1. The Shores Mission Statement
To provide a safe, nurturing and loving environment for our clients to heal from addiction. We will treat all phases of the disease using the most current medical, physiological, psychological holistic and spiritual approaches available to a team of licensed and board certified professionals.

2. The Shores Philosophy
Is based upon the theory that addiction to alcohol and other substances is a multi-fold disease: physical, emotional, spiritual and psychological. We believe that the recovery of every aspect of the affected persons’ lives, as well as the lives of their loved ones. We also realize that healing can be a very difficult and painful process-much the same as recovery from any other illness.

3. 12 Stupid Things that Mess Up Recovery
RELAPSE:
12 Stupid Things that Mess Up Recovery

4. Relapse defined:
- Relapse is falling back into old destructive behaviors. BUT: - Relapse is NOT the end of recovery. - Relapse does not mean recovery has failed! - Relapse is an opportunity for learning and growing. - Relapse is another step in the journey.

6. STUPID THING 1
Believing addiction to one substance is the only problem.
Your loved one may try to convince you that although they cannot handle drugs, alcohol is fine.
In early recovery your loved one may minimize their problem, partially because they don’t fully understand yet themselves and denying the severity of their problem helps them cope.

7. Total Abstinence Is the best chance for recovery. WHY?
The use of any drug increases the likelihood of using their drug of choice.
Cross-addiction is likely to occur.
One cannot learn from experiences while using any mind altering substance.
Complete recovery requires total abstinence.

8. STUPID THING 2 Believing sobriety will fix everything!
Recovery will make your loved worse before they feel better.
They must face life for the first time in many years head on…
nothing to numb the pain of “real life”
everything will seem big and more difficult without using…at first.
Sobriety makes them see clearly.
seeing clearly may for some mean looking at the mess they have created.
There is a lot of pain in that.
It takes courage as well.

9. STUPID THING 3
Pursuing recovery with less energy than pursuing their addiction.
Addiction overrides your loved one’s best thinking abilities.
What family members don’t understand is that
addiction is more powerful than maternal instinct,
more powerful then the fear of losing a spouse, a job, their mind, even their life.

10. Admitting Powerlessness
Is the key to entering early recovery.
It’s tough because they will be met with skepticism, distrust, and suspiciousness from family and friends…for good reason.
Your loved one has gone to great lengths to use
They must be ready to pursue recovery with the same intensity.

11. An AA saying “you are only as sick
STUPID THING 4
Being selectively honest
Honesty, being open-minded, and willingness are needed for recovery.
The addiction has feed on just the opposite…deceit, distrust, and dishonesty.
An AA saying “you are only as sick
as your secrets.”

12. STUPID THING 5 Feeling special and unique
Humility is the foundation of recovery.
The people who do the best in recovery are the ones who surrender and follow the suggestions of the program.
If your loved one does not surrender to the reality of their condition they will not stay motivated to do the work needed to stay clean.

13. STUPID THING 6 Not making amends.
Your loved one must learn to accept full responsibility for their harmful and hurtful behavior.
They will need to learn to begin to repair the damage they have done in their relationships.
Amends are needed to re-build trust.
The important thing to remember is they may not remember specifically the damage they have caused…
you on the other hand remember each offense.

14. STUPID THING 7 Using the program to become perfect.
Recovery is about progress not perfection.
Your loved one has lived life measuring themselves against an unrealistic standard.
The shame of not being perfect feeds the anxiety
that if I am not perfect I wont be loved.
So it is a cycle that keeps repeating.

15. STUPID THING 8 Confusing self-concern with selfishness.
This is a difficult concept for your loved to grasp.
Addiction is a self centered disease and your loved ones do not know how to take care of themselves in a healthy way.
They have suffered by not taking care of themselves
physically,
emotionally,
mentally, and
spiritually
They need to learn the difference between self-care and selfishness.

16. STUPID THING 9 Playing self-effacing games.
Recovery requires the ability to be honest with themselves.
The titles of self self effacing:
-Helpless Harry:
A classic example of being a follower.
Cannot make a decision without advice or approval.
- Doubts everything they do!
-The Bear Trapper:
They pretend they need your advice or help but as soon as you give it they begin to argue.
They really don’t want your advice.
They want to reject you because they feel so rejected.

17. Self-effacing: Spiritual:
the game here is to be wrong- always apologizing for their existence.
Even if they have done nothing wrong.
They find fault with themselves and in doing so think it will be hard for anyone to be angry with them.
Spiritual:
This person hides behind being ultra religious.
By thinking they are working a “better” program then someone else they set themselves up for failure by using a poor measuring standard.

18. Next time game: Best AA-er ever: They live in the future.
Always making promises about the future.
“I’ll do better later”
They avoid taking responsibility for their actions now by playing this game.
Best AA-er ever:
This game is where they talk about AA or Recovery all the time.
They know it!
They just don’t live it!
This covers up the inadequateness they feel.

19. These games do not help your loved grow.
These games keep them stuck and emotionally immature.
These games isolate your loved one from getting the help they desperately need.
These games prevent them from being honest with themselves.

20. STUPID THING 10 Not getting help for relationship troubles.
It is a fact that dysfunctional relationships are one of the top three causes of relapse.
Dysfunction can look like:
We try to control the other person
We let the other person control the relationship
We run away…physically and/or emotionally.

21. STUPID THING 11 Believing that life should be easy. Life is difficult!
There is no quick fix for the hard things in life.
The reality is life is to be lived despite the ups and downs.
Looking for an easy way out wastes precious time and energy.

22. STUPID THING 12 Using the program to handle everything.
Your loved one needs to build a support group of
meetings,
a sponsor
friends within the recovery community,
counselor.
They need you to be supportive of their new lifestyle.
They are some of the most courageous People we have ever met!
Change is hard!

23. What causes relapse? Negative emotions Physical discomfort
Testing personal limits and control
Temptations
Conflict with others
Peer pressure
Good stress, ex. family functions

24. Do it my way: Nothing will work: they are bullies of recovery.
Insisting on their way being the only right way.
They don’t give allowances for individuals in working their own program.
It’s a dangerous game because it plays off a false sense of pride.
Nothing will work:
the ultimate pessimist.
They don’t want to believe things can change in their own life, it protects them from being disappointed.

26. Getting the help your loved one needs in all of their relationships is key to their recovery.