helping her sister. An original opening. Refers to key words in the question. Relates answer to main theme.  Philip Allan Updates

Grade A* answer (2) Considers different interpretations.
The reader first encounters children at the railings of the schoolyard which overlooks the cemetery where Alice is being buried. Arthur Kipps first realises this when he hears ‘the sound of the children’s voices’. Later in the same episode, after he first encounters the woman in black, he sees about twenty children lined up ‘quite silent, quite motionless’. He describes it as ‘a touching sight, they looked so unlike children generally do, animated and carefree’. When he catches the eye of one boy and smiles the child does not return his smile. This creates a sinister effect and is open to more than one interpretation, though the reader would not realise this until the full story of the tragedy of Jennet Humfrye’s life is revealed later in the novel. These could in fact be real children who are curious about the burial, or alternatively the ghosts of the children who suffered their fate as a result of the ghost’s evil actions. Considers different interpretations.  Philip Allan Updates

Grade A* answer (3) Additional development on use of children.
A powerful climax is reached when Arthur Kipps, left alone on the marshes surrounding Eel Marsh House, hears the terrible cries of a child in distress intermingled with the sounds of a pony and trap sinking into the mud. He is deeply affected as he is unable to reach them and he ‘gave way to an outburst of terrible helpless sobbing’. There is a further twist as it is only when Keckwick returns that he realise that those sounds ‘had not been real, not there, present, not substantial but ghostly also’. This is only Kipps’ first encounter with these terrible sounds and they are repeated throughout the novel at moments of extreme terror. Additional development on use of children. Quotations skilfully embedded. Link with the supernatural.  Philip Allan Updates

Grade A* answer (4) Link with Kipps’ own childhood.
The theme of childhood is developed further when Kipps discovers the locked nursery which belonged to Nathaniel Pierston, although again neither he nor the reader is aware of its significance at this point. Nevertheless, it is important and his terror evokes feelings associated with his own childhood. The door mysteriously opens and the sound of the rocking chair ‘meant that one of the two people in the world to whom I was closest (his mother or his nurse) was nearby’. He is so traumatised by the events which preceded this encounter that he does not know whether he is seeing his own childhood or that of Nathaniel Pierston. The two seem inextricably linked. He is overwhelmed by a sense of loss, ‘a desolation, a grief in my own heart’. Link with Kipps’ own childhood.  Philip Allan Updates

Grade A* answer (5) Only in the penultimate chapter, when Samuel Daily explains to Kipps the history of Alice Drablow and the terrible secrets of the people of Crythin Gifford, do these events begin to make sense. Jerome lost a child; Keckwick is the son of the driver who died alongside Nathaniel Pierston. The woman in black’s terrible mission becomes clear. Kipps returns to London knowing that the woman in black is ready to strike again and when he sees her nearly two years later in the London park, he and the reader know that his child is going to be her next victim.  Philip Allan Updates

Grade A* answer (6) Apt comment on structure.
The use of ponies and traps gives some kind of symmetry to the structure of the novel. Nathaniel Pierston died in one of the marshes in the previous century, an event from which all further action stems. Kipps’ son is too frightened to ride a donkey alone and his fate is linked to a pony and trap in a fatal event which brings the narrative to a climax. This, together with the ghostly sounds of the pony sinking into the quicksand interspersed through the novel, gives the story shape and structure as well as enabling the writer to increase and relax tension smoothly. The comment that Keckwick did not look unlike his horse adds a little gentle humour to relax the tension. The silky sound of the pony’s hooves is similarly quite comforting. The use of other animals is confined to birds and of course the inclusion of Spider the dog. Apt comment on structure.  Philip Allan Updates

Grade A* answer (7) Birds used to create different effects.
Several birds are mentioned in the narrative. Gulls give the detailed description of the landscape authenticity as Eel Marsh House is situated alongside the estuary. When Kipps arrives there, he hears the ‘rawk, rawk’ of the marsh birds and he contemplates turning birdwatcher. He imagines endless days watching wild ducks, geese, waders and divers in anticipation of spotting rarer species. Susan Hill uses this description to lull the reader before introducing ‘an ugly satanic-looking thing like some species of sea vulture’ which foreshadows the second appearance of the woman in black. This snake-like bird returns with a fish in its beak struggling and writhing helplessly, which is definitely an omen for Kipps’ own future. Birds used to create different effects. Effective comment on writer’s use of language.  Philip Allan Updates

Grade A* answer (8) Interesting personal observation.
Some people may regard the young Kipps as pompous, arrogant and overbearing but whatever his faults, they have to be forgiven when he forms a relationship with Spider, ‘a sturdy little terrier with a rough brindle coat and bright eyes’, the dog lent to him for companionship by Samuel Daily. Kipps is so taken with her that he means to tell his fiancée that they must get a dog ‘as like Spider as possible’ when they get a house of their own. Indeed before he leaves he puts in an order for one of Spider’s pups should she have any. Interesting personal observation.  Philip Allan Updates

Grade A* answer (9) Links the idea of children and animals.
Susan Hill uses Spider to foreshadow the accident which befalls baby Kipps at the end of the novel and to represent the natural world among all the supernatural hauntings at Eel Marsh House. The dog is like a barometer which senses changes in the atmosphere and her reactions warn Kipps of the dangers lurking — that is, until she is summoned by the ghostly whistle to the marshes. The long description of Kipps’ rescue is very touching. ‘I ran as I have never run before, heedless of my own safety, desperate to go to the aid of the brave, bright little creature who had given me such consolation in that desperate spot.’ The alliteration of ‘brave’ and ‘bright’ is very effective. The reader is as relieved as Kipps when he rescues her and, ‘cradling her like a child in [his] arms’, returns to the house. This simile is particularly significant. To Kipps at that moment, she is his child and this is obviously a foreshadowing of events to come. His and the reader’s relief is short-lived however, as he sees the woman in black watching him from the nursery window and hears the sound of a pony and trap. This time, the terror is too great and Kipps passes out on the lawn. Links the idea of children and animals. Good analysis of how Hill uses the Spider episode to build tension and suspense.  Philip Allan Updates

Grade A* answer (10) Susan Hill uses both children and animals throughout her novel to appeal to the reader’s senses as most people have a sentimental attitude to them. She plays on the reader’s emotions as both children and pets represent helpless innocence, which contrasts completely with the black birds and vultures which symbolise death and evil, and with the absolute evil manifested in the woman in black. In this way the author manipulates the plot so that the use of children and animals does not just add interest to the story, but do so much more. Effective conclusion related to the writer’s craft.  Philip Allan Updates

Grade A* answer (11) Summative comment
A sophisticated response where the candidate demonstrates the following: considered/qualified response to text details linked to interpretation appreciation/consideration of writer’s uses of language and/or form and/or structure and effect on readers/audience thoughtful consideration of ideas/themes/settings information is presented in a way which assists with communication of meaning syntax and spelling are generally accurate Mark Band 6 (26–30 marks)  Philip Allan Updates

Grade C answer (1) Sees the novel as a whole construct.
Without the inclusion of animals and children, The Woman in Black would be a very different story as it is based on the death of a child. Jennet Humfrye was forced to have her child adopted and then blamed her sister for his death. This child is not included to make the story interesting — he is the major part of the plot which all the events grow out of. Likewise the death of Kipps’ child at the end of the story, only this time the child completes the plot. The animals though, do make it interesting in several ways as Susan Hill uses them to appeal to the reader’s emotions and to represent the natural world. Sees the novel as a whole construct. Refers to key words in the question. Mentions the writer.  Philip Allan Updates

Grade C answer (2) Aware of themes.
The whole story centres round children dying! This is quite horrific on its own but the circumstances are sinister. Only Nathaniel Pierston’s death is natural as this was a tragic accident. The deaths of Jerome’s child and other children in the village was brought about by the supernatural influence of the woman in black. Kipps doesn’t believe in the supernatural and it is like he is being punished at the end when he sees the woman in black just before his own child is smashed against a tree. He is left in no doubt that evil and the supernatural are responsible for his child’s death and he only wrote down his story many years later to help him try to come to terms with what happened. Aware of themes. As suggested by the first bullet point in the question, the candidate deals with children. Grammatical error — should be ‘were’. Understands the themes of evil and the supernatural. Clear understanding of the structure of the story.  Philip Allan Updates

Grade C answer (3) Aware of alternative interpretations.
Susan Hill mentions children quite early in the novel. There is a row of them watching Alice Drablow’s funeral and this is really weird because they are ‘silent’ and ‘motionless’ which is abnormal as children are usually noisy and boisterous. When Kipps smiles at one of the boys, he doesn’t smile back. It could be that these children are not real, just like the sound of the child crying out on the marshes is a ghostly cry of Nathaniel Pierston who died out on the marshes in the last century. These children could be the ghosts of all the children who died through the evil actions of the woman in black who was seeking revenge on the people of Crythin Gifford for helping her sister who was in charge of her child on that day. Aware of alternative interpretations.  Philip Allan Updates

Grade C answer (4) Spider the dog is really interesting and in some ways she is like a child. When Kipps saved her from the marshes, he cradled her in his arms like a child. This is the writer foreshadowing the end of the story when Kipps’ own child dies. Animals and children are innocent and shouldn’t have to suffer. Spider made his stay in Eel Marsh House bearable because he relied on her senses to tell him when things were wrong, as dogs have a very strong sixth sense. Kipps comes to love Spider. He describes her as a ‘brave and bright creature’ who has been a good companion to him. Susan Hill uses alliteration to make Spider seem very lovable. Kipps loves Spider so much he orders a puppy from Samuel Daily if he ever breeds from her. He also tells Stella that after they are married they have to have a dog like Spider. This helps the reader to think that Kipps is a nice person. Here the student moves on to animals, the second bullet point in the question. Interesting link between animals and children.  Philip Allan Updates

Grade C answer (5) Ponies and traps are mentioned several times in the novel. Mr Bentley who doesn’t like modern inventions drives one instead of a car. They are the safest form of transport on the Nine Lives Causeway so Keckwick like his father who drowned, still uses one and Samuel Daily drove out to Eel Marsh House to rescue Kipps in one even though he had a big modern car and a chauffeur. Nathaniel Pierston died in a pony and trap and so did Kipps’ child as he cried when Kipps put him on a donkey. The idea of the pony and trap keeps reoccurring throughout the story so it is important for the structure. Refers to ponies and traps in different contexts and recognises their importance.  Philip Allan Updates

Grade C answer (6) Birds are another type of animal which is mentioned a lot. Crythin Gifford is on the coast so there are a lot of different birds and at first Kipps fancies becoming a birdwatcher. Then he sees the horrible ‘ugly satanic-looking thing’ which roosts in the wall of the old monastery and its foul droppings cake the walls. This has a clear connection with the devil. It is like a vulture which signals evil and the arrival of the woman in black when she shows Kipps for the first time how ‘malevolent’ she really is. Clumsy transition to birds, the third bullet point in the question. Neatly integrated quotation.  Philip Allan Updates

Grade C answer (7) Susan Hill uses children and animals for several different purposes. They do make the story more interesting but they also help to develop the themes, create the atmosphere and build tension and suspense. I actually think the part where Spider nearly drowns is more interesting than the end where Kipps’ child dies as you can put yourself in Kipps’ shoes and feel what he is feeling as he tries to save the dog. You can’t do anything at the end, just watch with horror as you know the child will die. Effective conclusion, with a genuine personal response ending the essay on a new idea.  Philip Allan Updates

Grade C answer (8) Summative comment
The student follows the structure given by the bullet points in a mechanical way and is colloquial in places. However, she shows clear knowledge and understanding of what makes the story successful and of the writer’s concerns. There is also clear understanding of structure and theme. This is a strong personal response where the candidate demonstrates the following: explained response to task explained response to text details used to support a range of comments identification of effect(s) of writer’s choices of language and/or form and/or structure awareness of ideas/themes/settings information is presented in a way which is generally clear syntax and spelling have some degree of accuracy Mark Band 4 (16–20 marks)  Philip Allan Updates

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